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The Subjects Nobody Should Talk About, Because They’re Too Goddamn Boring

November 12, 2013 By Jeff 50 Comments

boredLast night at work I listened to the latest episode of This American Life. In it, they spoke to the mother of one of the show’s producers, who has strong opinions about things. She’s an older British lady, and I liked her immediately. She’s no-nonsense, and has a low-tolerance for asshattery.

They were talking, specifically, about the woman’s rules for conversation. She has an itemized list of seven subjects people should never talk about, because nobody else cares. It was more focused than our own Rules of Thumb, but along the same lines. I was laughing along, in general agreement. And even when I didn’t TOTALLY agree, I still appreciated her approach to things.

Here are her seven subjects nobody should ever talk about, and a few of my quick thoughts.

How you slept Ha! I’m guilty of this one, although not often. Sometimes I toss and turn, and the next morning the bed looks like an epileptic went off in it. And I report it to the world. But some people come to work and pontificate at length about their arm falling asleep, and their pillow needs to be replaced, blah blah blah. Nobody gives a shit.

Your dreams Yes! This is on our Rules of Thumb, and I couldn’t agree more. The only exception is when it’s truly bizarre, and the person tells it quickly: in and out, hitting only the interesting points. But that rarely happens. It usually goes on and on, with all sorts of numbing details. This one would definitely be on my personal list, as well. Although I’ve been known to break it.

Your period I don’t know about this one. When it’s just a vehicle for complaining about cramps and such, I’m in agreement. But if it’s something disgusting and inappropriate, I’m all for it. I’m not sure I’m in agreement with this one.

Your health The woman made it clear she was talking about normal aches and pains, and not cancer or something serious like that. She meant people who tell you every detail of their latest visit to the doctor, and all the prescriptions they’re taking, etc. I’m totally with her on this one. Nearly everywhere I’ve worked in my life (although not really at the current place) there’s been a fat woman who LOVED to talk about her health issues. I can see their fleshy faces in my brain right now, and get a full-body shiver.

Money This is something I rarely talk about, because I was taught, via example, that it’s private. But lots o’ people will tell you everything, and it makes me a little uncomfortable. Sometimes it’s not boring, just inappropriate. What is boring, is people whining about how poor they are. Now, that’s boring.

Your diet I’m down with this. The daily reports of how many pounds you’ve lost, what you had for dinner, how you’ve been forced to eliminate bread from your meals. There’s not a person anywhere who cares. Knock it off.

“Route talk” That’s what the woman called it. She meant people who go on and on about how they got somewhere, the route they took, the amount of traffic they encountered, etc. I’m guilty of serial-bitching about Interstate 81, but understand what she’s saying. This is dull stuff. Which is why I generally dress it up with a lot of profanity, and threats of suicide and/or homicide.

And those are her seven subjects you should never talk about, because they’re just too goddamn boring. What are your thoughts? Please tell us about it in the comments section below.

I’d like to add an eighth item: your job. It’s OK to discuss it quickly, and generally. But when you start getting into the weeds, and telling me about what James said, and the sheer injustice of it all… I start to glaze over. I don’t know who the fuck James is, don’t care, and am probably thinking about pot roast as you drone on. Pass the beer nuts.

If you have anything you’d like to add to the list, feel free to nominate it in the comments.

And I’ll see you guys again tomorrow.

Have yourselves a fine day!

Now playing in the bunker
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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Ognir says

    November 12, 2013 at 1:42 pm

    For me – it would be guns, the weather, and football.

    Reply
  2. Pete says

    November 12, 2013 at 1:54 pm

    Kids. If you can’t think of something to talk about other than your kids, get a hobby.

    Reply
    • kristin says

      November 12, 2013 at 2:36 pm

      Or your pets.

      Just typing that made me want to scream.

      Reply
      • madz1962 says

        November 12, 2013 at 3:16 pm

        At least pets are more interesting and often better looking.

        Reply
  3. Billy Joel says

    November 12, 2013 at 2:03 pm

    I also enjoyed this week’s TAL, and also liked the British lady immediately and immensely.

    Hear hear on the job-talk. These soliloquies are typically not about the interesting work that a person finds themselves engaged in at their jobs, but rather are extended bitch-fests about how they were wronged this way and that (and on and on and on).

    No one cares

    Find something interesting to talk about or shut up.

    Reply
  4. johnthebasket says

    November 12, 2013 at 2:16 pm

    I’m happy that there’s some NPR talk on the site, but with regard to podcasts, I’m much more interested in Booker T. Jones’ appearance on WTF last Friday. He’s a gentleman who has every reason to be a little bitter, but he chooses to celebrate life through his music.

    Music is something worth talking about.

    jtb

    Reply
    • Stephanie says

      November 12, 2013 at 5:17 pm

      …and today is his (and Neil Young’s!) birthdays, too!

      Music = talking about.

      Absolutely.

      Reply
      • johnthebasket says

        November 12, 2013 at 7:08 pm

        Booker T recorded with Neil Young on a couple of albums, then toured with him as his B3 player.

        Born exactly one year apart, one 68 and one 69, and still rock and groove the socks off musicians two generations younger.

        Booker T didn’t get rich in the business. He plays about 12 instruments well enough to be a studio player on them. After Katrina, Booker T sent all his instruments except the B3 to New Orleans as replacements for instruments lost in the flood by young jazzers. He is one remarkable motherfucker.

        jtb

        Reply
        • Stephanie says

          November 12, 2013 at 8:13 pm

          I agree…he is remarkable, indeed. I heard him doing an interview with NPR recently…awesome.

          Reply
      • neilyoungfan says

        November 12, 2013 at 9:27 pm

        Booker played keyboards on the 2002 Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young tour too. Great shows! Happy 68th birthday, Neil!

        Reply
        • Stephanie says

          November 12, 2013 at 9:37 pm

          ARGH! More great shows I missed seeing…

          Reply
    • WB in OH says

      November 12, 2013 at 5:53 pm

      I can’t believe I didn’t own any of his music until 5 minutes ago, thanks John.

      Reply
  5. Griff says

    November 12, 2013 at 2:25 pm

    In no particular order:
    The weather
    How much you had to dink last night
    Your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ

    Reply
    • Billy Joel says

      November 12, 2013 at 2:52 pm

      Its OK, Jesus still loves you…..

      Reply
      • John Smith says

        November 12, 2013 at 3:24 pm

        My gardener knows Griff?

        Reply
    • madz1962 says

      November 12, 2013 at 4:24 pm

      If you dink, you’re going to get dunk. Simple as that.

      Reply
      • t-storm says

        November 12, 2013 at 5:46 pm

        you might also get tpsy or a dunk diving charge.

        Reply
  6. madz1962 says

    November 12, 2013 at 2:37 pm

    Your workout regime. Nobody cares that you did 18 reps of ass cheek crunches. Or what half marathon you’re training for.

    The raw food, organic bee pollen, this cures cancer and genital warts epiphany you just experienced.

    Reply
    • Tay says

      November 12, 2013 at 3:22 pm

      And it’s first cousin: fluoridated water/chicken pox vaccine/Kennedy assassination/911/American Idol conspiracy rant…

      Reply
  7. Dogberryjr says

    November 12, 2013 at 2:44 pm

    Does this look infected/swollen?

    Reply
  8. TR says

    November 12, 2013 at 3:08 pm

    Religion!! Keep it to yourself!

    Reply
  9. Sheryl says

    November 12, 2013 at 3:18 pm

    a person’s bowel movements–not interested!!!

    Reply
    • The Pontificator says

      November 12, 2013 at 3:45 pm

      Men love to boast about how big their crap was.

      Reply
  10. Tay says

    November 12, 2013 at 3:18 pm

    I’m guilty of the job thing. I plan on stopping as soon as justice is restored to the universe. Any day now, right?

    I don’t talk about my dreams because I always have the same one: dressed like Minnie Pearl, I lose my keys at Burning Man.

    Reply
  11. John Smith says

    November 12, 2013 at 3:23 pm

    How your college sports team is doing. I went to college. I gave them money and went to classes. They gave me access to knowledge, then a piece of paper.

    DONE! FINISHED! SO OVER IT!

    Reply
    • Billy Joel says

      November 12, 2013 at 4:03 pm

      So I’m going to guess that you didn’t go to FSU or ‘Bama

      Reply
      • Uncle_Wedgie says

        November 12, 2013 at 5:59 pm

        Like the guy whose last words before the lethal injection we “Roll Tide”. I’m pretty sure he was not an alumni.

        Reply
        • John Smith says

          November 13, 2013 at 10:52 am

          Pet peeve alert. One is an alumnus. Two or more are alumni.

          Another pet peeve. If were talking about the little cubes with dots used in many board games, one is a die, two are dice. If you’re talking about semiconductors, one is a dice, two or more are die.

          Reply
          • chill says

            November 13, 2013 at 5:32 pm

            What is up with semiconductor people? I know that “two die” is common usage and has been for decades, but it’s the opposite of correct English. Any idea where that came from? I could take a cheap shot at (hypothetical) semi-literate engineers, but that would be wrong.
            .

            Reply
            • John Smith says

              November 14, 2013 at 2:05 pm

              Maybe engineers don’t do good in English classes? 😉

              Reply
              • Miss Q says

                November 14, 2013 at 3:16 pm

                Don’t do “well”.

                Reply
          • Uncle_Wedgie says

            November 13, 2013 at 7:27 pm

            Lighten up Frances

            Reply
            • chill says

              November 13, 2013 at 8:12 pm

              That’s Francis to you, Cardinal Ratzenberger.
              .

              Reply
  12. required says

    November 12, 2013 at 7:37 pm

    I heard that show as well. I thought she sounded like a real piece of work. She told a story about how Robert Redford drove to her house and committed the crime of “route talk”, resulting in Mr. Redford being “dead to her”.

    And by the way, why would she think I’m interested in listening to her ramble on about her rules on what people can say in her presence? Hypocrite much?

    Reply
    • Phantom Railfan says

      November 12, 2013 at 8:50 pm

      Agreed. I didn’t hear the whole show, but she also had arbitrary rules like nobody’s allowed to call a sofa a couch. People like that can go fuck themselves.

      Reply
      • The Qweezy Mark says

        November 13, 2013 at 10:50 am

        The people who call a sofa a couch, or the one’s with the arbitrary rules?

        Reply
  13. bikerchick says

    November 12, 2013 at 8:04 pm

    The “Give-A-Shit” Meter runs into the red zone for me when people talk about their kids. I have friends with kids over 18 and they still talk about them like they’re 8 months. Spare me.

    Reply
    • chill says

      November 12, 2013 at 9:48 pm

      But little Dakota is 252 months old!
      .

      Reply
      • madz1962 says

        November 13, 2013 at 10:21 am

        I don’t have kids so anyone talking about their offspring usually irritates me but this took WTF to a whole new level. I was running to meet someone for coffee and knew the lobby would be freezing so I grabbed a hoodie sweater, flung it over my head and went on my merry way. Well, my friend goes to straighten out the hood part and says “I can’t help it. I’m a mom.” in that woe is me, no rest for the weary expression. What, pray tell, does that fucking mean? That I’m a sloppy looking piece of shit because I don’t have kids?

        Reply
        • T-STORM says

          November 13, 2013 at 10:41 am

          You should have shit your pants to see if she’d dip her finger in there to see what was going on.

          Reply
          • WB in OH says

            November 13, 2013 at 5:51 pm

            Thank God most everyone has cleared out of the office, I just released a Louis Skolnick style laugh. (Revenge of the Nerds).

            Reply
          • Bill in WV says

            November 14, 2013 at 3:10 pm

            LMAO Storm !!

            Reply
  14. chill says

    November 12, 2013 at 9:53 pm

    I second the football, especially college football. For some reason football talk bugs me more than other sports talk. Especially when people drop names, like I’m supposed to a) know who that is and b) be impressed.

    When I was shopping for an Institution of Higher Learning, I made a point of staying away from the football factories.
    .

    Reply
  15. Miss Q says

    November 13, 2013 at 2:13 pm

    Talking about what subjects not to talk about because they’re too goddamn boring is too goddamn boring.

    Damn, I’m witty!

    Reply
  16. maineseadog says

    November 14, 2013 at 9:24 am

    That program you watched on television last night…in detail…the one I told you I don’t watch or ever want to watch. I see your mouth moving, but I’m not listening. So don’t bother.

    Reply
  17. Bill in WV says

    November 14, 2013 at 3:12 pm

    Those witness dudes that show up on my doorstep, wanting to “educate” me to their way of thinking. I just pull my crank out and start pissing on their shoes.

    Reply
    • Miss Q says

      November 14, 2013 at 3:17 pm

      I’ve never had penis envy before now.

      Reply
      • madz1962 says

        November 14, 2013 at 3:23 pm

        LMAO. Me too, Miss Q!

        Reply
    • John Smith says

      November 15, 2013 at 2:40 pm

      I invite them in to watch a few episodes of Mr. Deity on YouTube. Seriously, check it out. It’s the funniest thing since…. ever.

      Reply
  18. Westersteve says

    November 15, 2013 at 2:09 pm

    I feel that lady on the radio does not exist in the same world that I do. Our most popular topics at work
    1) college football- we live and work in the center of northern football ( rhymes with zohio state)
    2) sleep schedules- since we work at night we try to gauge how bad our 11 hour will be depending on our coworkers sleep the afternoon before.
    3) children/ food/ pets -you have to talk about something and these 3 topics people at least some stories to share

    Reply

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