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[VJ] What Causes You to Instantly X-Out of a Website?

May 8, 2012 By Jeff 46 Comments

Hello Surf Reporters! This is Virtual Jeff, again.

I encountered a small problem this morning, and real Jeff was required to come down here and add kerosene to my tank. Sweet Jesus on a hand truck… You would’ve thought I asked him to roof Al Gore’s house or something. What a crybaby.

Our Question of the Day, drawn from my large bulging database, is a good one, I think. I’d like to know what causes you to instantly abandon a website, or YouTube video, or any other web-based content. Please tell us what bugs you so much you just throw up your hands in frustration, then x-out of the bitch.

Use the comments section below, and I’ll be back at 9:00 a.m. on Wednesday, Eastern Standard Time.

Thank you, and goodbye.

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Filed Under: Daily

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. ron says

    May 8, 2012 at 9:03 am

    1?

    Reply
  2. WB in OH says

    May 8, 2012 at 9:03 am

    Nine my ass!

    Reply
  3. Dogberry says

    May 8, 2012 at 9:31 am

    I’m gone if its got exploding fireworks, glitter or anything else that makes me think it’s still 1994 in my computer.

    Reply
    • t-storm says

      May 8, 2012 at 12:48 pm

      Well check out this shit sandwich.

      http://www.blarneystonepubonancock.com/

      Reply
      • doctorright says

        May 8, 2012 at 4:01 pm

        Haha wow… and that’s right up the road here a fur piece down yonder…

        we’ve had this conversation before.

        Those little marching leprechauns angered me after a minute.

        Reply
      • Ed says

        May 8, 2012 at 4:36 pm

        Onancock? Onan was the masturbator in the old testament.

        Reply
        • Ed says

          May 8, 2012 at 4:45 pm

          Actually he was a puller-outer.

          Reply
  4. Cindy from Oregon says

    May 8, 2012 at 9:39 am

    I know it’s been stated over and over but people are still doing it – choosing bad background/font color combinations! Fancy, too-small fonts. Too many gifs. Ugly or violent art. Music I can’t turn off quickly.
    And I don’t know how to state it, but if I click on a link, when the page opens I want the article right there – I don’t want to hunt for it.
    AAAANNNDD pop ups. Jesus, I’d better quit or you’ll think I’m cranky.

    Reply
  5. Rat Bastard says

    May 8, 2012 at 9:57 am

    If I click on a link without realizing it goes to a PDF, then it is ctrl-alt-del and the entire browser gets shut down. Especially on older computers.

    Reply
  6. icecycle66 says

    May 8, 2012 at 10:02 am

    Automatic sound. i hate websites that go right into screaming at me about mini-vans or buying gold or anything else.

    I hate autoplay websites.

    Also, websites with fish based logos.

    Reply
  7. CitizenX says

    May 8, 2012 at 10:08 am

    1. Auto-play ANYTHING. (music, video)
    2. Pop-up ads BEFORE you get to the content
    3. App required to view a post (Facebook)
    4. Article broken into FIVE pages (3 paragraphs each)
    5. Bad formatting (like words/columns running together)
    6. “Best viewed in Internet Explorer”
    7. Lack of engagement (no comments, email address)
    8. Page takes longer than 5 beats to load.
    9. Low-quality images.

    Reply
    • icecycle66 says

      May 8, 2012 at 10:35 am

      Yeah, that about does it.

      Reply
  8. madz1962 says

    May 8, 2012 at 11:11 am

    My local newspaper – which in and of itself is a piece of shit – takes forever to download an article. I just want to see if I know any of the drunk drivers they pulled over, not the friggin Netflix box which pops up.

    And a huge FUCK YOU to the local paper AND the New York Times who have both decided to dole out like 10 articles per month before shutting you off or making you pay for them.

    Reply
    • Sam says

      May 9, 2012 at 7:56 am

      How dare they get paid for their work! I mean, really!

      Do you walk in to the grocery store and take a loaf of bread for free?

      Reply
  9. The Qweezy Mark says

    May 8, 2012 at 11:21 am

    Lists you have to end up clicking through. It’s called a LIST dammit. Just list all results. I don’t give a f+_*& about your opinions. Yours are wrong anyway.

    Reply
    • Joe T. says

      May 8, 2012 at 12:27 pm

      I think you’re a genius……WRONG!

      Reply
      • The Qweezy Mark says

        May 8, 2012 at 6:49 pm

        Drama queen!

        Reply
  10. Gordion Knott says

    May 8, 2012 at 11:27 am

    There’s an extension for the Chrome browser that gets by the NY Times paywall and loads full articles with a single mouseclick.

    Must avoids:
    -Facebook.
    -Putative news sites like Huffington that are larded with Kardashian articles.
    -“Top ten” lists that generate clicks by loading only one item of the list per view.
    -Unmoderated or half-ass moderated comment pages (lookin’ at you, Reddit)
    -Comment pages with one or two “First comment!” posts at the top. (WVSR has improved in that regard of late.) Seriously, “First comment!” dweebs, look at your fucking calendar, the “2012” at the top shows that this bullshit has been out of style for ten years (or longer), get a life.

    Reply
    • madz1962 says

      May 8, 2012 at 1:24 pm

      Funny, I just told Facebook to take a flying shit last week and closed my account. Do I really give a shit that some classmate from 30 years ago may wish me a happy birthday? If you can’t pick up a phone or spring for a Hallmark, you’re not exactly much of a “friend” then, are you?

      Reply
      • WB in OH says

        May 8, 2012 at 4:44 pm

        Ha ha! Oatmeal just covered that!

        http://theoatmeal.com/horrible3

        Reply
        • johnthebasket says

          May 8, 2012 at 8:28 pm

          I’ve never done Facebook for madz’s reasons and more, but a flying shit sounds both messy and dangerous.

          jtb

          Reply
          • johnthebasket says

            May 8, 2012 at 8:29 pm

            Although it remains a fine name for a garage band.

            Reply
  11. Domer says

    May 8, 2012 at 11:55 am

    Any ad with audio.

    Any pop-up ad that doesn’t have an obvious way to close it that I can spot in the first 3 seconds.

    Reply
  12. bikerchick says

    May 8, 2012 at 11:58 am

    I am not a fan of the instant music that blare’s as soon as you hit the front page.

    Clicking a link to an article that you want to read then having to search for it or fill out some form with email info and other shit.

    Retail websites that give a life story about the owner and how blissful and blessed they are because they can do what they love full time. If I want to read about your beautiful children and your supportive and understanding husband, then have a separate “About me” link. I may just want to buy something, not invite you to Thanksgiving dinner

    Reply
  13. Skully says

    May 8, 2012 at 12:02 pm

    Youtube product reviews that first familiarize you with how great and brilliant the presenter is.

    “A big hey to all of my fans! Today we’re going to review the newest offering from Kimber, the Solo Carry in 9mm. I’ve fired so many weapons that I am instantly an expert that even Chuck Norris calls to get advice from.”

    This shit goes on for 2:50+ then we get to some actual comments that we could have read at the manufacturer website.

    Reply
  14. t-storm says

    May 8, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    I agree with a lot of these.

    The pop ups is the biggest deal. Both the Cincinnati Enquirer and Marietta Times are horrible about that.

    Even worse are the sneaky pop ups that hide the close button.

    Reply
  15. Tipsey McChugney says

    May 8, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    Lyle Alzado

    Reply
    • Tipsey McChugney says

      May 8, 2012 at 1:18 pm

      Sorry, I might be thinking of John Matuszak

      Reply
      • Bill in WV says

        May 8, 2012 at 1:49 pm

        The Rev. Reggie White.

        Reply
        • johnthebasket says

          May 8, 2012 at 3:02 pm

          I’ll take Walter Payton for the win.

          Reply
  16. Chuck in Belpre says

    May 8, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    Music that plays when the site loads. Flash splash pages that take forever to load. Pop-up ads…no one clicks on those anymore. Horrid eye-searing color schemes. Gifs…it isn’t 1995. The Parkersburg News and SEntinel has pop-ups. Dumb fucks.

    Reply
  17. Henderson says

    May 8, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    You mean there are sites other than thewvsr.com????

    Whooda thunk?

    Reply
  18. doctorright says

    May 8, 2012 at 4:05 pm

    The first time I got Rickrolled, I wanted to X out. I did. Really.

    Stayed for the whole video.

    Reply
  19. Alex says

    May 8, 2012 at 4:15 pm

    1. Pages that are built in a flash or java window.
    1b. Anything that has excess flash or java to function.

    2. Overdone stylesheets that use excessively large background images. No, you do not need to load a 250K single color image layer… 10 fucking times to make a stupid background. (ie: family search.com) surely one of those IT geeks can save it in photoshop as a SINGLE image that is less than 100K in size.

    3. Anything that needs a special program to view. (Sorry Jeff, your ebook falls into that, unless I missed a pdf option).

    4. Videos that are a photo montage. Reminder, its called A VIDEO for a reason.

    5.Now this one isn’t necessarily an instant kill, but websites that define a thumbnail sized image property, but load the full image. Defeats the whole purpose of using a clickable thumbnail.

    Since I’m on dialup, those oversized bloatware pages are very apparent when you come across them.

    Reply
  20. Ed says

    May 8, 2012 at 4:55 pm

    I hate it when an instructional video has a pounding hardcore soundtrack.

    Reply
  21. Uncle_Wedgie says

    May 8, 2012 at 5:03 pm

    Any website without Eggplant on it chaps my crack. Sometime if there is a bowl of corn I will give them a passing grade. Motherfuckers.

    Reply
  22. johnthebasket says

    May 8, 2012 at 8:24 pm

    Any site that reminds me of my first wife: slow loading, too much violence, and no privacy policy.

    jtb

    Reply
  23. dto says

    May 8, 2012 at 9:05 pm

    Misleading web sites. Like the one that says…”Beaver Shots”…and it’s about wildlife.

    Reply
  24. Jill says

    May 8, 2012 at 9:18 pm

    1. flourescent background with white or light colored letters on it..
    2. Kardash-anything
    3. Pop-ups
    4. anything that takes more than .004 milliseconds to load up – I’m a bit ADD..

    pretty much agree with everyone else’s gripes…

    Reply
  25. chill says

    May 8, 2012 at 9:29 pm

    Window goes full-screen: instant close for me.

    Music? Like I say to the kids blaring Tejano down the street – nobody likes your music. Your music sucks. At least my desktop machine has powered speakers; I normally leave them off, unless I specifically want to listen to something.

    Youtube: No, I will not “subscribe” to your “channel”. Fucken sie off.

    Microsoft Visual Shit Plus Plus Dot Net. I got yer framework right here.
    .

    Reply
  26. Jed says

    May 8, 2012 at 9:35 pm

    I can’t believe that every single one of you missed the most aggravating of all…porn redirects. And don’t you bastards act like you don’t know what I’m talking about.

    Reply
  27. girlgoyle says

    May 8, 2012 at 11:18 pm

    Autoplay video / audio I don’t care if its a video related to the article or an ad. The absolute worst are the pop unders with autoplay audio. You spend time checking every freaking open tab until you find the pop under

    onmouseover something happens, the worst is onmouseover a pop up covers the page — I can’t close fast enough

    Pop overs that move in response to your mouse, no douches I am not going to click it and I will loathe you and your product until I die

    Interstitials – when you click a link to an article and see a full page ad with a message that you can view your content in 15 seconds. To quote Homer Simpson “15 seconds but I want it now”

    Lastly a whole row of ads with stock photos and My Town mom makes 70,000 a week on her computer, or these people in my town want to meet me. And the damned wrinkle ad TWITCH

    I once worked for a company that had 100’s of websites that used paid advertising, I know advertising pays for the site but I shouldn’t be annoyed by them

    Reply
    • johnthebasket says

      May 9, 2012 at 3:22 am

      Just to document history as it happens: That’s the first time in my memory that anybody on this site has used the word “interstitial” in any but a porno context.

      jtb

      Reply
  28. mountie9wv says

    May 9, 2012 at 12:37 am

    Bestiality. After three minutes, I’m done. On a side note, I don’t understand why it’s not called beastiality.

    Reply
    • doctorright says

      May 9, 2012 at 1:55 am

      Good point.

      But give it four.

      And try some Rickrolling.

      Reply
  29. Sir Unimaginative says

    May 9, 2012 at 12:40 am

    Register to view.

    Slide view with no article view.

    Any information displayed only as a video with no text version (or at least a transcript) available.

    I have better things to do with my time.

    Also audio ads and flash ads, but that’s more of a computer health measure.

    Reply

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