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Webcams and Obnoxious Tourists We Have Known

August 4, 2010 By Jeff 123 Comments

So, I’m sitting here watching the Abbey Road cam, which serves up live streaming video from the British crosswalk made famous by the Beatles.  And I see one group of tourists after another going across that thing, and really douching up the joint.

It reminds me of a woman in New York City a few years ago, who I saw shove through a bunch of gawking out o’ towners, and shout, “Why don’t you people go back to Wisconsin already?!”  Heh.

Can you imagine being a driver in London, late for some appointment, and coming upon that intersection of dipshittery?  My blood pressure is rising, just thinking about it.  I’d never actually do it, of course, but I’d be mighty tempted to mash the accelerator and let the chips fall where they may.

No, I don’t really want to see anyone get run over by a car.  But as I sit here watching this spectacle on my computer, I would like to see a gang of tourists from Ohio, or wherever, scattered in every direction by a careening black cab.  I can imagine their fannypacks and love handles bouncing as a result of the rare exertion, and this vision makes me happy.

There’s nothing wrong with being a tourist, of course, but maintain a little dignity.  Is that too much to ask?  That Abbey Road crossing is almost as bad as this crap.  Sweet sainted mother of Shitbox Wally…

But the Beatles cam is pretty damn good, isn’t it?  I remember in the early days of the internet they looked like surveillance video at a convenience store.  And some would only refresh every minute or so.  I’ve always found them fascinating, though.

There was a bar in Poland that I used to check out occasionally, and I thought it was the coolest thing in the world to see guys sitting in there downing beers, from my chair in Scranton.  I wish I still had that link…  I wonder if the cam is still up and running?  I wanted to go there someday, and now I can’t even remember the name of the city.  Oh well.

One of my all-time favorite cams is no longer in operation:  the Happy Wash laundromat in France.  Man, that was a good one.  When I worked my previous job I’d sometimes leave the video feed open for an hour at a time.  It was oddly fascinating to watch unsuspecting French people fold bras.

Do you have any favorite webcams?  If so, please share the link with us.  And if it’s disappeared, why not describe it?

Let’s also start a wish list for webcams…  Where would you like to see one?  An interrogation room of a big city police department?  The Oval Office?  The Kremlin?  The rectal ointment aisle of a Rite-Aid store?

Help me out with that one, won’t you?  And let’s not worry about laws or any of that pesky crap.  Just let yer imagination run wild.

And finally, where have you encountered the most obnoxious tourists?  I remember a gang of incredibly rude and pushy French people at the Tower of London.  They were so bad Toney was attempting to body-check a few of them into a stone wall.  Hilarious.

So, if you have anything on that, please use the comments section below.

And I’m going to call it a day here.  I probably won’t update again until Sunday, but you never can tell.  I plan to put in about thirty hours of work on my book, over the next three days.  But if it all goes down the ol’ poop-catcher for some reason, I might return for a short whine.

If any of you’d like to buy me a beer or three for Saturday night, here’s your link.  I’d really appreciate it… It’s been a bad summer, my friends, and Saturday nights are usually a rare exception.

See you next time!

Now playing in the bunker

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Comments

  1. johnthebasket says

    August 6, 2010 at 10:27 pm

    Baja Oklahoma.

    Baja Oklahomo.

    .
    dto:

    At the sight of Stormy
    In a pilot seat,
    Even the bawds of euphony
    Would cry out sharply.

    .
    jtb

    Reply
  2. Chuck in Belpre says

    August 6, 2010 at 10:27 pm

    Jason lighten up man. I don’t get bent out of shape when people joke about people from WV being in-bred ‘tards. I love Texas…really. Just take a pill.

    Reply
  3. t-storm says

    August 6, 2010 at 10:34 pm

    for those of you who don’t know. I’m way scarierier than a pilot.

    Reply
  4. Gretchen says

    August 6, 2010 at 11:08 pm

    t-storm: You’re a stewardess?

    Reply
  5. johnthebasket says

    August 7, 2010 at 12:44 am

    I don’t think they call them stewardesses any more. I believe the correct term is lap dancer.

    jtb

    Reply
  6. dto says

    August 7, 2010 at 6:08 am

    “You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.”
    George Carlin

    Reply
  7. dto says

    August 7, 2010 at 6:45 am

    …just a joke folks…and I by no means want to make the cowgirls mad. I happen to like cowgirls…a lot. Farm girls too. And boy howdy…I’ve seen some real purdy city girls too. I’m not to keen on Eskimos though…I’ll admit that.

    Reply
  8. johnthebasket says

    August 7, 2010 at 9:52 am

    Swami, Stormy, Dave,

    Take it easy on Not Oprah, and stop picking on her for her homonym mistake. She was distracted because she lives up in Canada where the woods are full of bares.

    jtb

    Reply
  9. dto says

    August 7, 2010 at 10:41 am

    “I’ll take, ‘It’s scarier than..’ Alex for $800.”

    “An Airline pilot”.

    “What is a bus driver?”

    “Be more specific.”

    “What is an over the road bus driver?”

    “That’s correct!”

    Reply
  10. Stephanie says

    August 7, 2010 at 12:36 pm

    Always late to the party…sigh.

    @ Tilly: Please do let us know how that visit with Mom goes. Without the Nostrils and Nancy stories, I am having Dysfunctional Family Withdrawal Syndrome.

    As an aside…if you looked up dysfunctional family in a dictionary, there used to be a photo of my people. However, Dad passed over in 2003, then, Mom in 2004. I loved my parents, I did.

    But apparently, (adult) orphans have their shit together.

    Any correlation there?

    Someone should do a study.

    Reply
  11. Wisey in Ttown says

    August 7, 2010 at 12:55 pm

    Dang Jeff, did you send us our shirts by way of a slow boat from China? No sign of mine.

    Reply
  12. Jason says

    August 7, 2010 at 2:15 pm

    Sorry guys. I made a drunk post. I also made a lot of drunk calls last night. I have several ex-girlfriend’s husbands calling me today. I woke up with my underwear on backwards (the piss gate was at my ass) and I was wearing a pair of coconut tits and a coin changer. Must have been fun.

    This is almost as embarrassing as that time my Mother and Grandmother caught me jacking off to a picture of my Aunt. Almost.

    I’ll take a pass. Thankyouverymuch.

    Reply
  13. dto says

    August 7, 2010 at 3:38 pm

    Damn Jason…and all this time I thought you were just being funny. Come to find out…you were dead drunk serious. The hell man?

    Oh…e-m that picture of your Aunt…

    …and fuck the Chineese too. How the hell did they end up with my goddamn t-shirt? Tabernec rice eating bastards.

    Reply
  14. Chuck in Belpre says

    August 7, 2010 at 4:15 pm

    “I woke up with my underwear on backwards (the piss gate was at my ass) and I was wearing a pair of coconut tits and a coin changer. ” That’s a classic.

    Reply
  15. Brittney says

    August 7, 2010 at 4:33 pm

    We had to go through the panhandle on the way to California…But when we went it was only 18 degrees, so it wasn’t very enjoyable. I have say that Oklahoma was much worse…

    @Jason…Sounds like an interesting morning…

    Reply
  16. dto says

    August 7, 2010 at 10:03 pm

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQFEY9RIRJA

    Reply
  17. t-storm says

    August 7, 2010 at 10:20 pm

    Saw a Dallas daytime hooker

    Reply
  18. Not Oprah says

    August 7, 2010 at 11:25 pm

    Thanks jtb (not)

    Reply
  19. WVKay says

    August 7, 2010 at 11:44 pm

    Abbey Road is pretty lonely at 5:43 a.m.

    Reply
  20. johnthebasket says

    August 8, 2010 at 6:58 am

    Not Oprah…

    Sorry, it was kind of a cheap shot. I’ll do anything to make it up to you…Meet you at the Peace Arch for a handshake, buy you a coffee and doughnut at a Tim Hortons, whatever you think is fair.

    jtb

    Reply
  21. dto says

    August 8, 2010 at 7:50 am

    This just in…There’s a dead earwig floating in a quarter inch of beer at the bottom of my beer glass I left on my desk last night. Makes me think all the other earwigs are saying…”Well, at least he died doing what he loved to do.”

    Sunday huh?…guess I gotta find something to mow and a decent burial spot for my drinking buddy.

    Reply
  22. hot fuzz says

    August 8, 2010 at 10:34 am

    Something tells me Not Oprah IS NOT the thin skinned type that can’t take joke at her own expense when meant in jest. I was just happy that her ONE little typo drew attention away from the MANY that I make!

    JTB – I believe I have some of your weather today. Thank you, the straw where my lawn used to be can use it.

    Earwig story – Ever since the Night Gallery episode about the earwig I’ve been a little freaked out by them. The Wrath of Kaan (sp?) where Chekov got wigged didn’t help. Well… enjoying a good cup of tea and I feel something between my bottom lip and my teeth where gum meets jaw bone… I figured it was something in the tea like a leaf, or a twig or something benign… nope. (involuntary full body shake)

    Reply
  23. Gordian Knott says

    August 9, 2010 at 10:56 am

    Another dude poundin’ rewrites for a book here. So much so that I’m hemorrhoidal, and forced to work from a standing posture, looking down on the computer screen from high above and straining to reach the keyboard.

    I try to put myself in the mindset that the rewrites are MY rewrites, and not the publishers–they make the book better for ME. If you can wrap your head around that concept, the process might go a tad easier.

    Reply
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