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Weekend Update, Calendar Obsession, and My Possible New Diet

February 4, 2013 By Jeff 58 Comments

broccoli 2Hello Surf Reporters!  I hope everyone had a great weekend.  Mine was decent; I’d give it a B.  I didn’t see the family much, for various reasons, and craved some o’ that.  But there were no other downsides to it.  I took Wednesday off from work, so I had four and a half days off.  It was good stuff.  How would you grade your weekend?

I didn’t finish the book project, but made significant progress.  I don’t think I’ve ever worked so hard on anything, in my life.  Which is nothing to brag about…  I should’ve worked on LOTS of things this hard, and didn’t.  In any case, it’s coming along.  Hopefully it won’t suck at the end.  Sometimes when I read it I get excited, and other times I want to chuck the whole thing in the garbage.

I better watch it, because there’s nothing romantic about a Brian Wilson-style descent into kookiness, when you haven’t accomplished much.  It’s a whole lot better when you’ve got a Pet Sounds to your credit, along with 20 or so Top 10 hit songs.  I’m in no position for a nervous breakdown.  Someday, though!  You’ve got to keep thinking positively.  Right?

I bought two new wall calendars on February 1.  Experience has taught me that stores usually mark down their calendars to $3 on February 1.  During the month of January they’re half-off, and then it’s three bucks in February.  At some point they go to a dollar, but that’s an iffy proposition.  They’re so picked-over, and beaten to shit, the dollar stage is usually a sad state of affairs.

No, $3 is the sweet spot.  I went to Books a Million, and selected seven possibilities.  Then I narrowed it down to two:  photos of New York City, and England.  Both have interesting pics, not just the standard stuff.  I’m pleased with my selections.

I used to go the ironic route, like tractor calendars, chickens, or old SPAM ads and that sort of thing.  But I don’t swing that way anymore.  I almost went with baseball memorabilia this year, but thought I might get bored with it.  At this point I look for something that will provide inspiration, without being sappy.

Do you put this much effort into selecting your wall calendars?  Which ones did you go with this year?  Or do you just tack the State Farm calendar up, with stock photos of waterfalls?

Last night I worked the first of (hopefully) eighteen nights in a row.  We’ll see how it goes.  I’m already about to snap.  Sunday night sucked so bad it was almost impossible.  They’re not going to make it easy on me…

My goal:  150 hours during one two-week pay period.  Then I could pretend I’m in China, building iPhones!  Awesome.

I saw my gut in the mirror a few days ago, and nearly started crying.  I’m thinking about giving this diet a try.  My last attempt at dieting nearly caused me to go out and set warehouse fires, but this one seems a lot more sensible.  You guys know me pretty well… what do you think will be the downfall?

Help me out, won’t you?  If your points are valid, I might just say to hell with it.  What are your thoughts?

And I need to go now.  I’m going to stop by Target, on my way to work, to buy a couple of pairs of enormous jeans.  My size is way down near the floor at this point, so hopefully my Mickey Mantle knees will cooperate.

I’ll see you guys again tomorrow.

Have a great day!

Now playing in the bunker
Try Dropbox! It’s free and fantastic.

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Comments

  1. Kevin says

    February 4, 2013 at 1:52 pm

    Cheers!

    Reply
  2. Mitchell says

    February 4, 2013 at 2:01 pm

    My weekend update is not anything anyone wants to hear. My calender pick is Breathtaking Islands cos sometimes you just got to feel like Gilligan and don’t buy new jeans. There is no better inspiration to lose weight than having jeans that don’t fit. After all, you can’t go naked!

    Reply
  3. T-STORM says

    February 4, 2013 at 2:05 pm

    I’d give mine a B-. But I barely left this hotel I’m staying in.
    I did get about 4 beers and some tater skins comped due to incompetence and 2 free breakfasts, so let’s make it a solid B.

    Reply
  4. Root 66 says

    February 4, 2013 at 2:06 pm

    You mean there isn’t a “Wendy’s #1 Without Pickle Diet” out there somewhere? I’m shocked–shocked, I tell you!

    Since I found out the Mayans were all LIARS, I don’t put much stock in calendars anymore!

    Reply
  5. Limey says

    February 4, 2013 at 2:07 pm

    Buying jeans depresses the hell out of me. When I was 20 I wore 30×34, around age 30 it was 34×34 and I swore to myself that I’d never, NEVER, let the waist size exceed the leg measurement, you lazy fat fuck.

    I wear 38×32 today.

    I should start wearing Uncle Jessie style dungarees and be done with it.

    Reply
  6. sunshine_in_va says

    February 4, 2013 at 2:12 pm

    You and I know exactly what we’re supposed to do, Jeff: get off our asses and put the fork down. That’s about all there is to it (at the highest level). I’ve had a bunch of medical tests just this past month and they are due to some mysterious cause: I DON’T TAKE CARE OF MYSELF. I DON’T DO WHAT I KNOW I SHOULD BE DOING.

    Reply
    • Limey says

      February 4, 2013 at 2:46 pm

      That’s it, isn’t it. We ALL know what the problem is. Did I need 3 slices of pizza, 2 tamales, 4 beers and half a bottle of wine for dinner last night? Oh and some toffee covered popcorn too. No, I did not. Is it any wonder I’m a fat fuck?

      We have no-one to blame but ourselves.

      Reply
    • chill says

      February 4, 2013 at 7:18 pm

      “Put down the fork”, indeed. Fortunately bacon is finger food.
      .

      Reply
      • Lucie in Tampa says

        February 6, 2013 at 4:42 pm

        AHHHH………. BACON!

        Reply
    • hot fuzz says

      February 4, 2013 at 8:51 pm

      Eating must be good exercise. I’ve see a lot of really large people eat and they’re sometime sweating like crazy!!!

      Reply
      • hot fuzz says

        February 6, 2013 at 6:55 pm

        Geez, learn how to spell, Idiot.

        seen
        sometimes

        Moron!!!!

        Reply
  7. Fancy Pants Maguire says

    February 4, 2013 at 2:23 pm

    Pants size 32X34 in high school, but I was really too skinny back then. I have worn 34X34 since about age 30, and would like to keep it that way. Trail hiking/running is my favorite form of exercise currently. I need to do it more often and put in some longer distances, but without injuring myself. Getting pretty close to 50, and I don’t want to let my health decline too rapidly. Age is starting to scare me a little now.

    Paying attention to what you eat (i.e., dairy and white carbs) is probably going to be an easy enough way to get your weight down. Just make all of your food count. Most people don’t really account for all of the empty calories they eat on a daily basis.

    Reply
  8. Dogberry says

    February 4, 2013 at 2:38 pm

    “My size is way down near the floor at this point . . . ”

    Well, that seems unnecessarily cruel.

    Reply
    • hot fuzz says

      February 4, 2013 at 8:49 pm

      I’ve shrunk with age… in height… you’d figure it would be easier to reach the things at floor level… All I’ve found is that it’s not easier but it is noisier – either the knees, the rectum or the gut needs to chime in.

      Reply
  9. madz1962 says

    February 4, 2013 at 2:41 pm

    That does look like a good diet! Give yourself 3 weeks – a mere 21 days. Once you start losing weight, it suddenly hits you “Holy shit, I DO look and feel better” and that’s good encouragement.

    I’m kick starting mine Wednesday when I have to prep for my colonoscopy. Oh boy! Rapid fire shitting for hours on end.

    Reply
    • johnthebasket says

      February 4, 2013 at 2:56 pm

      It has never occurred to me to use a medical ass procedure to raise venture capital. I gotta get with the free enterprise program before it runs me over.

      Naw, it’s probably a little late in the day for that.

      Best of luck…

      jtb

      Reply
    • hot fuzz says

      February 4, 2013 at 8:47 pm

      Two bits of advice for your colonoscopy…

      1. ask for the ribbed tip
      2. sit back and enjoy

      I’m just kidding…use whatever tip they have that’s clean.

      Reply
    • chill says

      February 4, 2013 at 8:53 pm

      When I picked up the prescription, it did not look good at all: a large box labeled “bowel prep kit”. In fact, the prep was much worse than the actual procedure. When the CEO of my company asked about this, all I could say is “you’ll want to be at home the day before.” For the actual Deed, they put you under, so who cares.

      I hope it’s dull, tedious and tiresome for you, madz. Good luck!
      .

      Reply
      • madz1962 says

        February 5, 2013 at 10:36 am

        I didn’t get a prescription. Last night I had to pick up this enormous jug of Miralax – 14 doses – and a package of Dulcolax laxaatives (I need 2). I think this is wayyyyyyy excessive. My bowels are going to be liquified for the next month.

        Reply
  10. tiff says

    February 4, 2013 at 2:49 pm

    Weekend? Huh? It was mostly just more of the same ‘let’s a expel mucus!’ fest that has tired me out for the last 10 days.

    Haven’t worn pants that zip or button in years now. It’s excellent.

    We put a shocking amount of thought into what calendar is going on the kitchen wall. This year it’s nature scenes, last year it was astronomy. My favorite was the Futurama one, but they’re hard to find.

    Reply
  11. johnthebasket says

    February 4, 2013 at 3:00 pm

    This year’s home office calendar is the Chandra X-Ray Observatory. I’m good and tired of looking at the universe in the visible light spectrum. Good and tired.

    jtb

    Reply
    • hot fuzz says

      February 4, 2013 at 8:54 pm

      I was looking for a full colour calendar for a radio telescope but again, no luck this year.

      Reply
      • johnthebasket says

        February 4, 2013 at 9:58 pm

        There’s lots of action down in the x-ray spectrum. Shit’s exploding all over the place.

        jtb

        Reply
  12. Dave's Not Here, man says

    February 4, 2013 at 3:07 pm

    Calendars? I just look for really big ones so I can somehow try to cram in all the secrets’ activities in a central location. It sort of helps.

    Awww, not another fad diet. I agree with the other surf reporters, there’s really only one diet plan:

    Exercise more, eat less.

    That’s about it. For now.

    Reply
  13. Dave's Not Here, man says

    February 4, 2013 at 3:09 pm

    ..hmm, what previous surf reporter used to end all his posts with “That is all. For Now.” I can’t take credit for that bit of genius…

    Reply
  14. madz1962 says

    February 4, 2013 at 3:12 pm

    Oh, and I’m giving this weekend an “A” because, if all goes well, we may have a weekly gig with my Improv Troupe at a bar in a Crown Plaza hotel. Yippy!

    My calendar is an ASPCA freebie.

    Reply
    • t-storm says

      February 4, 2013 at 3:20 pm

      I was in a bar in a crown plaza this weekend.

      Reply
      • madz1962 says

        February 4, 2013 at 3:44 pm

        Danbury, CT by any chance?

        Reply
        • T-STORM says

          February 4, 2013 at 3:47 pm

          Unfortuneatly nope. Indianapolis, IN.

          (Is this hell or Indianapolis?)

          Reply
  15. icecycle66 says

    February 4, 2013 at 3:26 pm

    My weekend is an A+, only because I found out that the good BBQ place intown delivers.

    Reply
  16. icecycle66 says

    February 4, 2013 at 3:36 pm

    I don’t follow calendars. I refuse to live by the shite man’s schedule of days. In 6 more years I won’t even where a watch anymore. Shit’s gonna be by my clock.

    Sometimes, usually around June, the supply guy walks around with the years calendar and asks if anyone wants one. Screw that, I don’t need a giant numerical placemat cluttering up my desk. When I first moved into this office, the office secretary gave me the coolest dayplanner I’ve ever seen. I swore I would start using them and be part of the culture. Now it sits in the bottom of one of my desk drawers with nary a thing written on it.

    That diet looks terrible. just like the rest.

    Have fun eating chickent and green pea salad 9 times a week, then eating a box of NASCAR 2002 Corn Flakes you found in the back of your cabinets at 3 in the morning because your body started shitting out chicken that looks exactly the way it did when you swalloed it.

    Reply
    • icecycle66 says

      February 4, 2013 at 3:38 pm

      where=wear

      Swalloed= wtf

      I ams retarded.

      Reply
  17. Kyle says

    February 4, 2013 at 3:37 pm

    I managed to lose 115 lbs. using some of the same principles, same few meals over and over, and a cheat day on Saturday (i.e. half of Saturday stuffing my face, the other half sitting on the toilet).

    I’ve hit a plateau and wanted to get that last 25 off so my wife and I started the Slow Carb this week. It’s a lot of cooking if you’re not used to it, and it’s a little boring. Basically meat, beans, and veggies. But just find the meals that work for you and you still have the cheat day. I’m still getting the hang of it but we both managed to lose 2 lbs. this week.

    I figured I’d give it 30 days to see what happens, it’s not a drastic enough change to throw my life into chaos.

    Reply
    • madz1962 says

      February 4, 2013 at 3:46 pm

      Wow, Kyle, congratulations! That’s a significant weight loss. Good for you!

      Reply
      • Kyle says

        February 5, 2013 at 11:58 am

        Thanks! It’s a life changer.

        Reply
  18. Kyle says

    February 4, 2013 at 3:42 pm

    Also, if you do decide to give it a try, check out the website below for recipes.

    http://www.4hourrecipes.com/

    Reply
  19. tweety says

    February 4, 2013 at 4:01 pm

    You might try WeightWatchers online for men. For about $20/mon you get access to their web and smartphone apps (no meetings). If you can channel your OCD toward keeping track of your points you can lose 1.5 pounds a week while eating normal food. You can even work in a couple of beers on the weekend.

    Reply
  20. Taiwan On says

    February 4, 2013 at 4:30 pm

    “Buying a home, getting a puppy, running a non-profit board and running a business simultaneously tended to eat up the gym time.” Are you friggin’ kidding me? What planet does this guy live on? I’ve got your non-profit board right here.

    Reply
  21. Stephanie says

    February 4, 2013 at 6:42 pm

    This weekend, a solid A…went to a Japan Night evening at the University on Saturday night. My husband’s youngest daughter (age 12) has stayed at a Japanese Language Camp for one month every summer for three years now. (As opposed to the kind of Japanese Camp George Takei’s family was forced into for too many years). Anyway, she loves all things Japanese and the entertainment was really well done. The food was incredible! Sunday, Scrabble with hubby and the kid and then off to a restaurant/gaming place for dinner ala Dave & Buster’s.

    Reply
  22. Stephanie says

    February 4, 2013 at 6:49 pm

    Calendar for this year…Marvel Comics. Sweet.

    Diets…they don’t work unless you are staying active as well. I am going to be 50 soon and up until 2 years ago I could eat whatever I wanted, but I was always too skinny (4’11” and 90 pounds…all of it t & a). Now, I have cut out the “white” foods (the guy at that website is correct!) and, no carbonated drinks at all. I am around 105 and feel “fat” (I know I’m NOT, I’m just not used to carrying any real weight). I am curvier than I was (I have hips now!) and clothes fit better. I keep telling myself that nothing tastes as good as feeling fit does. White bread, rice and potatoes be damned!

    Reply
    • hot fuzz says

      February 4, 2013 at 8:35 pm

      I had a rice and potato sandwich on wonder bread for dinner.

      Reply
      • Stephanie says

        February 4, 2013 at 9:57 pm

        Sounds delicious! The only white thing I haven’t cut out provides me with all the protein a girl needs. More delicious!

        Reply
        • hot fuzz says

          February 5, 2013 at 7:34 am

          …and that’s why we love Stephanie

          Reply
          • chill says

            February 5, 2013 at 8:12 am

            There are multiple reasons to love Stephanie.
            .

            Reply
    • bikerchick says

      February 5, 2013 at 10:29 am

      I weighed 105 in the 2nd grade…ugh

      Reply
  23. Phil Jett says

    February 4, 2013 at 6:52 pm

    I haven’t used a printed calendar in years. I keep everything on my yahoo calendar and can access it at home and work pcs or on my phone.

    Last March I spent 3 days in the hospital with an obstructed bowel. I decided after getting the bill I had better start losing some weight and getting in shape. I had tried many diets over the years and they worked but never lasted.

    This time I just tried to change how I live. I eat more white meats, chicken, turkey, etc but still have a steak or burger once in a while. I eat only one helping of whatever we have for dinner. I’ve cut back on fried stuff and snack foods. I drink plenty of water, but still enjoy coffee, tea and a beer once in a while. I started walking, slow and short distances at first and now walk/jog 3 miles every other day. If not outside then on the treadmill at home or work.

    I’ve lost 55 lbs and gained nothing over the holidays for the first time in forever. I went from a 42 trouser size to a 36. SInce I buy or do nothing special for my meals, it has been so much easier than any diet I’ve been on. I still need to drop another 25 lbs to get to a level that my doctor recommended.

    Also, I’m now off my BP and cholesteral medicines.

    Reply
  24. chill says

    February 4, 2013 at 7:28 pm

    Regarding the diet… “Pre-diet weight: 145lbs”. This guy had better be a Little Person (TM) if he wants any sympathy from me.
    .

    Reply
  25. Stephanie says

    February 4, 2013 at 7:44 pm

    Oh! A P.S. …

    Do NOT weigh yourself when “dieting”. If you are cutting out “fat” foods/drinks and are being active, muscle weighs more than fat. Weighing yourself can make you think you are not losing weight which can make you want to give up.

    Reply
  26. hot fuzz says

    February 4, 2013 at 8:43 pm

    From the diet link… this might be the saddest sentence I’ve ever read “At that point, eating was almost all about fuel and very little about enjoyment.”

    And once again, it’s all about blaming the whites. Oh sure, brown rice is fine but NO to the white rice. Whatever. I get it.. white is bad. Sheesh.

    A psychoanalyst might have something to say about this but my desk calendar is printed from Excel… in black and white…and held on to last year’s desk calendar by a fold back clip.

    Reply
  27. Stephanie says

    February 4, 2013 at 9:31 pm

    Via instant messaging at my office someone wrote…”I believe cutting out foods based on color could be misconstrued as racism”. Hilarious.

    Reply
  28. Alex says

    February 4, 2013 at 9:52 pm

    I use freebie automobile calenders. If only the ‘girlie’ calenders where still the maintstay of garages and auto parts stores.

    I lost a few pounds over the past couple months by just doing a lot more moving around, and eating a bit less junk food. So go for a walk around the block everyday Jeff. Rain, Shine, sleet or snow. In a couple weeks you’ll start feeling the difference. I’m back in my size 34s. Not that I had far to work (36), but its 17 pounds I hope I don’t regain.

    Reply
    • Phil Jett says

      February 4, 2013 at 10:38 pm

      Ridge Tool Co. (the RIGID tools you see at Home Depot) puts out a nice calendar every year with really hot looking women in bathing suits. My dad always had one in our garage back when I was a kid.

      http://www.ridgid.com/Tools/Calendar/

      Reply
      • chill says

        February 4, 2013 at 11:16 pm

        Also bear in mind that there are only 14 possible calendars. So if my arithmetic is correct, a 1999 calendar is good for this year – as is a 1985, etc.
        .

        Reply
  29. t-storm says

    February 4, 2013 at 9:58 pm

    I need to get active again. Moving in with the girl made me fat(ter) again. She cooks good and drives me around so my walking 2 miles a day minimum is out the window. Current newjob gets me about a mile a day but iI’m sitting on my ass.

    I heard tim ferris on corolla and am currently listening to him on maron and on his webcast he talks about tumbleweed houses.com so I’m digging this guy. I may try the diet. Cutting out beer might be a pain but during the week I’m only drinking two bud lights a day or so.

    Reply
  30. Harpo says

    February 4, 2013 at 11:24 pm

    In the spirit of equality, feel free to try my new Al Sharpton/Jesse Jackson Diet –
    No black beans, black angus beef, blackberries, black cherry soda, black olives, blackstrap molasses or black licorice but enough bullshit everyday to make you puke your guts out. Weight loss guaranteed.

    Reply
  31. Dr Buford says

    February 5, 2013 at 9:18 am

    My size is way down near the floor at this point, so hopefully my Mickey Mantle knees will cooperate.

    Waa Hee Hee…(wipes tears from eyes)…down near the floor AND Mickey Mantle knees… Nice twofer!

    And for all those who’ve asked, I’ve not yet seen Buckwild. We have a copy DVR’d, but I’m waiting for my next urge to get shirtless COPS drunk on Busch Light before I watch it. It’s a sad mixture of guilt, shame, and hillbilly pride that that mess exists…

    Dr B

    Reply
  32. bikerchick says

    February 5, 2013 at 11:10 am

    I cut out all the crap….starches, white carbs…except my skim milk. Cannot give up milk! I go to a bootcamp 3 days a week that completely kicks my ass. But I lost 18 pounds so far. I’d like to lose another 15 before summer. It will be hard because I feel like I hit a plateau. But I’ll find a way to jump start myself again. I have to… I feel so much better. Since I’m on a down hill roll towards the big 5-0, the menopausal symptoms are fast and furious. But the exercise definately calms them down.

    So, Jeff, the moral to this story is exercise and eat better and your menopausal symptoms will be alleviated too!

    Reply
  33. t-storm says

    February 6, 2013 at 7:09 pm

    You know what won’t help you lose weight? Shaky knees festival in Atlanta. Derby weekend. Be there.

    Reply

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