Last night I was talking to our older boy on the phone. He and his brother had just returned home from swim practice, and this is part of our conversation:
Me: What are you doing?
Him: Getting ready to have dinner.
Me: At 8 o’clock?
Him: Yeah, I’m starving.
Me: What are you having, a baloney sandwich?
Him: (laughs) No, I’ve never tasted baloney.
Me: I know, and that saddens me. I grew up on it.
Him: What’s it made of?
Me: Pig scrotums, buttholes, lips, and some other stuff. But mostly scrotums, I think. It’s good stuff.
He wasn’t convinced, for some reason. But, it’s true: I did grow up on it. Between the ages of 2 and 22 I ingested hundreds, if not thousands, of baloney sandwiches. Some fried, some not. However, once I moved away from home… I never ate it again. I don’t know why; it wasn’t a conscious decision, I just never personally purchased it.
And now it’s a creepy and mysterious thing to our boys. Probably like “souse” was to me, when I was their age. Shit! I just had a full-body shiver.
When I was a kid my dad also liked a weird Spam knockoff, known as Treet. Are you familiar with this delicacy? It looked like a hunk of human flesh, encased in a snot gasket. It was revolting to look at, but by the time he’d fried it up… it was fantastic. That’s another thing I haven’t eaten since I was young, and probably never will again. Although, I’m not completely opposed.
Do you have anything like that? Something you ate regularly as a kid, but never as an adult? And what’s your history with baloney, aka “West Virginia round steak?” I think it kinda peaked in the 1970s, right? Do people under the age of 80 still eat it?
Also, I’d like to ask a Question from my sons’ point of view. What non-obscure foods have you never tried? Anything? Are there any foods that people might be surprised to learn you’ve never eaten? I’ve mentioned it before, but I’ve never had Lucky Charms. Those little pencil eraser marshmallows concern me, and always have.
So, there you go… today’s assignment. I have to go to work early, yet again, so this one’s a little brief. But I’m hoping you guys can take up my slack.
Please remember, I’m trying to get the site’s page views up in October, so any help you can provide is appreciated. Yesterday’s gallery of fast food signs gone wrong is tailor-made for Facebook, for instance. Please share it (or anything else here), if you’re so inclined.
And I’ll see you guys again tomorrow.
Have yourselves a great day!
Now playing in the bunker
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Mmmm….. pig scrotums!
You can get bologna by the log now.
http://i.walmartimages.com/i/p/00/01/59/00/27/0001590027004_500X500.jpg
Stopped eating baloney at around 8 years old, picked it up again during my early teens, dropped it again in my late 20s, and just recently started eating it regularly again now that I’ve moved back in with my 80ish father. It seems to be one of his basic staples, but we only buy it from the deli counter. As if that makes it somehow better…
Spam and Treet used to be low-cost options, but now they run about as expensive as regular meats like hamburger…
I’ve never eaten sushi, which has become a common meal among many of my friends. And most surprisingly to friends and family: I don’t drink coffee, ever. I just don’t like it. On the rare occasion I find myself in a coffee shop I opt for tea or some kind of soft drink.
I bought some baloney last weekend. I don’t know if I ever ate Spam or Treat. What about Underwood Deviled Ham Spread? I probably have not ate that since the 1980s.
Armour Potted Meat. LOL, Karl Childers loved the shit. Mmmmmmm….Hmmmmmmmm,,,,,,,
I used to love the Underwood chicken spread on white bread loaded with Miracle Whip. Have not had one since I flew the nest.
I loved Underwood Deviled Ham when I was a kid. That and Farmer John liverwurst. Both with mayo on white bread. Dear God, there’s no way in hell I’d ever eat those again. A little too Donner Party.
I used to eat baloney sandwiches as a kid but never ate it as an adult and also deviled ham in the little cans. My mom also used to get liverwurst lunch meat, never ate that again as an adult. I kinda remember trying canned sardines when I was little but won’t go near that shit nowadays.
Denty Moore beef stew in the can, beefaroni. Man we ate tons of canned food growing up.
I still eat baloney on occasion. I’ll eat it plain if I can get the thin-sliced variety. (Also, you have to leave it out for about ten minutes, individual slices draped over something until they ‘sweat’, then – CHOMP!) It’s best, though, on toasted bread with Miracle Whip, lettuce, tomato and American cheese (preferably Kraft and not that wimpy shit in individual wrappers).
I do not eat spam any more although I used to fry it up, toast hamburger buns on the edges of the skillet and serve with cheese and maybe Miracle Whip. Would probably make me puke my guts up nowadays.
Still FLOVE Tuna Helper. Difference now is I used albacore tuna and put in THREE WHOLE CANS of the stuff. Outstanding. And fuck you if you don’t like it.
Sweaty boloney!?
The horror.
Like other things, when it’s ‘wet’ – you know it’s ready.
I liked baloney sandwiches as a kid (lots of yellow mustard and maybe some Miracle Whip), but I bought it very rarely as an adult even before I cut my meat consumption down to almost nothing. Like another childhood fave, Oscar Meyer hot dogs, baloney is just too processed and salty and unnatural in color for an adult to seriously enjoy.
My mom cooked an awful lot of stuff that started with a can of some kind of condensed soup and I never eat anything like that now. When I think of her “spaghetti sauce” that was made of a can Campbell’s tomato soup, a can of tomato sauce and a can of tomato paste (plus garlic, onion and oregano – it wasn’t completely flavorless), I can hardly believe I ever consumed such a thing voluntarily and enthusiastically.
I only ever tried SPAM in the boy scouts. They used to fry it over the fire. Spaghetti-Os with meatballs has dropped off of the list of go-to lunch items since I grew up.
I’m a fat guy. If it’s technically palatable and commonly available in this region I’ve probably gone back for seconds.
Things I haven’t had since I was a kid? Tang. Strawberry Quik, Marathon bars. Hardee’s (they left the region), Burger Chef. I’d indulge in all of them were they readily found or back in business.
Those few months in a world without Hostess nearly broke me.
Seriously though, I can’t think of anything that I’ve consciously and consistently refused upon entering adulthood.
No wonder I’m fat.
This topic makes me sad.
And hungry.
Mostly hungry.
Go search for “Candy you ate as a kid” on the Intertubez. You should find some place like “oldtimecandycompany” or “oldtymecandycompany”. They have a very good approximation of the Marathon bar called “Gurly Wurly”.
For I too am fat……
I spotted some Popeye Cigarettes recently, and figured what the hell, might as well see if its anything like I remember.
Nope.
Maybe becuase they where now called Popeye Candy Sticks, or if it was the lack of the red end, but they sure lacked a lot of anything and certainly lacked any addictiveness that I seem to remember. Maybe the originals where laced with nicotene to stay true to their name…
The problem there is these are best on cold mornings so the passing motorists think all the kids at the bus stop are really smoking. You need to try them again in the winter.
My usual bagged lunch while in elementary school was a bologna and cheese sammie with cheetos inside the bread.
My mother use to eat Potted Meat. on Saltines. It looked and smelled like cat food to me. She also ate pickled gis feet and put calf brains in scrambled eggs. I guess that’s what you eat when you grow up poor in the South….
Armor Treet, fried crispy brown, drenched with Tabasco, on white bread. It’s what the cafeteria in heaven is serving.
Every now and then when I get extremely poor I’ll buy a loaf of bread, a bag of chips, and a package of bologna. It will be my lunch for the next week or two. I found that Taco Bell’s Fire Sauce adds a little flavoring to the once liquified meat product.
I recall eating Franco American canned spaghetti…turns out there was cheese in it! No wonder that crap tasted so awful. I ate it twice, then my parents got wise and bought canned ravioli and tamales. Why I could eat those and not the spaghetti, I don’t know.
Treet, Spam, spiced luncheon loaf, bologna–I loved that crap as a young’un, fried up with either Kraft sandwich spread, lettuce, and gobs of yellow mustard on wheat or EarthGrains thin rye bread was a go to lunch. I haven’t eaten any of that stuff in at least 20 years–the last time I ate bologna, the mere smell was enough to cause major heaves. Strange.
I haven’t had bologna in 35 years and even then I only had it a couple of times a couple of times. My mom banned it from the house due the the high scrotum content.
Smoked oysters: I LOVED these as a kid! I’d sit down to a whole tin as a snack and still want more, but I haven’t had any since my early 20s.
Velveeta “cheese”: My grandma used to buy this stuff, but once again it was on mom’s banned list. I haven’t had any since the mid 70s. I didn’t even know they still made it until I just googled it.
Pork rinds: Ironically the woman who banned bologna and velveeta loved pork rinds. Haven’t had any in years.
“Russian Tea”: Again, something my grandmother served. I’m actually not even sure what it is. I know she made it by mixing Tang, nutmeg, cloves (I think), and a bunch of other stuff. Likely a recipe she got off the side of a box sometime in the early 70s. It was served hot and was quite good.
Creamed cod on toast: Another grandma thing. She’d serve this to me once a week. I could make it myself but the cost of cod is prohibitive and it a pain in the ass.
Pepperidge Farms vanilla cake: Again, I loved this stuff. I liven in Ontario and it’s not available here anymore.
Mincemeat: A staple around the house (and seemingly all my friend’s houses) over Christmas. Mom and grandma would make their own, but most people would buy it. I haven’t had any since I was a kid and it’s a streak I’m not looking to break. (CSB: A grocery store near me closed a few months ago and during the big fire sale I saw a woman fill her cart with tins of the stuff. What does anyone do with 50+ tins of mincemeat?)
Jello with “stuff” in it: Growing up in the early 70s a lot of women were in the habit of putting weird shit in jello. I’m not talking about fruit cocktail or mandarin oranges, but shredded carrot, cabbage salad, and even shrimp (I swear to god, just google it and see if you don’t believe me). I haven’t seen this done in over 30 years and I still wonder what they were thinking doing it in the first place.
I saw a cookbook for that sort of thing online somewhere. I remember that. Also – lunch meat with stuff in it. Which I never liked.
take a look at Lilek’s Gallery of Regretable Food on lileks.com. some really nasty shit there!
Lileks is friggin’ HILARIOUS.
My mom used to make jello with shredded carrots and raisins in it. I forgot all about that.
I had orange jello with shredded carrots in it at a relatives last year – I think it was called “jello salad”.
This one’s a no-brainer for me: Tongue (specifically cow tongue), either on a plate or in a sandwich. My grandparents were Eastern European Jews. Also on that list: borscht, halvah, liverwurst, and those 3-inch-around hot dogs called “specials”.
Shockingly, I recently found out that my sister still makes the traditional tongue dinner, but certainly not when I’m visiting.
I found a tongue laying by the side of the road in Brooklyn many years ago. It was the oddest thing I’ve ever seen.
I want to hear more about your sister’s tongue dinner. Please send pictures.
The neighbor lady makes a damn fine pickled tongue. Sorry, I do not have any pictures.
I’ve never eaten a Twinkie, they just look gross, but I have eaten tongue sandwiches. My gross-meter may need adjusting.
I have not had Tang since I was a kid. It was one of my grand fathers choice daytime drinks on the farm. The other, and where I picked up my taste for it, Cold coffee. As in, brew a pot and stick it in the fridge cold. I carry on the cold coffee tradition.
Balogna never graced our fridge either as a kid. I think during my highschool years was the first time I ever tasted it.
And I don’t go out of my way to taste or eat Sushi, or chicken wings. WTF is the point of a chicken wing? More bone than meat. I’m a breast man, give me a nice breast to sink my teeth into… err, wrap my lips around… err, savor. Yeah, savor.
I still eat bologna sandwiches but they are always thick and fried with a crispy crust. I add some miracle whip and yellow mustard. My mother was a fan of souse I tried it a few times but the jelly consistency was a horror.
Canned cream corn is DISGUSTING! That’s the only “vegetable” my mother knew how to make, so I haven’t had it once sine I moved out. I don’t think I’ve ever eaten a chicken wing, I’ve had boneless ones, but I’m not a fan of the dissembling food from bones.
Love baloney, but my wife won’t let it in the house.
I remember as a kid we used to have that tuna casserole. I haven’t had that since I was a kid.
I’ve never had guacamole or avocados. They both seem to be “the thing” right now. I’m not going to try it. AND, I’ve never had a drink of white milk since 1967.
When we were little you told me you put coffee in your cereal because you hated milk. That’s when I first knew you needed a kick in the nads.
My dad ate bologna with butter. Got that? Butter (everyone shiver). I haven’t had bologna in ages. Never had a smores. Outgrew a lot of stuff. I hate writing these from my phone. More later.
My father would put butter on sandwiches like that. A British thing, I think.
These days I eat only all beef bologna or hot dogs. I LOVE it but really don’t want to. They are guilty pleasures.
I will no longer eat McNuggets. Nuh-Uh. No way.
I refuse to eat the old-fashioned have-to-actually-cook oatmeal. It was a staple on our breakfast table as a child. It was thick and pasty then -even with brown sugar and raisins MOM- and I envision it as being exactly the same today.
I still eat bologna; I’ve never stopped eating it. Stop & Shop sells a really fine garlic bologna.
I haven’t eaten Spam in years. I bought a few cans a while back just to get a t-shirt. Scrapple is another example of waste products in a can.
My mother worked when I got older, so she sometimes cut corners when it came to dinner. We ate Dinty-Moore Stew, hamburger helper, tuna helper, creamed chicken.
I get tongue sandwiches at Katzinger’s Deli in Columbus. I never had tongue until I tried it there. I was maybe 50 at the time. Never had tongue growing up. It’s absolutely delicious!
Another reason to get my ass to Katzingers! I like tongue and liverwurst .. grew up on it
You and I may have talked about this before. I remember mentioning Katzinger’s to someone who lived in Columbus. Maybe it was you. Get a tongue sandwich. Holy Crap, they’re good!
Hmmmm?? I never thought about using liverwurst on my wife.
Damn, looks like I need to make it downtown to get some Katzingers!
As a kid I ate a lot of cans of Vienna sausages – wouldn’t touch that now without gagging a little. I do miss the taste of a properly fried baloney or Spam sandwich.
I also used to eat a lot of those Kraft macaroni & cheese dinners from a box – the kind with the envelope of bright orange cheese powder that wanted to clump when you mixed it into the noodles and butter. Rarely, we got the more expensive deluxe variety, with the included can of cheesy goo. Luxury!
I grew up out in the boonies of western washington state. learned how to skin and process venison when i was 12, ate tongue, liver, heart (still favorites) baloney.. all that stuff
nowadays, i can’t stand tuna and I never liked split pea soup..
had a can of sardines last night and usually i just chomp it..this time the whole spine of the sardine go caught on my fork and i just couldnt bear to eat it.. so i ripped out the rest of fisheys spines and chomped the rest haha
I probably haven’t drunk a glass of milk on over 25 years. I suppose I was given a glass of milk with just about every meal as a kid, though. Maybe I’ve had enough cow’s milk already.
Creamed peas from the frozen food section. YUM
Don’t even know if they make them anymore.
Does anyone remember the astronaut sticks? Some sort of chocolate stick like a slim jim. Ate the heck out of those as a kid. Tang–wouldn’t drink it because my brother liked it.
Kraft Mac-n-Cheese in a box (gives me gas now), Chef Boy_r_dee pizza in a box (gives me roids now), and hotdogs…which I eat to this day
Still eat balogna, but usually with a slice of some other kind of lunchmeat on the same sandwich. Last week I bought a 1/2 lb of Lebanon balogna, a dark smoked lunchmeat that was a favorite as a kid.
The wife and I still eat spam a couple times a month, either as Spamburgers cooked on the grill or Spam chunked up in scalloped potatoes.
Haven’t had balogna in a while. Not against it. I don’t think I’ve ever had tongue. Most things I will try once. Most things. I like sushi but I think just because it is a vehicle to get soy sauce and wasabi into me.
I can no longer eat Pepperidge farms Milano cookies or glazed donuts. I must have had bad experiences with them as a kid.
Pimento loaf – yuk, f-ing yuk !!!
You mean olive loaf? One of my faves.
That’s it. I hated that stuff.
I had to go to a funeral earlier this week. There was a little lunch/reception afterwards, and it seemed that the church ladies had made the food. One of the things on offer was a “chopped ham and pickle sandwich”. I had completely forgotten this existed, and man is it good. I’ve only ever seen it in Massachusetts. To complete the visual effect, the sandwiches were made with a mini-size New England style hot dog roll, with an olive slice atop each sammidge. Very 1950s-looking.
Lebanon bologna used to be a staple around our house when I was in high school, but here in Virginia nobody has even heard of it. Phil, where are you getting the stuff?
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In grade school, I lived on Lunchables with the little crackers, cheese squares and circles of slimy grayish white turkey. They’re sold in my work’s vending machine and I got one in a moment of starvation and deadlines recently. Couldn’t even get past the smell of the “turkey.” Bleh! I ate the cheese and crackers and called it $2.50 wasted.
I went through a period in grade school where my favorite sandwich (we brought our lunches) was peanut butter and margarine. One day I was halfway through it and suddenly realized that it was utterly disgusting. I tossed the rest of it and haven’t been back.
And this is not my childhood, but somebody’s… a few years ago in Costco one of the sample ladies was handing out a chicken nugget type thing. These were kid-oriented and made in the shape of dinosaurs; can’t recall the name. Anyway, they had a nasty half-putrid fishy smell. I can’t imagine any kid going for something like that.
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