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Unprepared for the Road

August 18, 2009 By Jeff 89 Comments

targetbagWe’re going to West Virginia on Wednesday night/Thursday morning, and I feel like everything’s in disarray.  None of us are prepared.  Toney’s taking some sort of class today and tomorrow, and I have to work my vampire shift the next two nights.

So, we’re almost literally going to be throwing clothes into a bag, and driving away.  I’ll probably get down there and have seven pairs of underwear and nothing else, for a four-day trip.  Or it’ll be the exact opposite, and I’ll be at Wal-Mart buying an emergency bale of ball-socks at 11 pm, while wearing a Target bag under my jeans, with leg holes cut out of it.

“Anything else?”
“No, just that sack of enormous underwear and a York peppermint patty, thank you.”
“Jeff?”
“What?”
“Are you Jeff Kay?”
“Um, yeah.”
“It’s me, Karen.  From high school?  I maintain the Dunbar High facebook page?  I can’t wait to update everyone on seeing you!”
“Jesus Christ…”
“What’s that rustling sound?”
“I didn’t hear anything.”

I wanted to get some pictures together for my folks — not going to happen.  I wanted to get the oil changed in my car — not going to happen.  I wanted to wash the car and vacuum-out the inside  — not going to happen.

Disarray.

It’ll be fine once we get there, but I’m not looking forward to the drive.  It’s about 530 miles, and a good percentage of it is on I-81.  Or, as it’s more commonly known, the Devil’s Parkway.  And the rest is way out in the middle of nowhere, where cellular phones are turned into nothing but a prop.  It’s an exhausting, long-ass journey.

Especially with a fifty pound heat-radiating border collie constantly pressed against your torso…

One of the most important parts of such a trip, of course, is the music selection.  I will have to set aside an hour or so to gather together the proper CDs for our excursion.

It’s not something that can be done all willy-nilly, and haphazardly.  If you make the wrong choices, it’ll add to the pain, instead of lessen it.  Earlier this summer I was pressed for time before a Knoebels trip, and relinquished music control to others.  A BIG mistake.

There will be four of us, you see, and you’ve got to take everyone into account.  You can’t just choose for yourself, which is what happened on the amusement park trip.  And you can’t have quiet stuff, or anything overly intricate or complicated, either.

It’s also advisable to choose CDs that are familiar to everyone; a long car trip with kids is not the time to expand your horizons.  You’ve gotta play it reasonably safe.

So, I usually go with classic rock.  I always grab Tom Petty’s greatest hits, a 2-disc Cars anthology, a Police best-of, and that sort of thing.  Paul McCartney and Wings work well, as well, and maybe a little Def Leppard and Van Halen.

If the dynamic was altered in some way, if one or more of us weren’t going, it would change the music selection completely.  It’s gotta be tailored especially for the audience at hand.  And, I hate to say it, but nobody else in our family fully understands the way it works.  I have to be in charge of this task, or it’ll be all wrong.  All freaking wrong.

I’ll leave you now with a weird Question that popped into my tiny Duke head this morning, while stressing about the WV trip…

If you were suddenly told you’re being forced to live alone in Siberia for a year, and could only take three personal items with you, what would they be?  I’m not talking about clothes, and stuff like that, but comfort items — things that remind you of home, or keep you sane.  You know, like a particular CD, a book, or a picture or something.

No cheating and saying “my 120 gig iPod.”  It’s gotta be three individual items, not your entire music library in mp3 format, or your Kindle with 10,000 books saved to it.  That’s cheating, and not keeping with the spirit of this questionable exercise…

Here’s an absolute automatic for me.  Whenever I’ve moved, and had to spend an extended period alone in a strange city, I’ve had that CD.  I don’t know why, but it works for me.  It’s my standard companion.

What about you?  Use the comments link below.

And I’ll see you guys tomorrow.

Please note:  I also updated at 3am this morning, so don’t overlook that half-assery… I mean, fine achievement.  Here’s the link.

Now playing in the bunker.

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Comments

  1. WB in OH says

    August 18, 2009 at 1:55 pm

    WTF!

    Reply
  2. Sonny In NH says

    August 18, 2009 at 2:01 pm

    2nd………I loves me some WVSR

    Reply
  3. Son Of Sam says

    August 18, 2009 at 2:03 pm

    Bronze!!!

    Reply
  4. Greg says

    August 18, 2009 at 2:04 pm

    Holy Crap! So many updates, I can hardly keep up!

    Reply
  5. mudpup says

    August 18, 2009 at 2:05 pm

    Gettin confused with the rapidfire updates!

    Reply
  6. Shiny Rod says

    August 18, 2009 at 2:11 pm

    Sex I mean Six…

    Reply
  7. TILLY says

    August 18, 2009 at 2:19 pm

    top ten again- wow!!

    Reply
  8. AngryWhiteGuy says

    August 18, 2009 at 2:19 pm

    1. Box full of old stuff that I keep in the attic, as to not shock the family.
    2. “Nine Inch Nails”- The Downward Spiral
    3. Jon Stewart’s “America” textbook- the only book I have read in the past ten years. Never get tired of re-reading it.

    Did you know- NFL is just around the corner? Can you smell it? Can you taste it? I have lost all interest in the steroid tainted baseball season. This could not come along fast enough.

    On IPOD Right now- “Feed the Gods”- White Zombie

    Reply
  9. Shiny Rod says

    August 18, 2009 at 2:20 pm

    Jeff – You just can’t go wrong with the Kink’s

    Reply
  10. WB in OH says

    August 18, 2009 at 2:21 pm

    Prolly bring the following;

    Norah Jones “Come Away With Me” CD

    JRR Tolkiens “The Hobbit”

    and a picture of all my nieces/nephews

    Reply
  11. tweety says

    August 18, 2009 at 2:36 pm

    Catch 22

    Guitar

    Case of Jim Beam

    Reply
  12. Shiny Rod says

    August 18, 2009 at 2:38 pm

    Oh, what’s spinning in my car CD right now?

    Nick Hagelin – Nice to be Here

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ow5mf5iaVsc

    Reply
  13. Alice in WV says

    August 18, 2009 at 2:40 pm

    Hiya

    Reply
  14. Tyrosine says

    August 18, 2009 at 2:44 pm

    Only three things eh?….

    1. The Who- Who’s Better Who’s Best.
    2. A big bag of weed.
    3. Harper Lee’s To Kill a Mockingbird

    Reply
  15. Trisha aka Mrs. Wally says

    August 18, 2009 at 2:44 pm

    A picture of the whole fambly.
    Plenty of Captain Morgan.
    My Cardinals visor.

    Reply
  16. Shiny Rod says

    August 18, 2009 at 2:46 pm

    OK, Siberia for a year?

    1. A picture of someone who will remain nameless but she knows who she is.
    2. A bottle of Glenfiddich 30
    3. My Glock 29, got to protect myself from those “Siberian Hussies eh Huskies”

    Reply
  17. Shiny Rod says

    August 18, 2009 at 2:49 pm

    @ Tyrosine – Oh you Canadians know how to have fun.

    Reply
  18. Pagan says

    August 18, 2009 at 2:57 pm

    @Tyrosine I have a vision of you now: “Oh shit! no papers and no matches! AAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!

    Reply
  19. Shazza says

    August 18, 2009 at 2:59 pm

    Well, I’m thinkin my cell phone won’t count according to these rules…but if it does, it goes. Then my three-legged, dog-eared, cancer addled geriatric but much beloved cat Cody, then since I can’t take the iPod (yes, for a second post, I sure do whine alot) I suppose satellite radio is out too, so I’ll take my guitar. Maybe I’ll come back knowing how to play everything I’m missing! In case the cell phone is not allowed, I’ll take the Bhagavad Gita…to keep me wondering or make me crazy in the meantime.

    And I have that disc, Jeff. The Kinks were so far ahead of their time…oy. Awesome choice.

    Reply
  20. JCIII says

    August 18, 2009 at 3:03 pm

    Good Afternoon Again Surf Reporters…..

    3 things:

    My guitar
    My dog
    Enough beer to last a year

    Now for the unrealistic 3

    A hot brunette(or blond, or redhead. Really doesn’t matter)
    10 gallons of baby oil
    Lots of pillows

    Reply
  21. NDfaninAZ says

    August 18, 2009 at 3:17 pm

    Depeche Mode – “Violator”

    My 2 lovebirds (can’t bring just one)

    Lumpie (my old nasty pillow)

    Reply
  22. Tammie says

    August 18, 2009 at 3:19 pm

    Should I put up the welcome signs by the Dunbar exit Jeff? Especially since you’ll be passing right by it on your way to the folks!

    Reply
  23. Shiny Rod says

    August 18, 2009 at 3:19 pm

    @ JCIII – I like the unrealistic 3 but I can take it one better.

    A woman of Norse descent
    A bear skin rug
    1 gallon of sweet almond oil

    Reply
  24. Duke of the Bump says

    August 18, 2009 at 3:30 pm

    Dang, tough question… it’d be easier if I had to just pick three CDs, or three books, but I only get three THINGS?

    Well, first on the list would have to be The Complete Calvin and Hobbes. It’s technically three books, but I count it as one item because it’s all one cohesive work – you wouldn’t count the White Album as two separate CDs, so I’d say this choice is fair. Calvin and Hobbes are two of my best friends who’ve been there for me pretty much my whole life, from receiving my first book when I was six, collecting the rest of the books in the series as the years went by and finally, as an adult, being able to have the whole thing in one lovely package. I could probably re-read the whole thing every week for a year and still never be tired of it.

    It’s hard to imagine only listening to one album for a year, but if I had to choose one, I’d probably go with Phish’s “A Live One”. Of every piece of music I own, that one has the most staying power. I tend to burn myself out on music pretty easily, so I’d have to ration my listening carefully, only allowing myself to break the cold, harsh Siberian silence once every couple of weeks or so, making every listen all the more special.

    Finally, assuming I have a TV and a console to play it on (we’re all assuming we’d have access to a CD player, so why not?) I’d bring the game Dragon Warrior VII. I’ve already put 100 hours into the game just beating it straight through without really trying for any secrets or anything. Assuming I start a new save, I could probably play the game a couple hours a day every day for an entire year and still not do everything there is to be done in that game. There are probably other better-loved RPGs you could say the same thing about, but for me, Dragon Warrior VII always held a certain charm that I didn’t get from many other games. The game really made me fall in love with the story, the setting, and yes, even the characters, as sparsely-developed as they may have been. It was an excellent example of less being more in that case.

    Reply
  25. Gretchen says

    August 18, 2009 at 3:40 pm

    Goldfrapp – “Felt Mountain”.

    My stuffed Wampa.

    A magically refilling gallon of sweet tea.

    Reply
  26. Lee Harvey Ramone says

    August 18, 2009 at 3:54 pm

    Siberia for a year? I’ll need the following:
    A big sack of gravel
    #2 pencil
    a calendar

    Reply
  27. WB in OH says

    August 18, 2009 at 4:02 pm

    Okay Mr. Ramone I’ll bite, why a big sack of gravel?

    Reply
  28. J Shifty says

    August 18, 2009 at 4:14 pm

    I don’t have a good answer to the question, but like NDfaninAZ, I have a very old nasty pillow named Lumpy!

    It has a sibling named Squishy. We’ve been through alot together, and I could never give them up…

    Reply
  29. Lew In Bama says

    August 18, 2009 at 4:23 pm

    Siberia?
    my pink bunny
    DMB Under the Table and Dreaming
    big book of SuDoku puzzles

    Reply
  30. NDfaninAZ says

    August 18, 2009 at 4:29 pm

    @ J Shifty

    I thought I was the only weirdo that named pillows 🙂

    Lumpie had a sibling named Puffy, but Puffy moved out when the ex did.

    Reply
  31. kristin says

    August 18, 2009 at 4:29 pm

    i’m down with the beam, but i think i would need a lot more than one case.

    a very long book of some sort that i would normally be too distracted for, may as well be war and peace since i’d be in russia anyway.

    comfort CD – wrecking ball by emmylou harris

    Reply
  32. Kevindust says

    August 18, 2009 at 4:40 pm

    I’m not including rye on my list because it is as integral to my everyday life as clothes.

    Tool – Lateralus
    My ’05 Mustang GT (even if I couldn’t drive her, just washing it and sitting in it and staring at it relaxes me)
    Tyra Collette and Lyla Garrity (hey…you wouldn’t count the White Album as two separate CDs)

    Reply
  33. Brynhildr says

    August 18, 2009 at 4:53 pm

    My dog
    A dictionary
    My own bedding — I’m a little bit picky. I once spent the night in the most comfortable bed EVER so I ripped it apart to see how the hotel had achieved such a wonderful effect. Spent a lot of $$$ to recreate it at home, and I’ve been having a love affair with my bed ever since.

    Reply
  34. Shiny Rod says

    August 18, 2009 at 5:11 pm

    Very peculiar, the differences in what men and women choose to have if the were stuck in Siberia for a year. I feel a sociology study coming on.

    Reply
  35. Shiny Rod says

    August 18, 2009 at 5:17 pm

    Even more you can see distinct lines between pragmatics and romantics. Gawd, stop it Shiny, your thinking way to much. Must ponder this…be back

    Reply
  36. Garrett says

    August 18, 2009 at 5:56 pm

    Maybe a Fleshlight? With lube does that count as one or two things? Possibly go for a world record or something.

    Seriously:

    fishing gear (ice fishing in winter / fly in summer)
    booze
    writing material

    Reply
  37. Mark Eichholz says

    August 18, 2009 at 6:04 pm

    a pc
    a rome total war disc
    a bible

    Reply
  38. Carol says

    August 18, 2009 at 6:12 pm

    CD: Neil Young “Decade”
    Book(s): The Lord Of The Rings
    Other: my pillow

    Reply
  39. strensuperknot says

    August 18, 2009 at 6:24 pm

    I would take my soft blanket, my soft pillow, and my large towel. And hopefully I could knock myself out and sleep through the experience. I just saw Tulpan and got a really good idea of what life is like in remote USSR.

    Reply
  40. Holden McGroin says

    August 18, 2009 at 6:34 pm

    don’t you have an iPod there Jeff? Why would you want to be dragging CDs and playing around like it’s 1997? Figure out a way to make that bad-boy play through your car’s stereo and join the rest of the population …

    … damn luddite …

    Reply
  41. Father Bob says

    August 18, 2009 at 6:50 pm

    An alter boy
    A boy scout
    gay porn

    Reply
  42. Pagan says

    August 18, 2009 at 6:53 pm

    Time to get Serious: 3 things in Siberia: a typewriter so I could sit all day and type: “all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy” A picture of Sarah Palin so Icould remember why it’s O.K. to be all alone in a frigid climate, and finally a pair of snowshoes so I could visit you guys with the pot, the booze,the music, the Nordic women, and the pillows! ah! the Pillows!!!

    Reply
  43. WV.Hillbilly says

    August 18, 2009 at 7:52 pm

    Do you go all the way down 81 to Lexington Va and come up 64?

    Because it’s less than 500 miles cutting across I68 and down I79.

    Reply
  44. ashton says

    August 18, 2009 at 7:53 pm

    A fleshlight.

    And Jeff, why wouldn’t you bring the itpod for the trip? Seems like you’d have a lot more options.

    Reply
  45. garrett says

    August 18, 2009 at 8:13 pm

    Pagan, if you’re not bringing along your Sarah Palin for the Siberia trip, could I borrow her? I could use a GILF instead of the fleshlight.

    Reply
  46. hardoxdan says

    August 18, 2009 at 8:13 pm

    1. 18 year old beautiful blond slut with blue eyes and big tits.
    2. Pallet of Crown Royal
    3. Case of Viagra.

    Reply
  47. Shiny Rod says

    August 18, 2009 at 10:14 pm

    @ Pagan – If the bear skin rugs a rockin, don’t come a knockin.

    @ hardoxdan – About 16 hours of that and you crawl over and die, then I be by to get the girl for a threesome. Drink the rest of the Crown Royal and distribute the rest of the Viagra to all the other guys. Were the hell is Jason? I hate doing this alone.

    Oh, I’m not finished yet, I’ll get back with you on the sociology thing. Humpft.

    Reply
  48. Brynhildr says

    August 18, 2009 at 10:27 pm

    Jason is busy having a date with Velveeta.

    Reply
  49. Shiny Rod says

    August 18, 2009 at 10:53 pm

    Well at least he has a date…***Sigh***

    Reply
  50. Shiny Rod says

    August 18, 2009 at 11:08 pm

    TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND…

    10. Cats’ facial expressions

    9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors

    8. Why bean sprouts aren’t just weeds

    7. Fat clothes

    6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time

    5. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell

    4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow

    3. Eyelash curlers

    2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made

    1. OTHER WOMEN

    TOP TEN THINGS MEN WOULD DO IF THEY WOKE UP WITH A VAGINA FOR A DAY…

    10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.

    9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.

    8. See if they could finally do the splits.

    7. See if it’s truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.

    6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.

    5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes … BEFORE closing time.

    4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.

    3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.

    2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.

    1. Finally find that damned G-spot. 😉

    Reply
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