I was sitting in McDonald’s this afternoon, enjoying a #16 with sweet tea, and made a few observations:
It’s not uncommon to see an ugly teenage boy with a girlfriend who looks like a model. However… the opposite is not true. You rarely see an ugly girl with a good-looking guy. Any opinions on why this is so? Or do you disagree? What are your thoughts on this important sociological discovery?
You know who are amongst the biggest pigs in the world? People who eat in fast food restaurants, and don’t bother to throw their trash away. Man, that makes my blood boil. I saw some horrible hag with tit tats do that today, and was hoping she’d be run over in the parking lot. Seriously, I was sitting there WILLING a delivery truck to come tearing around the corner, and go over her with all four tires. Unfortunately, I don’t have those sorts of powers.
And it bugs me when people eat entire McNuggets in one bite. The things are disgusting to begin with, but that’s a separate issue. I sat there watching some zit-spangled shitsack popping them into his mouth like popcorn, and tried to look away. But I couldn’t. I don’t have much history with McNuggets, but know one thing for a fact: they’re made to be eaten in two bites.
If only I could get my dictatorship off the ground…
I had to take the younger boy to the dentist this afternoon. It took FOREVER. He disappeared behind a door, and an hour later hadn’t returned. It was getting to the point where I was wanting to pace around the room, but kept it in check. The waiting room was full of people, and I decided that pacing would probably be frowned upon.
At one point I left, and checked out a liquor store down the street. I wanted to see if they carried Adam Carolla’s Mangria, but didn’t find it. Supposedly it’s now sold in Pennsylvania, but I’ve never seen it anywhere. Oh well. It’s probably just hangover fuel, anyway.
When I returned I flopped down in the same chair, and listened to a soap opera. The TV was situated so I couldn’t see the screen, but the volume was cranked up to a Dinosaur Jr. level. I wasn’t even aware there were any soap operas left. What is this, 1965?? The acting was horrible. I’m almost certain I could do a better job of it, and I’m an inventory manager in Wilkes-Barre.
Finally, I was summoned to the bowels of the operation, by a woman wearing a surgical mask. Uh oh. Was something wrong? My heart picked up the pace a bit. I always think the worst.
I’ve taken the younger boy to the orthodontist before, but never to the regular dentist. Toney always takes him. So, I didn’t know anything about it, and was a little surprised to learn that his dentist is what appeared to be a 12 year old Asian girl.
She started showing me x-rays of teeth on a computer screen, and jabbering something I could not understand. She seemed nice, and Toney says good things about her, but I couldn’t make out 75% of what she was saying. So, I just smiled and repeated phrases like “OK” and “Got it.” I might’ve agreed to wear a puffy shirt on the Today Show, I’m not sure.
When we got home I moved the trash cans from the curb to the garage, emptied the dishwasher, and made a salad to go with dinner.
Somehow I was ordained the family salad-maker, many years ago. I’m not sure what qualifies me for the position – other than the fact Toney hates to do it. But, it’s cool. I make a mean salad. For the record, I’m also the bed-maker, the dishwasher-emptier, and the trash-toter. I’m supposed to be the grass-mower, too. But I’m trying my best to pawn that shit off on the boys. I’ve been mowing (and hating it) for close to 40 years. I’m about done.
I saw that Steve emailed me a couple of snapshots from his old birthday parties, circa 1979 and 1980. I’m in both. Can you spot me? Hideous. Especially the one with the glasses. My brother also appears in one.
And now I’m writing this update, and you’re current on my Thursday so far. Exciting stuff, huh?
Have yourselves a great weekend, my friends. I’m going to be working on the book for the next couple of days, but will be back here on Sunday or Monday.
See ya then!
Now playing in the bunker
Use the Surf Report’s webhost: HostGator!
Rick in Roanoke says
I like cold chicken mcnuggets but not “fresh” ones. Cold ones taste like fried mashed potatoes.
“I was wanting to pace around the room, but kept it in check.” And this is what separates you from the assholes.
Cold ones stand up. I prefer them hot but if I forget about them in my car and eat them a few months later they are just as good.
Steve’s folks were ahead of their time with the tile backsplash.
I have seen unattractive women with hot guys before. It’s a puzzler, as in all cases the dude was all over her like she was Kate Upton. No explanation, though I’m always happy for the girl. Also for unattractive dudes with pretty chicks, though the chances in that case of the girl being nutty/really socially awkward are pretty high. Years of sociological study and conclusion-leaping allow me to make that statement.
What’s always puzzled me are the nice guys who end up with a “bitch” girlfriend or the nice girl ending up with a douchbag.
A form of being mentally dominated?
What’s the explanation for that????
I’ve been there, and you are correct. It’s self-loathing.
The backsplash may be unique for that era, but the avocado green appliances are perfect.
I think I had glasses like that.
Speaking of fast food trash –
It seems to be the in the thing to toss trash out of your car here where I live. I don’t mean while flying down the interstate – but rather, while parked on a street. I see college kids doing such things all the time. They just drop it out the window, and then drive away. I don’t get that.
I only had a handful of chosen “battles” with my children-actions that I simply would not tolerate. Littering is one of them. They have been fully trained since they were four and it has stuck.
TOTALLY hate people who do that, too.
I agree with you 100% on that. When my son was a sophomore in high school he casually threw a candy bar wrapper out the window. I SLAMMED on the brakes and refused to move until he got out and picked it up. Unfortunately for him, traffic from the school was backed up behind us so all his friends got to witness him picking up his trash.
He comes home with wrappers and other trash in his pockets now. I’ve washed a few things by accident but it beats the heck out of him littering.
I had a girlfriend in OKC throw a mtn dew bottle out the window. I did a u-turn and made her pick it up. Should have been a deal breaker right there.
My cars tend to look like the inside of a trash can but at least it’s not blowing down the street.
My girlfriend works at starbucks and the local district guy wants to get rid of trash cans in front of the stores because why should they waste resources on that? They are trying to argue with him that people will either bring the stuff inside to be thrown away or it will end up in the parking lot.
Swami Balogna says
I suspect we are all children from the era of the Crying Indian. I didn’t realize young’ns had reverted to the pre-’60s habits of their grandparents. Maybe it’s time for a new Crying Indian.
Would the Crying Indian work in this all about me, shoot ’em up age? What we need to do is tase the littering bastards.
I was pretty young when the “Crying Indian” thing came out on our 3 TV channels we had, so it actually did make an impression on me. However, I will toss an apple core to “feed the earth.” I’m starting to get conflicted between anti-litter and being “green.”
We did have *FOUR* channels, but a buzzard landed on our antenna and broke of 3 or 4 vanes and we lost PBS.
Joe T. says
The Qweezy Mark says
Mmmmmmm….12 year old Asian girl. Now THAT you could eat in a single bite!
I’m one step closer to hell for laughing so hard at that!
Phil Jett says
I think everyone now feels the Avacado and Harvest Gold appliances from back in those days were just plain ugly. Now of course the big thing is stainless steel.
Will people laugh at our choice in appliances in the 2050’s?
Ozzie Bucco says
Littering is one of my pet peeves as well. Last week while I was waiting for my wife outside the pharmacy, some fuckbag comes out and throws his receipt on the ground. Mind you, there is a waste basket just inside the door.
I’m giving the guy the hairy eyeball, and as he drives away, the paper bag and insert from the medication go flying out the window.
I got out of my car to pick up this stuff, and it’s got his name, address, phone number, doctor’s phone number, and medication dispensed all on one piece of paper.
Mr. AQ of Central Ave. is going to get a shitbomb thrown on his lawn one day. And maybe a couple of pizzas delivered, some hardcore porno, and whatever else I can think of. Suggestions welcome.
Get the licence plate number from his car and call the local cops to report that he was driving erratically, speeding, and hit a parked car at the supermarket the other day.
Cops will visit his home play 20 questions.
Plus, his car will be on their shit list for a while. They will be watching for him.
Have a yard of gravel dumped in his driveway.
Bill in WV says
What if his driveway is already made up of gravel? I’d just dump it on his lawn.
Don’t do the pizzas because that fucks the pizza guy. But you should sign him up for subscriptions for magazines only an asshole would want.
Ha! On the aircraft carrier there was a guy EVERYONE did not like. We got together and ordered some gay magazine subscriptions for him. As enlisted squids all of our mail got screened by the officers in the ready room when on deployment. He had some splainin to do. (I still hate that guy)
Did someone have one of those cards that fall out of magazines when you open them? Because it sounds like they might have some splainin’ to do too.
So that party was shot on the set of Freaks and Geeks?
Root 66 says
Yep. I had those same kind of glasses and the plaid shirts, to boot!
Avocado Green was very stylish in the ’70’s. Our kitchen was decked out in Harvest Gold–we even had Correlle-ware to match.
I don’t understand the “ugly guy/gorgeous girl” thing either. Which is strange, since I’m an ugly guy married to a gorgeous girl! 😉
Maybe she’ll tell me some day…
We had the gold rimmed Correll dinnerware, and the Harvest Gold appliances, too!
Lew in bama says
General rules for dating:
Women – you must be hotter than you are crazy
Dudes – you must be richer than you are ugly.
Really, if she’s fine enough, most dudes can over look a stuffed animal collection or a serial murder spree.
Same for dudes, enough money can buy the ability to overlook a big hairy face mole or an extra 100lbs/years.
I don’t consider McNuggets real chicken, therefore I will never eat them…ever.
Bill in WV says
Your brother is sporting a shirt, normally seen on 1970’s female country music singers.
Clean through my Junior High years, mom controlled what I wore. I was probably also wearing Lee Rider straight leg jeans. Mom liked me in western style shirts. I had a closet full of them, with snaps down the front.
Bill in WV says
Yes, unfortunately, I remember that about you mom. She was almost able to control what me and Jeff drank through post-high school years. LOL!
Good looking guys with plain girls? The girl puts out like a Pez dispenser.
Talking about littering – this steams my clams: The fucktards who empty their car ashtrays in parking lots. Have you ever parked in a spot, got out and suddenly you have about 27 Newport butts swirling around your ankles? That’s about as disgusting as people spitting wads of gum ont he ground. I am giving myself the dry heaves remembering a time I stepped on used gum and got that rubberband effect of gum/shoe/pavement.
If she smokes she pokes
I was just thinking about the hot girl/ugly guy thing earlier this week when I was on Facebook and noticed that many of my female friends from high school are smart, hot, and make their own money (lawyers, doctors and such) but are married or engaged to ugly guys. Had I made the observation with a complete stranger who I didn’t know I’d just assume, “gold-digger with a rich guy…” but I know these girls and what they do for a living. They’re probably bringing home the bacon, cooking it, and staying hot for some exceptionally lucky guy. I guess women might not be as shallow as men?
Adam…..don’t kid yourself. Some women are disgusting. I am acquainted with a few girls that would screw anything to get what they want. One girl in particular, gets expensive gifts like designer purses and clothes, wined and dined, and flown to Vegas and various beaches, all for puffing the magic dragon/weiner. She’s got a “butter” face….Great body, but her face? Ugh. They don’t care if you’re ugly, fat, married or all of the above. They want the goods. High paid ho’s. I don’t know how they do it. Not a shred of decency or morality.
“butter face” OMG LMAO!
I knew a woman – hated that cunt – who would specifically targget married men because she knew she would be getting greta gifts. Didn’t matter if the fool had children or may have even been in a decent marriage.
I wonder whatever happened to the bitch? I hope she’s got festering blisters on her hoo ha.
Mmmmm greta gifts….
typing while seething typo.
Oh, I’m sure there are whores out there. I’ve met a few. But I think in general women are probably less shallow than men. I mean, we did develop the term “butter face.” We also engineered the paper bag over the “butter face” trick to get around that obstacle! And I suppose we’re the married a-holes who will go ahead and toss the hotdog down the old whore hallway because these slut-bags exist.
I’ve been itching for a chance to use “slut-bag” for weeks!
“Tossing a hotdog down a hall way”….with some of those bitches, that hotdog is gonna be bouncing off the walls…no matter the entryway.
Are you from the Pittsburgh area by any chance?? I have only heard that saying around here!
I wouldn’t want a man who was prettier than me. I think women will go for a guy who’s a notch lower than they are.
I’ve noticed that thin, ugly girls can get a better-looking guy than pretty girls who are fat, and I don’t think that’s right (because I’m fat).
If it’s an older guy/much younger girl, I always assume he must be rich.
Bill in WV says
I think that’s what Greg Looseanus did.
Billy Joel says
Ugly guys pairing up with pretty girls or the opposite being true….
I think that Kurt Cobain really hit the nail on the head when he wrote that “everyone is gay”. That was some concise sociological insight right there.
What about decent looking black dudes who are with disgusting pigs of white women? I mean I understand liking an ass but come on!
Bill in WV says
Me and Jerry in WV used to work with a guy named Basil White, who was a nice, decent looking black guy. After we saw what his wife looked like, we decided he just wanted a white girl, no matter what she looked like. We nicknamed her “Just White”.
Lew in bama says
this confuses me as well.
Have they no standards at ALL?
There are plenty of beautiful black women, and heck…white/latino/asian women for that matter, they could pick from. And yet, they go for the fat white chick who needs a shower and a new blonde dye-job.
And it’s usually not even the attractive white women who just happen to be big (big girls need love too)… it’s always the obese dirty redneck white women.
That’s my point. It’s usually the ugliest girl out there and she’ll have an attitude to beat the band too.
I have met the disgusting white girl who was like I only date black guys because only black guys can satisfy me. But we all know it’s because it’s a Just White situation.
Wow – I distinctly remember a couple like that who used to come into McDonalds when I worked there (1978 – 81) and you described them to a tee. The girl was a complete and total bitch with enough neck rings to rival a mighty oak. She would be rude to him, the cashier , anyone who looked at her sideways. And the guy was a decent, polie chap.
She probably took it up the ass.
Or she gave it to him with a strap-on.
Off topic but…..
Each shower-toilet has a remote control powered program, with ultra-hygienic cleaning options such as ladies wash, breech wash and even drying.
You don’t keep your rifles clean?
Holy crap! The Colonel was creepy!
Buzz in Wheeling says
@Ozzie I have a couple of slim volumes, one entitled “Make ‘Em Pay” and one other. They deal with rather extreme measures, which would get you jailed if you were caught, but anyway I can relate. Entertaining reading, for sure.
I have gotten a tad wiser now, and I have come to realize, with the help of various therapists here and there, that it is *impossible* for another person to upset you or piss you off. Quite literally, you upset or piss *yourself* off as a reaction to someone or something. Wow! Talk about a breakthrough! It’s not easy and I struggle sometimes but I now know I can choose not to be upset. Are you reading this, Jeff? Much better for the blood pressure as well.
If you dismiss this as mere psycho-babble you’d be making a big mistake. Practice. “I am not going to upset myself because this butt-munch is littering. I am responsible for my own feelings and actions, that’s it.”
Trust me, sounds nuts – it works.
Go Steelers – for pete’s sake, no pre-season injuries!
You spoke too soon, Buzz. Plex out for the season with a torn rotator at CAMP! Wtf?!? Think I’m gonna go try out for receiver. Shit…the way things look, I might just make it.
Going to the game tonight. No matter who’s on the field, it’s still my very favorite day/night out!
I just saw this on Google, somebody owes Jeff some money.
Littering, jeez. I’ve already decided that the distance from the 7-11 to my house equals the time it takes to drink a 40. But there are always cigarette packs and candy wrappers as well. Where do you live? Let me dump my garbage in *your* yard! One time it was a truck tire.
“Hey, fuckstick – you dropped something.”