What kinds of stores make you sad?
I can answer that one without hesitation: drug stores. I can’t really put my finger on the reason, but those places always bring me down. In fact, I try to stay out of them. They sell weird things (enemas, Fiddle Faddle, playing cards, tuna), for ridiculously high prices, and every one of them smells exactly the same. Why is that? Why do all drug stores smell the same?
No sir, I’m not a fan. I also don’t like so-called party stores. You’d think they’d be fun, right? Wrong. I always feel like throwing myself off a tall structure after visiting one of those soul-sucking hell houses. It’s like the walking dead in there, amongst Dora the Explorer plates and plastic Hawaiian leis. Shit! I just had a full-body-shiver.
What stores depress you? Yeah, I know… Wal-Mart. That’s the automatic answer, but it doesn’t really depress me. There are things there I don’t mind looking at: electronics, DVDs, CDs, candy (they have a kick-ass candy section)… It doesn’t really depress me, it aggravates me. ‘Cause it’s a trash magnet. If it wasn’t for the other shoppers, it might not be so bad.
Target, which is right next door to our Wal-Mart, is essentially the same kind of place. But I guess it’s considered too “up-town” by the Wal-Mart shoppers, and is therefore tolerable. In fact, I’ll gladly pay a little extra per item at Target, for the privilege of not having to wade through the screaming fatasses with cross-eyed buzzcut children at Wal-Mart. So, it’s not really the stores I object to, it’s the clientele.
What do you have on this one? Please tell us about it.
Have campaign signs ever actually affected your vote?
They have for me. I know that if the Half-Shirts put a sign in their yard, I need to vote for the other guy. Because those people think the exact opposite way as I do, and sometimes I’m guilty of not following local politics as well as I should. So, I use their signs as a guidepost on who NOT to vote for. What about you? Has your opinion ever been swayed by a political sign? Somehow, I don’t think it makes much difference — at least not in the way the sign-poster hopes.
What would be a REAL nerd costume?
At the high school where our older hooligan is a student, they’re going to have “nerd day” soon. All the students are invited to dress up like a nerd, and I’m pretty sure they all buy fake buck teeth, crank their pants way up, and put on horn-rim glasses with tape on them. You know, the stereotypical nerd…
But I don’t think real nerds dress that way. That’s just the Hollywood version. I think they actually wear Sherlock Holmes caps, and overcoats. They also speak with fake British accents, and have highly-informed opinions about cinema.
What do you think a REAL nerd costume would be? Any thoughts on that one, or any of the other questions? Please use the comments link below.
And I’m going back to to work now. Kick-ass!
See you guys again tomorrow.
Now playing in the bunker
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Stand alone Hallmark stores are just awful. I’m with you on the party store vibe, too.
WB in OH says
Just watch Big Bang Theory, I think they’re wearing the current nerd fashions.
cross lanes curmudgeon says
Craft stores, as in Michael’s or Hobby Lobby. Styrofoam blocks, fake flowers, glue guns, dowels, paint-by-numbers kits, generic ready-for-framing landscape photos make me fight the urge not to pick up an X-acto knife and do some serious damage.
Those places make my testicles hurt. I think they try to escape on their own, to abandon the fool who took them in such a place.
They all smell the same too. Craft stores, not testicles.
I think it works for both.
I acknowledge your greater experience.
cross lanes curmudgeon says
Oh, and anyone who claims they’re running for office “for the children” will not get my vote.
Anyone who claims to be doing ANYTHING “for the children” is just about guaranteed to be a slippery bastard with ulterior motives. I’d watch my back and keep my hand on my wallet when they’re around.
The Qweezy Mark says
No tickee, no shirtee !!
The one thing that fucks my brain is now @ CVS and Walgreen’s they have to give you an insincere “Hello.” It’s always half hearted and half the time muttered over their shoulder while replenishing the smoke section behind the counter. I always ignore it. We need to take people out of the retail equation, especially when I’m replenishing my Jim Beam and Marlboros.
Joe T. says
So you don’t like people saying “What’s up?” on Facebook and now you don’t like them saying “hello” in stores. Well well well…hola muchacho!
The Qweezy Mark says
3 acceptable “Hellos.”: If you are a hot chick, you are going to serve me at the bar, or if you are going to blow me. Now, If you are a hot bartender who’s going to blow me, I really expect more of a “Hi!” or a “Howdy!”
Dollar Stores should just go ahead and change their name to “Zoloft Central.” It’s not so much the gift bags I scoff up for a buck apiece but as I’m wading my way through all the shit on the floor to get to the gift bag section, I’m always apt to pass someone in the baby clothes aisle. You know, where the shit is made with like 87% more lead. Or someone stocking up on bags of frozen mystery meatballs made in some third world country that hasn’t passed any recent hygiene laws.
Soap and candle stores also give me the weeps. Well, first the gags, then a sneezing fit, then the weeps. How about cleaning your shit hole of a house instead of masking the stench with some lavendar/heather mist?
I think mock turtlenecks should be standard issue nerd wear.
When I lived in San Francisco, the fish stores in Chinatown used to make me sad. The way they kept the crabs, lobsters and fish in tanks that were WAY too small. It was gut-wrenching. (yeah, I know they’re FISH, but still…)
I got nuthin’ on nerds. I’m a 50 year old childless woman. I haven’t seen one in years and I don’t think they allow them into the country here.
Hey Knucklehead! I too am a 50 year old childless woman. I haven’t paid much attention to the nerd quota either.
Hmmm…Sounds like we may be a major demographic here!
Hey…wadda ya know… I’m circling the 5-0 mark…also childless. Must be a trend around here. I think we should have our own T-shirts made.
I’m a 36 yr old childless male. Who for some reason now has a hankerin’ for 50 yr old childless women!
57 year old childfree female here too. But I still look 40ish!
Miss Q says
Of COURSE you do. *wink wink*
Then tell Kroger to quit carding me when I buy a bottle of wine!
45yo childless male, with a hankering for women.
I smell an erection.
Ross stores always make me sad… they look exactly like a TJ Maxx that just survived a tornado. It’s absolute chaos in a Ross store. But I definitely love TJ Maxx, especially if I need some towels.
I would have also said Applebee’s, but someone recently told me that Applebee’s has gone through a total rebranding… apparently it was bought up by IHOP, and it was totally redone to be slightly classy (or not so trashy). Can anyone verify? I haven’t been to one in about five years.
I’m sorry. Applebee’s was bought by IHOP and you think it’s gonna be “not so trashy”! Best laugh I’ve had all day…thanks.
Hey! Don’t go disparaging IHOP! Have you had the smokehouse combo?
I’ve been to Applebees exactly twice, once about seven years ago and it was bland and not very good. Recently, we found an Applebees gift card we received as a thank you from a realtor and said screw it, and went for lunch. The menu is dauntingly large, and not very exotic, but the bacon cheeseburger I ordered was one of the best I’ve had in years. I didn’t notice much different with the interior or the ambiance, but I’m going back for another of those burgers.
Applebees…that food is rental only for me. Comes out as fast as it goes in.
Money stores depress the shit out of me. I feel they just take advantage of people. I’ve used them once or twice when I was a student, but felt bad all the way. a company shouldn’t be allowed to take 20% of their money just to get it a couple of days in advance.
Just like if you have an ATM in your business you can set what fee you want to charge. Nobody has to use it if they don’t want to pay.
Still, businesses that prey on poor people are depressing: payday loans, collection agencies, repo towing outfits and the like. Not saying they aren’t within their rights, but still it’s depressing. And what with the recent discussion of ages, I will say that I’m old enough to remember “usury laws”.
And I’m also a childless male, for those keeping score at home.
I hate stores like Ross, TJ Max etc. It’s always a dump in there with crap all over the floors and all the stuff is “irregular” in some way or another. It’s also another type of store that is a trash magnet.
Miss Q says
They’re great places to buy gifts for folks you’re obligated to buy for, but don’t particuarly like. You know, like asshole brothers-in-law and the like.
Jerry in WV says
I went into Budget Records and Tapes at noon today. I was looking for a copy of the Dobbies “What Once Were Vices Are Now Habits”. Thought they may have it, but wow…….they have no music in their store at all. Probably less than 100 Cd’s total and the same amount of old vinyl. Seems like most of their business goes to the headshop portion of the store or to the “Adult” section. Made me sad.
It used to be as relevant as apple pie. Now it’s more like Madonna.
Oh God, yes, Sears. They always seem to have some kind of dingy pall over them.
Even better (worse?): Sears in a dying town.
They need to bring back the Wish Book.
Speaking of which, going into a Sears (even if you’re just cutting through the mall) has that same depression you got as a kid when your grandparents gave you a Christmas gift but it was something shitty like slippers but you had to act happy anyway.
Geek clothing? Just browse the T-Shirts & Apparel section at ThinkGeek.com. Don’t ask how I know. 🙂
He probably already owns everything he needs to dress as Steve Jobs for nerd day.
Like a casket?
Damn, I shouldn’t but I’m laughing my ass off anyway!
Miss Q says
It is so wrong that I think that’s funny.
David I. says
The K-Mart on Western Blvd in Raleigh NC is one of the most god-awful depressing places on the face of the earth. From the WAY too big parking lot that is nearly always empty with random weeds struggling to grow in the cracks of the pavement to the cluttered shelves to the clientele which believe it or not is somewhere below Wal-Mart’s. The people who work there are probably the ones that go shop at Wal-Mart when they get off because there is no way anyone is going to shop there even if you get a discount. I have no idea if K-Mart corporate even knows they are still open because if they did they surely would shut it down, fire everyone and vacuum out the contents into a vast pile and ship it off to the landfill. Last time I had to go there with the kids I squeezed their hands tighter than if I was a tourist on the wrong side of Bangkok. Absolutely amazingly depressing.
The K-Mart in Garner is the same way. It smells like a frat house after a 4 day bender, with a little cat litter and sweat thrown into the mix.
The kmart on ridge road in Norwood, OH was like it was stocked by the walking retarded dead. I think it’s closed now and thank God.
How about you put the runabout rental area at the far end of the parking lot so big mama hambone has to walk from her bullshit handicapped spot to rent her lard-hauler and actually get a slight bit of excersize?
It is terrible, but they have some good prices on stuff (I have been inside once, and was promptly ignored by ALL staff. Desperation buying, won’t go back). The parking lot though – sheeyit. I think it’s overflow for Wolfpack game days!
Those political signs are more of an eye sore than persuasion. They seem to be forgotten after the election too. Left to the elements….which is bullshit.
The BIG Bang Theory seems to be a great place to help plan a nerd outfit. I don’t watch it. Couldn’t get though 5 minutes of it. But there are more of their commercials than anything else..other than political.
Dress barn. Just the name makes me sad.
Nerds wear capes.
WE had this kid in college (Aerospace Engineering program mind you) who had the bad glasses, bad hair, shorts, striped tube socks pulled up to his knees, urkel voice, lunch bag and dorm key looped around his neck, and in his own words, a chronic dandruff condition. We assumed he had to be the smartest kid in the class. Nope. Dropped out our 3rd yr. He failed an interview at the Kmart in Canal Fulton shortly after that.
That was a nerd.
Oh, and nerds wear capes.
I think the nerd line has grown muddy over the years, with the general populations acceptance of cell phones, pads, tablets, laptops and crap of that nature. Its what you do and how you carry yourself that’ll push you one way or the other.
Go out to a bar or restaurant with friends and spend most of the time playing with their smart phone, looking for photos of things that people were talking about ten minutes ago.
Know every specification of every German car on the road and use these facts to “prove” why you’ve wasted your money on your Japanese car.
Drone on endlessly about the merits of tube amps.
Oh wait, that’s not nerd, that’s raging asshole. I guess I don’t know what nerds are.
Sad store: a dollar store. Cheesecake Factory, too.
Political signs: never except when I see familiar and unfamiliar names in the same yard or on the same bumper. If the guy supports Foobar for president and also Barfoo for city council, I know to (not) vote for Barfoo.
Nerds: At my school it was spelled “knurd” because that is the backwards of “drunk”. But there are nerds for every area of interest, and they don’t all dress the same – compare a football nerd to a math nerd. Yes, I’m conflating nerditude with geekdom. Deal.
PS – a Nerd Word that I had forgotten about: last night someone called me a “whisky anorak”.
Any place that has a, “Last Call”.
So, any bar outside of New Orleans?
In New York, last call is at 4:00am. I was very let down when I moved elsewhere and discovered that this is not normal.
It’s been years, maybe 25 or 30, but ever since Sears “rebranded” itself for the first time years ago, they have always reminded me of a dreary Party store in Communist Russia. I kept looking around for long lines of people in shabby clothes waiting for what they knew not, they just got in line every time they saw one. Haven’t shopped there much since. And, lately, every time I have I have regretted it bitterly because everything they sell still has the good ol American brand name but parts made in China. Then there is the national chain of drug and toiletry, er, emporiums. Those birds infuse their establishments with so much stank that it’s stupefying. It would linger in my sinuses for hours. ew. Not exactly depressing but definitely a downer. I guess you could call it hypnotic. It wasn’t enough that they tried to influence you through muzac. Now they have added the allure of stank to their ploys. Only I have inhalant allergies so all it did for me was sedate me to the point that I just wandered up one aisle and down the other, toadily forgetting why I was there. I guess this is the part where they thought they would have people dreamily putting all kind of unplanned for merchandise in their carts. I, however, have always been a list shopper. It it ain’t on my list, I ain’t buyin. I’ve even been known to get a few aisles through a store and walk out and leave my cart if they aren’t stocked up on my list items. Life is too short….So I would go through this stank haven, in a total fog because of it, load my purchases according to my list like an automaton, then drive off, and gradually realize that the stank was lingering in my nostrils from the place, then gradually come to an alert enough state to realize the stank had actually come with me, was clinging to my clothing and my hair, that I could even taste it in my mouth. Then I would wonder briefly if such chemicals cause brain damage, then I would get pissed off because I felt like I was being physically assaulted. It was kind of like Wallie World is now, though. I saved enough money, and needed badly enough to save money, that I had to keep going back there. I’m glad retailers are through the stank phase now, and are into motion activated demo videos that blare startlingly in your ear as you walk by. Those I find simply annoying. And, I have always purposed to make it a point NOT to buy whatever they are hawking, even to the point of putting it back on the shelf if I already picked it up. Sort of a revenge of the shopping nerd, I guess.
Last I’d heard, Sears bought out KMart, thus equalizing the depression quotient therein.
Yeah, nerds wear capes. Heh.
I’m a 48 year old woman with three kids and four and a half grandkids!
MC Perfunctory says
Believe it or not, KMart actually bought Sears. That in itself is Way more depressing to think about! How LOW Sears sank to get to that position.
I’m in the final throes of alzheimer’s, so I’m going to discuss a store that I actually LIKED visiting recently. Sears. That’s right, fucking Sears. There was almost nobody in there so I was free to roam about without all the bullshit. I hadn’t been in one in about 15 years. The stuff they had blew my mind. Pool tables, all manner of tools, electronics, everything but pets. Sears rocks!
Now, I HATE going into sex toy stores. Can I get an amen? What if someone I know sees me in there, buying my assblaster 2000 and starts asking questions?
Political signs don’t mean dick to anybody.
Love y’all. Out!
The AssBlast 2000 is out? I’ve been using the 1500 for years and am ready for an upgrade.
Root 66 says
-any super hero t-shirt
-any video game-realted t-shirt (Mario, Angry Birds, etc.)
-flip flops–even in the snow
-Aldi grocery (think of what an East German grocery store would be like!)
-Florists (reminds me too much of funerals.)
-and the afore-mentioned craft stores (Michael’s, Jo-Ann’s, Hobbl Lobby.) I’d rather have a do-it-yourself labotomy!
Miss Q says
I have many superhero t-shirts and pairs of cargo shorts and flip-flops. I wear them in the privacy of my home with the blinds drawn while I play Super Mario Cart. It’s very cathartic.
so, you’re willing to remove a place of research from your body? Is that it? You might could buy a kit for that at Michael’s.
Bet you could find a DIY home lobotomy kit at one of those craft stores. Possibly not labeled as such.
Speaking of nerds, on CBS This Morning, they went inside Google and were talking to some Head Nerd. I wouldn’t have paid much attention until I heard “With his signature red socks” and knew they were talking about not just any nerd, but an elite nerd!
Miss Q says
“Elite nerd”? Isn’t that oxymoronic? Kind of like “high-class hooker”?
Miss Q says
And now to address the 3 random questions:
Stores that make me sad: “hometown” drug stores. The crap on the shelves is covered in an inch-and-a-half of dust and the aisles are devoid of customers. Sad situation, indeed. I have to use one here for a compounded med I use (the chain pharmacies don’t compound) and I always leave there severely depressed.
Campaign signs that have ever affected my vote: I ignore them, so have no input on this one.
A REAL nerd costume: any teenager worth their salt can tell you that a REAL nerd costume is whatever their parents/grandparents happen to be wearing at the time. I have an incredibly vivid memory of my grandmother (you’ll understand why I said “vivid” in a moment) when I was about 14. She was standing in the dining room, giving me a talking-to about God-knows-what …. wearing a yellow top with a huge turquoise necklace and bright coral polyester pants with an elastic waistband pulled WAAAAY up over her ample middle right under her boobs. The top was tucked in. It was all I could not to collapse laughing in her face. But since she was an old nerd with NO sense of humor, I refrained.
I’m just curious as to how nobody has yet mentioned Goodwill…? Or any other similar store for that matter.
When I was in school at Akron we would go shopping for our Halloween costumes and ugly sweater party outfits at a place called the Village Discount Outlet. Talk about depressing. We went there for fun, but there are people there that actually NEED stuff from there. Oh well!