A few minutes after I hoisted myself off the platform this morning, Toney called and said I had a few “assignments.” And these included picking up the oldest Secret and taking him to his orthodontist appointment.
Why so many office visits? Seriously. It feels like I’m carting him over there every Thursday afternoon. Is it really necessary to stare down his Eggo hole two or three times per month? What in the candy-striped hell is going on here?!
But I do as I’m told, and drove out to the middle school at the prescribed time. The office chick reluctantly buzzed me in, and I was handed a clipboard. I checked the early-out box, wrote my son’s name, put “teef” as the reason, and handed it back to her. She looked at it, then at me (in my Magnolia Thunderpussy shirt), and said I could have a seat. Just as humorless as a severed spine.
Some seventh grader, or whatever, came clomping in and sat down beside me. Nobody asked why he was there, and he didn’t volunteer any information. He looked uncoordinated and clunky, even sitting in a chair. And he smelled like Frito’s.
Then a woman arrived and said, “Hi, I’m supposed to drop these off?” and produced a large trash bag apparently filled (filled!) with used shoes. TF?
The Secret and I drove over to the dentist’s office, I put his name on the list, sighed, and flopped-down again. Man, I hate that crooked-teeth holding pen… Here’s a picture of their “arcade,” which captures a little of the excitement.
Every kid in the place was text-messaging, with a smirk on his/her face like Dick Cheney. A girl wearing about 500 bracelets was two seats away from me, and had a voice so deep and gravelly I thought my Dad was talking for a few seconds. She was twelve or thirteen years old and sounded like a male fire fighter, retired. Maybe she had to have her voicebox rebuilt, or something? I just don’t know.
They finally called my kid to the inner sanctum, and added him to the Big Conveyor Belt o’ Toofahs. And it took forever. He was gone for 45 minutes, at least. Fully excruciating… The whole time he was in there the sixth grade girl who sounds like Wilford Brimley bitched and complained about her “crappy” Nextel cell phone. The poor thing.
When he was finished, I handed over a sizable monthly payment and we got the hell out of that terrible place.
I wanted to walk down the way, to the world’s last hipster record store. If they had the new Eels CD for less than $11.99 I was going to buy it, I proclaimed. And they barely made the cut: $11.97. We were the only people in the shop, but the clerk was still surly and acted like we were putting him out.
And now I’m preparing to drive the younger Secret to swim practice, the older one to a friend’s house, and that’s as far in advance as my brain will allow… I’m sure there’s more, but I’ll have to complete another task before anything else will load.
Pass the beer nuts.
In addition to the new Eels, there are two other must-own CDs being released in June: Rhett Miller (6/9) and Wilco (6/30). Oh, I’ll be all over ’em, like a dingo on a Cub Scout.
I think I’ve revived my Netflix subscription. It was in ICU, hooked up to a lung-blower, for a long time. But I’ve switched back to TV shows, and everything’s better now.
I re-watched the first season of King of the Hill, and I’m preparing for the latest season of 24. Then I’m thinking about starting on Prison Break. The boys wanted me to rent that Mall Cop crapola, so they’re getting some use from it, too.
It’s the movies that don’t work for me… It’s obvious now. If I rent TV shows the discs keep moving. But movies gum up the works.
I was very close to canceling my subscription. I’m glad I gave it one last shot.
Yesterday I linked to this guest-article, through WVSR Classic. And since it made me laugh, and I thought it was extra-good, I’m linking to it again.
You’ve GOTTA check out the latest mockable. Metten’s doing a great job with the animated shorts, and the new one kicks ass. Also, please leave a comment if you’re so inclined. We’re feeling a little lonely over there…
And my friend Bill told me about a site dedicated to a legendary swimming pool we used to visit as younglings. Right here. Check out the big pic from 1940, it’s fairly mind-blowing. The place was called Rock Lake, and they had a long-ass slide, a trapeze, a paddlewheel, and all manner of ridiculousness. I remember people jumping off the cliffs that lined two sides of the pool, and thinking they were completely insane.
It was a blast, a great place And, of course, long-gone… <sniff>
What’s the absolute coolest swimming pool you’ve ever visited? What is your own personal Rock Lake? We need to know, it’s a matter of high urgency.
I have lots of other stuff I wanted to cover today, but everything’s jacked-up. I’ll have to get to it next time.
I am going to restart the weekly recap emails next week, so if you’re not subscribed to the mailing list, now’s the time. Sign up today! There are many benefits, some we can talk about, and others we cannot.
I’ll leave you with now with a Question inspired by a recent conversation with Toney. We’d started re-watching Homicide: Life on the Street, one of our favorite TV series, but it just wasn’t doing it for us.
“It’s a winter show,” Toney said, as if it’s well-known. “You can’t watch Homicide in spring or summer.”
Huh. I’d never thought about it, but she’s probably right. It does have a bleak and dreary feel to it, that’s completely counter to hot summer nights, etc. So, we switched to The Sopranos — and it‘s hitting the spot.
So, in the comments I’d to know what other TV shows or movies you think only work when it’s cold and gray outside. And we can include music in this, as well… What music do you reach for on a rainy day?
Tell us about it, won’t you? And I’ll be back on Monday, at the latest.
See ya then!
Could I be 1?
Finally! I’ve been so bored at work today, waiting for an update.
Make sure your son wears his retainer later… or it’s
all for NOTHING. (Three kids out of braces!)
Hey, top 3. Just checking back in, still alive and kicking.
Your secret’s ortho office is that busy because his doc likes making around $400K per year (the average! income for an orthodontist about 5 years ago). That’s why I want to send The Peanut to dental school.
And why are we still calling them Secrets anyway? I know there was an abortive attempt at nicknames, and I for one would like to see you take another stab at it.
As far as pools go, there’s an awesome dive shop in Rochester, NY that has a custom built SCUBA training pool that’s simply fantastic. It’s the perfect setup for training new divers. Never been in it, but I would like to.
The worlds coolest pool is probably in Houston (I think that’s where it is). NASA uses it to train astronauts and simulate zero g working conditions. The astronauts wear their space suits and rehearse what they are going to do during their space walks. They use civiilians (last I heard) as safety and assistive divers. That would be totally cool. Never been in that one either.
But I have been in the Sea Lion tank at the aquarium in Niagra Falls, diving with the Sea Lions. That’s kind of like a pool, right? That was a lot of fun, and getting a “kiss” on the mask from a sea lion is a lot more violent that you might suspect. But still lots of fun.
I also want to dive the Disney aquarium and the Shedd Aquyarium in Chicago.
As far as seasonal shows, I don’t know. I know that if I’m sick I Love Lucy hits the spot, but I think that might just be because of watching it when I was home from school as a kid.
wow numba 5? cool beans
holy David Carradines’ ghost….top 10
My own Rock Lake Pool is a place called “The Sinks.” Unsupervised. Rednecks and hippies frolicking together, and amazingly clear, cold water. Deep as shit too, it’s scary looking down there.
Six Feet Under
Charlie Brown Christmas
Ditto, on the retainer. Just go ahead and get 3, right up front, that should get you through the first week. Beware…dogs love retainers, I’m just saying.
Grew up on the plains of SD, if there was water in a pool form you had to fight the live stock for it…they just don’t respect the “no peeing in the pool” rules…ukk
The hub can’t get to Mockable at work anymore. Must’ve been the Cam-Whore.
Shiny Rod says
Note I’m #5 on the commentors list. Means I should shut my maple syrup hole?
D in Seattle says
Mmmmmm…. Maple Syrup….
Matt Mercer says
Northside Beach in Zanesville, Ohio. It wasn’t huge, but man I lived there in the summers. Now a Lowe’s sits literally on top of where it used to be. Depressing.
I have been to that Rock Lake Village but only during it’s stint as the local Putt Putt.
Never got to swim there…sadly enough.
I did get to ride the go-carts which ended up being an excellent experience for me AND the staff along with the other patrons.
I had placed my purse in between my legs and as I sped around the track, I began to notice things laying in tmy path…a comb…a chapstick…a checkbook…car keys…a tampon…HOLY SHIT! My purse had emptied itself all over the track.
The teen-aged boys on staff helped me retrieve everything…including the tampons, a few condoms and a small tube of KY.
Needless to say, they were quite red with embarrassment by the time we finished picking it all up.
My “Rock Lake” was a place called Wonderland Gardens. It was built in London, Ontario sometime in the 40’s by a concert promoter and featured indoor and outdoor dance halls, walking trails, several restaurants and snack bars, and a massive swimming pool (complete with slides, jumping and diving boards, and for a while a rope swing) all built along the banks of the Thames river. As a kid I would ride my bike from home (about 5 miles) to the pool most summer mornings, pay my 10 cents admission, swim until noon and then ride home. When I was about 12 the city closed the pool down because maintenance costs were too high, but the dance hall stayed open until a few years ago.
Most TV is “winter shows” for me. I’m watching less and less TV over the last few years (and spending more time on the internet), but I tend to watch more in the winter.
For music I tend to find albums have a seasonal feel, which usually depends on when I first heard them or a memorable event that occurred when I was listening to them. Examples:
Sigur Ros – ( )
Godspeed You! Black Emperor –Raise your Skinny Fists Yo La Tengo – I Am Not Afraid
Stiff Little Fingers –Go For It
Big Star -#1 Record
Pavement –Slanted and Crooked Rain
Magnetic Fields -69 Love Songs
MGMT – Time to Pretend
Violent Femmes –Violent Femmes
Stiff Little Fingers –All the Best
Belle and Sebastian -Sinister
I spent many a day and night at Rock Lake – I dated a lifeguard there. It was really the best pool I’ve ever been to and I loved dancing in my bathing suit to “Poison Ivy” . I stayed there all night during a graduation party,
I remember Rock Lake from when i used to go visit family in the WV. Didn’t they turn it into a Putt Putt Golf or something?
Hey Jeff- Waddaya make of the big changes coming to eMusic?
/I’m a newcomer to Charleston and soon after I moved here, I actually went looking for Rock Lake after seeing street signs and a mural of the place in its glory days. Now it’s a church parking lot. Sounds about right.
Chris in Cincinnati says
*The lord of the rings trilogy is perfect for a snow day.
*I watch Band of Brothers every Memorial day
*Gonna start Doing HBO’s John Adams on the 4th
*The Wire is a good fall/winter one as well
I find most of my preffered tv watching is in the winter.
Music, radiohead in the fall as well as things like bottlerockets and the such.
Spring, Dressy Bessy.
jim britton says
No Rock Lake near here.
I grew up in Bayville, on the Barnegat Bay.
Summer water fun involves rowboats, sunburn, crabbing and mosquitoes.
On the freshwater side, we had the cranberry bogs and spillways at Double Trouble if our parents were present.
Mr. Ranger knew my parents and wouldn’t bother them, but he would have “unaccompanied” kids leave.
Fresh water in the Cedar Creek runs about 55 degrees F, though on the first dive you’d swear that you were swimming with ice cubes.
The Trestle was about 6 miles east of Double Trouble, in Glen Cedars Park. It was (and still is) a railroad bridge over the creek. You could jump in to the creek (feet first) from the trestle, the drop was about twenty feet back then. The railroad abandoned the railway back in the late seventies, so the Trestle is in very bad shape today. The teenagers used to party there, so we were always run off, but a little ways down creek someone had tied a rope to a tree so you could swing over the creek & jump in.
The Godfather & The Godfather Part II
Rocky I – IV
Saw I – V (that’s the boyfriend’s pick…I think they’re gross as hell)
Deadwood (fuck you, you fucking fuck)
Rome (on HBO for a short time…fantastic)
Never liked public pools… a sewer of urine and dirty bandaids…..ICK! But as a kid we went to Dietz Lake in Indiana (the state) in the summer to swim and in the winter to ice skate. AHHH….memories….
garrett - g1g3m says
I simply can’t watch “Better off Dead” in the summer – not because it has some snow scenes in it – there’s mostly sun and stuff. I think it’s because I first saw it when I was 17 in an extremely rare central Texas snowstorm, in fact that’s the last snow I remember seeing around here….
So I guess that movie always reminds me of winter – and a certain 15 year old (who you’d think was a 3rd year college student) that taught me a thing or three in her parents extra attic bedroom while we were supposed to be studying and watching movies….
Hmmm, scene is still so vivid, I’m feeling a trifle pedophelic. Can I be arrested for that memory? It’s like, almost DVD quality.
A few links:
Top 10 Anthony Bourdain Insults On Food TV – http://www.nbclosangeles.com/around_town/the_scene/Top-10-Anthony-Bourdain-Insults-On-Food-TV.html
Blood Bag – http://media.knuttz.net/funny/090602/knuttz_ueba_01.jpg
Something for Buck (I own both of these) – http://www.catfishgrabblers.com/GGG2dvd.htm
Here’s the “Trailer” – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zClrkpLzJrg
garrett - g1g3m says
I guess if you put more than one link in a post, it gets moderated???? [sigh] I have much dumbassery to share….
garrett - g1g3m says
Ooooohhh. Forgot deadwood – definitely winter. The first season just started on ION (?) from Dish Network (Uncensored, of course) and it just doesn’t feel right….
Alice in WV says
“… like a dingo on a Cub Scout.” funny line – gonna use that one.
Tammie – Laughing so hard! I wanna hang out with you!
I don’t have any particularly great swimming pool memories. My son loves the waterparks but I struggled to hold back retching when I saw bandaids, seagull feathers, and all manner of nastiness floating around in the last one I actually “enjoyed” with him. good gawd. I haven’t seen excessive grossness in our local WaveTek but I’m sure I will. blech
Fairmont is supposed to build a Volcano Island Waterpark and Hotel. good times
Summer Music-Wilco-Yankee Hotel Foxtrot
Pool-Chantilly National Country Club
I think my brother has the big elephant from the putt-putt in his yard in Raleigh County.
In Baltimore we have Beaver Dam (located in Cockeysville nonetheless, heh) which is still open (http://www.beaverdamswimmingclub.com/gallery.html) and actually an old quarry.
Winter or bad weather music:
Harry Connick, Jr.
Depeche Mode “Violator”
Talking Heads “Little Creatures”
Violent Femmes “Violent Femmes”
*Speaking of Homocide, I was an extra on one of the episodes. Spent the entire night at The Wharf Rat, which is the bar they used as their hangout on the show. Andre Braugher smoked almost my entire pack of cigarettes but was otherwise a super nice guy, and Richard Belzer was a Class A Douche.
Shiny Rod says
Thank you Surf Reporters for making me the #1 top commentator ‘sniff sniff’, keep those responses coming…like a John Holmes video…
Drug Delivery Guy says
Ah summer time, time to bring out and listen to certain tunes:
– definitely classic reggae – mostly Marley, Toots.., Burning Spear
– Ska: Specials, Selecter, English Beat, Bad Manners
– some classic country: Patsy Cline
– Los Lobos (good through the year though)
– Sonny Landreth
– Buffett (let the abuse begin)
– UB40 (again, let the abuse begin)
– The Clash: especially London’s Calling
– certain 80’s tunes from the summers I spent working at Ocean City
– In short, anything that gets me to dreaming of the beach to get away from this crapola
Bill in WV says
Ahhh Rock Lake Pool in the summertime. It was located across the river from where we lived, so me and my buddies would ride our bikes across the old Dunbar Toll Bridge (Jeff’s former employer) and spend whole days there (mid to late 70’s). The slide was a blast, not only for the rider, but also to watch chicks go down the thing on their stomach and lose their friggin bikini tops when they hit the water. If you look at that pic of the big slide, I’m right out of picture, to the left, treading water, waiting for the magic event to occur. Of course, when guys went off the thing head-first, our shorts ended up either around our ankles or completely OFF!!! You hit the water with that much force. The slide was about 40 feet off the ground at the top and had water running down it. Now, the trapeze, well if you didn’t let go when it swung you out, you would break both legs on the dock on the back swing. Saw that happen a couple of times – not pretty. Oh yeah, if you look at the first picture, you can see the cold-ass sprinklers that you HAD to go through before getting inside the fence to the pool. Their way of acclamating you to the water, I guess?
New to PA says
My Rock Lake was Fell Lake. You were charged by how many people they saw in the car on the way in, and being the smallest, I was always shoved under peoples feet or in the trunk. The old lake was changed to fishing only, and they built a new “cement pond” complete with a huge tunnel water slide. My favorite memory? the last day of every season everyone brought bubble bath and poured it down the slide or in the water. The whole thing was covered in bubbles right before they drained the thing for the winter. It was eventually filled in and now it is a school for socially challenged children.
My own personal “Rock Lake” was Crystal Springs near Zephyrhills, FL. In the mid-eighties during the summer, it was the place to be. Only a buck to get in. It was a huge natural spring with a beach at one end and a boardwalk over the spilloff into the Hillsborough River at the other end. Water was COLD and crystal clear. You could see the bottom of the spring, no matter how deep. I decided to look it up a few years ago online and the spring and it’s surrounding land was purchased by Nestle Waters N.A. to pump spring water from the aquifer. Now, it’s a nature preserve called Crystal Springs Preserve. No more swimming, no more fun. A-boo.
Jason Voorhees says
My own personal Rock Lake was at Camp Crystal Lake. I used to have the best time there during my summers at camp. The camp councelors would pretty much leave us alone. My last memory is of swimming in Crystal Lake…then everything goes dark. I hope my Mom is OK.
I went to a pool called Crystal Lake in South Jersey. I guess the town was Haddonfield, maybe Westmont…
It was a huge pool (at least it seemed huge to me at the time), with cement walls and a sand bottom. The water was a dark green (green due to over chlorination… I hope) and always cold, except maybe for a few of the hottest days in the middle of the summer. Anyway, no Crystal in that water but it was a fun place. I remember it getting very crowded too.
Bill in WV says
Jeff reminded me of another pool we used to go to back in the day – Rippling Waters. It was located on a campground and, like the pool Sponge described above, had a sandy bottom and dark green water in the deep ends. It had several docks out in the middle of it to dive off. I can remember frogs jumping in and out of the water, so it must not have been very well filtered or chlorinated. Every so often, someone would go off the diving board and hit a dead body under the water, since it was dark green and you couldn’t see anything under the surface. Good times!!
Isn’t that Rippling Waters place used for churches now? I think I heard something from one of the Jesus Police neighbors about going to a baptism at Rippling Waters.
They were mumbling and it’s hard for me to understand what they’re saying when I’m sober.
All cop and lawyer shows only work in winter because their wardrobe is all winter gear. Their long over coats and suits and body armor. Its kind of difficult to look important and legal in a Hawaiian shirt and flip flops. That’s probably why “Burn Notice” only runs in summer.
Trisha aka Mrs. Wally says
My Rock Lake is Barton Springs in Austin, TX. Man that cold ass water felt sooo good in August. We rarely used the pool itself. But after a 10 minute hike through the woods you got to a part of the creek called Twin Falls. I thing you can guess how it got it’s name.
Best memory was of sunbathing on the rocks, naked, stoned as shit while skipping school.
Worst memory was getting chased through the water by a water mocassin. My friends would have had a long hike carrying my then skinny ass to get back to the car and to a hospital. I was convinced that I was going to die.
cross lanes curmudgeon says
My Rock Lake is Upper Falls of the N. Fork of Crooked River near Post, Ore. You slide down a series of mossy boulders and shallow pools to a ledge, then drop 20 feet into a very deep, wide and shady pool. Upon exiting the pool, keep an eye out for rattlesnakes and shattered Oly bottles. Great place to camp, fish for trout, discharge firearms, and watch meteors, pronghorn antelope and mule deer.
The Evil Twin says
I’m with BillinWV – Rippling Waters was the best pool ever! It was so huge that even at it’s peak season it never felt crowded – there was always plenty of room to swim without having to rub tits with anyone. The sand on the bottom must have been two feet deep at the deep end. It was nice hangin’ out on the piers in the sun listening to the Kiss records playing on the jukebox, which was wired through the PA system. Had some really great summer memories there…
An open letter to Tammie:
I have contemplated this too long not to speak.
I used to be like you. Flowing innuendos
Mentioning KY and not referring to Kentucky
(never mentioning condoms .. they are cruel)
I followed your site for a while
thinking maybe there was more to you
.. I was let down.
I used to be like you
because I wanted more site viewers too.
But after a few years of the nonsense
I realized I was using my body
to get someone to appreciate my brain.
Bad PR right there.
After making a few changes
and seeking out people who had my same interests
(instead of baiting with sex)
I have more subscribers on my RSS feed
and quality feedback on my posts.
You can be cute and still offer quality content
that is not tied to how well you can polish his pole.
Several of us are pulling it off.
It is not that I find you replusive
… that is all.
Leave Tammy alone for chrissake. I read her site all the time. She’s witty.
Sorry, I meant “Tammie”. Leave Tammie alone for chrissake.
CitizenX: You have a right to your opinion, but wouldn’t it have been better served to post your feelings over on Tammie’s site instead of hashing it out on Jeff’s? It seems a little more malicious over here, regardless of whether you intended that or not.
Trisha aka Mrs. Wally says
Jebus, Citizen X! Tammie is hilarious. She is one of my favorites to read, other the wvsr.
Gretchen makes a good point.
Lighten up and try to have a good weekend!
I have to agree with Gretchen, CitizenX. This isn’t the proper forum for such things. Debate is one thing, but if you have a personal issue with someone, please take it to email.
And for the record, I don’t agree with what you wrote. I’ve always viewed Tammie as friendly and fun. She adds to the daily conversation, and provides a lot of laughs.
Tammie: you’re always welcome here, and amongst friends. And the same goes for you, CitizenX. You’ve been a good friend over the years, but your comments about Tammie were unnecessarily harsh, in my opinion.