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Things You Might Hear While Attending A Baseball Game, But Hopefully Never During Sex

August 23, 2018 By Jeff 33 Comments

I often start these things with a proclamation that I have very limited time. And I’m never lyin’. But today I have very limited time. I have to break out the goddamn italics. So, let’s jump right into it.

Yesterday and today have been somewhat comfortable, here the Upper Pierogi Belt. Oh, it’s roughly the same temperature, but that NFL blanket soaked in sea water humidity has subsided greatly. You take that crap out of the equation, and it’s not bad at all. But it won’t last. Within a couple of days, it’ll be right back to the ocean water comforter. Summer sucks ass.

And every year around this time I’ve officially had enough. I start looking to the skies for those ducks or geese or whatever the hell that start flying southward in giant honking V formations. It’s a sure sign that it’s almost over. This year is no different, not really. Not when it comes to the weather. But… there is one big difference that makes my heart sink every time I think about it.

I’m gonna miss baseball. I’m fully invested again, probably for the first time in 25 years. Crazy, huh? I’ve tried to re-engage several times, and it didn’t take. But, for whatever reason, 2018 was the season of my return. I listen to at least part of every Reds game, and often more than that. They’re not a super-successful team, in fact, they’re in last place, but they’re fun. Oh, they can score a ton of runs in a short period of time, my friends. Unfortunately, their starting pitching is not good. Anyway, as I’ve said before, the Reds are the most exciting terrible team in baseball.

And come fall — my favorite time of year — I’m going to be mourning the loss of the sport. I know I will. I hate to even think about it. The only good thing… At this point in my life, months go by in a flash. So, spring training will roll around in about three or four weeks, in Jeff Kay years.

Anyway, I’m going to drop a Question o’ the Day on you guys, and go back to work. My current workload there is about to trigger a real-life Tony Soprano-style panic attack. I have to get it under control. I’m losing it, man.

So, the Question is in the title: What things might you hear while attending a baseball game, but hopefully not during sex? I have a couple, to get the screwball rolling:

He can’t close the deal. They’re bringing somebody else in.
Oh man, he put that one in the dirt.
Are those Dippin’ Dots?

Maybe not hilarious. But you get the idea. Please help me out, and take over from here. Use the comments section so thoughtfully provided by our WordPress overlords.

And this is the description for the ridiculous new podcast episode, which is available here:

In this one I go on and on about the new Dairy Queen opening near my house, the trouble I had watching the final episode of Alone, people who don’t put enough effort into their ball-busting, and the lyrics of another old Bob Seger song. Thanks for the support! The Thursday shows are especially for you guys. Enjoy!

By the way, the title of this one makes me chuckle: They Turned Me Into A Sexual Lubricant! It’s all explained in the episode.

I’ll see you guys again on Monday.

Have yourselves a great weekend!

Now playing in the bunker
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Filed Under: Daily

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. The Mole says

    August 23, 2018 at 1:02 pm

    1st and 3rd and nobody out…

    Reply
  2. Joe T says

    August 23, 2018 at 1:34 pm

    Ooh that was a filthy backdoor slider!

    Reply
    • SeeKar says

      August 23, 2018 at 2:20 pm

      You beat me to it! First thing I thought when I saw the title was “backdoor slider.”

      Reply
      • Joe T says

        August 24, 2018 at 5:20 am

        LOL!

        Reply
  3. madz1962 says

    August 23, 2018 at 1:39 pm

    He’s sliding in head first!

    Reply
  4. C1-NRB says

    August 23, 2018 at 1:47 pm

    Suicide squeeze.

    He absolutely crushed that ball!

    Reply
  5. WVgasman says

    August 23, 2018 at 1:49 pm

    And, this one belongs to the Reds!

    Reply
  6. AngryWhiteGuy says

    August 23, 2018 at 2:22 pm

    He has no balls and two strikes against him.

    Reply
    • Tiff says

      August 23, 2018 at 7:38 pm

      Winner winner!

      Reply
  7. Root 66 says

    August 23, 2018 at 2:34 pm

    That one’s a real worm burner.

    They’re doing some great pinch-hitting tonight.

    Uh oh…he’s in a pickle now!

    It’s a swing and a miss.

    I thought it was “Dime-a-Dog” night.

    Reply
  8. Steve in WV says

    August 23, 2018 at 3:53 pm

    Heads up!

    Reply
  9. Jeff says

    August 23, 2018 at 3:54 pm

    That one took a bad hop on him.

    Reply
  10. Walter says

    August 23, 2018 at 4:20 pm

    From my favorite baseball movie Major League… “just a bit outside”

    Reply
  11. Kevin says

    August 23, 2018 at 4:32 pm

    Foul balls.

    Reply
  12. madz1962 says

    August 23, 2018 at 4:32 pm

    He’s not looking too good up on the mound tonight.

    He balked on that pitch.

    Reply
  13. Kevin says

    August 23, 2018 at 4:33 pm

    Chin music

    Reply
  14. Kevin says

    August 23, 2018 at 4:34 pm

    Charging the mound.

    Reply
  15. dto says

    August 23, 2018 at 6:48 pm

    He has reached third base on his first three attempts but has yet to score.

    Reply
  16. Tiff says

    August 23, 2018 at 7:42 pm

    It’s right down the foul line!

    He’s got a wild sinker!

    * IDK – it’s been too long since I have gone to a game I guess. *

    Reply
  17. RJD says

    August 23, 2018 at 7:54 pm

    Ball three!

    Reply
    • The Mole says

      August 23, 2018 at 8:20 pm

      Ball four!

      Reply
  18. Madz1962 says

    August 23, 2018 at 8:34 pm

    Four balls???

    Reply
    • revashanes says

      August 24, 2018 at 5:54 am

      Pitch to the rhino.

      Reply
  19. Jorge says

    August 23, 2018 at 10:24 pm

    I can’t think of any phrases off hand, but I know one thing for certain: doing a Harry Carey impression during (ahem)… wraps up the “inning” instantly.

    Please don’t ask how I know this, I’ll be offering no further information or explainations. Just trust me on this one.

    Reply
  20. Harley Squirrelnuts says

    August 24, 2018 at 12:22 am

    “Looks like a spitter”.

    Reply
    • Harley Squirrelnuts says

      August 24, 2018 at 12:33 am

      “There seems to be a problem with the rubber”.
      “He really should have gone in feet first”.
      “They’re bringing out the tarps”.

      Reply
  21. Jeff says

    August 24, 2018 at 10:47 am

    He’s just not getting good wood on it tonight.

    Reply
    • madz1962 says

      August 24, 2018 at 1:25 pm

      LOL!

      Reply
  22. Mookie325 says

    August 24, 2018 at 10:55 am

    “He steps on the rubber”
    “He wasn’t in the box”
    “It’s off the foul pole”
    “He’s not been getting to first base”

    Reply
  23. Doug says

    August 24, 2018 at 11:59 am

    “Eating that number 2 hole up!!” ~actually heard during a Texas Rangers broadcast last year

    Reply
  24. Alley_Cat says

    August 24, 2018 at 12:23 pm

    Did you get a look at his pop up?

    And from Dizzy Dean and Pee Wee Reese:
    The one that cost him his job announcing the game of the week. The camera kept panning on a couple making out in the bleachers inning after inning. Towards the end of the game Diz says to Pee Wee Reese: “Pee Wee, I’ve finally figured out what’s going on out there. He’s kissing her on the strikes and she’s kissing him on the balls.”

    Reply
  25. cbrown says

    August 24, 2018 at 12:37 pm

    There’s a full house on hand tonight to watch the Twins take on the Padres

    Reply
  26. SCShawn says

    August 24, 2018 at 3:04 pm

    It’s high! It’s deep! It’s gone!

    Reply

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