Two Pages From My High School Yearbook

I was flipping through my high school yearbook a few days ago — the one with the unfortunate phrase “We’re coming out” on the cover (wtf?!).  And I noticed a two-page spread near the back of the book, where they published the results of a senior poll conducted during the 1980-81 school year.

Below are some of the categories included in the poll, and the most popular answers for each.  I’ve also added a few comments, and hope you’ll have some reactions, as well.

And just so you know, this is my senior pic.  Please note the Brady Bunch afro, and fake brown tux with no back in it.  Yeah, almost every senior boy is sporting the same fraudulent suit in their pictures.  I think they had three of them, in varying sizes, and we had to “wear one and pass it on.”  Blecch.

But back to the poll…  Below are some of the results, and a few of them are especially interesting.  I hope you enjoy this trip down the halls of good ol’ Dunbar High School (RIP).

Food

Pizza
Tacos
T-Bone

Apparently this is favorite food?  Right?  It just says food, which isn’t much of a poll question:  Food.

Anyway, pizza certainly belonged at the top, ’cause we ate a ton of it.  But tacos?  I’m not so sure.  There was Taco Bell, and some knock-off called Taco Royale, but beyond that… we didn’t have much exposure to Mexican food in 1981 West Virginia.

I remember going to Taco Royale with Bill and Vincent, in Bill’s brother’s car.  We’d get all Old Milwaukee’d up, and buy a dozen tacos through the drive-thru.  Then we’d go park in the K-Mart parking lot across the street, and buzzsaw through that sack o’ grease.

And the next morning Bill’s brother would go out to his car, and it would just be a sea of lettuce and cheese across the entire front and backseat upholstery.  And he’d flip out.  Heh.

T-Bone steak was considered the ultimate in fine dining during the ’70s.  I never liked it all that much, because there was only a pork chop-sized section of edible meat.  The other side of the bone had some kind  of rubbery shit that gave me the heebie-jeebies.  I’ll take a New York strip, any day.

Song

“Keep on Lovin’ You”  REO Speedwagon
“Free Bird”  Lynyrd Skynyrd
“Big Balls”  AC/DC

REO Speedwagon was extremely popular during my senior year of high school, and I actually went to see them in Charleston.  I can’t remember having strong opinions, one way or the other.  I do remember that Kevin Cronin, the lead singer, seemed to have wet lips all the time in their videos.  And it bothered me, a great deal.  Why would I remember such a thing?

I doubt the “Free Bird” answer was ironic, even though it now feels like it, and “Big Balls” was just a way to get the word “balls” into the yearbook.  I’m almost sure.

TV Program

Magnum P.I.
MASH
Dallas

I never saw a single episode of Magnum P.I. or Dallas.  I watched MASH, but it was never at the top of my list.  I liked Night Flight, and The Cutting Edge on MTV.  Those were my favorite shows of the era.  Well, those and Alice, of course.

Athlete

Bucky Dent
Earl Campbell
Larry Bird

Bucky Dent?!  I always hated him, despite the hilarious name.  He was a pretty boy, and this was how I looked.  Deep resentment…  The other two guys aren’t baseball players, so I don’t know anything about them.

Car

Corvette
Ferrari
Mazda RX7

Yeah, Dunbar, WV was simply overrun by Ferraris while I was in high school.  Man, you couldn’t swing a dead river rat without hitting a Ferrari.  Stoopid.

I’m sure I answered “Dodge Polyp” or something equally witty.

Singer/Group

Kenny Rogers
Slim Whitman
Pat Benatar

REO Speedwagon
AC/DC
Styx

Slim Whitman was heavily advertised on cable TV channels, and everybody made fun of him.  The rest are legit, including Kenny Rogers.  I was into obscure-ass British weirdness, but also saw REO and Styx in concert.  Go figure.  I saw AC/DC multiple times in different cities, but they were too big for us hicks in ’81.

Sex Symbol

Tom Selleck
Dave Woods
Burt Reynolds

Brooke Shields
Jane Kennedy
Christie Brinkley

Dave Woods was an ugly teacher.  I don’t know Jane Kennedy, and don’t care.  Rocky used to inspect his posters of Brooke Shields with a magnifying glass, trying to find evidence of a stray pubic hair.

I was never into celebrity sex symbols, and that sort of thing.  I obsessed about real girls in my hometown instead, and had roughly as much luck as the guys who were panting over Christie Brinkley.

Movie

Stir Crazy
Cave Man
9 to 5

Never saw any of them.  Wasn’t Ringo Starr in Cave Man?  Oh brother.

Most Hated

Term paper
Administration
School

I probably voted for Bucky Dent, and/or pickles.

Favorite Course

Senior English
Lunch
Break

Senior English?  What the hell?  Who could write such a thing?  Seriously, how is it possible?  I suspect shenanigans.  Possibly ballot-stuffing by a rogue band of nerds.

Actor

Clint Eastwood
Burt Reynolds
John Holmes

I remember the first time I saw a John Holmes movie.  It was more awe-inspiring than my first visit to Fenway Park.  It felt like an optical illusion, and momentarily threw off my equilibrium.  I nearly fell off the couch.

Actress

Sally Fields
Barbra Streisand
Richard Simmons

You know, because Richard Simmons is a big poofter.

Activity/Hobby

Sex
Parties
Listening to music

Can you imagine “sex” being allowed as an answer in a yearbook today?  I can’t.  And I have no doubt “parties” is a kinder, gentler way of reporting the actual answers:  getting stoned, getting drunk, and getting my shit thoroughly baked.  I was doing a lot of number three, while daydreaming about number one.

Place for a date

Figget Mountain
Water Tower
Movie

The first two were notorious party/sex locales.  I drank beer on Figget Mountain a few times, but never on a date.  I mean, seriously.  It was literally a wide spot in the road, way out in the country.  On a Friday night during the summer months the debauchery was so thick you could’ve cut it with the neck of a Miller quart bottle.

Current prices

Coke .64
Hamburger  1.09
Small french fries  .65
Medium cheese pizza  5.00
6 pack of beer  2.67
Unleaded gas, one gallon  1.53
Postage stamp  .18
Jeans  22.98
Dozen red roses  40.00

Some of those seem kinda high to me.  Like gas, for instance.  And jeans.  Holy crap!  I don’t pay that much now.  And, again, beer would never be listed in a current yearbook.  Am I wrong?

There are a few other categories, but they’re kinda boring and inside-jokey.  So, that’s going to do it for today, boys and girls.

I’ll be back soon, probably Sunday.  See ya then!

Now playing in the bunker