Apparently we’re going to Knoebels today. A month or two ago we picked a random Monday, all four of us scheduled it off, and proclaimed it Knoebels day. And now that the random Monday has arrived, these are some reasons I don’t want to go:
- It’s hotter than the devil’s ball pouch out there. Supposedly the “heat index” is going to be 103 today. WTF? That doesn’t sound like fun, it sounds like sustained misery. Why not just spend the day at a steel mill?
- I didn’t sleep very well last night and don’t feel super-great. The thought of piling into a car and driving to an amusement park seems unlikely to me. Yet it’s going to happen? …’Cause we’re a slave to an arbitrary date on a calendar? Should be fun.
- I think I’ve officially reached a point where I have no interest in ridin’ shit. Ya know? The Phoenix roller coaster is fun and world famous, but it’s made for tiny 1947 asses. I have to sit tilted to one side because I fill up 150% of the space. And the rest of it’s just not all that much fun anymore. The log flume thing? Eh. Who wants to walk around covered in sticky hepatitis water all day?
However, these are some reasons I DO want to go:
- Apparently, they have a new BLT shack, where you can buy big honkin’ BLTs?
- We usually stop at Cracker Barrel on the way home.
So, if there’s any motivation at all, it’s 100% food-based. We’ll see what happens. I guess it’ll be worth it if we get a Cracker Barrel visit out of it. They’re serving the Campfire Meals again. Shit! Can’t wait to go to Knoebels!!
Speaking of high heat and amusement parks, I remember being at King’s Island a million years ago with an ex-girlfriend. We were on The Beast, which is one of the craziest things in the world. And you know how people like to put their hands up in the air on roller coasters, to prove their badassery or whatever? Well, when this one dude lifted his arms a stench was released that would’ve brought Andre the Giant to his knees. Everybody within a 20-foot radius of Pit Zero just instantly howled in protest and their faces went all distorted with disgust. I don’t know why stuff like that makes me laugh, but I couldn’t stop all day long. Every time I thought about it I’d start cracking up again. Wotta shitbag.
On Saturday I sent a test email to the old mailing list. I think it had been two years or more since I’d sent anything out. In fact, at some point I moved it to MailChimp and ditched the expensive service I’d been paying for and not really using. And that probably happened more than a year ago. So, I didn’t know what the results would be. I figured many email addresses would bounce, and that a substantial number of people would unsubscribe. In fact, I invited folks to unsubscribe, ’cause I don’t want people on there who don’t wanna be included. Right? Well… here are the results so far:
- 1717 emails sent
- 92 bounced
- 17 unsubscribed
However, at this point, only about 40% of the emails have even been opened. So, the unsubscribe number could continue to climb. And that’s fine. If you didn’t receive the Saturday email and would like to be included in the Surf Report mailing list, here’s your form. You won’t receive many messages from me, but I’ll keep you updated whenever something notable happens.
Also, be sure to check out the questionable new “podcast” right here. Three episodes in the can! Hey, if nothing else… the intro music is cool.
I’ll leave you now with a couple of Questions. And since I’m bullet-pointing all my shit today, let’s keep it going.
- In the comments section please complete this sentence “It’s hotter than…” Sometimes I say hotter than owl piss, and I swore I heard somebody say that as a kid. But when I do a Google search for the phrase it’s all Surf Report. Seems unlikely. Anyway, help me out with that apt phrase, won’t you?
- Also, if you have any tales to tell about horrible stenches in public places, I definitely want to hear it. The older boy told me a co-worker “shit himself” a few days ago at work. Said it smelled horrendous. How does something like that happen?? I’m glad it does, but how? So, if you have anything on that subject, please share.
And I’m going to call it a day, my friends.
I’ll be back on Thursday.
Have a great one!