Hello Surf Reporters!
I hope your holiday went well. Ours was a thing of beauty: great food, no obligations, and a pronounced lack of Nancy and/or Sunshine. Toney made a big breakfast, the two of us took a long walk in the early afternoon, and the couch and chair wallowing during the rest of the day was only interrupted by feedings. Perfect.
I flipped through the massive stack of ads that came with the newspaper, but didn’t really see anything I couldn’t live without. We need a new TV for our upstairs living room, and there are some great prices on those, but my heart’s just not in it… And neither is my bank account. Did you brave the early morning (or drunken midnight) shopping herd? I’ve never done that, and can’t see it ever happening. Ya know?
Today I’m going to work on the new book, but everybody’s home and it’s going to be a challenge. Or so I thought! I forgot about The Isolator, and I busted it out of the closet and am hooked up to it right now. The kids can kill Russians on Playstation, blast the Dead Kennedys, or practice the same Led Zeppelin riff over and over and over again on guitar, and I’ll be none the wiser! I love The Isolator, and recommend it without hesitation. The model I own is slightly more advanced than the one pictured above, and it allows me to pipe in the entire Hall & Oates catalog. It’s fantastic.
How was your holiday? Did you engage in any Black Friday shenanigans? Use the comments section below, to let us know.
And please remember: if you do any Amazon shopping this weekend, I’ll be much obliged if you use our links. Here they are again: Amazon US and Amazon Canada.
Thanks folks! I’ll see you again soon.
Now playing in the bunker
Give Crossroads Road to your friends and enemies!
was not out amongst them.
Good Morning Surf Reporters…..
My Black Friday consists of me sitting at my desk until 6 o’clock tonight, softly weeping…
WB in OH says
The holiday was good, my brother cooks a mean turkey.
You can take all things black Friday and ram them deep and on a slant. Fucking just an excuse for people to act like god damn animals, pepper spray, shootings, fist fights. Fuck that noise, I’ll pay full price and shop on days when crazy people are at home.
Good holiday here too. No extended family, good food, quality time with the wife and kids, and I turned the phone off as the people I work with have no concept of balancing work and family.
And what WB said.
Wow, fifth! More later.
Had a low-key visit to PA – York or Dover or some such. The food was OK, the company good.
Black Friday can go fuck itself. Waking up in the middle of the night to go do something I don’t enjoy sounds like a big lose, and I want no part of it. I’ll be using the WVSR Amazon links again this year.
The Qweezy Mark says
Black Friday is gay and I don’t deserve a day off.
D in Seattle says
Wow, the feeling of being in the top ten, combined with the moral superiority I feel for not engaging in black friday debauchery is simply overwhelming!
Thanksgiving was great… I went to a friend’s parents’ house, so I didn’t have to cook anything. I brought a couple of bottles of Allagash Curieux (fancy-pants beer) with me for the occasion. 11% ABV… it’ll knock you on your ass. Really good beer if you like bourbon.
I’ve never gone shopping on Black Friday, and I probably never will. I just have no interest. Sure, I could use a good deal on some electronics, but nothing worth the potential loss of life.
I currently have a 32″ Sony Trinitron TV that I bought nine years ago… aside from being a PITA to move, it functions fine. It’ll last me at least another year, at which point Best Buy will be selling 42″ LCD TVs for $199 all days of the year.
The only thing I REALLY need to buy soon is another DVD player. I purchased my previous one nine years ago, and it just died a month ago. I’ll order one from Amazon Prime sometime soon.
Ebay Nazi says
I was out at the Wal-Mart in Compton and pepper sprayed some assholes. They won’t touch my cheap big screen again! Suckers!
T Farty McAppleass says
We got some things through your Amazon link yesterday, but that’s it. No black Friday bullshit for us.
The tiny turkeys were a huge success. We had a baker’s dozen of people over. Everyone had a good time except for my brother-in-law who has spent years in college learning to be a fucking idiot (thinks Cuba is paradise and shit like that). But what can you do?
I ate two tiny turkeys and a shitload of other stuff. Fell asleep on the couch and when I woke up my left side was numb. Thought i’d had a stroke.
The next time that happens, your right side should have sex with your left side.
Chuck in Belpre says
You have to be a regular reader to get that one…but that’s funny stuff right there.
T. Farty’s all about innovations in self-stimulation.
T Farty McAppleass says
Great stuff Ed. I did the childish thing and drew dicks all over my left side. It was pissed when it woke up.
Food was a lot. Can barely type…
Partial list of stuff I’d rather do than go shopping in public on Black Friday:
* deep fry my own penis
* wash Rosie O’Donnell’s ass
* become a traveling Bible salesman
* nail my foot to the coffee table
* gargle bleach
* tour with Bette Midler
* rent a rabid monkey
Happy leftovers everybody!
The in-laws stuffed me full of all kinds of their usual outstanding fare, then I went in to work from 11pm to 430 am because there was a solar eclipse over the South Pole.
The Beano was useless and I spent the better part of yesterday in airports and airplanes holding in farts. Made it into Ontario, Ca. around 5pm and headed to the Applebee’s up the street for a beer. Closed! Everything closed. Went to 7-11 and got two Coors 24ozers and walked back to the room farting as needed. Passed a Target around 7pm and it looked open. Cars out front and the like. But the place was closed and the people were camping out waiting for it to open. TARGET for christ sake! TARGET??!! I farted in their general direction, found a Subway open at the truck stop…Black Froest Ham five dollar foot long and my beer’s. So I guess I ended up have a German dinner for Thanksgiving.
Flight attendants call it ‘crop dusting’ when they fart going up and down the aisle
Tipsey McChugney says
You are actually David Sedaris?
Just another regular old friday up here in Canukistan. Nice sunshine, relatively mild day to boot.
I refuse to step foot (or tire) anywhere near the crazy holiday sales (boxing day being the Canuck equivalent).
Just curious…As trends, preferences and customs change, are you guys eventually going to change the name of that day to Unlimited Fighting Day?
I hope not because George Chuvalo is well worth honoring.
best as always…
As is Tommy Burns, who actually lost his belt to Jack Johnson ON boxing day. As usual, the Canadian outclassed the Americans who wouldn’t give Johnson a fight because he was black.
So tip one for Tommy and I hope you retain the name of the holiday.
I’ve met George Chuvalo, nice guy, strong handshake as to be expected.
No name changes in the pipe for Boxing day, so thats safe for a while yet. We need more boxing on tv. That mma stuff seems to be edging out everything else.
I think it’s really cool that you got to shake hands with George Chuvalo. He always seemed like a nice guy, and it’s good to hear that he is.
I’m also glad to hear that Canada will continue to honor boxing.
Swami Bologna says
Wow, the Secrets are into the Dead Kennedys already. Those are some highly-evolved youngin’s, rock’n’roll-wise. For those about to rock, I salute you. So does Jello.
Joe T. says
At Wal-Mart last night at 9. A zoo as you’d imagine. An “assocoate” got knocked over by a hoard as she lifted the cardboard covering off a pallet of vidoe games that went on sale for $10. Plus in the middle of it all was a senior citizen who had to be there in his jazzy. All in all, a GREAT people watching experience.
Spent the holiday far from family and friends, hidden away with my husband at a resort on Puget Sound, watching the otters roll and play in the ocean just outside the lounge…drinking pricey booze….eating outstanding food…hanging out in the spa….hanging out in the room…..having ‘call security, there’s a woman in flames on the balcony’ calibre sex…I tell you what, I should have started spending the holidays like this YEARS AGO. Totally, totally worth every nickel.
This year I miss reading Gretchen’s family holiday report, which usually includes plenty of asshats and clever cornball relatives.
It’s hard to top the year with the pantless cousin-in-law. We haven’t done Thanksgiving with my husband’s family since then, partially due to that incident, but mostly due to the fact that my husband’s family lost their matriarch that following summer. Turns out she was the glue holding everyone together.
This Thanksgiving my husband and I have been suffering through a kitchen remodel that’s rapidly turning into a nightmare. Normally I don’t go out of the house on Black Friday, but we felt compelled to venture out to try and find so-called deals on appliances. No deals, but plenty of asshattery.
I made it through Sears and Home Depot with gritted teeth, but it was Lowe’s that finally did me in. Specifically it was the guy frozen before the self-checkout computer like a deer in headlights, backing up the line. So I was forced to enter the line with the cashier who was struggling mightily to work around her massive bingo wings. Eventually one of her arm flaps got caught between a shopping cart and the checkout boof, at which point I hollered, “I didn’t take enough Xanax for this shit!” and left the store. Deer in Headlights was still standing stock still at the self-checkout, a little drool forming at the corner of his mouth.
I ended up buying what I needed online. Probably more pricey, but totally worth my sanity.
Some Guy on the Innernets says
We had a very nice time up in the mountains with an assortment of friends and co-workers. Our hostess is a bona fide Southern gal. She does not have a noticeable accent but her cooking makes it obvious if you didn’t know her. Even though the food was luscious and plentiful, I learned decades ago to take it easy and leave room for several varieties of pie. There is always way too much pie at those things. The weather was fine so we were outside a lot. It was great. All we had to do was take along a cooler of stuff and enjoy.
They call it Black Friday for good reason. I’ll gladly pay to stay away from wholesale lots of idiots, fools and assholes. We did venture out, taking the back way to Office Max to get a printer for a friend who was staying with us, but we timed it well and there were as many extra-helpful employees in the store as there were shoppers. We got back in the car and took the back way home. It was perilously close to Sam’s club and the mall and all that crap that I wish would go back to hell where it belongs. The friend is someone who needed the help with the deal, and would surely have ended up with some absurdly overpriced piece of crap that would cause her endless frustration otherwise. To just about anyone else, I’d have said “Good luck, and be careful out there!”
Doing the shift work thing and after making pie chrust Thursday morning, went to bed, then felt ill, and stayed in bed til Black Friday morning. However, no big loss because I’m not a big fan of turkey.
Okay…here’s a good question. Why are there so many Washington State people on the wvsr? I’m originally from Redmond, but lived back there. I think it’s really cool so many of you guys from my origianal home state are here also!
JR in Sammamish says
I’ve been wondering that too! I’m originally from WV. We should have a Surf Report get together out here!
Leaks from Hanford?
Partial insanity due to hydroplane noise?
Too many burgers from Pick-Quick?
Mount St. Helens dust inhalation?
Madness brought on by Northwest water torture?
Just theories. Also, we never should have changed the name of the Mountain That Was God. The Indians have been fucking with our heads since, perhaps inducing the kind of mind required to enjoy the WVSR. My grandmother never stopped calling it Mt. Tacoma. I’m just saying…
You make a good arguement for all of the above. Me, I think its because we have ‘PNW higher moral ground, greener than thou, posthuman paragon’ burnout. Sometimes you just want someone…anyone…to make fun of fat people, holler monsters and their horrifying in-laws RIGHT OUT LOUD.
Chuck in Belpre says
The hydroplane reference was genius.
another Jeff...alienjeff says
Hall and Oates? Now THAT’S funny!
I cooked it.
We ate it.
Ate some more.
Went to bed.
A prefect day if you ask me.
That would be a big hell no.
I hate shopping any time of year. Why on earth would I want to subject myself to that kind of insanity?
I spent Friday laying around with Mr.Man in our pajamas.
Perfect…not “prefect”. Too much Turkey. I’m still in a semi-coma…
Ham for Thanksgiving, kids cleaned up, then they went to their Dad’s for turkey. I did nothing from 3:30 onwards except sip bourbon and waste time on the internet.
Repeat for Friday. It’s still too warm here to feel in the spirit for Christmas, though the Food Lion has had trees for sale since the day after Halloween. 😐
Alice in WV says
Our Thanksgiving was pretty much like Jeff’s without the long walk. I haven’t stepped foot outside Wed evening. I’m hoping to do all my shopping online so I can totally avoid the masses.
Early turkey and all the trimmins at Mom and Dad’s in Wellsburg on Thursday, drank about a gallon of Dad’s home made Day-Go red wine (code for sweet red wine fortified with moonshine).
Stopped at the wife’s cousin’s house in Glen Dale to complete the experience. About 10 kids running around, 10 deer hunting stories, 10 dogs, and 10 beers for the road.
Went to the WVU vs. Pitt game Friday in Morgantown. Super tailgate party before the game. Felt like I was at a high school game with 60,000 other drunk people. Not sure who played worse, 99 penalty calls, plus we were in the stadium for 5 hours because the game was televised and they have something like 14 minute commercial breaks every ten minutes. Ran out of Skoal, Marlboro’s and bourbon so I resorted to buying $7.00 Budweisers and bumming smokes. Got back to the Moundsville bunker at 2:45 AM.
Packed up the car, wife, kid, and dog this morning and drove 6 hours back to Eastern PA.
Tomorrow is the day to put up outside Christmas lights, then fly to Chicago Monday morning for meetings. Man, my ass is dragging already.
T Farty McAppleass says
Can you get sick from eating your own poop (asking for a friend)?
Dr. Fatenbald says
No…provided tabasco sauce and fresh ground white pepper is emploied. But you must avoid any corn. That stuff is bad for you.
Phil Jett says
Anyone else watched any of the Darryl Hall live online music, Live from Darryl’s house?
Great stuff. I especially like the two shows with Todd Rundgren.
If I was that guys boss, I would fill his air can with farts.
Thanksgiving day- Worked at part time job, becasue they asked me to after figuring out that stste job was closed, from 7-11 AM. Went to Sandra bullock’s house (mother in law) and helped her with the cooking. Ate three large plates of food and went to Best Buy at 9:00. Watched harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, (part 2) on the large screen they had set up outside until I memorized the dialogue. Got a notebook for my son at a ridiculously low price and went home. Child Bride wanted to go to Sam’s for a low priced something, so went there. Slept for three hours and went to father-in-law’s day after Thanksgiving Dinner at his house.
Child Bride pulled in front of an oncoming car, because she hallucinated a green arrow instead of a green light. Did thousands of dollars of damage to bot cars. This was on Thanksgiving day, about noon. Set my aggression level for the whole day.
Also was told by landlord we have to move out after the holidays because of the black mold in my house that is making me sick (not affecting Child Bride, AwesomeWhiteBoy and AngryWhiteGirl tho).
Thanksgiving used to be my favorite holoday, jusy cause it was centered around gorging. After this year, it fell to number 11.
Went to my boyfriend’s sister’s house for Thanksgiving dinner. We don’t really know her boyfriend (who did all the cooking) all that well. He looks AND sounds like Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs…”It rubs the lotion on it’s skin and places it in the basket”.
I was never big on eating with strange people, especially for a holiday….and eating someone’s cooking when I don’t know who they are freaks me out a little.
Black Friday is a big “oh hells no” for me. Funk dat. I would seriously question my ability to remain calm if I had to deal with those dickbeaters grabbing, pushing, pulling….for what? 900 people in line to get a TV from a place that only has 7 of them in stock. Ridiculous to me.
Libby Jernigan says
You’re an old fart? Please, I’ve had my AARP card for seven years now