Yeah, I remember that feeling, from when I moved to Los Angeles and saw how the locals react to rain.
It was unbelievable. Every time there was an afternoon shower, or the slightest drizzle, the entire bottom half of California would be plunged into anarchy. SUVs, inexplicably on fire, cartwheeling down the 5 freeway… people panicking and driving their cars straight off a cliff — at full acceleration — into the Pacific Ocean… rampant involuntary power-sodomy…
And folks would talk about these forty minute rain “storms” for weeks and weeks. They’d use them as time markers for years to come: “Did that happen before or after ‘Satan’s Light Mist?’” It was amazing.
I remember a morbidly obese woman out there (the Beach Boys are liars!), telling me I’d never witnessed anything like a SoCal rain. I didn’t know much about it at that point, and believed her. Maybe L.A. was like Sri Lanka, or one of the other monsoon-magnets? Then, about six months later, there was a light shower and the woman rocked and riffled herself up to my desk and said, “See?! What did I tell you?”
What? That was it? That little bit o’ precipitation?? I almost busted out laughing. I’d love to see some of those folks spend a week in Georgia, where it seems to rain like Niagara Falls every day of the year. They’d probably curl up in a ball on the floor and suck their thumbs until the torturous bonds of consciousness finally gave-way.
Yeah, it’s all about experience, obviously. If you’ve lived through something many times, it’s no big deal. But if it’s something new to you… you tend to want to talk about. It doesn’t require a rocket surgeon to figure that one out.
When we lived in the aforementioned Georgia, for instance, we were hit by a sizable snowstorm one year around Easter. It was the kind of thing the folks up here in northeastern Pennsylvania would hardly notice, but it completely shut-down the city of Atlanta for three days. No commerce, whatsoever. And they’re still talking about it down there…
And whenever there’s a tornado warning, my twister-ignorant sphincter tightens ever so slightly. But in Iowa or Oklahoma, and places like that… it’s just a normal Wednesday, or whatever.
But, of course, it’s fun to mock. I, of all people, would never deny a person that right. It’s good stuff. In fact, Florida folks are probably doing it right now, as the northeast hunkers down for the hurricane currently swirling out at sea. Have at it!
And pass the beer nuts.
I had a health screening at work this week. They had a gang of nurses and whatnot at our disposal for a couple of days, and I allowed them to look me over. You know, since I never go to the doctor.
And yeah, I’m fat. That was the take-away. They calculated my body mass index, and I landed squarely in the “obese” category. Nice. It’s no surprise, of course. There are mirrors in this world… But it’s a little shocking to see that word — obese — typed out on your report.
Perhaps I’m fooling myself, but I don’t consider myself to be obese. Overweight, certainly. But when somebody says obese, I think of a 400 lb swaddler sitting atop a power-chair in Wal-Mart. That ain’t me. I’m just… portly.
I guess I’d better drag my heft back over to that track at the high school, and get to walking. Right? Holy shit.
There was some good news from the screening, though. They took some blood and analyzed it, and all my numbers were perfect. No issue with cholesterol (good or bad), or blood sugar. And my blood pressure was good. I don’t eat as poorly as it might seem, I just need to be more active. I think.
I apologize for being away from the site for a couple of days. I was working, and in need of some serious sleep. Last night I hit the platform around 11 pm, and snoozed on through until 8 am. Man, I feel a million times better today.
Do you get depressed and pessimistic when you’re tired? I do, and don’t care for it. Whenever a dark cloud starts forming above me, I know I need sleep. This morning the cloud is gone. Good riddance to the goddamn cloud.
I took Sunday off from my job, because I’m at my cap again and not accruing vacation time. And funk dat. So, I’m off until Monday at 3. It’s completely unheard of… But I’ll be using that time to get caught up on things. If I owe you something, I apologize. Please bear with me. August is the worst month.
And that leads me to an unpleasant subject. Even though I’m not currently drinking beer, I’ll be very appreciative of any and all donations of beer money. I really hate to ask, but it’s an unfortunate reality. If you can spare a few dollars for The Cause, it’ll help a great deal. As I say… Augusts are a real ball-twister here at the compound.
So, if that’s something you can do, I thank you. If not, I FULLY understand. Oh, I understand real good. And please note, you can donate any amount via PayPal, not just the amounts on the beer page. Just send it to jeff@thewvsr.com.
Shit, that kind of stuff makes me sick… Please don’t hate me. I listen to a lot of podcasts, and they’re always trolling for donations. I don’t think anything about it, but when I do the same thing, I feel dirty. Like an obese whore.
I’m going to jump on that To-Do list now, right after I polish off a Marlin Perkins frozen meal…
As for a Question, I don’t really have anything. Perhaps the old standby: what are you planning to do this weekend? Or, perhaps you can tell us about the most hilarious weather overreactions you’ve encountered? Or maybe you have something to report on health screenings at work, or your most embarrassing or memorable check-up with a doctor?
By the way… At that screening they had a desk behind a curtain, where they discussed your results with you. I tried to convince a few people they were doing prostate exams in there, but nobody believed me. “I’m serious,” I pleaded. “I saw one guy going back for seconds!” But I apparently need acting lessons, because nobody was buying it. Oh well.
I’ll see you guys again real soon.
Have a great weekend!
Now playing in the bunker
Crossroads Road is a funny book.
Nothing wrong from my end. Internet Explorer.
Answer on cash cab was just body mass index. The question was this measurement is pretty much bullshit for determining overall wellness.
I woke up…so I guess that makes it a good day.
Anyway, doing a lot of edging and ballooning over here. What are you guys up to?
My doctor told me to stop masturbating. I asked, “Why?” And she said, “Because you’re in my waiting room and it’s disgusting.” Fair enough, doc, fair enough.
I was in New Mexico a couple of summers ago and the first big rain-locals called it a light shower…right…-I was caught in happened to come complete with ping pong ball sized hail and a funnel cloud. I pulled over, obviously from out of state since mine was the only car to do so, and I thought for sure I was going to pass out and wake up in Munchkin Land. About an hour later, the only evidence was rapidly melting piles of hail every few feet. I’ll stick to relatively predictable weather here in California, thank you.