I’m about to rip the mouse out of the back of my computer tower, strip naked to the waist, twirl it high above my head and fling the son of a bitch off the nearest high cliff. Grrrr…
I don’t know what’s going on with it. In the old days, when mice had balls, the little gears and things inside would get gunked up. And that was easy to recognize and fix. But in this new ballless era, I don’t know what the hell’s happening.
The thing is misfiring and going off-script on a regular basis. I can’t highlight text anymore, and drop-down menus won’t stay dropped-down. And when I check a box, the check disappears the second I move the cursor away.
My mouse is no longer a reliable ally.
Yeah, I know. Just buy a new one, right? I should’ve done that over the weekend… They’re only fifteen bucks or so. But I didn’t, and probably won’t have another chance until Thursday. So, until then, I’m just going to bitch about it. It’s my right as an American!
And I assume it’s the mouse that’s the problem? What do you think? Is there something else that might be causing such infuriating events to occur? I’m losing it, maaan.
Speaking of the weekend, ours was a thing of beauty here in the Upper Perogie Belt. Saturday, especially, was about as perfect as perfect ever gets. It was roughly seventy degrees, completely bugless, low humidity, clear blue skies… Oh, man.
Under the circumstances meat would have to be cooked out of doors; it’s practically required by law. And I remembered we ran out of propane during our final cookout last fall. So I grabbed the bottle and took off.
I usually go all the way to Scranton, to a U-Haul there, to buy propane. There’s no place in our little town that sells the stuff, so I have to take a road trip every time. But Toney told me there’s a “hardware store” that’s slightly closer, and gave me directions.
Yeah, and it sounded simple, but I was promptly lost. Next thing I know there are cows and horses and possibly a zebra near my car. It’s just farmland in every direction, and I think I might’ve passed through some sort of portal back to 1895.
I continued driving through the nineteenth century, and finally got to a place I recognized. Then I went to the U-Haul in Scranton, and turned a ten mile trek into thirty miles. Hell yeah!
It cost $18.00 to fill the tank, and when we moved here the price was $7.50 for the exact same thing. And so it goes.
Then we went to the state park, and enjoyed the incredible weather. Here are some pics I snapped. There’s nothing funny about them, but it might give you an idea of the beautiful day we had: the first day of spring.
Later, we cooked (incredible!) burgers on the grill, had a few Saranac Red Ales, hung out on the deck for a while, took Andy for a long walk, and watched The Hangover from Netflix.
It was one of the best days of the recent past. The kind of day that’ll make many future weekend days seem disappointing in comparison. The bar has been set mighty high, my friends.
Yesterday I downloaded the Them Crooked Vultures album from Amazon, for $2.99. I haven’t had a chance to spend much time with it. Will I like it? What do you think of it?
And speaking of music, my spiritual adviser, Paul Westerberg, had a nice piece published in the New York Times, remembering his “mentor” Alex Chilton, who passed away a few days ago.
Paul, of course, wrote a song called “Alex Chilton” which he references at the end of the article.
I was lucky enough to see Chilton play live in Atlanta years ago, at a tiny club called The Point. He was great when he was performing his songs, but was grouchy and disagreeable the rest of the time. I understand that wasn’t exactly unusual behavior on his part.
But anyway… RIP Alex Chilton. Thanks for the three Big Star masterpieces. People will be obsessing over those records for the remainder of human existence. Pass the beer nuts.
And before I call it a day here, I want to share a voicemail message that was reportedly left on Dorothy’s daughter’s answering machine, in Arkansas. Oh, you’ve gotta hear it; it’s fantastic! Here’s your link.
Please help me out on Twitter and Facebook and Stumbleupon. People need to hear that audio clip. And thanks Dorothy, for sending it to me!
Question of the Day: Did you do anything interesting this weekend? What did you get into? Was the weather as perfect where you are, as it was here? Use the comments to bring us up to date.
And I’ll see you guys again tomorrow.
Have a great day!
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters……..
Cleaned out the car, watched teenagers being auctioned off to the highest bidder, grilled meat.
Normal stuff like that.
Holy crap! I’m actually FIRST? I’d given up believing the comment ticker was accurate looong ago.
Well now, seems I should remember how to do a print screen in case this never happens again.
Woohoooo top ten!
It snowed. In freakin’ DFW.
Top ten! and beer:40!
Jeff,
You can get propane at the Agway in Glenburn.
well philly was about the same weather wise…orgasmic. I started walking to the grocery store saturday afternoon(a 3 block walk) and just said fuck-it and kept walking. 70 blocks later i was pooped and did some serious porch sitting.
them crooked vultures album is quite rockin…if it was any other band theyd be sainted but being a super group theres alot of expectations. I think it’s a solid effort sounding much like queens of the stone age if you like them.
Been listening to the Night Marchers “see you in Magic” recently. I think you might like it…Good, simple, rock. the song “bad blood” is great
Oh, the weekend, yes, I was getting to that….
Friday night starts my semi-weekend, as I have to work every Saturday until 3. Friday night was my most successful venture at PokerStars.net, where I made 3 cash tables, 2 of them being final tables. Finished 15th, 2nd and 1st place. I made some serious coin.
Saturday after work, I headed to my local malted beverage distribution facility and watched the Pittsburgh Penguins lose their game with 9/10’s of a second left in overtime. Yeah, it was a real ball buster. Drowned my consternation in several more beers.
Sunday was a high example of domestic bliss. I was basically the house chore boy, knocking off my to-do list while I knocked down more beer. I think the ratio was somewhere around 3 beer per 1 item on the list.
The house got cleaned and I got pissed.
Top Ten?
The weather was fucking beautiful here in PGH and we took full advantage of it by getting completely shithammered all day. I think I ended up in a few bars after the sun went down and stayed up until 5AM on Sunday morning. We meant to fire up the charcoal grill at some point but it didn’t end up happening…no big deal because I don’t think any of us ate anything at all that day. I did manage to open my windows and take out the empty beercans from my living space, though. So it was a productive day…
We sat out on the banks of the majestic Kanawha River and drank beer for a couple of hours on Saturday. It was pretty good. Fresh GUINNESS and everything.
Sunday was a mixture of lazy and back-breaking. Lazy, late breakfast followed by back-breaking yardwork. All winter I look at the leaves and branches piling up and think, “I ought to get out there and take care of some of that.” I never do, so the first warm weekend is guaranteed to be a ball buster.
Sausages on the grill with more Guinness followed by part two of The Pacific made it all better, though.
I also bit on the $2.99 Amazon special. My impression: it’s worth $2.99, maybe $3.99 but not $4.99.
What kind of mouse do you want, my friend? I have track balls, I have wireless, USB, you name it. I will send you one! I also have one with a ball that looks like an 8 ball–have to see if I still have the software. 🙂
Here in the Philadelphia suburbs it was a beautiful weekend. But I spent most of it packing stuff to get ready to move — I’m moving back into downtown Philadelphia (we call it “Center City”), after ten years in the ‘burbs. I’m really looking forward to it. I lived there during the ’90s, and moved out solely because of tax issues. But I had grown up in the ‘burbs, and had forgotten how boring and isolated life can be out here. So to hell with the higher taxes, I’m going back to where I really feel alive, and I can’t wait.
My daughter, 16 years old, had been complaining about abdominal pain, really sharp pain lower right, tender in the middle, just feels funny over here, etc.
Wife and I figured she was just starting up with another of her week-long “time of the month” again, which is something like 4 days coming, 4 days on, 4 days going, 2 days in between, then rinse and repeat.
Finally, Saturday night she is crying and lying fetal position, serious pains. Wife decides to take her to the ER at 8:00 PM. They run upper GI test, lower GI test, put a die in her veins and check out her heart, run blood test, pee test, and on and on. They get back home at 2:15 AM.
Conclusion: She has a viral infection of the liver, but it is not hepatitis. There is no drugs to treat it and it will run its course of 3 or 4 days and she will be fine. It’s like a 48 hour bug and the nurse in the ER told my wife that they have been seeing 10 kids per week with the same symptoms. Sunday, the kid had the trots about 5 times and all better by evening. Thank God.
We rented the second installment of Twilight last night that just came out on Comcast, my daughter absolutely loved it.
Now that Health Care has passed the next thing on our governments agenda is to strip Americans of the right to bitch about their mouse.
Nice weekend out here in the Intermountain West also. Went for a nice hike up to (upta) Black Mtn Sat afternoon. Did some porch-sittin’ on Sunday afternoon.
The weather was FAN-DAMN-TASTIC in da Burgh all weekend. Perfect for riding! My boyfriend had the bike in pieces to put on new brakes, spoked rims and tires. So he and his dad hauled ass to get it done knowing the weekend would be our first spring ride! There were tons of bikes out too.
Saturday we started at our local hole-in-the-wall which is the best because of the outdoor patio. Who wants to drink inside when it’s that beeeyouteeful!! Rode to Jack’s in the South Side for a few then back to where we started. Kind of an impromptu day, really. Nothing was planned…sometimes those unplanned days end up be the most fun. Ended up hanging out on the bar patio with good friends sippin Jack & Cokes all day.
I actually have heard that answering machine message before…or something like it. It was passed around as a text message. Doesn’t matter…funny as hell no matter how many times you hear it. Ernest T. is alive and well!
Beautiful day Saturday here in West Central Ohio. I spent the entire afternoon cleaning out the garage. Rid myself of some junk, swept a years worht of dirt off the floor and reorganized all the yard tools. If anyone needs a hoe let me know for some reason I have three of them sum bitches. The neighbor stopped by around 3:30 and we loaded the junk up on his truck and hauled to the dumpster behind his business, awful nice of him. We picked up a case of beer and went to a friends house and watched the OU Bobcats go down to the Vols. He has one son who graduated from OU and another who is a freshman there so it was fun watching the game with people who had a vested interest in the outcome, I was just hoping they would win so the Buckeyes could play them in the 3rd round, oh well. Did I mention we watched in his gagrage so we could take advantage of the nice day? Sunday was spent watching basketball, cooking babyback ribs, drinking cold beer and getting final instructions for taking care of the neighbors Golden Retriever this week while they’re in Florida, dumpster payback I suppose. All in all a damn fine weekend.
Oh, if you really want to bitch, just unplug the mouse and try and use the touch pad thingy on your lap top.
Well, I’m off to find the perfect shit and mater samwich.
bikerchick — I think I wandered into Jack’s on Saturday during the day at some point! Small damned world…
Stunning: The weather in N. Myrtle Beach. You could lay out in your bathing suit and get a tan. Not-so-stunning? The Oompa-Loompa Cheeto-Dust colored spray-on tanned motards who ran head first into the butt cold waves then ran screaming like blue-lipped and teeth chattering hyenas back to their beach blankets. Amateurs.
Jeff, take the mouse apart, watch the scroll wheel though, having read this blog long enough, I know if that thing springs apart we’ll hear about the agony of it all, then blow the dust out of it. Dust gets caught up in the encoder wheels (under the thumb wheel usually) and messes things up.
Fantastic day over here. I even contemplated taking the car out of hibernation…but got lazy and just hung around.
JK –
I would check the heterocyclic declination on that mouse thingey of yours – sounds like its out of whack.
Rat Bastard: I’ve always known someday I’d bump into a fellow Surfer. It’s gettin close…I can feel it! We were there early, like, noonish..maybe 1pm. You would have recognized me…big boobs, butt, bandana floating in an oversized Jack & Coke. There were about 20 bikes outside. We all left at the same time and cleared the place out. Small world, indeed.
As several of my fellow Yinzers have attested, the weekend was beautiful in the Burg. We threw opened the windows and Spring cleaned the hell out of the place. Then celebrated with marinated flank steak on the grill.
Generation Ballless. Your mouse’s software needs an update, perhaps? Fixed my sister’s mouse issues by doing that. All dandy now.
It’s been in the 70s here for the past week so I transplanted my veggie seedlings into the ground on Saturday. It was back-breaking manual labor to which I am not accustomed. (I live on top of a giant clay heap. Busting up the stuff requires He-Man strength. Or a rototiller.) After a hard day out in the garden, I babysat my nephews while my brother and his wife attended her high school reunion at a bar famous for giving free drinks to women who contribute to the decor by giving up their bars. (I made my contribution years ago and haven’t been back since. Curious to know if it’s still hanging from the rafters.) Shortly before 2AM, they arrived home drunk and sloppy, with my brother ranting about how my SIL had invited her also-drunk-and-sloppy, womanizing ex-boyfriend to stay the night at their house because he was in no state to drive an hour home. I didn’t see anyone come in so I assumed that Brother had put the kibosh on it. A few minutes after I got home, Brother calls from the car, asking if he can stay the night because he’s really pissed off and can’t stay there if Ex-Boyfriend is also there. “Oh and by the way, I’m halfway to your house already,” he says. OK fine. Please don’t let him get a DUI.
Now, in my sober state, I was thinking that I would rather be in the house with my spouse and the ex just in case either of their drunken asses got any bright ideas. That’s just me, though.
Brother slept on the couch and left before I got up the next morning. Minding my own business on this one.
On Sunday, I took a long walk out by the lagoon and spent a few hours at the dog park with my bitch. Note to self: white, freckly people need more than SPF 30. Winter always seems to erase that from my memory banks.
Yikes! Sorry about the long post. I learned a new acronym this weekend: TLDNR. I intend to start using it, mostly on myself.
My weekend.. hm.. well, it was 65 beautiful degrees on Friday. Saturday followed with 29 degrees and 8 inches of snow!! I didn’t leave the house all weekend.. I did have my fabulous husband run to the store for some essentials (Grey Goose, Sprite, lemons and Doritos).
Brynhildr, what is TLDNR? I give.
Weather here in SF was unbelievable. We cleaned all day Saturday for the open house we were having on Sunday. Realtor says 40-50 people came through (!) and that there were 3 or 4 couple REALLY interested. Cool. We took the Beast to GGP during the open house and had a great walk around Stowe Lake. The weather was around 70 and there were a million people out. They close off the streets to cars on Sundays so the Beast was able to walk off-leash most of the day. Terrific! BTW, he is officially 20 lbs heavier than me as of this morning at the vet.
LOVE that voicemail! I’m posting it on my FB!
Happy Monday, Surfers!
It was 74 degrees here in NW Oklahoma on Friday, so for dinner we had beer, burgers and brats at a friends house. About 8:30 it started getting cold and raining. By 11:00 pm it had dropped to 36 degrees. Saturday morning it started to snow and snowed all day(state wide blizzard warning), half the night and most of Sunday morning (8 inches of snow on the ground give or take). By 4:30 Sunday afternoon, it was 50% melted, by this moring on my way to work there was only about 10% left. The high for tomorrow is predicted to be back in the low 70’s.
I love Oklahoma.
My husband has to open up his mouse every so often to clean it out, and he has an optical mouse. It’s not hard to do.
Well, it was 70 degrees, beautiful blue skies, and perfect outside here in Chicago as well on Friday. So we went to a friend’s for a bonfire. But 11 pm that night, it was so bitter cold that we moved to our place to warm up. Saturday, you’d think we’d transported to a different state because it was now 38 degrees, freezing rain and 50 mph winds. Nothing interesting really happened this night except we went to a bar that leans slightly to the left due to age, and we were up until 5:30 in the morning partying at a friends after the bar.
Good times.
Knucklehead — TLDNR = too long, did not read
Mouse not working —
I went looking for a site that gives shortcuts that I often use when dealing with a bad mouse.
http://www.raymond.cc/blog/archives/2008/03/13/how-to-navigate-and-use-computer-without-mouse-or-touchpad/
Navigating your PC and the web without a mouse is a skill that can be learned.
Ms. Knucklehead,
TLDNR = You sent me more than 240 characters and, because of my short attention span, chronic underfunding of our schools, my multitasking scan rate, my refusal to acknowledge complexity, and my current interactions with my more interesting friends, I failed to comprehend your message. Feel free to shorten, simplify, and resend.
Yeah, that would be a lot of words if we lived in a world of acromyms. Turns out we live in a world of fractals. Go figure.
Hope this helps…jtb
My office at work is just across the hall from the kitchen. My wireless mouse does all manner or crazy, frustrating things when people use the microwave. Any chance that’s what’s happening with yours?
That’s exactly what I was thinking, Johnthebasket. Verbatim. 😉
Why would you need software for a mouse? Plug it in and it works or it doesn’t.
How much longer can we pretend that the future evidence link has an icon, which it obviously does not? Why? It is a great mystery.
First Yuengling of the year…and second and third. Saturday was the most beautiful day in Georgia that I can recall in recent history. Yet, we sat on our asses inside and played Inca Ball all afternoon. I must be insane.
Spent Saturday night in a lovely cabin in Cook Forest PA. We bought 2 cases of Yuengling right off the bat.The weather was incredible.We had a nice campfire and cooked steaks on the grill. We can’t wait to go back again!
Juancho,
The Further Evidence icon shows up just fine on my screen. The problem on your display is most likely one of the following:
1) Your system is looking for future evidence, which is always an iffy proposition, or…
2) Your mouse software is fucked up.
Hope this helps…jtb
Overweight West Virginians might be interested in a show on PBS on Friday evening, called Jamie Oliver’s something-or-other at 8PM (I think), where the annoying little twat chef Jamie Oliver travels to someplace in WV, that is supposedly the fattest city/town/trailer park in the country, to look at and try to improve the nutrition of local children. Cue cultural misunderstandings and a who-has-the-worst-teeth competition.
Pukka.
You’re really gonna make fun of my solution to Jeff’s problem? No need to waste money on a new mouse if all you need to do is download a driver fix from the manufacturer. It takes less time than hauling your mass to the store, and more importantly, this world really doesn’t need more e-waste in the landfill.
Once again I find my problems are all my own and nobody cares about the weird dream I had last night.
‘Them Cockeyed Vultures’ for $2.99 could potentially be the bargain of the year.
‘Gunman’ and ‘Bandoliers’ are my favourites.
It is a lot like QOTSA, but JPJ gives nice flourishes on the bass and at times you can hear Led Zepness coming through.
Saw them in Edinburgh, and highly recommend catching the live show if you get the chance.
It felt like the first weekend of spring across here too.
Weather up here was a bit cold on Saturday, but during the week it was warm and sunny. The kids here were off for March break so the timing couldn’t have been better. On Saturday I did nothing, which felt great. I highly recommend it. Sunday I did devote an hour to sealing the sub-floor in one of my bedrooms in preparation of installing hardwood later this week.
One more mouse suggestion: Is it cordless? Have you checked the batteries? One of the luddites at my work kept having mouse problems and went through two or three until someone pointed out that there were batteries and they needed to be changed occasionally.
What a fascinating voicemail. Am I to presume that language supposed to be English? Does he have a cleft palate or did he learn elocution from watching a garbled tape of Deliverance? I’ve heard a lot of different accents, including many from the South, but I’ve never heard tomatoes pronounced with a silent “tom” and an “r” thrown in (presumably at random). I’ll bet that guy’s family tree is a straight line going back 10 generations.
Weekend was choice. Rinsed the bird droppings from the Mighty Chrysler, vacuumed out the Winston ashes, went to see my sisters new doggie (Earl) and ate some stuff. Now it’s rainy and colder but what the hell…it’s Monday after all.
And speaking of the ‘Mater Man, I had never actually heard anyone say “sammich” before, but was well aware of Jeff’s frequent references to that word. Must be a Southern thang.
Beautiful weekend here in Nome, Alaska. Sunny, no wind, high temperatures around 20, lows slightly below zero. Broke out the Weber, paid $20 for a 10 pound bag of charcoal, and grilled burgers. Saw Seth Green at Safeway.
The Iditarod Sled Dog Race finished up late Friday. I got to see the Jimmy Buffett sponsored Jamaican musher come into town. Jimmy called Iditarod headquarters about 10 minutes before he came in. They had Ziggy Marley blasting on the PA system downtown, and there was a big crowd when I got there…but some “inside” friends got me up into the chute for to see the guy come in. Saw Seth Green at the Safeway store later on. Fun times!
Only 14 inches of snow left on the ground here. If the sun continues to shine, we’ll be butt deep in potholes and mud in a couple weeks!
Goin’ to Alaska
Where the water runs clear as glass
The home of the penguin,
The walrus and Aurora Borealas–oh yes
See my baby’s heart is frozen
She just don’t treat me nice
I’m gonna search out Santa Claus and ask his advice
When I get up to Alaska maybe someone there‘ll treat me right
i had a pretty cool weekend. My husband and I were vendors at a classic horror expo in Jersey City called “Saturday Nightmares.” The whole thing was a tribute to director George Romero. He was there, as were many of the cast members from “Creepshow” and the original “Night of the Living Dead.” It was cool meeting Romero, and hobnobbing with various minor celebrities.
If anyone is interested, I’ve just started posting some of the photos on my blog. (Click on my name above to get there). Stay tuned, there’s lots more to come.
Oh, and if you are a fan of 80’s horror movies, you can check out our business website: http://www.vhsps.com