I was at work on Monday, and picked up my phone to check emails. I tapped the power button and nothing happened. I hit it again, and it was deader than a Taco Bell chicken. What the crap?
I played around with the thing and held down buttons, and removed, then replaced the battery. It wouldn’t come back to life, no matter what. And I started to worry. Had my Droid, gulp, passed over? It was still so young.
When I got home I visited two or three Android forums, to see if anyone had experienced something similar. The screen was now glowing faintly, and the back was hot. I kept taking out the battery, because I was becoming concerned. And the moment I replaced it, the phone would start doing all its wacky stuff again. I couldn’t find anything of value in the forums.
I’d just have to take it to the Verizon store the next morning. There’s a new one a few blocks from our house, and I suspected the phone just required a quick fix of some sort. What I believe are huge gadgetry issues, are generally no big deal. (Ha!) So, I removed the battery and went to bed.
The next day I took the thing into the new store, and it was tiny. Nothing like the big mondo Verizon near the mall. I handed the guy my phone and started telling him my story. He just grunted, and immediately removed the back panel from the ailing Droid. The dude wasn’t listening to a word I was saying.
“This phone’s been wet,” he said.
“No it hasn’t,” I told him, instantly steamed. “It’s never been wet, not ever.”
“I’m not calling you a liar, of course, but I think it’s been wet.”
“Well, you’re wrong,” I said, anger rising only minutes after I’d gotten out of bed. He wasn’t calling me a liar (oh no), just claiming that everything out of my mouth was untrue. Grrr…
Then he wanted to know my password, and I told him I didn’t know what he was talking about. “Your Verizon password,” he said.
“I don’t know. Can’t you just look it up by my phone number?”
“No, I can’t do anything without your password. I can’t aks for tech support, or anything,” he said, while handing my phone back to me and washing his hands of the whole thing.
Yes, it was quite a fruitful endeavor.
Before I left, some other poor schmuck walked in, and the Verizon guy was also demanding his password. A confused “What? What do you mean?” was the last thing I heard as I was passing through the front door.
While driving to the “real” store in the next town, I grew angrier and angrier about what had just happened. I bet that guy accuses every customer of getting their phones wet. That’s probably the standard answer, regardless of the question. Because a wet phone will void a warranty faster than a post-Milwaukee’s Best assplosion.
If these other guys start going down the wetness route, I mumbled to myself, I’m body-rolling over the counter on ‘em. Not literally, of course; I’m not Mel Gibson. But I could feel a full-on Sunshine episode building. And I hadn’t even had more than half a cup of coffee yet. It was too much, too soon.
As I entered the mondo Verizon store, a man stormed past me, and yelled, “This is bullshit! This place is nothing but bullshit!!”
Uh oh.
I put my name on the waiting list, and started playing around with the display phones. And steeling myself for battle. After about ten minutes, I heard someone say, “Jeff?” And I followed the guy to the back of the store.
And he was great. Very friendly, respectful, and not at all infuriating. He took my phone to some inner sanctum, to check it out under a microscope, or whatever. And when he returned, he said, “Yeah, it’s not the battery, like I’d hoped. It’s the phone itself. It crapped out for some reason. We can’t get it to boot-up, so we’ll have to replace it.”
All this without a password?
Unfortunately, they didn’t have any Droids in stock, so they’re mailing me one. I’m supposed to have it on Thursday. Under normal circumstances I would’ve complained about them being out of stock (again!), but I was just happy the word “wet” wasn’t introduced.
Indeed, the guy added, “Your phone is in good shape, it doesn’t look like it’s been abused or anything, and there’s no sign of moisture. This just happens sometimes, with ALL smartphones.”
I went home, and found my old LG enV, and charged it up. Then I called Verizon, and they temporarily activated it, so I won’t have to go phoneless until Thursday.
It sucks that my Droid died at such a young age, but I’m happy with the way Verizon handled it. Well, how the second Verizon handled it, anyway… That first guy can ram it deep and on a slant.
Have you ever had to go back to a previous cell phone? It’s weird, man. The thing is completely familiar, but also unfamiliar, if you know what I mean. It’s disconcerting. I’d forgotten, however, about the enV’s kick-ass texting keyboard. That thing is nothing short of excellent.
So, there you go. That’s why I didn’t update on Tuesday. And I don’t really have a Question for you guys, either. Maybe you can tell us about returning to something, or someplace, after an extended period. A few years ago I was in Dunbar, and walked my old paper route. And brother, that almost made my brain explode.
Thanks for reading this stuff, and I’ll see ya next time.
Have a great day!
Now playing in the bunker
Follow the Surf Report at Twitter!
Swami;
It was Tammy. I watched.
For those waiting for Apple to fix the iPhone 4, you can shit in one hand and wish in the other and see which one fills up faster. It’s not going to happen because it’s not a software problem, it’s a physical problem with the phone itself and Apple is too full of itself to issue a recall (which in all honesty it should). The good news is that if you put a case on the phone the problem goes away and if you are really lucky Apple will give you some sort of case for free. I’m glad I decided to stick with the 3GS.
I went recently to visit my childhood home and it has shrunk significantly. 🙂
Brittney- Why don’t you host the party?? its your dream!! i would host it in my basement gladly but if i do then you are all going to have to mud drywall.
hey icecycle where the hell were you when i was working at the Olive Garden???? huh????
Brittney: “Swami, not me, and I don’t think it was Gretchen either, it was probably you blowing yourself. You were THAT drunk…” I think I peed a little!
My phone closet doesn’t have a lot of skeletons, surprisingly enough with my luck. I started with a Cricket. The service was terrible. The signal wasn’t strong enough to receive or send a text at my desk on a first floor building Uptown PGH. So I had to sit it on a widow sill in our office kitchen. Half the time if I did send a text, most didn’t receive it for 2 or 3 days. Phuck dat.
Now I have Verizon Blackberry Curve. Most people I actually talk to have Verizon as well. But the phone design blows Swami. (xoxo). I can’t see the print on the keys and they too small as well! I just mash the keyboard with my fat finger and hope I dialed the correct number.
@Chuck – hmmm, I had noticed the address, but it didn’t look any different on my computer. Looks just like a normal Google page. Maybe it’s part of the weird filter we have at work?
@Brittney, awesome comeback!
I am definetely in for the surf party…sounds like dreams will be coming true!
I love your posts, Jeff, because you are so REAL. You always amuse me with your antics.
So, I am going to tell you a secret.
I have a Nokia cell phone eight years old. It does not have anything but a phone. No camera. Nothing.
I have never changed the battery. It just works.
My 16 year old grandaughter has warned me never to show it to any of her friends.
She would be too embarassed.
Since I work at home, I don’t need anything but a good PC with good memory.
When I go out, I put my phone on call forwarding. That works too.
I suppose it will die someday.
Then I will come to you for advice.
What phone can I buy that is just a phone?
I had a Milwaukee’s Best (Light) Ass-plosion saturday morning.
God’s honest truth, had to “Discard” a brand new pair of boxers.
@Tilly-I have what’s called an english basement, which in my opinion is just a fancy term for a shitty, tiny basement that is only convenient for spiders. If you are over 6 foot tall, your head will be grazing the ceiling, that is loaded with spiders and monsters and whatever else may be down there. I should take pictures and load them on my blogspot…the power went out the other night and I had to go down there with nothing more than the glow from my cell phone to see if it was the box…omg that was scary.
Buuuut, on the otherhand, I would love to have it in my backyard! Anybody down for bags? I am.
You mean cornhole. Bags are what were under jeffs’ eyes, and what these tea drinkin’ mig-15’s dip in tepid water.
V, been there. Driving home from taking an ex to work one day in st. louis I had to pull over and squat behind a dumpster, sans paper.
That weekend in Oct is perfect. The Bengals have a bye. Sweet.
I had cheese coneys for lunch and coffee so I did have to have an assplosion at work, but it’s sucked back in to regroup and plan for when I’m either farther away from a shitter, or in the middle of a conversation with someone important.
You had cheese rabbits for lunch?
Sure did.
And WB, I thought I explained this. William Peter was supposed to be a play on WB but somehow the B turned into a P. Maybe when I see WB I think WP especially since you are in Ohio and I occaisionally go to the WPCU.
What’s the point in licking parsley? Wait…where am I?
You were trying to call him William Beater? WB has been well established as a gentle soul. I think you’d be better off dispensing with the consonant altogether and making it William Eater. That leaves the P for the parsley, which is one of the things WB might like to eat.
jtb
No, i meant william peter, but did it with flawed sensory input.
Post’s from the last two days have been pure entertainment!! I’m off to Jamboree in the Hills tomorrow right over the Ohio\WVA border. Any other Surfers going let me know!!
That happens to me more and more as time goes by. I don’t know whether the world is getting more flawed or my senses are, but I have a suspicion.
I was sort of hoping for the development of a children’s rhyme that starts…
William, William parsley eater…
.
…But I see I am once again waiting for Godot.
jtb
William Beater parsley eater
Kicked her pussy before he beat her
shoved a radish up her butt
before he fucked that salad slut
t-storm got it. Nice poem, or is it a limerick?
jtb-Thanks for thinking of me as a gentle soul.
William Beater didn’t need her
Told that that slut to go
Nothing like retiring to my smoking chair with a nice cuppa tea and some poetry!
t storm i really needed that laugh…
William Peter and others,
Please join me in pressuring Jeff into drinking again. These pauses between updates are absurd and I can’t take it anymore.
Maybe he’s worried about his health? Nonsense. I drink beer every other month. And in the months between I drink vodka. I don’t think you can get brain cancer unless you go continuously with one or the other for an extended period of time.
I use the same strategy for tobacco products. One month I’ll smoke, the next month I’ll put chewing tobacco up my ass. Worked wonders so far.
For fucksake, Jeff, come back. We’re family.
It’ll be okay Jason, my productivity is up at work. Jeff could spark an economic rebound all on his own.
Bill Peter,
I don’t want a goddamn rebound. I’m trying to start a ranch full of tiny dogs right now. People are willing to work for nothing right now. That’s just what I need. Obamer is the best thing that ever happened to me.
I need my entertainment. I can’t exploit people without having a few laughs.
As it is all of my workers live in dirt floored hovels (the rent for which is deducted from their checks) in a place I like to call FartyTown. They get paid in FartyDollars, which they can spend at the FartyTown store.
So yes, I’m good to my Farty citizens. They can leave whenever they like. Utopia. That’s what I’m building.
Who runs Farty Town?
Apple Blaster runs Farty Town.
Louder…
APPLE BLASTER!
A LOVE POEM THAT’S NOT ABOUT PARSLEY
I went down to Jeff Davis land
In the wartime smoke and haze.
I met a girl named Dixie
And I spent the night for days.
I grazed upon her parsley
Till my head turned red and blue;
I was way down south in Dixie —
But I’d rather be in you.
JTB
I am perfectly fine with drinking. I keep a pretty full wine rack and a modest bar in my dining room and always have microbrew in the refer. Guests deserve a drink or three. I just haven’t been able to figure out, based on about a dozen comments above, why we have to be all fucked up to meet each other. It a CNS depressent is, in fact, a requirement for such a soiree, I can get ahold of some reds and horse and make a fine rum punch so we won’t even have to remember being there. I didn’t realize that was the point.
jtb
A man who craved parsley and tuna
Decided to move to Laguna
He opened a shop and all day he would chop
With is sparsely honed mezzaluna
Speaking of worthless Customer Service reps….
Today I get a call at work and the caller ID says it’s an 800 number. Great, another sales rep trying to get me to buy something or other. On the other hand it could be the recruiter at the place where I’m trying to get a new job, so I answer.
Right after I say hello I get a stupid recording!!
“I’m going to connect you now… please hold…”
WTF? You call me and place me on hold?!? Screw you! What lunatic thought that would be a good way to attract business?
Hey Junkfood.
You’re really not reading the comments, are you? They’re all about problems and idiots and the people who are getting in line to sign up for this crap.
You seem quite defensive. Perhaps you’re one of the mindless drones who sucks up marketing with a big straw? Perhaps your self-esteem is so low you think a phone will make you popular and accepted?
When your “smart” phone craps the bed, I’ll be happy to let you borrow one of mine.
BTW: Your response was a stretch. Try out this cool website called google.com. I’ll bet they can help you find something more on topic.
Blonde hair and boobs
And FMP shoes
I’ll admit they have me quite smitten
To top it all off
I think of a quaff
So soft like a small fluffy kitten
Yeah, I read The Onion article that Junkfood provided and this quote kinda got me, “About a week after I met him, we were talking, and I made some kind of Simpsons reference,” Gerela said. “He asked me what I was talking about, and when I told him it was from a TV show, he just went off, saying how the last show he watched was some episode of Cheers, and even then, he could only watch for about two minutes before having to shut it off because it insulted his intelligence so terribly.”
Come on. I mean, if you prefer not to own a TV than good for you I guess, but to say that it insults your intelligence is a little far fetched. Don’t act superior because of your own preferences, everyone is different.
There once was a man from Nantucket
Who carried his cheese in a bucket
He’d walk around town
In a long purple gown
And screm Fuck it, Fuck it, Fuck it!
Brittney,
The Onion is a satire site. Meant to be funny. I think junkfood was doing the same. Smartassery is hard to convey via typed words. I should know. People have jumped my ass more times than I can count.
Apple Blaster? That’s akin to William Peter. I don’t get it.
Brittney-You do know the Onion is all satire don’t you?
scott-c’mon man I think he was just pulling your chain. Maybe just not as subtle as I did.
Anyone get their “limited edition” t-shirt yet? I need that thing for this weekend, dammit.
I totally would’ve gone with a picture of a droid zapping Jawa for this update 🙂
T Farty, Ever seen Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome?
and I’d be remiss if I didn’t add this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHmvkRoEowc
I had a feeling of that. I’m gonna go fuck myself now and get it over with.
Oh and Jason, the tabacco in the ass thing made me pee.
Jason says “People have jumped my ass more times than I can count.”….maybe it’s the bars you hang around in.
Scott – that was either irony or sarcasm (can’t never keep ’em straight). Like our friend reporter out there Chill says “Chill”.
🙂 – just chain yanking brother.
JTB. something eloquent and situationally diffusive please lest we have another CADude/Brittney Fuckyouathon. Sorry, should have let that one die.
DTO, QUICK. a haiku!!!
t-storm,
I think so. It’s hard to remember. Wasn’t Tina Turner in that movie? The world ended and everyone had to drink their own recycled piss in a giant bubble. Or something like that. Right?
Pretty much, but the town (barter Town) was run by master blaster.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hgq4w4dqKsU
Also, any good fuckyouathon needs a good:
Because fuck you! That’s why.
Tina Turner at that age and in that outfit. Would ya?
Sex is on my mind
To bad I’m always alone
I think I’ll fuck cheese
DTO Scores!
Yahtzee!!!
Bingo!!!
Goallllllllll !
Circle gets the square.
DDG-NO! *huff*
And since t-storm started it…fuck all y’all!