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A Shocking Admission

August 11, 2008 By Jeff 46 Comments

I know you’re not supposed to admit such a thing, but I found myself (good God, what am I doing?) enjoying the Olympics over the weekend.

We watched a lot of swimming, some gymnastics, and even a little beach volleyball.  And because of the human interest stories NBC does about the participants, I found myself getting sucked in.

In BAT high-definition.

In fact, I asked Toney if there’s a channel way up in the 500s or 600s where they show only the human interest stories, and edit out the actual competition.  But it was just a joke… sorta.

Regardless, I found myself looking forward to watching every evening.  I tried it during the day, but it wasn’t quite the same.  Apparently they save all the interesting stuff for prime time?  Sweet sainted mother of the hag on the fire door.

For instance…  Did I imagine this, or did I really see a report about U.S. “athletes” competing in the airsoft pistol competition?  I’m serious, I believe this is actually part of the Olympics.  Airsoft guns!

The next time I tune in during daylight hours, I’m expecting to see a hard-fought battle between Lichtenstein and Tuvalu, in finger-flick football.

One thing I’m not much enjoying… shaved male armpits.  For some reason it gives me the creeps.  And that goes for complete pit-hair annhilation, as well as the carefully manicured, matching Triscuits of fur.

I mean, what the hell, man?  You’re telling me armpit hair creates drag in the pool?  Well, I don’t buy it; I think it makes you feel pretty.  And eliminating one kind of drag, facilitates another.  I suspect.

And if that’s not bad enough, each time a pile of commercials is dropped on us, we’re forced to watch some chick walking the streets in a Secret ad, figuring out new and creative ways to display her underarms to the world.

It’s enough to put a person off their lunch:  all pits, all the time!

Any thoughts about the Olympics so far?  Or are you pretending not to have watched?  Which is probably the route I should’ve taken…

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Bill, just Bill says

    August 11, 2008 at 3:17 pm

    First!!!

    Reply
  2. Susan In NWPA says

    August 11, 2008 at 3:19 pm

    2nd!

    Reply
  3. Susan In NWPA says

    August 11, 2008 at 3:20 pm

    I have not watched the Olympics yet. i did pull up the lighting of the torch on YouTube because a local radio DJ was saying it was the most amazing thing since the creation of earth. I thought it was boring and took too damn long.

    Reply
  4. Oral Roberts says

    August 11, 2008 at 3:23 pm

    Third, even with drag.

    Reply
  5. Northerner on Holiday says

    August 11, 2008 at 3:34 pm

    5th

    Reply
  6. Daniel Cosgrove says

    August 11, 2008 at 3:34 pm

    I am watching the olympics and loving them. And I actually had a long discussion ysterday with one of my friends about pool swimmer’s lack of armpit hair. he said it was gay, and I told him it reduces drag. IT REDUCES DRAG! Also, Fifth?

    Reply
  7. Northerner on Holiday says

    August 11, 2008 at 3:34 pm

    or 4th rather.

    Reply
  8. shinywilly says

    August 11, 2008 at 3:42 pm

    Wow Top 10! What a THRILL !!!

    Reply
  9. JR says

    August 11, 2008 at 3:56 pm

    7th?? I enjoyed them all weekend…until I found out today the fireworks displays during the opening ceremonies were all fake…digitilized in for all us viewers at home. Disappointing….

    Reply
  10. JCIII says

    August 11, 2008 at 4:01 pm

    Good Afternoon (again) Surf Reporters!!!!

    Sweet Sainted mother of Mason Reese! 2 updates in one day!!

    Is that not simply excellent? I propose that it is indeed!!

    Reply
  11. Tracy in Harlem says

    August 11, 2008 at 4:01 pm

    I enjoyed them all weekend, too, and I usually hate the Summer olympics for ruining my scheduled shows. And I think you are right – the best stuff is on at night. I can even tolerate Costas, probably because he still looks like a baby munchkin, and it’s kinda cute. Who needs Shocking Videos, when you can watch Gymnastics!?

    Reply
  12. Bossinjo says

    August 11, 2008 at 4:03 pm

    I let out a wail last night when the relay team inched toward a win, I just want the French to kiss USA’s feet.

    Reply
  13. Good2go says

    August 11, 2008 at 4:15 pm

    Thanks for the heads up, JCIII. If not for your comment I would never have scrolled down to see the other Monday update.

    Reply
  14. Kristy says

    August 11, 2008 at 4:21 pm

    I haven’t watched yet at all. I guess it’s better this way, what with all the pits being bared.

    Reply
  15. Alex says

    August 11, 2008 at 4:28 pm

    So how was that volleyball in HD Jeff? wink wink nudge nudge

    Reply
  16. kenju says

    August 11, 2008 at 4:35 pm

    The only time I even watch sports at all is during the Olympics. I love all of it! But I wouldn’t watch the air-soft guns either….LOL

    Reply
  17. Jason says

    August 11, 2008 at 4:36 pm

    I started watching the Olympics but only because I was hoping to see a streaker. Then my wife reminded me that it isn’t live. They’re 9 days ahead of us, or something like that. So I don’t watch them anymore. I figure there’s been a lot of streakers screaming, “Free Tibet!” and other such nonsense. But they edited them all out. That’s too bad. Some of those hippies have nice racks.

    Reply
  18. Lefty McLiberal says

    August 11, 2008 at 5:08 pm

    The fireworks weren’t fake. The footsteps they showed from the helicopter shot were CGI but only because it was too dangerous to put a real helicopter above fireworks for some reason. There had actually footsteps though, just the one angle was faked.

    Did anyone else see the blue screen of death during the torch lighting? http://gizmodo.com/5035456/blue-screen-of-death-strikes-birds-nest-during-opening-ceremonies-torch-lighting

    Reply
  19. jdb says

    August 11, 2008 at 5:13 pm

    U-S-A!!! U-S-A!!!

    Late late Sunday night (midday over there) I got sucked into watching–of all things–a badminton match. No other time is it fun to watch peope wave flyswatters at suggestively named objects, but that’s the beauty of the games.

    Reply
  20. tiff says

    August 11, 2008 at 5:30 pm

    Watched some little gymnast girls take some hard hits last night, and others do amazing things with their wee lil’ bodies. Those uneven prallel bars are wicked. I’ve given up on understanding the stupid new scoring system though.

    The swimming. AWESOME. if the Olympics were nothing but the stuff that goes on in the water and on the track and field venue, I’d be happy..

    Reply
  21. Big Bear In OH says

    August 11, 2008 at 5:56 pm

    I watched that swimming relay last night where the frenchies were talking shit beforehand and the last leg of the american team…something or another Lykins or lynchpin beat the french by like 8 hundreths of a second and smashed the world record by almost 4 seconds…amazing riveting armpit-hairless swimming extravaganza, followed by intense yelling and screaming by the americans…oh, the olympics.

    Reply
  22. Erin says

    August 11, 2008 at 7:01 pm

    There is a channel with just althete profiles/stories!!! There is a channel with international athletes and one for the USA athletes. Mine is channel 474 and 473 on Dish Network in Houston.

    Reply
  23. dogpile says

    August 11, 2008 at 7:02 pm

    That blue screen of death is hilarious Lefty!! Thanks for the link.
    I also will not watch the daytime Olympics. They allow equestrian events (riding in circles in a ring- looked like Nascar in the English countryside) yet they will not allow golf. I wanna see Tiger win a gold medal.

    Reply
  24. Anya says

    August 11, 2008 at 7:39 pm

    omg I HATE that commercial, with the girl walking down the street, just rubbing her shaved armpits in our face, like she is so proud. Not that I have anything against girls with shaved armpits, it’s just.. the girl, the whole commercial, it’s absolutely despicable…

    Reply
  25. Alice in WV says

    August 11, 2008 at 7:41 pm

    I, too, am watching the Olympics. My family watched when I was a child but I haven’t really watched since. Our little secret is interested, so we are, too. Its funny when he says, “ooooo, That had to hurt.” when a male gymnast does the splits.

    and I support our female gymnasts all the way, and I’m no expert, but how is it that they screwed up so much but are still in a different league above the Germans?, Romanians?, and whoever, who came after the US and nary made a mistake? I guess their difficulty level was not on par with USA & China? but C’MON they all performed flawlessly (to me anyway) and didn’t go out of the lines or fall or their backs…

    anyway, looking forward to more tonight!

    Reply
  26. Plaz says

    August 11, 2008 at 8:04 pm

    I actually shaved my pits for the Olympics. It makes it a much more enjoyable viewing experience!

    Reply
  27. ashton says

    August 11, 2008 at 8:21 pm

    I can’t stand the human interest stories. I don’t care where they came from – show me the competition. Particularly anything involving weapons – archery, shooting, fencing, etc.

    Reply
  28. another Jeff - alienjeff says

    August 11, 2008 at 8:52 pm

    I was following some news about a cross country bicycle race until I read something about such-and-such a male rider shaves his legs for races. Hence the verb tense “was” …

    Reply
  29. CitizenX says

    August 11, 2008 at 9:12 pm

    There he goes again:

    “eliminating one kind of drag, facilitates another. I suspect.”

    Nice conclusion.

    Reply
  30. Kathleen says

    August 11, 2008 at 9:26 pm

    I only care about the cycling, but have a feeling I’m one of two people in the U.S. who care, so I haven’t wasted my time on the Olympics, since it’s covered in about 3.5 seconds. I saw two seconds of women’s beach volleyball the other day and I’m betting money that the only reason that’s allowed is because men voted for it, what with the half-naked women flinging themselves about and getting covered in sand. Why am I the only person who actually doesn’t give a seahorse-shaped shitlet about the Olympics?

    Reply
  31. Jason says

    August 11, 2008 at 9:29 pm

    I think instead of shaving their pits and body hair they should slather themselves with Vaseline. That’s what I did before taking my shower and the water just rolled right off me.

    That’s prolly why they don’t do it. If a swimmer jumped into one of those pools while being covered in Vaseline he’d jet to the other side like a torpedo and crack his onion open on the wall.

    Reply
  32. Misselle says

    August 11, 2008 at 9:56 pm

    We have been watching a little bit. I don’t mind the human interest stories per se, but when you see the same damn human interest stories over and over…. it gets old. There is only so many times you can hear about someone’s saving little cousin Skeeter’s life in the city drainwater ditch leading to them being a swimming megastar that I can stomach, you know?

    Reply
  33. girlgoyle says

    August 11, 2008 at 10:12 pm

    Yes you are absolutely correct they used to shoot 22’s but now they shoot air rifles….

    Reply
  34. OnaWho says

    August 11, 2008 at 11:04 pm

    I watch the games. I have friends competing in the equestrian sports. I can’t wait till they get home and I can hear first hand stories. Now I have to go and shave my pits.

    Reply
  35. Shiny Rod says

    August 11, 2008 at 11:52 pm

    Lefty, that was Russia attcking Georgia

    Reply
  36. Shiny Rod says

    August 12, 2008 at 12:06 am

    Do you think they have Amercian food restuarants in China?

    Reply
  37. Shiny Rod says

    August 12, 2008 at 12:10 am

    I haven’t watched the Olympics since Mark Spitz took home 7 Golds.

    Reply
  38. another Jeff - alienjeff says

    August 12, 2008 at 12:46 am

    In the news:

    Russia Attacks Georgia

    South Carolina Governor Readies State National Guard …

    Reply
  39. uncle_wedgie says

    August 12, 2008 at 1:05 am

    I shaved my balls to watch the swimming. Maybe that was not the best thing to do. I’m no faster but just itchy. And nothing quite says “poofter” than syncronized diving.

    Reply
  40. Great Googly Moogly says

    August 12, 2008 at 4:35 am

    They don’t shoot airsoft but they do shoot air pistol and air rifle

    They shoot air pistol and air rifle at 10, 25 and 50 meters. They shoot regular rifle (.22) at the same distances. They also do trap and skeet shooting at the Olympics.

    I’ve personally known and watched some of these Olympic shooters and it is actually much, much more physical than you would think. In fact it’s pretty grueling and the stress level is incredible. The competition is extremely good and there is no margin for error in that level of competition. It looks kinda funny with the blinders over one eye, heavy shooting jackets but it takes incredible level of control and dedication. It’s all very zen.

    My dad was a state and national level competitor back in the 50s and 60s but the Olympic shooters were still a step above the level he performed at.

    Oh and it’s not in the summer Olympics but the biathlon (skiing and shooting) is not for pantywaists.

    All that said the Olympics in general suck ass. All they do is fuck up TV.

    Reply
  41. Carla says

    August 12, 2008 at 8:57 am

    There is nothing like walking into a dark bedroom where your husband is alone watching men’s gymnastics. Shiver.

    Reply
  42. aminnev says

    August 12, 2008 at 10:53 am

    Dang, I’m getting old (or already there!). I remember when Mark Spitz won all those gold medals. He was my hero.

    We just bought HD and the Olympics look wonderful.

    I do wish NBC would show more of the obscure sports like handball and archery at good hours even if the USofA is not competing.

    How many more days of the Olympics?? Ahhhhh.

    Reply
  43. Tracy in Harlem says

    August 12, 2008 at 2:55 pm

    LOL @ Jason – “If a swimmer jumped into one of those pools while being covered in Vaseline he’d jet to the other side like a torpedo and crack his onion open on the wall”.

    Wouldn’t that be soo AWESOME?!

    RE: The armpit girl commercial. Kinda funny, but not as funny as the Planters nuts fugly girl picking her panties out of her buttcrack.

    Reply
  44. Rusty says

    August 12, 2008 at 2:57 pm

    I used to love the Olympics back in the day before the break up of the Soviet Union when it real war. There was nothing like kicking commie butt in front of the whole world. Watching some kid from south Philly bloody up the all Ural boxing champion from Russia. Great stuff.

    Reply
  45. Rusty says

    August 12, 2008 at 3:05 pm

    I think the best stuff I ever saw on the Olympics was when Olga Korbut astounded the world in women’s gymnastics at Munich in 72. High drama. Loved it.

    Reply
  46. Rusty says

    August 12, 2008 at 3:08 pm

    THIS JUST IN: An athlete on the Polish synchronized hammer throwing team just hiccupped. There have been three confirmed deaths and the number may rise.
    FILM AT 11.

    Reply

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