I often start these things with a proclamation that I have very limited time. And I’m never lyin’. But today I have very limited time. I have to break out the goddamn italics. So, let’s jump right into it.
Yesterday and today have been somewhat comfortable, here the Upper Pierogi Belt. Oh, it’s roughly the same temperature, but that NFL blanket soaked in sea water humidity has subsided greatly. You take that crap out of the equation, and it’s not bad at all. But it won’t last. Within a couple of days, it’ll be right back to the ocean water comforter. Summer sucks ass.
And every year around this time I’ve officially had enough. I start looking to the skies for those ducks or geese or whatever the hell that start flying southward in giant honking V formations. It’s a sure sign that it’s almost over. This year is no different, not really. Not when it comes to the weather. But… there is one big difference that makes my heart sink every time I think about it.
I’m gonna miss baseball. I’m fully invested again, probably for the first time in 25 years. Crazy, huh? I’ve tried to re-engage several times, and it didn’t take. But, for whatever reason, 2018 was the season of my return. I listen to at least part of every Reds game, and often more than that. They’re not a super-successful team, in fact, they’re in last place, but they’re fun. Oh, they can score a ton of runs in a short period of time, my friends. Unfortunately, their starting pitching is not good. Anyway, as I’ve said before, the Reds are the most exciting terrible team in baseball.
And come fall — my favorite time of year — I’m going to be mourning the loss of the sport. I know I will. I hate to even think about it. The only good thing… At this point in my life, months go by in a flash. So, spring training will roll around in about three or four weeks, in Jeff Kay years.
Anyway, I’m going to drop a Question o’ the Day on you guys, and go back to work. My current workload there is about to trigger a real-life Tony Soprano-style panic attack. I have to get it under control. I’m losing it, man.
So, the Question is in the title: What things might you hear while attending a baseball game, but hopefully not during sex? I have a couple, to get the screwball rolling:
He can’t close the deal. They’re bringing somebody else in.
Oh man, he put that one in the dirt.
Are those Dippin’ Dots?
Maybe not hilarious. But you get the idea. Please help me out, and take over from here. Use the comments section so thoughtfully provided by our WordPress overlords.
And this is the description for the ridiculous new podcast episode, which is available here:
In this one I go on and on about the new Dairy Queen opening near my house, the trouble I had watching the final episode of Alone, people who don’t put enough effort into their ball-busting, and the lyrics of another old Bob Seger song. Thanks for the support! The Thursday shows are especially for you guys. Enjoy!
By the way, the title of this one makes me chuckle: They Turned Me Into A Sexual Lubricant! It’s all explained in the episode.
I’ll see you guys again on Monday.
Have yourselves a great weekend!
Now playing in the bunker
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The Mole says
1st and 3rd and nobody out…
Joe T says
Ooh that was a filthy backdoor slider!
You beat me to it! First thing I thought when I saw the title was “backdoor slider.”
Joe T says
He’s sliding in head first!
He absolutely crushed that ball!
And, this one belongs to the Reds!
He has no balls and two strikes against him.
Root 66 says
That one’s a real worm burner.
They’re doing some great pinch-hitting tonight.
Uh oh…he’s in a pickle now!
It’s a swing and a miss.
I thought it was “Dime-a-Dog” night.
Steve in WV says
That one took a bad hop on him.
From my favorite baseball movie Major League… “just a bit outside”
He’s not looking too good up on the mound tonight.
He balked on that pitch.
Charging the mound.
He has reached third base on his first three attempts but has yet to score.
It’s right down the foul line!
He’s got a wild sinker!
* IDK – it’s been too long since I have gone to a game I guess. *
The Mole says
Pitch to the rhino.
I can’t think of any phrases off hand, but I know one thing for certain: doing a Harry Carey impression during (ahem)… wraps up the “inning” instantly.
Please don’t ask how I know this, I’ll be offering no further information or explainations. Just trust me on this one.
Harley Squirrelnuts says
“Looks like a spitter”.
Harley Squirrelnuts says
“There seems to be a problem with the rubber”.
“He really should have gone in feet first”.
“They’re bringing out the tarps”.
He’s just not getting good wood on it tonight.
“He steps on the rubber”
“He wasn’t in the box”
“It’s off the foul pole”
“He’s not been getting to first base”
“Eating that number 2 hole up!!” ~actually heard during a Texas Rangers broadcast last year
Did you get a look at his pop up?
And from Dizzy Dean and Pee Wee Reese:
The one that cost him his job announcing the game of the week. The camera kept panning on a couple making out in the bleachers inning after inning. Towards the end of the game Diz says to Pee Wee Reese: “Pee Wee, I’ve finally figured out what’s going on out there. He’s kissing her on the strikes and she’s kissing him on the balls.”
There’s a full house on hand tonight to watch the Twins take on the Padres
It’s high! It’s deep! It’s gone!