I was flipping through my high school yearbook a few days ago — the one with the unfortunate phrase “We’re coming out” on the cover (wtf?!). And I noticed a two-page spread near the back of the book, where they published the results of a senior poll conducted during the 1980-81 school year.
Below are some of the categories included in the poll, and the most popular answers for each. I’ve also added a few comments, and hope you’ll have some reactions, as well.
And just so you know, this is my senior pic. Please note the Brady Bunch afro, and fake brown tux with no back in it. Yeah, almost every senior boy is sporting the same fraudulent suit in their pictures. I think they had three of them, in varying sizes, and we had to “wear one and pass it on.” Blecch.
But back to the poll… Below are some of the results, and a few of them are especially interesting. I hope you enjoy this trip down the halls of good ol’ Dunbar High School (RIP).
Apparently this is favorite food? Right? It just says food, which isn’t much of a poll question: Food.
Anyway, pizza certainly belonged at the top, ’cause we ate a ton of it. But tacos? I’m not so sure. There was Taco Bell, and some knock-off called Taco Royale, but beyond that… we didn’t have much exposure to Mexican food in 1981 West Virginia.
I remember going to Taco Royale with Bill and Vincent, in Bill’s brother’s car. We’d get all Old Milwaukee’d up, and buy a dozen tacos through the drive-thru. Then we’d go park in the K-Mart parking lot across the street, and buzzsaw through that sack o’ grease.
And the next morning Bill’s brother would go out to his car, and it would just be a sea of lettuce and cheese across the entire front and backseat upholstery. And he’d flip out. Heh.
T-Bone steak was considered the ultimate in fine dining during the ’70s. I never liked it all that much, because there was only a pork chop-sized section of edible meat. The other side of the bone had some kind of rubbery shit that gave me the heebie-jeebies. I’ll take a New York strip, any day.
“Keep on Lovin’ You” REO Speedwagon
“Free Bird” Lynyrd Skynyrd
“Big Balls” AC/DC
REO Speedwagon was extremely popular during my senior year of high school, and I actually went to see them in Charleston. I can’t remember having strong opinions, one way or the other. I do remember that Kevin Cronin, the lead singer, seemed to have wet lips all the time in their videos. And it bothered me, a great deal. Why would I remember such a thing?
I doubt the “Free Bird” answer was ironic, even though it now feels like it, and “Big Balls” was just a way to get the word “balls” into the yearbook. I’m almost sure.
I never saw a single episode of Magnum P.I. or Dallas. I watched MASH, but it was never at the top of my list. I liked Night Flight, and The Cutting Edge on MTV. Those were my favorite shows of the era. Well, those and Alice, of course.
Bucky Dent?! I always hated him, despite the hilarious name. He was a pretty boy, and this was how I looked. Deep resentment… The other two guys aren’t baseball players, so I don’t know anything about them.
Yeah, Dunbar, WV was simply overrun by Ferraris while I was in high school. Man, you couldn’t swing a dead river rat without hitting a Ferrari. Stoopid.
I’m sure I answered “Dodge Polyp” or something equally witty.
Slim Whitman was heavily advertised on cable TV channels, and everybody made fun of him. The rest are legit, including Kenny Rogers. I was into obscure-ass British weirdness, but also saw REO and Styx in concert. Go figure. I saw AC/DC multiple times in different cities, but they were too big for us hicks in ’81.
Dave Woods was an ugly teacher. I don’t know Jane Kennedy, and don’t care. Rocky used to inspect his posters of Brooke Shields with a magnifying glass, trying to find evidence of a stray pubic hair.
I was never into celebrity sex symbols, and that sort of thing. I obsessed about real girls in my hometown instead, and had roughly as much luck as the guys who were panting over Christie Brinkley.
9 to 5
Never saw any of them. Wasn’t Ringo Starr in Cave Man? Oh brother.
I probably voted for Bucky Dent, and/or pickles.
Senior English? What the hell? Who could write such a thing? Seriously, how is it possible? I suspect shenanigans. Possibly ballot-stuffing by a rogue band of nerds.
I remember the first time I saw a John Holmes movie. It was more awe-inspiring than my first visit to Fenway Park. It felt like an optical illusion, and momentarily threw off my equilibrium. I nearly fell off the couch.
You know, because Richard Simmons is a big poofter.
Listening to music
Can you imagine “sex” being allowed as an answer in a yearbook today? I can’t. And I have no doubt “parties” is a kinder, gentler way of reporting the actual answers: getting stoned, getting drunk, and getting my shit thoroughly baked. I was doing a lot of number three, while daydreaming about number one.
Place for a date
The first two were notorious party/sex locales. I drank beer on Figget Mountain a few times, but never on a date. I mean, seriously. It was literally a wide spot in the road, way out in the country. On a Friday night during the summer months the debauchery was so thick you could’ve cut it with the neck of a Miller quart bottle.
Small french fries .65
Medium cheese pizza 5.00
6 pack of beer 2.67
Unleaded gas, one gallon 1.53
Postage stamp .18
Dozen red roses 40.00
Some of those seem kinda high to me. Like gas, for instance. And jeans. Holy crap! I don’t pay that much now. And, again, beer would never be listed in a current yearbook. Am I wrong?
There are a few other categories, but they’re kinda boring and inside-jokey. So, that’s going to do it for today, boys and girls.
I’ll be back soon, probably Sunday. See ya then!
Chuck in Belpre says
Jets beat the Patriots? WTF?
A shocking turn of events! Belichick’s arrogance came back and bit him on the ass, FINALLY.
Brady’s too! Everyone had them already pegged as the Super Bowl champs. “Humble” leaves a bad taste in your mouth, huh Tom….
When you’re a Jet,
You’re a Jet all the way
From your first cigarette
To your last dyin’ day.
When you’re a Jet,
If the spit hits the fan,
You got brothers around,
You’re a family man!
You’re never alone,
You’re never disconnected!
You’re home with your own:
When company’s expected,
You’re well protected!
Then you are set
With a capital J,
Which you’ll never forget
Till they cart you away.
When you’re a Jet,
You stay a Jet!
If they tried that song now it would probably be:
When you’re a Jet
Ypu’re a Jet all the way
From your first tofu bar
To your last dying day.
Fuck…now I’m pasting show tunes to this place? Two days off in a row and the dog refuses to go to the park which would make her the eighth time.
Sooo…tstorm…say when to the ballgames here in Cincy. I’m living here now and will be through the fall at least. You guys can stay at my place but I’ll need references. Crash on the deck out back if ya want.
More boredum…I just bought a Smokey Joe BBQ from the link here. Two CDs too.
Chuck in Belpre says
Don’t feel bad…I just watched “Worst Cooks in America”.
Fuck I’m bored!
I’m also guilty of watching that show. That show infuriates me. Can they not see that the fucking fish is burning black? Maybe turn the fire down, dolt.
A new Mockable.org post is up!!!
Would this be considered an obscene phone call?
I call the library and say..
” I need to get some reference books because I think I’ve developed an over active libido.”
“Wow. That’s terrible. What makes you think that?’
Average Jane says
I blame you for putting that REO Speedwagon song in my head.
Actually I believe that the “pork chop-sized section of edible meat” on the t-bone is the New York Strip and the “rubbery shit” that gave you the “heebie-jeebies” is filet mignon.