I cleaned my office (the Bunker) over the weekend, and it took all day Saturday and part of Sunday. And yes, it’s a former walk-in closet, probably 8ft x 8ft. What of it?
It’s a magnet for crapola, you see. I don’t fully understand how it keeps happening, but stuff just piles up in here and gets to the point where I eventually say fukkit. Then it goes for three or more months in fukkit-mode, and everything spirals downward in a shameful and disgusting manner.
Toney, of course, won’t set foot in here. It’s too distressing for her, so it’s all up to me.
And the dust! Where does it come from? What is the source of dust? It’s not like we’re living in 1934 Oklahoma up here. Heck, we haven’t even had our windows open since early September. How is it generated? Seriously.
As my grandmother would say, “You could just scoop it up!” The oldest Secret was in the next room, killing Russians on PS3, and launched into a sneezing jag that lasted for 45 minutes, after I got everything stirred-up. And that’s not an exaggeration.
But the Bunker is now a thing of beauty. Everything’s clean and in its place. And it feels like the “room” is HUGE. I took a bulging trash bag to the cans in the garage, and put a ridiculous amount of stuff in the basement.
And it makes me feel optimistic, all this order. I think I crave order, but am sometimes too lazy to maintain it. Know what I mean?
Toney and I watched Public Enemies on Saturday, and it’s a great movie if you’re into two and a half hours of men firing Tommy guns in period costumes. There was no story, really. It was just Johnny Depp robbin’ banks and runnin’ from the law. And shooting lots and lots of guns, of course.
There was a great scene when John Dillinger (Depp) walked into the Chicago Police Department and nonchalantly strolled around the “Dillinger Unit.” It was a section of the building where a group of cops — charged with catching “public enemy number one” and nothing else — were based.
He checked out the bulletin boards while people worked around him, and even asked some policemen huddled around a radio, “Hey, what’s the score, fellas?” Nobody noticed him, and when he finished checking things out, he just left. If that really happened… well, the man had balls of titanium steel.
But that’ll be the only scene I’ll remember. I already know it. The movie is fading fast in my memory, after only a few days. Because it’s not very good, you see. Oh well.
While we were watching, Johnny Depp’s pretty kisser was about three-feet tall on the B.A.T., and the following conversation took place.
Me: So, he’s like… the same age as me?
Toney: Maybe a little older.
Me: Well, how’s he look like that, and I look like this?
Toney: I don’t know.
Yes, it’s important to have a strong support network. It helps a person maintain, it really does.
After Toney said something about the 140 minutes she’ll never get back, and went to bed, I watched a documentary about Ted Williams on HBO. And man, that was MUCH better than the Depp flick.
In fact, there was a scene near the end that got me all choked up, and for a few minutes it was touch and go. I almost started crying. And I find it curious that on the rare occasion I get emotional while watching something, it almost always has something to do with baseball.
Hollywood tearjerker movies? I’m cold as ice. Human suffering at the feet of Sally Struthers? Where’s the freakin’ remote? Tsunami victims? Check out that guy’s pants!
But if you bring baseball into it, all bets are off. Maybe a counselor could get to the bottom of it, I don’t know.
My Question today was inspired by Public Enemies… I’d like for you to think back, and try to remember the most bored you’ve ever been, to date. What were the circumstances?
When I first moved to California I was involved in daily marathon meetings, concerning the merger of two companies. They dragged on for hours and hours, and the tiniest details were beaten to a bloody pulp. It was one of the most painful experiences of my life.
In the mornings, while driving to the office, I’d think about my upcoming day. And I wanted to calmly unbuckle my seatbelt, throw open the door, and allow myself to roll out of the car, traveling at 70 mph on the 5 freeway.
Those meetings jump immediately to my mind, when I think about the Excruciatingly Boring Events I Have Known. Those meetings, and Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me — the worst movie ever made.
What about you? Tell us about it in the comments. And if you’d like to tell us about the last movie or TV show that made you cry… well, that’ll be cool too.
See you guys again tomorrow.
Have a great day!
15 hours in the back of a C130 from Germany to Gander Newfoundland sitting in a strap seat, wearing an Artic Parka to prevent freezing to death,Headphones to dampen the engine noise, with nothing but a flask of coffee and a stale ham & cheese sandwich to keep me company!! that took boredom to a new level!
! get a lump in my throat every time I watch that scene in a Christmas carol when the Cratchetts can’t afford a Turkey so they eat Tiny Tim instead.
bored- waiting for a delayed flight in a snow storm at Buffalo airport in January 2 years back.
Buffalo-Airport-January.
Doesn’t bear thinking about.
I don’t tear up over fiction, not since Old Yeller about 40 years ago, anyhow.
Sometimes want to cry over election results, however…
Hey, AWG! Got to mockable and read my answer to you calling me fucking weird!
Bored? Same here: meetings at work. The 2+ hour ones that have nothing to do with my position but for some reason I’m required to attend. Pistol-in-mouth time.
Also, when I was a kid I used to go to a doctor (specialist) once a year for a checkup. This guy was so overbooked that if you had a 7am appointment (when he wasn’t even there and everyone knew it) you would not seen until 3pm — no shit. The appointment was always during the summer for some reason, so for a kid to sit in a doctor’s waiting room for that long was the definition of boredom and torture. The magazines there sucked too. It was all Highlights for Kids, and I was into reading Dirt Bike and Mad Magazine.
AWG – that should have been “Go”
Rat – I go to one of the 2.5 “what has this got to do with me?” meetings every week and I am so not needed there that they don’t even give me a copy of the handouts. But my boss wants me there. They might have a computer question some day….
AWG your mockable contribution would be hilarious if it wasnt so true! the only thing more frightening is the concept of eating boiled Peanuts!
Like everyone else here, I was bored to tears at two day company seminars…arghhhh. I always seem to cry when I watch Extreme Home Makeovers. That shit just tears me up! I also cry watching chick movies like Steel Magnolias, Beaches, The Notebook etc. because I am a chick! The animal abuse shows and Save the children; and St. Jude get me every time! When I was home after back surgery it was pretty bad,,, it was like… Get a job, Go back to school, lose that weight… a constant barrage of negativeness.
I must add that I have been reading Steven King’s Lisey’s Story, and I must admit that it is theee worst Steven King novel I have ever read! It is boring beyond belief, and they use a nonsense language that really grates on your nerves.I love steven King but this is the absolute worst novel he has ever produced!
When I was visiting family in the U.K. over ChristmasI saw this commercial on T.V. It seems it’s been banned in North America! I woder why!!
http://www.manolith.com/2009/09/26/bud-light-with-lime-in-the-can-ad-pulled-from-us-canada/
Most bored – The last 1.5 hours of “Invictus” How many times do we need to see Matt Damon and his buddies jogging through adoring persons of color in S Africa. The final scene (which lasted an hour) was with absolute metaphysical certainty the most boring movie scene ever:
– rugby teams enter stadium
-scene of black people drinking and pointing at tv
-scene of white people drinking and pointing at tv
– scene of white and black people drinking and pointing at tv
– scene of rugby players dry humping each other
-repeat for 59 more minutes
I cry during “Miracle on Ice” “Hoosiers” “On the Waterfront” “Band of Brothers” and a few more that do not come to mind right away. I am a big pussy.
I just teared up from laughing at:
@Pagan “…when the Cratchetts can’t afford a Turkey so they eat Tiny Tim instead.”
I teared up when I heard Simon Cowell will be leaving American Idol. 95% of my sarcasm comes from his lines. Then I really cried when I learned Ellen DeGeneres is replacing Paula. Real men don’t watch American Idol do they? Either way, the sarcasm is going to very interesting this season.
If you don’t count process excellence training or three years at Merck, I’d say it was last Sunday during our inappropriately late Christmas pageant. I turned to our friend Kate (she and her sister have been pimping wvsr for years)…
told her I’d need a pizza sized adderall to gnaw on, if I was to survive the rest of the pageant. An enlarged Concerta like I was Stuart Little and it sat in my mini red wagon.
@t-storm and anyone else who read The Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings trilogy and feels slightly guilty about enjoying a set of fantasy books: read Harvard Lampoon’s “Bored of the Rings”. I’ve lost my copy but I clearly recall reading certain passages and laughing until tears came out of my eyes. There are not many books that can elicit tears of laughter.
Available at Amazon, so link through Jeff’s site….
I broke down just watching the previews of the season premier of I-Carly. Sorry, I can’t really talk about it–to see Freddy find happiness is just a little too much right now.
Buck Out
OH, and I’ve made the suggestion that Simon Cowell be replaced next year by Ted Nugent. I think that would shake up that shit-bag show.
Rock-N-Roll Hall of Fame. They have Richie Valens roller skates on display..that made me tear up.
fell asleep at a phish show once. then hooked up with the girl i was with, way more interesting. what isn’t interesting is that naked she looked like the michelan man. doh.
seekar, that wouldn’t have been on the eastern shore of vagina would it? 3 chicken plants there and the week before i moved there some jack hole didn’t close the valve on a chicken fat tanker and that truck leaked the fat all the way up route 13. i can still smell it.
most bored ever? trying to find your mom’s g-spot. well after i was done she renamed it the t-spot.
np- confess me, hamell on trial
@Buck – That’s got to be the suggestion of the year. If you aren’t a good singer Nugent puts an arrow through your upper thigh. Be a great show.
tearjerkers…Steal Magnolias, Titanic!! Come on people, who watched Titanic?? I tear up when I see it on the movie guide!! Legends of the Fall(Tristan, oh Tristan!!)
This was from many moons ago..I have a nasty restaurant post. Years ago, after working at a “Logans Roadhouse” I was told after removing the banana pudding dessert to carefully scrape the flies out of top…as their was “no way” they could keep flies out of it. Holy Hell!! That and their damn yeast rolls. Don’t ask how much sugar they put into that damn sweet tea. That place was so gross. True Stories!! Are they still around?? In Chicago now, so we don’t have those.
Yucko.
i think it’s texas roadhouse now. i laughed so hard at titanic. i cried during strange wilderness because i paid for both tickets.
Still bored………..
The most bored I’ve ever been was during my first blowjob. She was so terrible at it I was having a hard time staying erect. I ended up faking an orgasm for my first and only time just to get it over with. It’s like she just stuck it in her mouth and held it there. If I tried to move around her teeth would scrape the helmet. Very boring.
how do you fake it with your hog in her mouth?
The last time I can remember completely breaking down and openly weeping was a couple of years ago after descending into the Memorial to the Murdered Jews of Europe in the center of Berlin (just south of Brandenburg Gate). Its an effective monument. The manner in which the Germans are dealing with this aspect of their country’s history is remarkable. It is apparently an open and constant national discussion there.
I’m gonna go back to being bored now………
Yank it away and say, “Oh God, Oh God!” then run to the bathroom to “clean up”.
t-storm: hog?!? You’re killin me! lol
Oh God, Oh God and then pee a little
hog!! as if. we are probably more talking one of those “hostess weiners” no offense guys. I have seen hogs, but mostly cocktail variety. lol.
holy bejesus, Avatar was like a 3 hour chore….i dont know if it’s the most bored I’ve ever been, but it’s the most recent non-work related incident
thank god it was in IMAX 3D or i woulda walked the hell out and asked for my $14 freakin dollars back…even that was a let down, the 3D was better in the previews. meh
The most bored I’ve ever been was when I worked in this factory and they showed us solid three days of bullshit OSHA videos and suchlike. Some guy with a monotone narrated and the worst actors on Earth would pretend to trip over a wooden pallet or something and break their arms off. The first day I actually slept through most of it. After that they had a video Nazi sit up front and make sure you were paying attention.
She actually called me out on day three. “Tennessee, do you want to fall off a ladder and break your back?” And I told her, “we don’t have no fucking ladders in here lady.” She respected my bluntness, I guess, and it must have turned her on. She came home with me that night after work and gave me the worst blowjob in human history.
I’m pretty fucking bored right now.
The most bored I’ve ever been was when I worked in this factory and they showed us solid three days of bullshit OSHA videos and suchlike. Some guy with a monotone narrated and the worst actors on Earth would pretend to trip over a wooden pallet or something and break their arms off. The first day I actually slept through most of it. After that they had a video Nazi sit up front and make sure you were paying attention.
She actually called me out on day three. “Tennessee, do you want to fall off a ladder and break your back?” And I told her, “we don’t have no fucking ladders in here lady.” She respected my bluntness, I guess, and it must have turned her on. She came home with me that night after work and gave me the worst blowjob in human history.
I’m pretty fucking bored right now.
this little piggy went to market. and by market i mean virginia.
during said beej was she wearing safety goggles?
Casey J,
Don’t insult the size of my dolphin. Most girls insist that I hold my fist at the base, lest I hit their cervix. And I’ve yet to meet one brave enough to take it in the butt. I once approached a Mexican girl down on the border that fucked a donkey on stage. After her show we met in her RV and when I pulled it out she ran away, horrfied.
I don’t think I’ve heard it called a “hog” or “hawg” since the mid eighties.
Casey J, nobody likes a size queen.
She was wearing a viking helmet with fake blonde pigtails. I think that’s the only thing that kept me from going limp.
This is so embarrassing . . . borrowed the new Star Trek movie DVD and sat down to watch with the hubby. I was bawling from the get go with Kirk’s dad and stuff. OMG! Can’t listen to “Amazing Grace” played on bagpipes without tearing up and, of course, they play this at the end of Star Trek – Wrath of Khan. Maybe it’s a theme . . . Star Trek.
Boring . . . any staff meeting. One guy actually was caught sleeping at the meeting.
During every second of Titanic. Desperate to leave, but stayed because I thought the lady I was with wanted to see it. She was sitting there thinking the same thing for the whole eternity of that thing. I saw a critic describe it as a $10 script with a $100,000,000 production budget. Much like his new piece of all-effects, no script banality.
And any staff meeting where the management presented at great length the idiotic details of Upper Management’s latest Silver Bullet Project to Save The Company by motivating all of us ungrateful wretches to produce more per person to increase their bonuses.
I heard the director’s cut of Titanic was actually longer than the actual voyage.
The last tear jerker? Taking Chance, and HBO film about a Marine Lieutenant Colonel who volunteers for escort duty to accompany Corporal Chance Phelps’ remains to his home town. It was a tear jerker from the first ten minutes.
Bored moments? I try not to let that happen, but unproductive meetings drive me up a wall.