When I was a kid I frequently heard adults talking about how “time flies.” They’d say things like, “I can’t believe it’s February already!” Then, a few weeks later: “I can’t believe it’s March already!”
This always confused me, because minutes are minutes and hours are hours. Right? They don’t expand and contract, depending on the user. I suspected it was just people clapping their gums together, and engaging in some sort of confusing grown-up ritual of complete and utter bullshit.
But I now realize I was wrong…
How? Seriously, how could it be 2010? I got laid-off in 2007, and it seems like a year ago. I’ve been at my new job for more than two years already, but I still feel compelled to call it my new job. It’s terrifying.
Our kids were off from school for a couple of weeks over Christmas, etc., and I have no doubt it felt like three months to them. I remember how long a single day seemed when I was their age. A normal weekend stretched out for miles, and summer was a full-blown eternity.
I had a great time as a youngling, so it wasn’t because I was tortured, or anything like that. Everything just seems slowed way down when you’re a kid, and gets increasingly cranked-up the longer you stick around. I don’t really understand it, and also don’t care for it.
It’s colder than a well-digger’s brass titties (or whatever) right now. But by the time I get out of the shower in a few minutes it’ll be opening day of baseball season. And when I’m at work tonight Toney and I will be discussing this weekend’s Fourth of July deck feast.
It scares the gravy out of me, if you wanna know the truth.
I got a haircut on New Years Day, at Hags ‘n’ Fags, and my “barber” told me I’ll be having good luck in 2010, as a result. “A haircut on New Years Day will always bring you good luck in the coming year,” she informed me, just as serious as C-Span. So, at least I’ve got that going for me…
We did nothing on New Years Eve, as usual, except drink beer and watch TV. Toney and the boys were in bed by ten, and I watched a couple episodes of Dexter via the fancy new Netflix “Watch Instantly” feature. I didn’t even see the ball drop (heh), or monitor Dick Clark’s condition.
And speaking of Dick Clark… Brad sent this to me, and I’d like to say I’m deeply offended. But, of course, I’m not.
I was atop the platform on NYE, clear-cutting timber by 12:30, with Andy snoozing between my and Toney’s feet at the foot of the bed. Oh, it was a wild party-like atmosphere at the compound, as usual.
Did you do anything interesting? We need to know.
On Friday Toney was suffering from an advanced case of cabin fever, so we went running around for a little while. I wanted to go to Borders, to see if they’d marked-down the price on their calendars yet. And they had, but I still didn’t buy anything.
I have my eye on a really cool vintage DC Comics calendar, but I just couldn’t pull the trigger on it — even at 50% off. I need something for the bunker, but that decision is still pending.
Is your main calendar as big a production as it is for me? And for Toney too… She puts a lot of thought into it, as well. Or do you just tack up some crap your insurance agent sent you?
In the comments tell us about your 2010 calendar, if you’ve chosen. Me? I’ll probably wait too long, and miss out on the DC model I’ve been eyeing for a couple of weeks. Then I’ll have to settle for something “ironic” like Chickens, or a celebration of John Deere tractors.
Actually, if I could choose ANY calendar, it would be this one. But it’s impossible to find. Impossible, I say.
I have a lot of stuff I was planning to cover today, but I think I’m going to stop right here. I asked a couple of questionable Questions up there, so we’ll just go with ’em.
A couple of quick things, before I go…
I overhauled the ABOUT page on Saturday. Check it out. It was long overdue, and I’m semi-pleased with it. I’d like to get your opinions, though. Does it sum up the Surf Report vibe? New readers use that page to try to get a handle on our little world here. How well does it work? And what else could I add to it? I might someday change that stoopid picture, to something more… traditional. But we’ll see how it goes.
And I know this will cause some of you to roll your eyes and say, “Yeah, right.” But I haven’t gotten around to changing the price on the Evil Twin shirts yet. I swear it’s true; I’m not playing games here. So, if you want one, buy it now. I’m going to raise the price to sixteen bucks momentarily. As soon as I build-up enough energy to swap out the PayPal code, that is.
Have a great day, my friends. I’m looking forward to another fun year with you guys!
See ya tomorrow.
have I achived number 1 spot??? YAY
First, bitches!
Dammit, Madz! Way to steal my thunder!
Fo-Fo-Fo.
The first person who can come up with the person I was quoting above wins a prize.
Top ten! Amazing!
I am a fellow NYE lame ass. I did absolutely nothing except drink. Fantastic.
I already have a calendar, and yes it is the freebie from our insurance agent, thank you very much. But it does have cut ‘wil puppies and kitties…
Top Ten
Time’s fun when you’re having flies.
Kermit the Frog
hiya – tropical beaches for my office @ work calendar. still need to buy home calendars. up till this year, our friends from San Diego would send us an awesome San Diego themed calendar to tempt us to visit, but I guess they gave up, because no calendar this year. -snif snif –
I was snoozin’ by 10:30 p.m. on 12/31/09. Awakened around 2:00 a.m. on 1/1/10 by fireworks (who the hell fires off fireworks for two straight hours on NYE?). After emptying my bladder of the evening’s processed beverages, went back to sleep and stayed there till about 10:00 a.m. Yep, I’m one exciting mofo.
My college sends me a calendar every year, in appreciation of my annual donation to the endowment fund. This month’s picture is one of the campus academic buildings (History and Philosophy department, I think), with a snow-covered foreground, including a snow-covered cannon (my college was near a Civil War site).
Top ten
Time’s fun when you’re having flies – Kermit the Frog
We had a new years? Damn… knew I missed something
And regarding the time thing, my theory is that when you’re, say, ten years old, a year is one-tenth of your life, which is a long time. But when you’re 45, a year is only one-forty-fifth — 1/45th is much smaller than 1/10th. So when you’re ten, a year seems like a much longer time than a year feels when you’re 45. And it only gets worse.
…and heard a good line I need to share…”dude, my check liver light just came on”
Damn…. TOP 12… my New Year is off and running !
Why has it escaped me all this time that you have a brother?
fo fo fo Moses Malone circa 1983.
Nuttin special on NYE.
My nail fell out of the wall a few years back that I hang my calender on so I don’t hang a calender any more.
Sorry, Mrs. Wally! To make it up to you, I’ll trade you my “Paralyzed Veteran’s presents Norman Rockwell” calendar for your happy pups and kits!
WB in OH you are the winner. Of what, I’m not sure. But you are the winner.
winner winner chicken dinner!!! But alas I’ll let you off the hook, I cheated and googled it.
Soooooooooooo Jeff, what you are saying is you bait and switched me into buying my shirts the other day with the typcial infomercial tag of “BUT ONLY IF YOU ACT NOW!!!!!!!” I feel duped?!.
Well not really. Patiently awaiting delivery.
My wife asked what I bought on EBAY the other day because of the 24 dollar charge. I told her it was the new diamond ring I have been promising her.
“What I spent too much?” I asked. I am waiting for my company’s calendar to arrive shortly, I’ll send you one when we get them in..
Weekends are only about 20 minutes these days!
Got a cool “Hot Bikes & Beautiful Girls” calander from Santa WOOHOO!
@Hotfuzz, great line!
I had a 1999 calendar that I wanted to use again, but the fambly opted for a calendar made at Walgreen’s with a photo of us representing each month. Then I had to participate in the excrutiating task of selecting the twelve photos we had to choose for the calendar.
We went downtown on NYE and stuck it out until 11:00. My five year old, The AngryWhiteGirl wanted to be carried after that, so we packed it up and went home. I also had my last cigarette at 11:50 that night. Four days in, and I am capable of killing anyone that gets within three feet of me right now.
On IPOD right now- “”Something I Can Never Have”- Nine Inch Nails
AWG – congratulations on kicking the habit. I have to do the same.
For NYE I was installing a new window in the kitchen of the house we bought. Of course, the house was built in 1939 & the windows that were in it were original. So, what we hoped would be a cut-out of the frame, re-frame, weatherstripping & pop in the new window turned into 9 hours of hands through hair, raised voices and eventual frustrated tears that nothing was working right.
Then, at 10:30 we got the sumbitch in & promptly went to our “other” home (a.k.a my parents’ home 7 doors down where we are sleeping/showering during renovations) & conked out by 11:30. We didn’t get to ring in the New Year on World of Warcraft like we did last year. Yes, we are the ultimate nerds when our idea of a fun NYE involves logging into a video game and shooting off faux fireworks into a fairy-tale sky.
Now Playing on iPhone: “Big Pimpin'” by Jay-Z (ha!)
AWG I quite the day my Grandson was born. 5 years ago yesterday. Hang in there it gets worse. Good Luck
A ‘paper’ calendar? This is 2010, not 1910!
As for calendars (I forgot it in earlier post…), well, we haven’t had time to think about it yet. Normally the railroad where my boyfriend work(s)(ed) sends him a free calendar with pictures of….you guessed it! Trains! It’s ‘Wet-The-Bed’ exciting.
Of course boyfriend was laid off from said railroad very early last year, so you just reminded me we did not get one for 2010. So now I have to add ‘get 2010 calendar in the year 2010’ on my shopping list. I should yell at my insurance agent for not sending us one. Hey, wait. My insurance agent is boyfriend’s dad! Easy yell to make!
The 2009 calendar in my office was tropical beaches and the 2010 one, yet to be bought, will probably be similar. I like to dream.
Thanks Madz and SOS. Basically, I just needed to do it for the physical fitness exam I have to take for the Sheriff’s Dept. in 2 1/2 weeks. Get this- In LESS than 6 minutes, 4 seconds-
Start with hands at ten and two on steering wheel. Remove seat belt. Open glove box. Get out key. Go to trunk. Open it, remove gun and flashlight. Run 220 yards. Immediately go into obstacle course with four hurdles, one wall eight pylons to run around and a 27 inch netting to crawl under. Immediately grab 150 pound human dummy and drag, not carry, it 100 feet, reverse back through obstacle course, run 220 yards. Fire gun six times with right hand, six with left. Put gun and flashlight back in trunk. Key back in glove box. Fasten seatbelt. Hands back at ten and two.
I am hoping my lungs recover enough as to not explode on that day.
On IPOD right now- “Life During Wartime”- Talking Heads
AWG: Hang in there, dude. I wish my boyfriend would give it up too! But you can’t do it until you really want to. So your new name for the time bein’ is Angrier White Guy. You can use us for a whipping post until the urge passes.
Not much into calendars, really. The last one I had was of Pug puppies. It was for 2008, found in a closet 2009 when I moved. I usually just use my cell phone.
Went to friend’s house for NYE. About six couples. Nice really. Got home about 4AM. Found out everyone else either left at 8AM and the rest partied til 2PM. Holy shit!
I think I just saw the kid on Further Evidence at Wally World Saturday. I added it on my Walmart Game check list.
Sometimes vendors send us calendars with generic wildlife paintings; they’re good enough to hang on a cubicle wall. At home, I prefer the beer distributor handouts but probably missed out on that one for this year. I’ll just use the garbage recycling calendar that the city sends out.
AngryWhiteGuy: Good luck; I’ve attempted to quit nicotine a couple times and it is enough to make you want to throttle complete strangers.
On the living room stereo: “Los Angeles” — X
The Evil Twin went shopping online for our calendars – and that is, in fact, what I blogged about today.
AWG: I have quit nicotine many, many times in the past 30 years. I’ve currently been off the stuff since September (four months and counting). I’ve been addicted to cigarettes, as well as “dip”, and nicotine gum too (yes, you can get just as addicted to nicotine gum as to tobacco, so quitting tobacco with the aid of a nicotine replacement is not really “quitting” — it’s just substituting one drug-delivery system for another [albeit, the replacement is a lot less damaging to your health]). So I can relate to what you’re going through.
You’ve probably tried quitting numerous times in the past, too, so what I’m about to say probably isn’t news to you. But it might provide you with some encouragement. The first two days are the worst, because you will be actively experiencing strong withdrawal symptoms. If you can get through two days without slipping, you’re on your way. After two days, for the next week or two the withdrawal symptoms will diminish each day. I’ve found that the active cravings (the ones directly resulting from withdrawal) only last about two weeks. So if you can last two weeks, you’ve pretty much got it kicked. But then, of course, even if you’re not experiencing actual withdrawal cravings after those two weeks, you’ll still experience cravings that result simply from “missing” the pleasurable aspects of tobacco. That never completely goes away, perhaps ever, so it’s just something you have to learn to get over.
Another “hump” usually occurs about six months after quitting, when you think you’re through with nicotine, but a craving suddenly just sneaks up on you, and you think you can just have one cigarette (or one dip or one Nicorette) and then have no more after that. Well, that’s the devil’s trap. ‘Cause once you have that “just one,” you’re on your way back to the full-blown addiction. Which is why I’m still working on quitting, and I won’t feel like I’m out of the woods until I’ve passed not just the six-month point, but the one-year point as well.
But like the AA’ers say, you gotta take it one day at a time. Don’t smoke today — that’s your goal. Tomorrow your goal will be “don’t smoke today.” Wednesday your goal will be “don’t smoke today.” And if you can do that for 365 days, you’ll make it through 2010 without that nasty addiction. Good luck.
Time really does fly. Before you know it we’re all going to wake up dead. All of us. Dead. Before you know it. It’ll seem like about 10 minutes from now. In 10 minutes we’re all going to wake up. Dead.
My calender features extreme close-ups of vaginas. The pictures are so extremely close-up that you can’t even tell that they’re vaginas unless you’re already in the know. My wife asked me why January 2010 has a picture of a huge raw pork chop. Silly rabbit, that’s an extreme close-up of a labia. But I didn’t tell her that. I’ll have some explaining to do when we get to October because it’s a discernable clitorus and a bit of pubic hair. But that’s months away. So fuggit.
The about page is great.
Jeff – I miss the whole ” being on the cusp” bit. Had it’s own kind of poetry. The new About needs some zing?? A touch of your warped word skill??
Just my humble opinion…
No calendar. I got laptop and iPhone. I still wear a watch which is weird.
In bed by 11pm on NYE
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters…….
Yes, time indeed does fly. It seems with each passing year, shit plows into the back end of another with rapid consistency. When I was helping the missus put up the Christmas tree and haul down all the decorations from the attic, all I could continuously mutter to myself was: ” I just did this shit “.
My “calendar” in my head has been the same ever since I can remember. I envision it something like this:
Jan., Feb., March, Apr., May, June, July
Aug., Sept., Oct., Nov., Dec.
Don’t ask me why, but July turns the corner and August starts in the bottom left hand corner. Does that make any sense? Am I in need of a psychiatric intervention? Wait, don’t answer that.
Instead of 302 committal , I think all I really need is a vacation. Work has been sucking it from the ass in & I keep giving various people around me the stink eye, fantasizing about how I’d like to put my foot so far up their arse their breath smells like a Florsheim wing tip.
Just typing that made me feel a wee bit better. Thanks Surf Reporters…
NYE I was in bed sick with a cold virus by 10:30pm. Good Times.
My 2010 NASA calendar has pictures of planets and galaxies and giant ferns on Mars, as well as a lot of images from orbiting and geostationary Earth observational platforms. Not bad at all for a work-related freebie. If I were a dermatologist, I suppose I would make more money, but I would have to settle for a freebie calendar featuring skin diseases. Life’s full of trade-offs like that.
I wonder what Jim Morrison did on NYE (?)
We went to 3 parties on New Year’s Eve. The wife drove me around because she’s pregnant and couldn’t drink, and because by 10:00 I was starting to sound just like Dick Clark.
We made it all the way to the ball drop. I tried to convince her that good luck can be had by engaging in a filthy sexual act during the wee hours of New Year’s Day. But she didn’t buy it. I doubt I could have done anything without splints wrapped around my dick anyway. I was three sheets in the wind. What’s that mean anyway, “three sheets in the wind”?
NYE – went to a friends house and watched ‘The Hangover’ – overrated in my opinion. Sneezed over and over the whole night – was worried that it might have been a reaction to her Pugs. Was home by 10 and have had a nasty cold ever since. Obviously wasn’t the Pugs.
Calendar – I usually get a daytimer or record things on my cell scheduler. A people of Walmart calendar (if one exists) on my fridge might be a good idea to deter any cravings I may get.
AWG – Good luck with your quitting – looking forward the even fiestier comments that this will bring to the New Year. That Sherrifs drill sounds like fun!!!
I can’t believe I’ve been reading this damn blog for 3 years. That’s some quality work time spent!!
A “sheet” is a rope, in sailor-lingo. So if three of the sheets on a sail are in the wind, then that means the sail is only connected by one sheet (this was in the days when sails were square, not triangular, so it was connected by four ropes, not three), and so the sail and three of the sheets (ropes) are just flapping around in the wind rather than powering the boat.
i too do not have a calendar for my office yet. I keep shopping but i will probably get a Colts one….you know since they will be the 2010 SuperBowl champions.
NYE we went to the bar in a cab drank a few and wanted to call it a night called for a cab and waited and waited and waited to get to go home. There is an argument for drinking and driving.
I believe (am quite certain) that the Bible says that as the end of the world approaches God will shorten the days because He is merciful and things will become just too much to endure. I am paraphrasing of course but i believe that is why time seems to fly. Put that in your Furhter Evidence pipe and smoke it. 🙂
Speaking of Dick Clark….Did anyone happen to catch the ball drop at Times Square on the boob-tube? They had the poor drooling guy count down the last 20 seconds. 15, 14, 13, 12, 10, 11, 10, uhhh 9, 8…” Good God. Pass the torch already… to fagboy Ryan Seacrest.
My Calandars typically are sourced from the local automotive parts emporiums. My prefered one usually has a muscle car theme and a nice wire bound heavy paper with big squares to write in. I refuse to buy a calanander.
The about page needs more eggplant.
NYE recap from comments the other day, for anyone who gives a flying rat’s ass….
bikerchick’s above comment made me remember what I had said.
Happy New Year Surf Reporters….
Chalk last night up in the “Old and Boring” column. Got home from work, cracked open a cuppa two tree beers, snacked on cheese & crackers, then promptly assumed supine position and went to sleep.
The youngest Secret woke me @ 11:58 pm to see if I wanted to watch the ball drop & see the fireworks Pittsburgh shoots off in their annual “First Night” celebration.
That lasted a good 3 minutes then I switched over to ABC to hear poor old Dick Clark slurring iz anudder yere here in Timezzkware in NooYorSee-ee an wishhnyoo ahl a HammyNyooYeere
Fuck Dick, it’s time dude. Let it go, man, just let it go.
One small bonus was right after switching of the scene in Times Square, I was flipping through the channels and happened upon the very beginning of “A Clockwork Orange”. I hadn’t watched that in a long time and what better way to usher in 2010 than with a little ultra violence with Alex and his Droogs…?
Time for another cup of coffee and catch up with what’s happening on the World Wide Webs. Hope everyone has a safe and sound 2010. This year HAS to be better than the last.
Peace.
Yep…time flies. You can get USED 2010 calanders at Amazon. Not making that up. up…http://www.amazon.com/s/qid=1262639856/ref=a9_sc_1?ie=UTF8&search-alias=stripbooks&field-keywords=calendars%202010%20wall…WTF??
Got mine at the NAPA Auto Parts. Free and cool cars.
JCIII: “That lasted a good 3 minutes then I switched over to ABC to hear poor old Dick Clark slurring iz anudder yere here in Timezzkware in NooYorSee-ee an wishhnyoo ahl a HammyNyooYeere”. LMFAO! That is some funny, unfortunately true, shit!
My links never work…crap. Go there and look. “Island in the Sun”…new2010…$6.99. Same thing USED…$42.92. “Spirit of Place” new 2010…$12.42. Same thing USED…$58.41. WTF!??!
forgive me for another try at the link. http://www.amazon.com/s/qid=1262639862/ref=sr_kk_1?ie=UTF8&search-alias=stripbooks&field-keywords=calendars%202010%20wall%20calendars
If it didn’t work I’ll just say …CRAP now and be gone for now.
AWG…I quit Dec 1, 1991. Just said… “Fuck it. That’s fucking it!” Never looked back!
Every year I order a handful of wildlife calendars from New Hampshire Fish and Game to give as Christmas gifts, but I always keep one for myself.
This year’s freebie calendar from the Chinese restaurant I frequent is extra ugly, buy I still put it up in the kitchen.