After I bought my new laptop computer a few months ago, I predicted it would create a slippery slope and I’d start feeling the urge to also replace my desktop. And my prediction proved to be correct.
I found myself being drawn to the computer section at Sam’s (especially Sam’s for some reason), and standing in front of the machines giggling with wild excitement. All that RAM, all that hard drive space, the incredible processors… It’s a wonder I didn’t just whip it out.
My desktop now seems ancient to me. Internet Explorer gobbles-up my resources like a fat boy at a pie festival (I’ve switched to Firefox and that helped a little), and when Carbonite is doing its back-ups, I may as well just go fix myself a sandwich. ‘Cause nothing is going to be happening on that clickin’ and clackin’ computer for a while.
To be fair, however, it’s not nearly as bad as my old laptop. That thing was useless. My current home computer isn’t useless, just nowhere as slick and kick-ass as my new laptop. And when it comes to computers, I prefer slick and kick-ass.
So, I’ve been toying with the idea of buying a new one. But it’s only the beginning stages of the illness, and it usually drags out for months, if not years. Yesterday, however, I threw everything into a state of disarray…
One of the Well-Known Electronics Chains advertised a Dell with 6(!) gigs of RAM, a 640 gigabyte hard drive, an Intel quad-core processor, and a 19-inch flat screen monitor – for a very agreeable price. I showed the ad to Toney, and tossed the circular aside.Then I returned to it, over and over again, which is never a good sign. And on the front of the advertising section I noticed something I hadn’t before: 18 months same as cash, on all purchases over $699. Damn! A good deal made even better.
I didn’t have an account with that particular store, so I applied online. And after I was approved the screen told me I could start shopping immediately. Just print out the acceptance page, it said, go to one of our stores, and knock yourself out.
So Toney and I drove over there. “Is this nuts?” I kept asking her. “Not for eighteen months, no interest,” she kept assuring me. “But is it nuts?” I’d say, starting the conversation-loop all over again.
We parked and went inside, and found the computer within minutes. Oh God, it was a thing of beauty; I nearly wept. We stood and admired it, waiting for one of the vultures/sales people to swoop down.
And nobody came. It was still fairly early, and the store wasn’t exactly slammed with customers. But the staff left us alone, which is the exact opposite of what happens when I’m just browsing in that joint.
I sighed, and went in search of someone willing to help us. And the first guy shoved us off to someone else, a girl with no enthusiasm for any of it. I told her what I wanted, gave her the printout from their website, and she scurried away.
Then: “Um, my manager says you can’t use this thing you printed? Um, he says you have to wait for the actual credit card to arrive in the mail?”
I knew it! Every time I go to that store, something happens to make my crazy. It never fails, and that’s not an exaggeration. “Your website says the exact opposite of what your manager is saying,” I told her, trying to keep my cool.
“Well, um, he says you can’t use this piece of paper? He says you have to wait for the, you know, actual card to come in the mail?”
“Why is something else stated on the website?” We were already repeating ourselves.
“Um, I don’t know? But maybe you could go talk to him, and he could explain it?”
Go talk to him? I don’t think so. He can come over here, and talk to me. But I’m not approaching the throne of some ass-faced twenty year old ball-pouch who thinks he’s a captain of industry.
“Forget it,” I said, and snatched the paper away. “I’ll just go somewhere else, where they actually want to sell computers to people.”
“OK?” she said, not giving a coal-black seahorse, one way or the other.
As we drove home I had rockets of steam blasting from my ears, and the profanity was being manufactured at such a pace, it started to pile up inside the car. And that’s the way I’ve left that store, many times. But what to do, since their main competitor is even worse?! What is it about big-box electronics stores? They make me insane.
I still wanted that computer, though. So I called their 800 number, and asked if I could order the thing online and still get the 18 months of free financing. “No,” was the very helpful and friendly answer. And isn’t that simply fantastic?
After I ranted and raved, and was moved further up the food chain, I finally found someone interested in helping me. She said she’d waive the finance charges for eighteen months, and gave me a name and reference number, in case there’s a problem.
However… I’d have to pay sixty dollars(!) for the computer to be shipped to our house. Sixty bucks!! No way, I said. So she suggested I pick it up at the store, for free.
“Will they give me a bunch of crap, because I don’t have the credit card yet?”
“They shouldn’t, sir.”
“I know they shouldn’t, but that doesn’t really answer the question.”
So, long story a little less long… I now have that kick-ass NASA computer; it’s currently in the fambly room, just a few feet away from me. I probably won’t have time to set it up until Friday or Saturday, but just the sight of those boxes makes my nipples explode with delight.
But how much you want to bet I have many, many hassles with the financing? Anyone care to take that bet? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
I’ll leave you now with an assignment… A guy at work has his cell phone programmed so a different song plays, for every person on his contact list. If his mother calls, it plays a certain song, if his girlfriend calls, it plays another song, etc. Pretty slick.
So, I was wondering: what songs should my phone play if the following family members would happen to call me?
Sunshine
Mumbles
Nancy
Nossy
The Translucents
Help me out, won’t you? The see-thrus don’t have a phone, of course, but I’d like to prepare for the future.
And what do you guys think about new Surf Report t-shirts? Any opinions on that? Any interest in it, or is it too soon? Any color preferences, etc.? Also, if any of you are graphic artists and would be interested in maybe helping with the design, send me an email. I think it’s high time for a change.
And this concludes your Monday update.
I’ll see ya tomorrow.
When you fire up that new computer for the first time, lean your nose near the vent in the back. Big whiff it!
THAT is the smell that makes MY nipples explode.
No more light colored Surf Report T’s !!
All of these people that are saying white are making me cringe.The shirt from last year is just too light. I like the dark navy blue one from the year before the best.
Black, brown, navy, olive .. all acceptable.
Sleeves would be okay too, if you want to try that.
Great suggestions on music for Jeff’s phone
You all rawk. I laughed so hard. Brilliance lives here!
Any color t-shirt is fine, but please, can you get some “womens” shirts? (you know, surf-reportey enough for a man, but I like it too…) Big mens t shirts look crappy on me- at least a big woman’s shirt would fit right.
yes. you all know my secret now. not a skinny person.
thanks, Jeff!!
I agree with Brooke about messing with the Nike Swoosh… but… man, I would love to draw a new smoking fish!!
Give us your contact info, the link doesn’t work – you can make a contest out of it! Maybe a super duper triple secret update just for the winner! OR – better yet, the winner gets to see your Beans video!
Nice, Brandy.
I get double looks because it looks like a joint.
I find myself explaining….
@Diane
THANK YOU! Yes some girl cut T’s *would* be a nice addition. Not sure what your t-shirt lady has in stock but I am not looking for a belly shirt, just something that flatters a curvy female figure instead of masking it.
Give it a thought Jeff.
Sunshine – “Ya Mama” (the Pharcyde)
Nossy – “Pennyroyal Tea” (Nirvana) — it really can’t be anything else
Translucents – “Idiots Rule” (Jane’s Addiction)
My vote is also for the ladies tees. At this very moment I’m wearing a men’s Steelers jersey that’s a mere inches from my kneecaps. Give my hobbit-like body a fighting chance, dammit! ;o)
You have got to be talking about Best Buy?!
I have went in there on occasion to “browse”
and they’re on me like flies on shit. But a few months
back I went “ready to buy” a new flat screen tv with wall
mount and no one approached me the whole time I was there,
so I went down the street to ABC Warehouse (you couldn’t get one of their salespeople off you with a baseball bat).
But they were very informative (pushy) but I bought the tv,
and it’s great.
Back to best buy for a min. A few years back I went browse
the tv’s and surround sound systems, found what I liked, they sent up to the counter for a credit app. i filled it out was approved for all the stuff I wanted and they were getting it ready in the back for me to haul home(all this without the ACTUAL credit card). So while I was waiting for them to gather it all up i decided to give my husband a call to make sure I wouldn’t get into trouble with my impulse buy (He wanted all this as well, he just didn’t want it right then), So I just left the store without telling them I no longer wanted it. lol. When i got home i called them to tell them the bad news, they said ok we will leave it there for a day or two in case you change your mind(I never did). So I kinda had an opposite
experience then you, but if it was Best Buy you were referring to I got them back for you.
I would love another T-shirt (anything but Grey), I like the Olive idea for a color and I prefer short sleeves.
As for songs I’m all for the Adams Family.
In my family our nieces and nephews made up our own version the call the “Schneider Family” It goes something like this:
DA DA DA DUNT *SNAP SNAP* DA DA DA DUNT *SNAP SNAP* DA DA DA DUNT DA DA DA DUNT DA DA DA DUNT
*SNAP SNAP*
The Schneider family started
when uncle David farted
daddy became retarded
the Schneider family
DA DA DA DUNT *SNAP SNAP* DA DA DA DUNT *SNAP SNAP* DA DA DA DUNT DA DA DA DUNT DA DA DA DUNT
*SNAP SNAP*
We had a daughter Missy
Trenton called her sissy
her attitude was pissy
the Schneider family
DA DA DA DUNT *SNAP SNAP* DA DA DA DUNT *SNAP SNAP* DA DA DA DUNT DA DA DA DUNT DA DA DA DUNT
*SNAP SNAP*
Uncle Dana can be funny
he always loans us money
he really is a honey
the Schneider family
And so on, There are A LOT of verses and I’v already
bored you enough.
So yeah, I say without a doubt The Adams family song for all involved.
OMG
You had Jeff’s back before he knew he needed a posse.
SLAM!
Oh. And Jeff DOES HAZ POSSE
The Song was great.
Tell Uncle Dana I need money
.. if he is still in the loaning mode
(grin) J/K
Yeah short sleeve shirts sound good, anything but white for me (Olive!).
For you guys that love to buy shit online you might want to check out slickdeals.net. They have a main page, but i like to check in the forums (hot deals). It’s basically folks like us that report on deals for everyone to take advantage of. I have bought way to much off of it the past several months. Delivery boxes seem to on the porch on a regular basis- which always makes one’s nipples explode with delight!!!
http://forums.slickdeals.net/forumdisplay.php?f=9
I would LOVE a surf report shirt! I love those baseball style T’s. I think they are called raglan? or something like that or ringer T’s. the kind that are white but the sleeves are a different color. AND V neck. Hate crew neck.
Olive t-shirts, but can we get them in fat boy sizes? There’s a lot of me to fit in an extra large, but a 2x would suit me nicely. Olive and tan would be a good color combo, if I do say so myself.
I’m in for 2 shirts, extra large, please!
for the see thrus – “White and Nerdy” by Weird Al
Would love another shirt but have one in white.. I cannot ware black as the pooch is white and sheds like crazy.
Olive would be good
Happy to wear the smoking fish! Just the logo embellshed on the front nothing else required!
I NEEEEEED a new t-shirt. My fish got too close to the chocolate icing on my birthday cake and it didn’t wash out!!!! Looks like he pooped on my shirt. Blue would be good, or black, anything but white.
Yeah, a new shirt would be great. Don’t care about sleeve length but would prefer a dark color. Small fish logo on the front and “thewvsr.com, Doesn’t eat it from the ass in” or any of the other great tag lines in bigger letters on the back.
What is the difference between a “man” t-shirt and a “woman” t-shirt, pray tell?
If it’s a shorter (enough to cover her bewbs, but just barely) shirt then I’m all for it. The midriff is the sexiest part, I think.
Seriously, what’s the difference? I know that button ups are backwards for women, but how could a t-shirt be different? Cut it into an hourglass shape or something?
yeah – the raglan/baseball tees are good – smaller sizes look good on chicks, 2XLs look good on guys
Seems like a good compromise.
Is it BEST BUY that you are talking abou? I F’ing HATE Best Buy!!!! They suck asssss!!!!! The last time I step foot in one was about 7 years ago and will NEVER go back. If not just say no and I’ll bash the other one. lol No wonder Sam’s / Walmart is taking over the world.
Just for fun, of course!
Sunshine – “She Took A Lot of Pills (And Died)” by Robbie Fulks
Mumbles – “I Threw It All Away” by Bob Dylan
Nancy – “Down By The River” by Neil Young
Nossy – “Nowhere Nothin F*ckup” by Built To Spill
The Translucents – “Earache My Eye” by Cheech & Chong
Looks like Kristin, Jersey Scott, and I all went the same direction for Mumbles. I think brianf nailed it for Nancy. Alex, the 2LiveJews pick is also inspired.
I must be the only one that liked the gray tshirts. And I spilled red wine all over the current one, so I could use a replacement.
Hey Jeff, I got a rockin’ new Dell Laptop computer with all of that RAM and such. It was a great deal and it runs soooo much faster and better. It will run video games that my desk top won’t even attempt. The downside… Dell promised me one year same as cash, (no interest payments). Although I had the money, I could take my sweet time. Much to my dismay, on my second statement, I had a 17% interest charge. Those ~%^*`# Dell people said it was a mistake and I shouldn’t have gotten the “deal” and charged interest. Computers are great, but the finance dept sucks
I’m with ya, John. I could’ve paid cash for that computer, but I’d prefer to keep the money in our account, and pay for it over three or four months. When they try to screw me (inevitable) I’ll be all over it like a dingo on a class reunion picnic.
Thanks for the great song suggestions! All the comments (with the exception of one) are great on this one. It warms my big clogged heart…
And Evil Twin, if you’re serious, you’ve got yourself a deal. I remember your artistic talents from the Budget days, and have no doubt you’ll do an outstanding job. Can I pay you in shirts?
The Tuesday update is almost done… I’m going to finish it now.
Yeah, boy……update is coming!!
Jason, yes, actually, it is cut into sort of an hourglass shape. it will be shorter (like, not down to my knees), less bulky and will have a shorter sleeve (not down past my elbow).
And while the raglan is a good choice as well, I wouldn’t consider it a “compromise.”
C’mon Jeff- CitizenX, Gretchen and I are each good for one… and it’ll catch on, I swaar!!
Yeah Jeff:
Christ-on-a-bike!
Don’t ask if you don’t want to know.
(grin)
TY Diane for fighting the good fight