Yeah, I remember that feeling, from when I moved to Los Angeles and saw how the locals react to rain.
It was unbelievable. Every time there was an afternoon shower, or the slightest drizzle, the entire bottom half of California would be plunged into anarchy. SUVs, inexplicably on fire, cartwheeling down the 5 freeway… people panicking and driving their cars straight off a cliff — at full acceleration — into the Pacific Ocean… rampant involuntary power-sodomy…
And folks would talk about these forty minute rain “storms” for weeks and weeks. They’d use them as time markers for years to come: “Did that happen before or after ‘Satan’s Light Mist?’” It was amazing.
I remember a morbidly obese woman out there (the Beach Boys are liars!), telling me I’d never witnessed anything like a SoCal rain. I didn’t know much about it at that point, and believed her. Maybe L.A. was like Sri Lanka, or one of the other monsoon-magnets? Then, about six months later, there was a light shower and the woman rocked and riffled herself up to my desk and said, “See?! What did I tell you?”
What? That was it? That little bit o’ precipitation?? I almost busted out laughing. I’d love to see some of those folks spend a week in Georgia, where it seems to rain like Niagara Falls every day of the year. They’d probably curl up in a ball on the floor and suck their thumbs until the torturous bonds of consciousness finally gave-way.
Yeah, it’s all about experience, obviously. If you’ve lived through something many times, it’s no big deal. But if it’s something new to you… you tend to want to talk about. It doesn’t require a rocket surgeon to figure that one out.
When we lived in the aforementioned Georgia, for instance, we were hit by a sizable snowstorm one year around Easter. It was the kind of thing the folks up here in northeastern Pennsylvania would hardly notice, but it completely shut-down the city of Atlanta for three days. No commerce, whatsoever. And they’re still talking about it down there…
And whenever there’s a tornado warning, my twister-ignorant sphincter tightens ever so slightly. But in Iowa or Oklahoma, and places like that… it’s just a normal Wednesday, or whatever.
But, of course, it’s fun to mock. I, of all people, would never deny a person that right. It’s good stuff. In fact, Florida folks are probably doing it right now, as the northeast hunkers down for the hurricane currently swirling out at sea. Have at it!
And pass the beer nuts.
I had a health screening at work this week. They had a gang of nurses and whatnot at our disposal for a couple of days, and I allowed them to look me over. You know, since I never go to the doctor.
And yeah, I’m fat. That was the take-away. They calculated my body mass index, and I landed squarely in the “obese” category. Nice. It’s no surprise, of course. There are mirrors in this world… But it’s a little shocking to see that word — obese — typed out on your report.
Perhaps I’m fooling myself, but I don’t consider myself to be obese. Overweight, certainly. But when somebody says obese, I think of a 400 lb swaddler sitting atop a power-chair in Wal-Mart. That ain’t me. I’m just… portly.
I guess I’d better drag my heft back over to that track at the high school, and get to walking. Right? Holy shit.
There was some good news from the screening, though. They took some blood and analyzed it, and all my numbers were perfect. No issue with cholesterol (good or bad), or blood sugar. And my blood pressure was good. I don’t eat as poorly as it might seem, I just need to be more active. I think.
I apologize for being away from the site for a couple of days. I was working, and in need of some serious sleep. Last night I hit the platform around 11 pm, and snoozed on through until 8 am. Man, I feel a million times better today.
Do you get depressed and pessimistic when you’re tired? I do, and don’t care for it. Whenever a dark cloud starts forming above me, I know I need sleep. This morning the cloud is gone. Good riddance to the goddamn cloud.
I took Sunday off from my job, because I’m at my cap again and not accruing vacation time. And funk dat. So, I’m off until Monday at 3. It’s completely unheard of… But I’ll be using that time to get caught up on things. If I owe you something, I apologize. Please bear with me. August is the worst month.
And that leads me to an unpleasant subject. Even though I’m not currently drinking beer, I’ll be very appreciative of any and all donations of beer money. I really hate to ask, but it’s an unfortunate reality. If you can spare a few dollars for The Cause, it’ll help a great deal. As I say… Augusts are a real ball-twister here at the compound.
So, if that’s something you can do, I thank you. If not, I FULLY understand. Oh, I understand real good. And please note, you can donate any amount via PayPal, not just the amounts on the beer page. Just send it to jeff@thewvsr.com.
Shit, that kind of stuff makes me sick… Please don’t hate me. I listen to a lot of podcasts, and they’re always trolling for donations. I don’t think anything about it, but when I do the same thing, I feel dirty. Like an obese whore.
I’m going to jump on that To-Do list now, right after I polish off a Marlin Perkins frozen meal…
As for a Question, I don’t really have anything. Perhaps the old standby: what are you planning to do this weekend? Or, perhaps you can tell us about the most hilarious weather overreactions you’ve encountered? Or maybe you have something to report on health screenings at work, or your most embarrassing or memorable check-up with a doctor?
By the way… At that screening they had a desk behind a curtain, where they discussed your results with you. I tried to convince a few people they were doing prostate exams in there, but nobody believed me. “I’m serious,” I pleaded. “I saw one guy going back for seconds!” But I apparently need acting lessons, because nobody was buying it. Oh well.
I’ll see you guys again real soon.
Have a great weekend!
Now playing in the bunker
Crossroads Road is a funny book.
YEEEE HAAAAAW!!!
Not foist, but not last either.
Back about ’76 or ’77 I remember the governor of WV (Rockefeller?) making a speech to the state on TV and radio about the oncoming blizzard onslaught that would shut the state down for a week or more but we would get through it because mountaineers are tough. Not one single flake fell.
I’m afraid to have a physical. I just know the doctor will say “Fuck!” under his breath and start leafing furiously through medical journals. My BMI is also in the obese range. If so then what category are those flesh farms in spandex?
‘Flesh Farms in Spandex’. Wasn’t that the name of a King Crimson album?
Yes, indeed. I believe “Flesh Farms In Spandex” was the precursor to “Larks Tongues In Aspic”!
Love that album.
I Advance Masked.
Which any self-respecting flesh-farm in spandex should.
Court of the bloated king is another great one.
…The black queen chants
the tallow march,
The Taco bell will ring;
To order up some Pappa John’s
For the court of the bloated king.
Hurricane Bertha. North Myrtle beach. No Big Deal. My sister in law in Maryland accused me of endangering my children, had her brother call my mother in law and impersonate a SC state trooper to get us to leave. It ended up being nothing, and we left the next day because we had no electricity.
That being said, I have called the children i previously “endangered” every day to see when they were leaving Myrtle Beach, since the hurricane was on its way.
Speaking of obese, it’s time for my feeding.
HAHA! Chuck I remember that!!
We had some serious snow storms in WV so I was used to getting out in a foot or two, school didn’t get cancelled. In 1988 I moved to Greensboro NC, that winter I was at work when everyone started talking about the “big snow storm” that was predicted for the next day. 2 inches was expected. I was partnered up with a lady from Chicago, we looked at each other and laughed.
Seriously? 2 inches? Major panic, people were leaving work early to pack in 2 weeks worth of groceries and taking off from work. Schools were cancelled, businesses were closed and not a drop of snow, not one flake!
2 inches is nothing to laugh at. fuck you, guys!
It depends on where the “2 inches” are, lol!!
As Metten says “nothin’s for free so send money folks!”
Man, I sent Jeff ten bucks earlier this week, I can’t believe he’s broke again.
Seriously, send the man a couple of bucks, if he can’t afford the internet, we’re all screwed!
Caveboy says that on Monday. I don’t say much of anything these days.
My favorite overreaction to the weather always seems to come from the meterologists themselves. Man, they just won’t shut up about the “White Death” snowstorm, or the “Dangerous Heatwave” or whatever.
Good Lord, folks, we’ve had snow AND high temperatures in Ohio (not necessarily at the same time, though!) They treat us like a bunch of ‘special needs’ patients who can’t seem to come in out of the rain!
Well, sure – that’s the whole purpose of the “wind chill” and the “heat index”, “humiture”, whatever: to make the weather seem more extreme than it is, and to GET YOU TO WATCH THE WEATHER REPORT.
.
Of course, I’d watch the weather report more if Jaco Pastorious were still alive.
.
I’m stealing that…
!!!!!!!!
And I’m watching the weather report tonight, now that the hurricane is upon us. So far it’s only rain here, but it’s been raining for 4 or 5 hours. The 50mph winds might not get here until the wee hours. I’m hoping that no falling tree will crush my house, car, power lines or self.
.
Happy Friday Surf Reporters!!!
when i was pregnant for my first child i was young, i was single, i was poor, i was scared to death. so i ate. i ate a lot. I spent $13 at the Taco Bell drive thru once, it was 1990, you do the math…..a lot. So i had gained about 80 pounds when all was said and done and in one of my last checkups before she was born the Dr said to me……..you know you are going to have a lot of weight to lose? I indicated i was aware of this and he said “hey do what you want the baby is fine but try to remember gravy is not a beverage.”
After months of suffering from indigestion during pregnancy, I finally got my appetite back. I began eating Chinese food by the 5 gallon bucket…and gained 17 lbs in about 10 days.
My Dr. said (and I quote): “I’m glad you have your appetite back, but it is time to BACK AWAY FROM THE BUFFET!”
I think most Americans fall into the “Obese” category because those charts are probably based on tiny, little starving people.
I raise my Krispy-Kreme sticky fist in defiance!
This weekend I’ll be mostly panicking about the incoming HURRICANE! A freaking hurricane! I’m only used to pea soup fog and drizzle. The drainage around the basement door is not the most awesome – it’s never leaked but it has potential – so I’ll be stressing about that. And if the alleged 3 inch diameter hail turns up, and the wind whips up the side of the valley like it tends to during a storm, I’ll have broken windows to deal with too.
I need a nap.
Oh, and I’m obese on those charts. 6 foot 2 and 220lbs = obese? I don’t think so. Overweight, sure. Obese, no. Denial is not just a river in Egypt.
At this time of year, nearly every day there is a cloudburst that you could look up at the sky during, and actually drown. Commonplace here, but the 80 year old blind people seem to decide that is the best time to go shopping. No major hurricanes have hit this area in 100 years, but the panic that set in 5 days ago over this one was ridiculous. No batteries or water were to be found anywhere, as the hand wringers bought them all up. Indians came here four hundred years ago, as they knew it was safe here during the late summer/fall storms. The Gulf floordiverts the storms.
The health screening at work always detects high cholesteral and they take me aside privately to tell me that. I also fall in the obese category, although at 6-6 260 pounds now, I don’t consider myself obese, but just a big fucking angry white guy.
I plan to take my daughter, The AngryWhiteGirl to see the Harry Potter movie this weekend..At age 7, she hs taken a liking to the movies and the books, and I would at leqast like her to experience one of the movies in the theater. AwesomeWhiteSon has seen them all at the movies and owns them all.
Have a good weekend peeps!
we went and saw don’t be afraid of the dark. It had Guillermo Del Toro all over it and after Pan’s Labyrinth and Hellboy II I was pumped.
We had free passes and I feel I was over charged. Bleah.
More like don’t be afraid of falling asleep in a theater.
Even the family of people who stereotypically shout and talk through movies sitting behind us were uninterested.
If you have an IMAX around go see the Harry Potter movie there in 3-D. My wife and I took our friend’s 11 year old twin grandkids to see it in this fashion. Expensive (alomst $60 for the four of us) but worth it.
Living in south Arizona for years has really given me perspective on the who Indian rain dance thing. It now makes perfect sense as to why people would do outlandish things in hopes that it will rain. Sometimes when water from the sky lands on my skin it feels a little burny. And in the rare event it snows, everyone slinks out of the offices and stands, in t-shirts, and stares in slack jawed amazement. If even the least amount of snow sticks the city shuts down, businesses close, and crazies run naked in the streets screaming, “I was right, I was right!”
I don’t hate you because you’re a bum. I hate you because I am a bad person…eh, sorry about that, I have low blood sugar.
I audition for a band this weekend. Not some bullshit cover band. A real band that writes their own material, if I get the gig it’ll be the first band I’ve been in in years. Sort of nervous, I’m not sure if I still like playing with other people; after playing with myself for so long.
Good luck, ice! That would be cool as hell!!
Ice…
Is the who Indian rain dance thing “Won’t Get Flooded Again?”
jtb
I can see the stretch marks on that one.
my favorite weather overreaction is my ex husband. hands down. he would not shower during a thunderstorm on account of how you can get electrocuted thru the pipes you see………. he has my 12 year convinced of this as well. Nice -asshat -pass your irrational ridiculousness to the next generation.
i had an ex who wouldn’t talk on the phone for the same reason. My logic was that she was on a cordless phone and her argument was stupid.
I just re-checked my Body Mass Index (BMI) on the internets. It told me never to wear polyester knit. Smartass bastards.
I had a buddy in high school that could predict the days we’d have off for snow almost 100 percent…but we had a crackpot teacher who would make sweeping predictions about how we “wouldn’t have school for a week” preceding an inch of snow, and how “a little ice won’t stop us from taking a test on Monday” when it actually shut down the entire area for the better part of two weeks. If he said one thing, it was generally the exact opposite–I think that’s how my buddy’s prediction system worked so well, you just take whatever our teacher said and predict the opposite.
Living in the snow belt of Ohio, I can tell you that when I hear things about Southerners freaking out about an inch of snow, that’s our reaction when they predict two feet in twelve hours. I drive a 4×4 pickup truck…it’s pretty much guaranteed that I can go wherever I damn well please, no matter the conditions.
Worst doctor appt? Actually it was two in one day – in the morning the orthopedist gave me a prescription for Celebrex for arthritis, and in the afternoon my physician told me it was about time I started getting yearly mammograms.
AAUUGGHHH!
My fat-o-meter is way down since I had my liposuction surgery last a few weeks ago. But I still have to watch because, unlike what the myth states, it can come back.
I think my worst doctor’s “appointment” was when I had to stand in front of my boss (plastic surgeon) buck nekkid so he could take photo’s and mark me before surgery.
I’m sure prostate exams were a little more exciting this week during the earthquake.
Going to Star Lake Amphitheater tonight (or whatever they call it now) for the Jason Aldean concert. Then the Steeler/Falcons game at Heinz Field tomorrow night. On Sunday, there is a vintage car show at Moon Park. We’ll ride there and hang out with our friends that take a few cars to show.
We have a big weekend coming up. I sent the wife out to get a Sam’s or Costco card (whichever) earlier. And at about 4:00 I’m going to my first wholesale warehouse in years and years. And I’m stoked about it. Stoked!
Tomorrow she’s walking to save tits or stop Alzheimer’s or something. WALKING is the key word. She told me about it this morning. Tha fuck? How does walking help tits patients, or whatever? Apparently people pay her to walk a certain number of miles and she gives the money to the tit people. Sounds crazy to me. Why not leave the walking out of it and just give money? Turns out I may be way behind on this, because these walks apparently take place all the time. Crazy.
I went for a check-up about a year ago and had shockingly high blood pressure. So now I’m on the meds for that and it’s under control.
I kinked my urethra one time while going hard and heavy with my wife. It bent almost in half and hurt like hell. Hurt when I pissed (or tried to piss) so I went to a doc-in-a-box. A woman doctar asked me to take it out and she leaned down and got so close that I could feel cool air from her nostrils hitting it. We put it away before I was fully erect but I was more than half way there. That was awkward.
People here in Alabama go fucking crazy over snow or high winds. They rush to the stores and buy bread and bottled water. I don’t know what the fuck that’s all about. They just sit there and eat their white bread and drink their bottled water while they stare out the windows I guess. I’ve never been around a more paranoid group of fucks in my entire life. A tornado came through here in 1989 (before I got here) and I couldn’t find a FUCKING SOUL four years later who didn’t claim to be directly hit by it. It went up one street. One guy told me that he was walking his dog and suddenly he was left standing there with an empty leash, the dog got swept off to Oz I guess. Bullshit. They try to one-up each other by describing how bad the tornado fucked their lives. 21 people died, which is bad enough, but it’s a city of about 200,000. So not EVERYONE could have had a brother, dad, and son that died in the fucking thing. God I’m pissed off.
Fuck fuckity fucking. Lotsa fucks in there. Fuck.
Jason, are you a Huntsvillian?? I live in a city nearby and recall that one.
Yes Chuck, we live in Huntsville. Not a bad place.
Cool! We’re practically neighbors; I’m over in Decatur (aka Dogballs). The snow we had this past winter was highly unusual, but our northern Surf Reporters would only laugh at our winter experience!!!!
Hell man, we’ll have to get together sometime. I go to Decatur all the time. My cousin lives there. He and I have a masonry business in Huntsville.
Soound good to me. Do you partake of cool refreshing adult beverages?
I do. I do. Lemme get caught up on a few things and we’ll plan an Alabama reunion. Is there anyone else in our area?
Come on, folks!! There’s got to be someone else close. It would be a shame if Jason and I had to drink ALL the beer.
Ummmm, it’s alabama. 200,000? There’s a lot of cousins, uncles, aunts, sisters, brothers, etc in there.
Oddly the family tree looks like a DNA helix.
More like a fence post……..
Tuscaloosa here. And after April 27 I get why people freak out over tornadoes for years afterward. We didn’t take a direct hit, but I know so many people who’s lives will never be the same, and every time I drive through town it makes my heart hurt.
In the last 3 weeks, I’ve been to my regular doctor, my dentist, a pulmonologist, a cardiologist, a neurologist and a proctologist.
Turns out that after abusing my body for decades, I’m in excellent health “for a man my age”, though about 10 pounds over weight.
Kind of makes me wonder how far I can push it to come up average….
Yesterday I posted on facebook
“It’s been a long week, I can’t believe it’s only Wednesday”.
Man, that set people off on a tsunami of corrections.
I tried to explain it to my girlfriend, she didn’t get it.
No plans this weekend except nursing a broken big toe.
I had an interview for a new job yesterday in the middle of no where OKC (But in a town that has been on Diners, Drive-ins, and dives).
I hate the expected salary question. You don’t want to lowball yourself but you don’t want to price yourself out of a job. I went high and they told me it was too high. I told them I’m flexible. If I don’t hear shit by next Friday they’ve informed me to not expect to hear from them.
t-storm, you in Norman? I get sent out there once in a while for training, but haven’t been there in a year or so, and it doesn’t look like I’ll be back this year. Last time I looked for that diner i couldn’t find it. Is it still open?
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters…..
I always enjoy seeing the southern states in a massive clusterfuck when they get even a trace of snow. Oh, how I laugh and laugh.
Weekend plans. Saturday is always a work day til 3 o’clock. Then if the weather is cooperative, I desperately need to get some yard work done. It’s long over due.
Oh, and I will be drinking my body weight in beer. There’s no doubt about that.
Speaking of weight and the aforementioned obesity, heard on the TV just this morning that if current trends hold, by the year 2024 over half of the American population will be considered obese.
No wonder the rest of the world hates us.
Jeff needs beer!
Beer is good.
C’mon, people, send Jeff beer!
I’ll probably be hunkered in the basement, curled up in a fetal position with a blanket over my head, speaking in tongues and hoping the trees surrounding my abode don’t come crashing through the roof.
I better run out and get Cheez Its!
That last line is funny. Wouldn’t have been as funny if it was Better Cheddars.
Not even close to obese (BMI a hair under 20), so I’ll comment on near-death natural disaster experiences: when I was 4 or 5 the snow was so deep it was way over my head, and Tuesday’s quake knocked a candlestick off the mantle.
Um, never mind…
Winter of 1995, the first newborn was in da house, and there was so much damned snow in CT that nobody could go anywhere. Me, the ex, and a new biological experiment locked in the house, with no where to go and no way to get there. Gives me the shivers thinking about how desperate I felt. Just standing outside was a welcome break.
I might have been a little PPD…but the pictures of our MR2 completely buried in snow proves that at least I wasn’t hallucinating.
My current fat plan is to burn off 30 pounds before I turn 50 next year. Then there’s only about 20 more to go before I’m even close to spitting distance of what I was in college. Gah.
My MR2 will be hiding in a garage during the HURRICANE 🙂
The forecast for Philly looks awful 🙁 75% chance of 90mph winds. Oh great.
I have the opposite weather story – the locals were completely blasé and I was spooked!
When I first moved to West Texas from Ohio, I was in line at my new university for financial aid and all of a sudden a weather alarm sounded through the building. The tv in the lobby said it was a tornado warning – WARNING and to take cover. No one in line budged!! I asked the chick in front of me what we should do and she said “well, it is like 10 miles away, so we are probably ok.” Holy crap!
Then (one year later) we went grocery shopping and on the way home we saw a small tornado touch down. I kid you not when I say I say people continue grilling a mile away. After all, it was only an F0 and those are short and not “very” dangerous.
I swear I am not kidding.
I continue to be a big wuss. I am from Michigan originally and my husband is from Mass. We got weather-spotting training and the whole nine yards.
And I am glad we did. Since then we have endured 2 close-by tornadoes in the four years we have lived here in our current city (also in Texas).
I completely believe you. Wholeheartedly. Why, you ask? We are Texas born and raised, and this past spring we bought a new grill… And continued to grill the “inaugural dinner” with the tornado sirens going off in the background. The kids were recording our ass-hattery with their phones. In case anyone was concerned, dinner was fantastic, and we only lost a tiny part of the roof. F-0’s (or whatever the hell they call them now) are just enough to piss ya off.
I remember one doctor visit that still makes me cringe in embarrassment. I had some sort of full-body rash from an allergy so my mom took me to the doctor. She went back with me while I got examined, because I was kinda scared. Then the doctor said he was going to have to put his finger in my butt to make sure everything was OK “in there”. That was I big surprise to me, and I implored my mom not to let him do it. “It’s got to be done”, she said.
As he poked his gloved finger in I looked her in the face with what must have been pure betrayal, and I was mad at her for days. Looking back, I guess I may have over-reacted, but maybe not. I was only thirty-two at the time.
Huh?…
Jeff, one thing you need to add to your to-do list: an Eninen update from their weekend visit. It’s not like you’ve got anything else to do, seriously.
I moved from San Francisco, where the weather is always the same and no one mentions it, to Italy, where EVERYONE talks about the weather ALL THE TIME. It’s too hot, it’s too cold, it’s too wet, it’s too dry. Jesus, the first italian I learned was the fucking weather! Granted, it IS 105 here at the moment and has been for 3 weeks and my entire front yard is dead, but JEEZ…
Weekend plans: Going hiking this afternoon in the Apuan Alps and staying for the sunrise. Then it’s back home to clean apartments for the next visitors.
Happy Saturday, Surfers!
There’s two words I didn’t think I’d see in the same sentence; ‘Hiking’ and ‘Alps’.
Thats extreme hiking mate!
‘Did you remember the oxygen John?’ !!
Scottish weather……..
There’s been a nasty outbreak of trench foot round our way this summer. And I’m developing gills. ’nuff said really.
Here’s a new comedian for you guys to look at if you’ve got time.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vxy5kYoyw1A
have a good weekend/hurricane!
here’s something else music lovers….its free.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Amazon-Domino-Sampler/dp/B005EXE9XM/ref=sr_shvl_album_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1314443023&sr=301-1
When I moved to WV from Maine many moons ago, I was accustomed to Nor’Easters, bitter cold and snow for months on end.
I was not accustomed to the side effects of hurricanes, and thought they were no big deal. Two college buddies and I played outside on a city playground during the side effects of Hurricane Hugo, nearly giving EVERYONE ELSE a heart attack. We had no idea that the winds (even in the mountains of WV!) were somewhere in the 80-90 MPH zone.
I moved to NC six years later. Hurricane Fran sent tornadoes past my house. I didn’t learn my lesson from Hugo, and played outside within 6 hours of the storm hitting.
Now that I have a kid, I try to be a little smarter with my choices.
I recently read an article that said the average 18 year old male in 1960 was 5 foot 8 inches and weighed 145 pounds. Today, the average 18 year old is 5 foot 9 inches and weighs 186 pounds.
I am 5 foot 9 inches and graduated high school at 155 pounds. After 5 years in college, I graduated at 220 pounds. Over the last 2 years, I am proud to say I weigh 170 pounds having gone from size 40 pants back to size 34 and feel great. My wife is on my ass because she thinks I am dying of something but the truth is she can’t leave the HoHo’s and cup cakes alone and is secretly jealous that I weigh less than her.
If she reads this, send flowers to my funeral.
Don’t put much stock into the BMI – it’s your weight in pounds divided by your height in inches squared, then times a conversion factor of 703. It doesn’t take into factor anything else – including age, muscle mass, etc.
[(w) / (h)2] * 703
Famous overweight/obese people include Michael Jordan, Brad Pitt, George Clooney and more.
It’s a one-size-fits-all calculation that really doesn’t fit much of anyone, and a lot of people are moving away from it.
Don’t even mention rain to me. I was raised in the Willamette Valley and consider anyone who owns an umbrella a total wusscake and a waste of skin. Californians? Don’t build your goddamn houses on hillsides. Floodplains ditto. Problem solved. Everyone else? Fricken’ grow a pair.
Jeff? You are de BOMB. I’ll buy you a beer all day long.
I do not own an umbrella. I think I had one in the 1980s, but I was young. One reason I bought this house (as opposed to some other one) was because it was 50 years old and did not have a sump pump. It also had old carpet in the basement, which did not appear to have ever been wet.
I have no desire to live in a place where fires, earthquakes, floods, mudslides and droughts have NAMES. I like living in a place where at least some of those things never happen.
.
Cheap Trick tonite on Austin City Limits.
I too think obese should be reserved for the really big ones. But they are now the morbidly obese to make room for the overweight/ fat crowd. It’s just more fun to say fat with out being mean. “Yeah…you know Harold. The fat guy that works at the NAPA. Guy knows his stuff”. And Joe Oberitis gets the polka crowd whipped into a heel and thigh slappin’ frenzy when he closes his first show with, “I don’t want her, you can have her, she’s too fat for me”. Sheer poetry and to lose that would be sad.
I get a DOT physical every two years so I guess I’m Gubment Certified. I get a PSA test (not required, my dime) and that suits me just fine. And that way me and Doc Nancy can stay cool with each other when we see each other at the grocery.
And speaking of naps…Remember me talking about that homemade peach and apple wine and shine I got from that guy from Tennessee? The night I wouldn’t shut up here? I pretty much ended up in a coma for two days after that shit. Smooooth I tell ya. Didn’t feel a thing, soooo. “Just when you think you’ve been ripped off…the drugs kick in”. About the fourth day I regained feeling in my legs and went from just nodding to talking in scentences. That was eleven days ago and I’ve not had a beer or any libation since. Blueberry juice (natural), apple cider, (natural and freshly squozed) and the like. We went over to Taos yesterday to get a few things and stopped in my fave eats and drinks place. I ordered a virgin Margarita with a bamboo parasol and a coloring book. Honest. Bartender laughed her ass off and I told Bev, “I’m not done not drinkin’ yet. Don’t know when I will be.” I feel great. I like that.
Thanks for listening….
Glad you’re okay, I was worried the earthquake had you trapped under a cactus.
I’m spending the rest of my weekend watching hurricane news, smug in my knowledge that earthquake are easily endured.
JTB: same with eruptions?
I don’t know, Dude. I spent some time hiking near Mt. St. Helens before I messed up my back. A shock wave followed closely by a pyroclastic flow snapped two hundred year old trees fifteen miles away like they were McDonalds toothpicks, and vaporized a vulcanologist at about the same distance.
Unless you were referring to the eruptions on my penis. Those are easily endured although I don’t get many dates.
I don’t suppose Reporters in New Jersey and New York are as concerned about my penis as they are about keeping their windows from blowing in and their kids from blowing out.
Everybody be safe out there.
And Dude, I agree to a point…every earthquake is easily endured except the last one. That one will be a humdinger.
jtb
and Dude, if the Big One is coming soon, I need to get my ass down to OC to piss on Nixon’s grave before I get sucked into the vortex. Otherwise my soul will wander restless and unfulfilled forever with its fly open.
jtb
jtb: You might want to print this picture and piss on it, just in case you don’t get down here. It might work, and it might not, but I think it’s worth a try. http://worldphotospace.com/data/Music/nixon-grave.jpg
Dude…
Thanks. At a minimum it will provide good aim and shoot practice.
jtb
How are my Philly peeps doing?
My hometown of KofP got 6.23″ of rain, at last count. I haven’t heard from my family yet, but I spent a good portion of last night texting with my best friend, whom I kept urging to go into the basement as there were tornado warnings. I felt pretty helpless out here in the ‘Burgh. I shoulda told everyone to come up and cram into my house before shit got real.
Here on Maryland’s Eastern Shore. On the ridiculously named Delmarva Peninsula. We got lucky- coulda (shoulda) been worse.
Hope everybody’s safe.
I lived in Onancock/Accomac briefly in late 2007 early 2008. Would have liked to see that area in the daylight. Got wasted at the dogfishhead brewpub one night, tried to drive my car into the o-chin about 2 miles from O-Chin City.
Also won 300 bucks playing Keno just across the MD/VA border at a place called Beaver Thrush or something like that.
I think I may have eaten at Beaver Thrush, at least once.
On an cock. The part of Virginia that Virginia forgot. Pretty scenery around those parts. I hear land is pretty cheap around there.
It’s not very far from where I live.
Small world, huh?
I wonder how you ended up there.
I worked breifly for a company called BaySys. We did VIP interior conversions for high rollers.
The project I worked on was turning a 777 into air force 1 for the president of Gabon. Basically a flying mosque.
Had an office in Accomac and the planes were at Wallops Island.
I was there in the winter, not fun. I’d love to be on the Bay now, well, not exactly right now.
That sounds like a good gig.
My brother in law works at Wallops. He’s a rocket scientist of some sort.
Alas, I am not.
Like I said, small world. Cool.
How frickin old is Al Davis?
Old enough to intimidate while a blankie is draped over his lap, apparently.
1,123,998,097,775,901,
and
1,200, 120
and one years old.
While Bo Jackson pulls his hips out of joint as Ken Stabler drinks shots with Vince Evans. And Howie Long.
I hope Ray Guy kicks his ass on top of his head.
As Daryl Lamonica watches.
I’m here all week.
GO SEAHAwks!!!!!!!!!
sorry Bo Jackson
WVSR listed as attack site again!!1
yay…fixed!
I’m still getting the attack site warning, with a link to StopBadware.org. I googled StopBadware.org, and it’s a legit site. Apparently someone’s been messing with the site’s source code.
Me three!
Works fine for me now. Firefox 6. I got the warning once this morning but not since.
Reporting the symptoms: there’s still an “attack page” warning for me in Firefox, but not in IE9.