The Preferences That Define Us

I recently mentioned the terrible realization that I kinda prefer Dunkin Donuts over Krispy Kreme.  It’s something that surprises me, more than anyone.  Because, you see, I nursed a considerable DD bias for years, and used to proclaim myself a straight-up Krispy kind of guy.

Then I was living within a mile or two of both, and over time noticed I was gravitating toward Dunkin Donuts.  I tried to alter the behavior, and go against the wishes of my central nervous system, but it just wouldn’t take.  And I felt like a former nun with a hatchet-hangover, looking for my pants and wondering how it all went wrong.

I mean, the Krispies have roots in Dixie, and Dunkin Donuts come from, where, Massachusetts??  Oh God, I’m getting a sick headache…  But, it is what it is.  Right?  What’s the point of lying about it?

As I was contemplating this earlier in the week, I started thinking about additional either/or preferences that apparently define us, in certain circles.  And I thought I’d do a quick run-down of where I stand.  Then you guys can do the same, if you’re so inclined.  OK?  OK.

Chevy vs. Ford I don’t care, one way or the other.  I’ve never driven a Ford, but that’s only coincidence.  I have no passion, or preference, either way.

My dad, on the other hand, is a hardcore General Motors man.  If he ever found himself in a situation where he was forced to buy a Ford (or vote Republican), his head would probably explode.  Oh, he has opinions.

In my life I’ve driven the following:

Chevy Nova
Chevy Luv truck
Hyundai Excel
Mazda Protege
Toyota Tacoma pickup
Chevy Blazer
Toyota Camry

Out of those, only the Blazer was a complete turd.  The rest were good, reliable vehicles.  Well, the Hyundai started to fly apart after 100,000 miles, but it was a flawless performer during its younger days.

So, I have a slight bias against Chevrolet, based on personal (and recent) experience.  It’s probably not fair, but fairness has nothing to do with it.  It comes down to raw emotion.

I have no reason to believe Ford would be any better, though.  And so, in this category I have little to offer.

Beatles vs. Stones Definitely the Beatles.  Oh, I like the Rolling Stones just fine, but the Beatles turned me into a music fanatic.  For years I listened to nothing else; I was fully obsessed.

This one doesn’t require even a microsecond of consideration.  Beatles songs are part of my DNA, at this point.

Boxers vs. briefs Remember when someone asked President Clinton that question, and he actually answered it? Yeah, it still triggers a full-body shiver.

Anyway, I grew up in the 1970s, when old men wore boxers, and everyone else sported white Hanes or Fruit of the Loom briefs.  There were no other options, unless you happened to be gay and/or European.

But somewhere along the line everything changed, and I tried to adapt, I really did.  For about a year I went with boxers, and it was horrible.  I was constantly adjusting and readjusting, doing deep knee bends, and plucking my “area.”

Plus, there was an unfortunate glacier effect, where everything crept southward, and suctioned against the inner thigh.

It was the most uncomfortable year of my life.  So, I finally said funk dat, and started buying colored briefs.  Ahhh, much better.  However… it’s hard to look another person in the eye while wearing plum-colored underwear.  It was a little too close to manties for my tastes.

Finally, after a years-long undergarment crisis, I discovered the boxer brief (just so you know what I mean by full-body shiver), and haven’t looked back.  It’s the proverbial best of both worlds.

So, once again, I can’t really answer the question.  When it comes to ball-socks, I’m a fence-straddler.  Or whatever.

On a related note:  a few months ago I unearthed an ancient pair of tighty-whities in my top drawer (it’s like an archeological dig in there), which appeared to have never been used.  If you know what I mean.

So, I washed them and tried them out.  It had been many years, and I was curious…  And even though I’d worn that style for the first three decades of my life — I felt like a complete queer.

The whole issue is surprisingly complicated.

Baseball vs. football vs. basketball Baseball is the only sport I’ve ever given a single dingle about, so this is another easy one for me.

I know nothing about football, and even less about basketball.  But I’ve been a huge baseball fan during various periods of my life.  I also love baseball history; I eat the stuff up.  Steve and I visit Cooperstown once a year, and I like to read books like this one.

All the other major sports (football, basketball, hockey, soccer) are played on a rectangular field, with a goal on each end.  There’s a clock that limits playing time, one team tries to drive and score a goal, and the other attempts to stop them.  It’s all the same sport, slightly modified.

Baseball, on the other hand, is unique.  There is no clock, a game can last for 90 minutes or four hours.  And every field is different.  A lot of people say the game is boring, and that’s something I simply don’t understand.  I’ve nearly lapsed into full cardiac arrest watching baseball.  Boring, my big riffled ass.

I haven’t been following it much, since we left Atlanta, but will undoubtedly return to the sport when life de-complicates again someday.  Like an old friend, baseball will always be there.

PC vs. Mac I’ve only used a PC, so I can’t really say I prefer it.  But it’s what I know, and see no reason to switch.

Plus, Mac people tend to irritate me.  They’re often exceedingly smug and superior, like Scientologists.  Or Radiohead fans.  Big deal; it’s just brand loyalty.  I like Heinz ketchup, but you won’t find me walking around with my nose in the air, lording it over the Hunt’s people.

I have no doubt Apple makes fine computers, but I’ll probably never experience them firsthand.  Because I’ve got my heels dug-in about it.

So, there ya go.  What are some other either/or questions that divide us, and pit brother against brother?  And where do you fall with any or all of the ones I provide?  Use the comments section below.

And I’m really struggling here, my friends.  I hope this update doesn’t make it completely obvious, but I’m one tired son of a bitch.  I need about 24 hours of hyper-sleep.

I’ll leave you now with a great new Smoking Fish sighting, from Surf Reporter Peg.  Well-done!  And much appreciated.

I’m also going to link to the t-shirt page once again, right here.  There are six or seven remaining, all real big or real little.  Buy ’em up!  I need to fold-in the flaps on the distribution center, and move it to the basement.  Before Toney starts bitching at me…

So, you see, you won’t only be getting a great, quality shirt in the deal, but will also help keep the peace at the compound.  It’s a win/win!

Have a great weekend, boys and girls.

I’ll see you on Monday.

Now playing in the bunker.