I got a powerful urge for a Mountain Dew at work last night, as so often happens, and made the long walk to the vending machines with Dewy visions dancing in my head.
The machine with the glass front didn’t have anything I wanted, so I moved to the more traditional vend-o-matic. The drinks are $1.25, so I inserted two one-dollar bills.
Then I hit the dinner plate-sized button, and two dollars worth of nickels came out of the coin return. WTF?!
It took a full minute for them all to be deposited into the reservoir, and co-workers were looking at me with puzzled expressions. “What’s that idiot doing now?” You know, something along those lines…
I then had three pounds of money, and still no soda. So I returned to the glass-front machine, now having to carry my loot in two cupped hands, and realized I’d have to settle for one of the novelty Dews — Typhoon, to be exact.
So, I started feeding in the nickels, and it took a good long time to reach $1.25. I think I switched hands at one point, because of cramping.
Then I pushed the appropriate button, and the bottle jerked and moved forward a little, but didn’t fall.
“Oh no you don’t!” I hollered, and put my shoulder into it, as an unknown woman from another department walked past. When I made contact with the machine, I slung six or eight of the remaining nickels all around the woman’s feet. And she just shook her head, and kept walking.
But the drink dropped, dammit. I had my Dew. Unfortunately it tasted like a rose bush, and people at work have further evidence against me. Oh well.
I really like one of the new novelty Dews: Distortion. It’s pretty much like regular Mountain Dew, but with an extra blast of lime. It’s good stuff, I think. And White Out tastes almost exactly like Fresca. I can deal with that.
But some of them are too strange for me. Typhoon isn’t very good, and the Windex-colored one is weird, too.
Remember back in olden times, when there were roughly a hundred different flavors of Faygo soda? Maybe they still make it, I don’t know. But they had all sorts of unusual flavors, like, possibly celery. Or green onion. Did you ever drink that stuff? What was yer favorite bizarro flavor? I thought the baby aspirin flavor was pretty good.
In fact, can you remember having any weird flavors of soda, regardless of the brand? Tell us about it, won’t you? Also chips… Have you tried any baffling flavors of potato chips? When we were in England they had some stuff that blew my mind. I tried a few, and with the exception of “roast chicken” they all made my lower jaw retract. Blecch.
Do you have anything on this? Use the comments link below.
And speaking of olden times, do you know anybody who uses antiquated phrases in their normal everyday speech? Especially people who are too young for such things?
I regularly speak with a woman (purposely vague) who describes people as “colored.” And she’s younger than I am. I also hear a lot of people say “tin foil.” Tin? What is this, 1947? And I used to work with a man who referred to his home stereo as a “hi-fi set.”
Do you ever hear old fashioned phrases like that? If so, we need to know.
And I’m going to call it a day here. Tomorrow’s update will be my last for a while. I’m going into the final sprint on the second draft of my so-called book. But I’m trying to get some guest columnists to take up my slack for next week. So far I have three confirmations, and I think you’re going to be pleased with the lineup.
I’m going to work now, where it will probably be slightly too hot for the entire night, which will put me in a bad mood, and everything will cycle downward from there.
Have a great day, my friends!
See ya tomorrow.
I remember fruit punch flavored soda was a big hit from Brookdale Soda in Belleville NJ as a kid!
First, Hah!!!!
oh yea, and FIRST!
Rats!!! Beat out by a girl…AGAIN!
Cherry Chocolate Diet Dr. Pepper a few years back was quite interesting.
I couldnt figure out why they had to put “cherry” in the title though. Isnt Dr. Pepper inherently cherry flavored?
it was like drinking jaeger…the first smell and sip is sweet and interesting. Then it’s all down hill from there. Before you know it you’re blowing the tailpipe of a cab in the middle of the street naked. I’m only guessing.
Number 6!
I believe everyone has an encounter with a vending machine now and again, but you seem to have a special gift for finding problematic machines.
When I was a kid, my folks would buy a mixed case of some off brand sodas, lemon-lime, cream soda, strawberry, something else and BLACK CHERRY. I don’t drink much soda these days, but I’d pay five dollars to have that black cherry again. Naturally, I’d be cursing the money spent right afterwards, because I’m certain it would not live up to memories.
Not quite on your QOD, but what the hell is up with “ink pen?” If you pronounce the word correctly, you don’t have to specify whether you want something to write with or pull splinters with.
Nort Cackalacky has a soda all it’s own called Cheer Wine which surprising taste a lot like a cross between Root Beer, Red Pop, and DR Pepper. Or was that Mr Pib?
I think “Tin foil” has re-entered the lexicon through terms like “tin foil hat crowd,” to denote the conspiracy theorists in our midst.
As a New Englander, I am proud to say I drink Moxie when I have a chance. It’s flavor is nearly indescribable. Kind of like carbonated shoe polish, I think.
I’ve never really drank the odd flavored pop…I did try the new Mountain Dew ‘White Out’ and it was awesome. It tasted like the white part of a rocket popsicle, or ‘red white and blue’ popsicle, or ‘patriot pops’, I think everyone has a different name for them. The white part was always my favorite.
Chips…I’ve had my share of weird flavored chips over the years…am I the only person who really loves Dill Pickle flavored chips? I could easily eat a bag to myself if I had the ambition…
Otherwise, I recently tried the southwestern baked Lays, and those were gross, do not get them.
Buffalo wing kettle krunchers…AWESOME, get them.
Oh, it goes good with Moon Pies and Pork Rinds…
I used to like Cheerwine when I lived in Greensboro, Shiny. But I had it recently, and it was so freaking sweet I almost went into an instant diabetic coma.
and vending machines?
it’s 2010…didn’t some scientist just create life?
and yet we cant get a god damn vending machine where stuff doesnt get stuck or doesnt need “exact change”?
1 in 3 times the machine at work yells at me for not putting in exact change. When i try to get my money back it makes a clicking noise like its pretending to give me back my $ but it’s all a show. I get nothing.
Shiny–Mr. Pibb is almost an exact replica of Dr. Pepper, which happens to be my favorite pop ever. I’m going to crack a can in juuuust a few minutes here…
Love me some black cherry soda… Or pop, as it’s called here in the center of Ohio. Also love cracked black pepper potato chips and watermelon slushes. As for old sayings, we have a family friend who says golly gee and good gravy a lot. It pisses me off to no end. But he says lots of weird shit so we are about used to it.
I was in the doctors office from hell about a month ago, and an old hillbilly walked out and yelled, “Lets blow this popsicle stand!”. I expected to turn around and see a toothless wonder holding a PBR right there in the middle of the lobby…and I was pretty close, minus the PBR. I laughed and laughed.
I use some old-fashioned phrases myself, which I blame on all the time I spent around older relatives while I was growing up. For example, it takes effort for me to say “refrigerator” when I want to say “icebox.”
In SW PA, cream soda was always available in quantities at the grandparents house…and I couldn’t get enough of it. The thought of it now gags me…I currently love Blenheim (hot hot hot ginger ale).
Also, SW PA lingo from way back still lingers in my vocab with such high end fancy words like: Cubby Hole, Red Up, Change Purse, Pocket Book, Machine i.e. Washing Machine, Adding Machine, Drink Machine, etc., Supper, Beauty Parlor, Buggy (or cart as it is known here in NC) & Stewardess…
The girl (15) likes salt and vinegar and rippled chips and that’s about it. The boy (20 in a few months) likes what we refer to as alternate universe flavors – General Tsao; Ballpark Hot dog; Louisiana hot sauce rib; baked potato with sour cream and chives, BBQ chicken leg… I’m more of a traditional chip guy – BBQ, S&V…
A supermarket chain – (my countrymen from the East coast there by’, will know what she’s called there, the big green logo store) came to town with a soda mix it yourself deal – buy the refillable bottle and then refill from about 30 or so flavors at a large soda pump – mix and match if you want. If you’re ok with store brand soda then it was palatable. If you were a soda snob (same species as beer snob but different genus) then not so much. All sorts of weird chemically tasting fruit flavors (they had to come up with 30 or so..you ended up with berry and ginger root type mixtures)
I went to high school with people that were Oriental. Apparently they’re all gone now and have been replaced with Asians (and man I love their food). It’s most cool with me – call yourself what you want. But just today I heard a group of 20 somethings in the hall talking about going to lunch at the place on the corner run by “the Oriental guy”. .
I have a friend from Nigera (he’s not a prince) that calls me a pink guy (he says I’m not really “white”… he may be right). There don’t seem to be any really inappropriate names for white folks (cracker? Whitey? Honky? Republican?) .
My g-ma used to refer to the refrigerator as either and icebox or frigidaire. She also called coke sodie pop. Department stores were called five and dimes (5 & 10) and she always bought me a new pair of Buster Browns when I would come to visit.
I shouldn’t know this but I do: In your spare time, do a quick search for Faygo, Insane Clown Posse, and Juggalo. The abbreviated version is that Insane Clown Posse is a band – of sorts – that’s possibly being too generous, a Juggalo is the type of…um… person? who attends such a show, and Faygo is their drink of choice. I once read that the band should be credited with single handedly keeping the brand in business, but once you see what I’m talking about, I think it will be more than obvious why the company refuses to officially acknowledge the existence of any of it.
Nothing out of the ordinary about grape-flavored soda, but I always have a Grapico when I go to Birmingham, AL. GRAPICO! The South’s grape flavor!
I use all kinds of anachronisms from the old west on account of all the Louis L’amour.
I guess I’ll light a shuck now.
If you ever get stuck in the “privileged city” (Rochester) try Towne Club/Fizz. It’s in the hood in a old fashioned drive in style beverage shop where the product is on skids all around and you basically just drive into the center of the warehouse floor. The bottling machines are in the corner and the pop is all bottled in various old bottles from other fallen pop makers. Nothing big name, just little bottlers from the Rochester and Buffalo area. The pop is good too, they have flavors like sarsaparilla! There is also a bigger brand called Jones Soda, kinda “fake vintage” like all the “vintage” garbage that hangs on the walls of a chain restaurant (Fridays anyone) that’s trying to act all hometown. Anyhow, they have some strange stuff, some of it good like bubble gum, some of it not like vegetarian churkey and gravy flavored pop. Enough pop, my old word for the day is “commode”.
Here in MN it’s pop, not soda, which in 8 years in NYC caused me all sorts of trouble, and more again since I’ve moved back.
Anyway, when I was a kid, we got the SuperValu brand called Elf pop, and there were all kinds of flavors. I can only imagine how overly sweet that stuff would taste now.
I remember ELF “SODA” AND YES I CALL IT POP TOO!! TOO KRISTIN THAT STUFF WAS FRICKIN GREAT!!! THEY SOLD IT AT MY LOCAL SUPERVALU MIX AND MATCH 24 PACKS!!ENGGRENS FAMILY IN LAKEVILLE OWNED IT THERE GONE JUST LIKE THAT SUGARY GOODNESS KNOWN AS ELF DAMN YOU TO HELL SUPERVALU COME BACK OUT WITH ELF FOR GODS SAKE!!!NO REALLY I COULDN’T HANDLE IT ANYMORE EITHER. Sure the kids would drink it though food for….thought S.V.??Hahaha
this has absolutely nothing to do with what we are talking about, but I’m in Akron and that’s old timey enough.
Over the weekend I saw some Better Off Ted on netflix on demand. Holy crap! I understand why it was cancelled. It was smart and clever and kind of like Aaron Sorkin banged that chick from Dead Like Me.
But of course. Cancelled.
there should be a cable station of shows that were cancelled before their time. Sports Night, Firefly, Gunsmoke….no wait. Better off Ted….
For every point they get in the ratings Peter Kraus gets to kick charlie sheen and Jon Cryer in the balls. Jon Cryer twice because of Superman 4, and Charlie sheen gets a pass because of Red Dawn and Platoon. But a fat guy does have to stand uncomfortably close to him at a urinal because of Men at Work.
I guess I’m a soda snob. I only drink name brand’s, Dr. Pepper, Mt. Dew, the occasional Pepsi and A&W Rootbeer. It’s not as good as the A&W we used to get at the drive inn in Charleston. Nothing can beat those ice cold mugs, but it will do for an ice cream soda.
Jeff how can you say that about Cheerwine? I loved that stuff when we lived in Winston Salem. I was watching the FoodNetwork’s Unwrapped last and they did a special on Cheerwine and showed how it was made in Salisbury. Great stuff!!
Chips, I did try Crawfish flavored chips when I moved to New Orleans last year, I don’t like them any better than I do crawfish. Not for me!
LOVE Faygo! My mom use to get them all the time when I was little. I still love Black Cherry….KILLER! And I always liked Fresca. Haven’t thought about that in a long time. Mom also use to bring home Cherokee Red, too….but that’s still around.
My favorite pop was Hubba Bubba. Tasted just like the bubble gum. They stayed in glass bottles long after everyone made the switch to throw away bottles. Or maybe they just had a lot of inventory because it wasn’t that popular?
My husband regularly says answering service for the answering machine and channel selector for the remote. And I have picked up on this habit as well. We are only 30.
Dr. Pepper is actually modeled after carbonated prune juice, they don’t advertise that much. And the term orient is derived from Latin and essentially means East. So from the European perspective Asians were from the East and thus Orientals. The same term applies when you ‘orient’ a map, early Europeans used the East as their standard instead of North like we do. I hope to someday clear all of these pointless historical facts from my mind. A-Treat was the mix and match soda from SE Pennsylvania in the mid 80’s. We would always get to mix up a case before heading to ‘the lake house’ for vacation. I preferred cream soda and root beer, my brother always got black cherry and I believe orange. IBC (the root beer company) also still makes a black cherry soda that you can still find. My favorite odd soda is Stewart’s Key Lime, fantastic.
You can still get faygo’s more traditional flacors all around the country. I don’t think I’ve seen Faygo in any large stores like SWM, or Target. You have to go to the neighborhood stores that have scrren doors proped open as there security measure. You know the place that still sells coconut long boys for a nickle. (Hey a place to get rid of your nickle surplus). I was always partial to good ol’ grape faygo. It tasted so much like a grape and not artificial grape.
The wierdest chip flavors I have ever had were ketchup and paprika. I was in kuwait when I had them . I figured the ketchup one would taste like fries…WRONG. The paprika tasted like chips coated in paprika dust, not very good either. There were other strangnesses like curry, butterscotch, and arab scrotum, but i was having none of those.
I use out-dated phrases, and I am too young to know what they mean, usually. My favorite ones to break out are “That’s Cracker jack”, “cut the rug” and the “cats pajamas”. Peopl usually look at me stupid and I’ll ask them something along hte lines of, “What? Ain’t you never hear of cuttin’ the rug, scuttle butttin?! Damn youngins.”
Oh, and the link in my name is to a friends internet spot. Not my usuall essay rants.
Around Allentown, PA there is a brand called A-TREAT that has all kinds of interesting or unusual flavors like Black Cherry, Sarsaparilla, Blue Raspberry, Birch Beer, Grapefruit, Pineapple, and a ton of others that are variations on the normal flavors or imitations of brand name flavors. Google A-Treat for a list. Most beer distributors in the area carry them.
When I was stationed in North Florida there were radio ads for the Hinie Winery and they sold soda can types of “wine.” I’m not sure of the spelling as it may have been hiney or heiney.
Their radio ads were hilarious as Thor and Big Red Heiney talked about their family winery. I can’t remember the names of their sisters but they were a similar play on words. The wine was terrible though. It was carbonated and in cans and was more like soda than wine.
Hey! Hiney wine has a website. Here’s what they say:
The Hiney Winery was established in 1979 by Uncle Harry Hiney. He had the idea of putting his Hiney in a flip top disposable can. Family friends convinced him that his Hiney was too good to keep to himself so they bought the warehouse behind the library and the rest is history. Since that time people all over the area have been enjoying Hiney Wine.
The tradition is being kept alive by Harry’s two nephews, Big Red and Thor, who refuse to put their name on their Hiney until its perfect. That way you know that anytime you wrap your hands around an ice cold Hiney, it’s going to be the best Hiney you’ve ever had.
The entire family is proud of their Hiney. Big Red, Thor, Ophelia, Humphrey, Selma, Ima, Rosey, Anita, Seymore, Lucie and Thor’s wife, Oma Aiken-Hiney are just a few of the Hineys that are part of the crack inspection team that checks every can for quality. Quality assurance and customer care ensures you that you are getting the best Hiney money can buy.
Next time you go shopping, ask your grocer where he keeps his Hiney. The motto of the HINEY WINERY says it all, “You only go around once in life, so grab for all the Hiney you can get”.
Does anyone own an “Icebox”?
when i was growing up in eastern pa., my favorite soda was birch beer. yum yum. also, a few years back, as i was getting ready to go out my old aunt took one look at me and said, “hubba, hubba.”
it took me a very long time to catch my breath.
in the same vein, when i read “tasted like a rosebush” i blew ginger ale thru my nostrils. you’d think by now i’d know better than to drink and read the surf report at the same time.
Sue, I think the soda you’re thinking about is “Tahitian Punch” man that was good. It was the exact color or Hawaiin Punch.
I still on ocassion crave a Fanta Orange.
And Shwepps used to make both a grape and raspberry ginger ale. I wish they would make a comeback.
Trish, thanks for reminding me about Blenheim. I saw it on the Food network and knew I must try it. I’m goinbg to google it and hope htey ship.
Bikerchick–I love Fresca…your never too straight to have a Fresca…
Pin- I’m drinking a Dr. Pepper right now…the thought of it being carbonated prune juice does not change my love for it at all. That’s an interesting fact though…There is one unfortunate thing about my Dr. Pepper, is that it’s an Ironman collectors can and everytime I take a drink I have to look at Scarlett Johannsen and her incredible lazy eye. God I hate her so much…I have no specific reason for hating her other than I have always thought she was super ugly and she’s like international sex symbol. Why? WHY!?
I had to check the comments to see if my wife had called me out for my old man talk yet.
I was unaware that I did so until my wife, then fiance, told me my mom apologized for the fact that I talk all old-timey! Something about being born late in my parent’s life and helped raised by my grandmother must have buried early 20th century lingo in my brain.
I still can’t give you any examples (other than tin foil), but others have commented on it to me as well.
Back during the Paleozoic era I worked for Coca-Cola. At the time it was made with Real Cane Sugar. Yummy stuff then…now it smells and tastes like Black Flag. Anyway, I used to look forward to the days when we would bottle Fanta flavors…cherry and grape. Really good right out of the bottler.
Anyone remember when Dr. Pepper would advertise in the Winter that Dr. Pepper was really good hot? Anyone try it? Man was that nasty.
Crab flavored chips? Vinegar? Pickles? The hell is up with all that? Plain or BBQ flavor thank you.
I also know people that refer to black people as ‘colored’. Everytime I hear it I spin around to make sure that Al Sharpton isn’t anywhere near.
Skully-My dad actually built a replica “icebox” for me, it looks pretty close to this one and makes a pretty cool liquor cabinet.
http://notyouraverageguy.ca/gallery_icebox.html
Trish-Love the “dill pickle” chips. But my tatste buds are not man enough to handle more than ten or so. After that my whole mouth goes numb.
One my favorite memories of my grandpa Aloys was how he would pour a red pop into a glass a little too fast and tell me to “get it” before it ran over. Which of course led to me shooting red pop out of my nostrils.
oops I screwed that up, I owe Trish for bringing up the memory of Grandpa and red pop (cream soda). And Brittney for the dill pickle chip comment. That is all.
My daughter was telling me recently that she had seen Jones soda in a Thanksgiving six-pack; flavored for turkey, mashed potatoes & gravy, cranberry, etc. Now that’s about as strange as I’ve ever heard….
Here’s another vote for Brookdale soda and hot summer days in Belleville, N.J.
Way back in the day, we had a soda called Tahitian Treat in the vending machine of my junior high. It was awesome. Very fruity and crisp. I haven’ t seen it since around 1975.
Off brand soda: Probably not really off-brand, more a regional delicacy, my fellow New York area residents should be familiar with Dr. Brown’s soda. They do a great Root Beer and killer Black Cherry. They’re also well known for their Cream Soda, but that’s not my cup of pop. I think they also do a celery tonic, but that seems more like a dare/bet component than a refreshing beverage. I’ve actually cut way back on my soda consumption, though I drink a lot of store-brand Black Cherry “sparkling flavored beverage” … a sort of sweetened seltzer. It’s clear like water, but something tells me that if I compared the ingredients to actual soda it would depress me.
Old Timey talk: I find myself saying “Good Gravy !” from time to time — I think I picked it up from old Bob and Ray recordings
Anyone been to the World of Coca-Cola thing in Vegas? They have a tastes of the world that has all these different sodas that Coke produces around the world. It was 10 years ago so I forget all the flavors, but there was stuff, like from India and Singapore. It sounded interesting in theory, but not in reality. It was pretty nasty stuff.
I use “gumption” pretty often and to this day, I’m still on the look-out for Fago diet chocolate flavored soda.
http://www.walkers.co.uk/flavourcup/#/?from=button
Walkers in the UK have a bunch of new weird flavour crisps out for the World Cup including German Bratwurst Sausage and Scottish Haggis… I’ll be honest, I haven’t been brave enough to try many of them yet but they all sound pretty interesting/bizarre.
Mmmmm. Nehi Peach Soda. Looked and sorta tasted like Kerosene. Reminds me of my childhood.
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters….
Faygo was an awesome movie. Francis McDormand definitely deserved to win the Oscar.
Faygo was and still is manufactured here in Detroit.
In another lifetime I used to be employed by a venor of theirs, and would visit the plant regularly. It was one of my favorite places to go.
You walk in to the front offices by way of the plant. It’s the only way in. You go past the 2 liter botteling line and then past their lab and into the offices.
The coolest thing about it is the smell. It’s a sweet, spicy, sugary smell that is just amazing. I miss going there just for that smell.
And we used to have a company called Towne Club where you could go and pick a case of whatever you wanted, mix-n-match, in tall skinny glass bottles. When you were done, you’d take the case back with the bottles and exchagne them. This was back before the bottle return law.
I remember what a treat it was to go there with my Mom and pick out a case of pop.