• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

The West Virginia Surf Report!

Jeff Kay's Ridiculous Adventures In Suburbia

  • Home
  • About
  • Best of
  • Books
  • Archives
  • Donate

The Lighter Side of Deadly Food Allergies

January 25, 2010 By Jeff 103 Comments

I was talking to a guy at work a few days ago, and he told me he’s allergic to sweet potatoes.  No, he didn’t just blurt this information out during a conversation about football or the final season of LOST; I think we were killing time on a semi-related subject at the time.

But isn’t that kind of strange?  Have you ever heard of a person being allergic to something from the tater family?  I haven’t.

And it got me to thinking about food allergies…  It seems like everybody’s allergic to some sort of food, and I’m feeling a bit left-out.  I got nothing on the subject.  As far as I know, I’m not allergic to any foods whatsoever; there are no speed bumps on my personal road to eating until I black-out.

Because of this good fortune, it’s very easy to be cynical.  Ya know?  A few years back, when peanut allergies became all the rage, I’d instinctively roll my eyes and make a dismissive pfff sound with my mouth.  Peanut allergies… what a heaping load.

Indeed, I used to listen to a radio show when we lived in California, hosted by a man who felt the same way I did.  He’d start yelling, “Show me the bodies!  Show me the bodies!!” whenever the subject was raised, which seemed to be about once a week.  And the callers would almost lose their minds with outrage… Heh.

But I’ve met some reasonable people along the way, whose kids have nearly died because of the peanut allergy.  So, I’ve softened my stance on the subject.  I don’t believe the blubbering ball-babies on TV, but I do believe reasonable people I know in real life.

It can be taken too far, though.  There was a woman at our elementary school (High Neck), the mother of a kid with peanut trouble, who was a full-on zealot.  Toney saw her almost throw her body on a bag of chips one day, as if it were a live grenade, because it was supposedly packaged in a factory where peanuts aren’t kept inside an airtight vault, or whatever.

So, that’s pretty irritating.  But, to be fair… if it were my kid, I might be a gigantic pain in the ass, too.  ‘Cause that stuff is scary.  I know a guy whose daughter almost died because she smelled Febreze inside somebody’s house(?!), and his description of what happened made me squirm.

The girl’s windpipe sealed-off like a submarine, almost instantaneously.  And that’s no good, when a person goes submarine like that. I know I’d also try to make sure that didn’t happen again.  Right?

In any case, I’m only allergic to cats and get hay fever (or whatever) a few weeks later than most people.  It’s true.  When the grass starts growing in the spring, and the flowers start blooming, everybody’s sneezing and gagging and snotting-it-up.  But I’m fine, until about a month later when I become a delayed basket-case.

Beyond that, I have nothing to share.  I’ve never had food poisoning, either.  Not once, despite the many, many restaurant meals I’ve enjoyed.  Toney got really sick from shrimp when we lived in California, but I don’t eat the crustaceans, so that probably helps…

Starbucks coffee and orange soda instantly make my poop-muscles flex, but that’s not really food poisoning, is it?  That’s just a hyper-acceleration of natural events.

So, what about you?  Are you allergic to any foods?  Or anything at all, for that matter?  Do you know a person who’s allergic to something bizarre or unusual?  Tell us about it, won’t you?  And if you’ve got any good stories about food poisoning, that would be cool, too.  Use the comments link below.

And I’ll be back tomorrow.

Have a great day, boys and girls!

Now playing in the bunker

Subscribe to the Surf Report RSS feed!
Share on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedinShare on Pinterest

Filed Under: Daily

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. White Trash Barbie says

    January 26, 2010 at 11:57 pm

    Thanks Chill!

    Fat Secretary – What Chill said! (Also, because the fermentation process, which is similar to some types of Japanese beer apparently, breaks down more sugar, there is a drier taste – I don’t know why that would give me a migraine though.)

    Reply
  2. Trish says

    January 27, 2010 at 7:08 pm

    Pagan, not only was your comment clever, but it actually made me remember the blind-date douche who took me out that night for “crabs”. Glad I quit his ass the next day before he “got any”. 😉 He probably would have given me something worse, like a case of lopsters.

    Reply
  3. t-storm says

    January 28, 2010 at 6:47 pm

    I might be allergic to pennicillin. I wish I was allergic to shit I won’t eat so my girlfriend will shut her dicksucker about me being a picky eater.

    NP – When we were alive – the thermals

    Reply
« Older Comments

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

Now With Podcast!

Support Jeff And His Projects

Latest Tweets

  • Fresh podcast action, available everywhere! From Milton to Madagascar. pic.twitter.com/V6M1cmQcSA

    November 3, 2022 5:46 am

  • Something new I'm trying: nonewjeffs.substack.com/p/im-n…

    December 2, 2021 4:11 pm

  • Only 182 days until Opening Day.

    September 30, 2021 2:37 pm

  • Check out this great story about a 16 year old Tom Bergeron talking to Moe and Larry on the phone during the early… twitter.com/i/web/status/14387…

    September 17, 2021 5:02 am

  • Dogs! surfreportpod.com/2021/09/16/e…

    September 16, 2021 4:07 pm

Facebook!

Footer

Get Social!

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • RSS
  • Twitter

Search The Surf Report

Copyright © 2023 · Smoking Fish Media