I used to fly quite a bit, but it’s a rare occurrence nowadays. The last time I was on an airplane was our return flight from England in 2008, and before that… it was prior to 9/11. So, I don’t have any recent experiences to talk about.
But I definitely have a Worst Flight Ever story, and hope you guys do as well. After I’m finished, please use the comments section below to tell us your tales of massive discomfort at 30,000 feet.
I’ve flown through some bad turbulence, which caused me to grip the armrest and exert diamond-making pressure with my sphincter muscle. One flight in particular, on a puddle-jumper coming into Charleston, WV, was especially memorable. Patsy Cline, Buddy Holly, and Lynyrd Skynyrd songs were playing inside my head.
But my Worst Flight Ever happened shortly after we moved to California. Toney and I were in a funk, and feeling homesick for Atlanta. We’d only been in our new house in Santa Clarita for a month or so, and had no business taking a trip back to Georgia. But, of course, that didn’t stop us from doing it. I took a few days vacation, we quit work on setting up our new place, and attempted to go home again.
We only had one kid at that point, and he was a tiny baby. He was small enough that we didn’t need to buy a ticket for him, Toney or I just held him on our laps. Almost immediately upon boarding, we noticed he was hot, and possibly running a temperature. He’d started crying, too, and causing people to shoot us dirty look before we’d even gotten off the ground. Simply fantastic.
We were wedged into those straitjacket coach seats, but Toney successfully extracted a thermometer from the diaper bag, and he was indeed running a fever. And crying, full-out. What the hell, man?? I hate being a nuisance. I hold people to high standards in that department, and have even higher expectations for myself. I’m the guy you want to get behind in line at the grocery store, and also sit beside on an airplane.
Usually, anyway. On this day we were making everybody annoyed, and I felt self-conscious and embarrassed by the whole thing. I’m not an idiot, and realized he might cause a few problems during the flight, but this was over-the-top.
Then he power-shit his diaper. There was a loud noise, like an almost-empty mustard bottle, and a rolling stink that you could almost watch progress up the aisle. It was like a giant bowling ball of stench, cascading through the airplane.
Toney got him cleaned up, and gave him some medicine to bring his fever down, but I remember him crying quite a bit, and shitting several more times. It was completely horrible. Everybody on that plane wanted to murder us, and I didn’t blame them.
When we FINALLY landed, Toney was feeling a bit off, and she ended up being sick for the rest of the trip, as well.
We rented a room at a Red Roof Inn, on North Druid Hills in Atlanta, and it was ludicrous. The elevator was inside our room, literally. Oh, it was walled-off, but the thing ran through the center of our rented space, eating up at least 50% of the square footage. It was really loud, and caused the temperature to fluctuate, for some reason. It was like something off Green Acres.
Since Toney and the boy were sick, we didn’t get to enjoy Atlanta much, and took off in a rental car toward my parents’ house in Charlotte. And guess what? They both came down with the mustard bottle disease, as well. Everybody was shitting up a storm, vomiting, etc. Everybody except me, that is… I just got to sit there and marinate in the aroma and good vibes.
And now it’s your turn. What’s your Worst Flight Ever? Please use the comments link below.
And I’ll be back tomorrow.
Have a great day!
Now playing in the bunker
Treat yourself to something cool at Amazon.
First??
I’ll never forget that time flying over the Andes when our plane went down and to survive we were forced to eat the flesh of those that had perished in the crash.
No, wait a minute; that was just something that I read about….
Never mind
About five years ago I made the trip from California to Rochester, NY, to be in a friend’s wedding. Doing what comes naturally at weddings, I drank a lot. On the trip home, I had to do what comes naturally after drinking a lot, shit a lot. For some reason I was bumped up to first class, which made flying hungover a lot better. Unfortunately, the bathroom in first class is at the front of the plane and everyone can see you go in and come out. I went in, and was in there for a while. I don’t know if anyone was really concerned or not, but the flight attendants made a point of banging on the door a few times to make sure I was all right. I think they were more concerned that I was right next to the cockpit. Anyway, I finally made my exit from the lav, of course everyone on the plane was watching me since they flight crew were kind enough to draw so much attention to me.
The only thing worse than having the runs on a packed plane is when everyone on the packed planes knows you have the runs.
We were trying to take off from Chicag O’hare in the middle of a snowstorm right after Christmas. The plane slid off the runway and we were stuck for six hours. Trust me back then when I was a smoker that was no fun at all.
The flight attendants also would not serve any beverages since we kept waiting for a tow back
I’m guessing there is more than one Red Roof Inn along N Druid Hills, but the one stayed in was across the street from the Pink Pony. Catty corner was a neat little bar called Fuzzy’s.
The one “I” stayed in. Jesus.
There is no “I” in Jesus
But “U” are in….
Shit. I can’t do that with a straight face. Or a straight font. But I remember what happened last time someone tried italics–seems we were all slanted to the right for a while.
Not that that’s a bad thing.
The rabbit hole, indeed.
Wow, that’s a bad flight.
I used to fly a lot, but I have been really lucky. I don’t have a “worst flight ever” story.
I’ve been on puddle jumpers in some rough weather, but I think it’s fun. I’ve had to try not to put my arms up like I’m on some kind of weird, enclosed rollercoaster while grinning like an idiot. Really, the only thing keeping me from fully expressing my glee in those situations is the knowledge that not everyone feels the same way I do about that sort of thing.
And my best flight ever was the time I bribed a flight attendent with $60 (everything in my wallet at the time) to get me out from between 2 fat guys on a 5 hour flight in couch to a nice, comfy, frist class ride with all the space I could want.
Best $60 I’ve ever spent.
Of course, that flight was in coach, not couch.
1973, MAC flight headed for Southeast Asia… four million sweaty people crammed into toddler sized seats and me sandwiched between two very overweight squids, gawking at my tits for 20 plus hours….
1981, fancy 747 headed stateside from Europe. I’m on the isle seat of the center rows…. when we find out there are only 300 cans of beer on board. The five of us there in that row managed to con the stewardess out of most of them by lies of passing them to others and ordering for all our non-existant buddies.
I ran into a WO about a year later who couldn’t understand why I wasn’t excited to see him and relive the whole “black out”.
Mid 80’s, short flight to Andrews AFB with a crazy and her invisable murdering friend (who got the window seat) …. had to eat that crappy food with a plastic spoon to keep Mr. Invisable from stabbing me with my own fork.
Oh all these ended badly, and the list goes on and on…
I remember MAC flights!
I also remember nylon webbing “jump seats” in C-130’s as we followed F-4’s all over the Pacific from Kaneohe to Iwakuni.
Oh yeah…MAC hops on 130s or 141s back in the day! Oh the web seating sucked. Best hop I took was on a Guard flight to Hawaii on a KC-135, and got to sleep in one of the padded matress things back in the boom pod most of the way. Now THAT was first class!!!!!
Nothing too bad. I tend to sleep on flights and or work in aviation so I figure I’m the problem, not the solution.
But I have had a de-ice truck slam into the wing in Charleston, WV and had to slam on the brakes and abort in Cincy 2 yrs ago after the super bowl.
Probably the worst was (And it gets a bit complicated).
Due to cost I flew from Cincy to Houston on Delta and was going to switch in Houston to Southwest to fly to Oklahoma City.
But a hurricane in Houston and malfunctioning spoilers on the airplane caused us to divert to Austin.
So I’m in Austin trying to get to OKC but have to fly to Houston first and I’m missing my connecting flight. For once I had a carry on because I had to (Bosch cordless drill, they don’t like those in the cabin). They can’t root through the baggage hold for one person’s item so I was screwed.
I could get a flight out of Austin on SWA for no extra charge but my luggage would still be in Houston.
Finally they said fuck it and were going to put us all on a bus to Houston to catch flights or meet our families there. Since they were offloading luggage I got a boarding pass from SWA told Delta to eat a bag of dicks and flew home to OKC.
Blurgh.
Although my story doesn’t really compare to some of these, my “worst” was trying to get home one time on SWA. They oversold the flight & then bumped me & my buddy and routed us to Chicago for a connection….late at night, thunderstorms, etc. That was bad enough, but then they kept the departing flight sitting at the gate for an hour or so & when we finally got there & could board the flight, the only seats were in the very back. In unison, the entire planeload of passengers booed & threw trash at us all the way down the aisle.
And that’s why I hate Chicago. The End.
Worst flight ever, 20 yrs ago I was flying out to Spokane Wash from Mich. About half way there the cabin suddenly lost air pressure. The only thing the pilots could do to make it better was to do an immediate nose dive to get to a lower altitude. People were screaming and ears were bleeding. I remember that it felt like my head was gonna explode. We made an emergency landing in Bozeman Mt. and ended up staying the night there. As we were coming off the plane they were trying to get us all to sign a medical release form, you know “just in case”. The next day I board another flight to finally get to Spokane. As we were descending and preparing for landing the plane started making a weird whirring sound. It turns out that they don’t think the plane’s landing gear was coming out. They fly low enough so the tower can take a look at it and find out that it is down, but it doesn’t look like it has locked into place. The captain then announces that we are heading to Seattle to land as they have much better emergency facilities available. We ended up landing ok, but as we were landing they had emergency vehicles lined up on either side of the runway. After we got off of that plane we boarded what looked to be a cargo plane and they flew us to Spokane, it was the roughest damn flight of my life.
P.S. While in Bozeman I was on the same shuttle bus to the hotel that the pilots were on. They said when it happened they thought it was a busted window or toilet valve malfunction. I asked what happens if someone is sitting on it at the time. His reply – it wouldn’t be pretty. I haven’t sat on a plane toilet since!
Back in the 80’s I was on a flight to Reno that had the WORST turbulence I had ever encountered. The plane would literally just drop, then asend, then drop again. The wings dropping from one side to the other. Phuk dat shit man.
Some of the more “seasoned” passenger’s sat there flipping through magazines and newspapers like they were waiting for a doctor’s appointment. I sat white knuckled, heart in my throat, and sharting my pants (and seat). I hate to fly.
When I was in College, I took a spring break trip from Des Moines to Washington DC, That’s just how boring I am I spent my spring break looking at museums!
While on a layover in Chicago I noticed out the terminal window that It had started snowing, lightly but snowing. Being a Midwesterner I didn’t think much of that, it was only mid April. A little late for snow, but not unheard of.
As we boarded the plane the snow was getting much worse, those big flakes that signal it might be a good idea to find somewhere warm, a lot more snow is on it’s way.
It’s about 2:00pm.
The Pilot came on the PA and said that we would be deicing the plane “as a precaution.” As I like the planes I am flying on to stay in the air, I agreed wholeheartedly.
A few minutes later, good news, bad news from the pilot. Good news, we are second in line for deicing. Bad news we lost our take off slot. Sit back relax we should be in the air soon.
After deicing we are back in line to take off. By this time the snow is coming down like crazy, you can’t see the wing tips out of the window. We are going to be in line for a while so the pilot has the cabin crew distribute the “Snack” and some drinks.
I should probably at this point describe the passengers, The aircraft is full, every seat with someone in it. The vast majority of the passengers (or at least the most vocal) were an entire class of 8th graders going to Washington DC for the week. There was also an Alzheimer’s convention in DC that week so there were a few care givers with their charges sprinkled in the mix, with the usual business travelers and a few families making up the rest.
As for me, I am a guy of as Jeff would say “Larger Carriage” 6 ft about 210 or so at the time, jammed into the center seat between 2 guys who to this day I can’t decide if they were having a business disagreement or a lovers spat or both. Whatever, I was uncomfortable both physically and mentally.
Things went well for a while as we waited in line for takeoff on the one runway that was cleared for both take offs and landings.
More good news/bad news from the pilot! We were 5th in line for take off. Yeah! Time to re-deice. Boooo!
Get to the deicing area, we are 25th in line, At this point the Tweens start chanting “we want food! we want food!” and pounding on their tray tables. The poor flight attendants don’t have any more food, but they do have some more drinks so they start distributing again, and the airline is springing for the alcohol “to make up for the inconvenience.” And they aren’t checking ID (at least for my 20 year old ass) Double Yeah!!
It’s some time around 6:00pm
Back to the line for take off we are 55th or something like that The flight attendants are trying to get a trivia game going with the kids, but after the third round almost dissolves into a fist fight they give up and head for the galley to avoid the passengers for a while.
The batteries in my walkman have died, but thankfully the guys on either side of me have hit the point of their argument of icy silence so I only have to deal with the 3 girls in the row in front of me popping their heads over the seat every few minutes to ask “do you have a girlfriend? Do you think my friend is cute?” Ect. and the giggles that inevitably follow the question.
There was at least one more cycle of going back to the deicing area and getting back in line for take off. When at about 10 pm the pilot informs us of two things. Due to noise abatement rules at National airport (it wasn’t Regan National then) The flight had to be canceled. And they were out of all food, and drinks except hard liquor and water.
Now we are parked on the tarmac waiting for a jetway to open up. And waiting, and waiting. Then we move a little bit, I assume so we don’t get stuck in the Ice or snow that at this point is a few feet thick.
I eventually retire to the back of the plane and wait in line for the lav for a while just to stretch and move a bit.
Finally the Pilot says we have a jetway and we park in it, and start offloading.
It’s almost 2:00am I’ve been on the plane for 12 hours and went from Terminal B to Terminal C
I have flown on flights jammed between 2 300+ pounders, been catapulted off an aircraft carrier in a cargo plane into the fringe edges of a tropical storm, been hung out a helicopter’s open crew door on a safety strap, and flown with a teething baby in my lap, I have never had a worse flight than the one I never left the ground on.
Some lessons,
Always carry more than you think you can read. I finished 3 books, the in flight magazine and memorized the safety instructions for a 767.
Make sure that you have extra batteries for your walkman, I went through a 12 pack.
Be nice to the flight crew, it’s not their fault, and they control the alcohol.
Always, Always, Always check the weather at the connecting airports. You never know when a blizzard will blow up!
“It’s almost 2:00am I’ve been on the plane for 12 hours and went from Terminal B to Terminal C”
OUCH.
At least the 8th grade girls thought you were cute 🙂
Back around ’73 or ’74 I think I was aboard twin engine prop type plane, taxiing by the terminal building in Madison WI. The pilot cut a corner a little close and plowed the wing tip into a light standard. Pieces went everywhere. They took us off the plane, gave us free drinks at the bar and tried to keep us away from the windows. Which, of course, caused me to have to find a window. There were a couple guys outside on a ladder, applying duct tape to the end of the damaged wing. After an hour or so they re-boarded us, and off we went, on a duct taped airplane. Then there was the time I got a beer that was partly frozen, and when I cracked the old removable pull tab on the can I sprayed the couple seats in front of me. Pissed off a couple passengers that day, I can tell you. Not as bad as the time the wife and I were leaving Anchorage on a flight back to the lower 48 after a two week vacation. Something from dinner the night before savagely attacked as we were sitting on the runway. I figured “what the hell, I’ll wait till we’re off the ground. But something kept jacking us around, because 20 minutes later we still sat there. I finally got up and headed to the back of the plane to let the monster in my lower bowels escape into the lower bowels of the aircraft. The stewardess told me to return to my seat, I wasn’t allowed to move about the plane. I told her it would be in her and everyone Else’s best interest to get out of my way, and proceeded on. For the first time of at least a half dozen trips to the small room during the duration of the flight. The poor bastard sitting right outside the door of the shitter should have received a full refund for all the distress i caused him over the next couple hours. It was so bad that after yet another flight, in the car 25 minutes from home with another 25 to go I pulled over on the side of the road (at about 3AM), hurried to the shoulder and hoped no one came down the road till I finished my deposit. Luckily I had some old fast food napkins in the car. Always wondered if anyone stumbled across that in the next day or two.
Never been on a plane. Don’t want to get on a plane. Thank you.
My dad came to visit this weekend. He flew in and out of the Parkersburg International Airport and Beauty School.
Wow! He must have wanted door-to-door service! That flight from PKB to Cleveland-Hopkins is really expensive. I would have tried something through Columbus, and just driven over there.
It was $450 from PKB to OKC and on SWA from CMH it was close to $500 plus a 2 hr drive each way and parking.
Parking is free at wood county and my mom picked up the car anyway.
So overall not bad.
Not too bad at all. I’m surprised.
747 flying from honolulu to guam,1970’s. One hour out number 3 engine catches on fire and burns quite nicely all the way back to hawaii where we landed with all the fire trucks in the world there, slid down the slides and ran like mofos. Some friction burns from the evac slides and twisted ankles.
Wow, I can’t come close to any of these, and I used to fly a LOT for work. The best I can do is:
– The 2-hour flight from Tampa to DC, which turned into five hours via Harrisburg, all with a bursting bladder;
– Flight home from Europe where I had foolishly had a couple of espressos in the airport just before leaving. Couldn’t sleep like I usually do, and I was pissed off and jonesing for a smoke the whole trip.
.
Although this isn’t the worst flight ever, it’s my funniest worst flight.
When we were going from Iraq to Afghanistan we flew map of the Earth once we got into Afghan airspace. Map of the earth is where you keep a constant altitude over the ground, by going up and down with the contours of the surface.
Up and down. Up and down. Over the mountains and down into the valleys. Up and down. Eventually it started getting to a few people. Then it started getting to more people. And finally someone threw up. Now, let’s stop right here to give you the layout of the inside of our C-130.
The seats aren’t like commercial seats. The rows are along the fuselage. One row along each side of the plane facing inward, and two rows (back to back) in the middle of the plane facing outward. The rows are like long benches the length of the plane with no arm rests or partitions. The seats are like a net of some sort. They are very comfortable, it’s like you’re sitting in a hammock/basket sort of thing. Anyway, the fact that they are nets and facing each other is important here.
So, someone threw up. Well, since they were facing the person across from them when this happened, the person across from them got a lap full of puke. They also started to vomit. This all happened within a second or two. For some people the site of the puke was enough to set them off, for others the smell did it. Just like that, a chain reaction of regurgitation blew off like a geyser that would put Mount St. Helens to shame.
Ground beef and chunks of carrots were everywhere. It was in people’s hair. Most people had up chuck on their skin that wasn’t from their own stomach. People tried to avoid throwing up on someone and would just throw up on someone else. I had a puddle of ejected chunks in my lap and on my feet that had the DNA of me and at least three other people. People couldn’t stop. It was like the wave at a ball park. You’re your section finished voiding their guts, another section would start and it would comeback around to you. The thick ass stringy mucus of the gut gravy was hanging onto the netted seating. It was a nightmare of belly juice. Even the well seasoned flight staff were retching.
And we had to just sit in it. We were in the air for another hour or so. The sour foul stench of vomit from 40 people was thick in the air, like a tangible entity seeking revenge simply for existing. As we went up and down steep climbs, little rivers of hurled refuse would slosh back and forth. People were moaning and in pain. Some people were crying. Every once in a while you could hear someone try to involuntarily push out a heave and succeed only in a dry painful lurch. Everything was ruined.
When we landed, we had to clean the plane out with hoses and brooms. It was pretty bad.
Dude! Am I thought my C-130 Flight was bad, Turns out I got nothing.
That’s perhaps the most disgusting thing I’ve ever read. I’m especially fond of the “little rivers of hurled refuse” sloshing back and forth. That’s a hell of a visual.
That was funny as all heck. Reminded me of the pie-eating contest scene from “Stand by Me.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9S7kg1IhZ7M&feature=related
my eyes are watering
Just laughed my ass off!
i was eating as i read this & can’t top it 4 nastiness!
East Germany gives that a 9.9!!!
Thank you for serving our country!
I was scheduled for a 7:30 flight out of Philly to Chicago in August, connecting to Moline, IL. They first look for people to take bumps, I beg my boss please lets take it we get free ticket. My boss was like who cares I fly a bi-zillion miles / year and my other colleague was like “where would I go” [loser]. So we get on the plane, in the row behind me is a screaming baby. We sit on the plane for a bit, then the pilot comes on and announces there is a ground stop in Chicago so no take-off, but since the flight is full he is going to let us get off.
My boss says “Bloody Marys on me” I grab my stuff and follow him up the aisle. We get to the door to the airport and no one will let us out because “there is no one to check you back in”. So my boss and I stand in the jetway for about an hour because its better than the screaming baby. Eventually the pilot says “We are going to take off”
We get in the air and are flying, I’m reading a Dave Barry book and praying for a cigarette. After about an hour the pilot announces that there is another ground stoppage in Chicago and we are going to circle. About 30 minutes later he announces that we are low on fuel and will have to divert to Dayton OH. We land in Dayton and they do let us off the plane. We spend about an hour on the ground, reboard the plane and land in Chicago. The pilot kept assuring us that our connecting flights hadn’t taken off.
One in Chicago we find out to get to our connecting flight we need to walk across the tarmac, in the rain we get to the gate of our flight and of course it has left. There is another flight in an hour while claims to have 40 stand-by seats. I call the airline and learn that the next flight is full and the best they can do it fly is from Chicago to Detroit and then on to Moline where we will arrive at 11:50 pm.
My boss says “we’ll drive” and we head off to find a rental car. Let me add that I had checked my luggage and the lost luggage line was about 800 people long. I call my colleague who was already in Moline give me my flight info and say “please get my luggage to Moline”. Our rental car, one way rental, costs $500. All to miss an entire afternoon of training, and then I had to go out and buy clothes, since all I had was the sweaty mess I was wearing.
My suitcase showed up late the next afternoon and everything in it was completely soaked, like it had sat in the rain for a day.
Wow, divert to Dayton? Sounds like Toledo or Detroit would have made more sense. But nothing that day made sense I’m sure.
Gooooooooooooooooooooo Jacksonville!
Yeah baby!!!
Wow! Wotta shitty game that was! But Baltimore lost…fucking assholes. I stayed up way past my bed time because I couldn’t walk away from that game. Flacco looked like a lost little boy.
Flacco is the new Kyle Boller
Got to feel a touch and go landing in Mexico on an A320, which was a real treat, especially after a flight from Cleveland filled with turbulence. Also had a flight where we had a mystery Asian passenger who was supposed to be in North Dakota, and instead was headed to North Carolina. She got a little pissy when they tried to take her off, until they found a chinese interpreter who made her realize she was headed south instead of west. Was also on what I believe was the safest flight ever from Chicago to Los Angeles with a bunch of German Police officers and LA County Sheriff’s Deputies headed back to LA for a joint training session. Pretty cool plane to be on, minus the fact that it was a tight fit everywhere for everyone, because German cops are apparently bred to be huge, tough sonsabitches who look very similar to linebackers or Navy Seals.
With karma being the bitch that she can be, I’ll restrain from bitching about flying. Headed to Seattle Thursday.
ditto – I’m headed to Chicago Thursday outta Pittsburgh.
On side note, watching the original Halloween, I love Jamie Lee Curtis.
WB – I did too…my favorite! My phone’s ringtone is the Halloween theme….all year ’round. Yeah, I’m a weirdo…what of it? My drowsiness wore off after the football game. So I watched the last hour of Halloween, went to bed and couldn’t sleep. Came back out to watch TV in hopes of falling asleep and ended up seeing the first hour of it too.
Many moons ago I was a flight attendant for Continental Express (I think now ExpressJet), the domestic carrier for Continental.
I do have a “worst” story (landing gear never came down & had to belly land on icy tarmac in Newark, so we slid forever with sparks flying but the ice was helping to not blow us up), but I will give you snippets of some of the “best” flights I had.
Just so you know I was the sole attendant on a 50-seater jet & this was BEFORE 9/11, so all bets were off.
–Late flight into Burlington, VT had me flying with two hot-ass lesbians who were going to get married. They were tipsy & one had an incredibly short business suit w/ skirt on. Her soon to be wife was dressed in a business pant suit but was just as hot. People on the plane were sleeping & they came back to the galley to ask me if they could join the mile-high club in the bathroom. I, of course, obliged, locked the bathroom door after they went in (from the outside) & guarded it, saying it was broken for about 35 minutes while they earned their wings. They looked a hot mess when they emerged.
–Once had a raucous group of high school boys on a lacrosse team travelling to South Carolina from Newark & they were all bored out of their minds, so they were acting up. Their coaches/teachers/chaperones looked desperate for help so I decided to start some games, on a whim. From the supplies cabinet I pulled out 4 toilet paper rolls. (There were 4 rows of seats on the plane.) I handed the rolls to the people sitting in the front rows & over the PA announced the rules. The first person would hold the roll across their fingers & over their heads, to allow “rolling” to occur. The second person behind them would take the paper & over their heads to the person behind them, without breaking the paper. First team to make it all the way back without breaking the paper would win. Row #3 won complimentary shit I found in the supply cabinets, like a bag of pretzels & plastic wings for kids. You woulda thought they won the lottery. After that I picked 4 people to come to the PA & hold an improv session, doing whatever they liked. Person who was funniest, or who had best music routine (some rapped) would win more goodies. It was awesome!
–Had a dude smoke pot in the bathroom. You could smell it all through the plane (which was FINE with me!) but we had to report it since it was illegal (to smoke anything was illegal.) I felt bad because the guy was drunk out of his damn mind & stoned, but he had to be detained in the back of the plane for the duration of the flight. Since the smell was so bad we had to divert to a nearby airport where FBI agents boarded the plane immediately upon landing & handcuffed the guy in front of everyone. People were whipping out their cameras taking pictures of the agents (not Scully & Mulder) arresting the guy. Then we had to leave the plane while it was cleaned out (aired out) before we could leave again. That was interesting.
Sorry this was so long! I have tons more, too! 🙂
Was the pot smoker’s name Sean, by any chance. I think he’d smoke in his own coffin, if it were possible.
It wasn’t my flight, but it was a white knuckler for all involved.
yes, I’m talking about 9/11. When the realization hit, I tried to frantically call my parents who live in NYC, along with 2 of my sisters(one being a mere 4 year veteran of NYPD). Phone service was a crap shoot. My other sister in Long Island kept in touch and then it hit us: yet ANOTHER sister was on a flight bound for DC. I’m at my desk at work hysterically dialling, getting through, getting cut off, people running in and out of offices with new “updates”, my manager solemnly walking from desk to desk telling us we can go home and all this time I can’t pin down where my DC bound sister may be, if she just slammed into the Pentagon or what the fuck may be going on.
She was finally able to call us and all you heard in the background were these loud sirens. She told us she was OK then was demanded to hang up as she was being whisked to God knows where. Some bunker in the airport in DC. She couldn’t get home for days.
It was the most frightening experience – trying to get my family out of th city, not knowing what the fuck was going on.
We all have our 9/11 stories and mine miraculously ended on a happy note.
That’s about all I have to say. It’s all been said before.
And some wonder WHY in the hell we’re fighting in a war with the SOB’s that attacked us.
Iraq never attacked the US
Well y’all are making me feel pretty lucky. I used to fly quite a bit back when it was fun and interesting. Now it’s just lame to pathetic and I avoid flying if at all possible. I’ve had the missing luggage, cancelled flights, broken airplanes, rough air, stinky neighbors, idiots sitting next to me, sitting on the taxiway for an hour and a half, all the usual stuff. Once at Kennedy, I think it was, we taxied for half an hour, just driving around the airport for some reason. After a while we all started joking about being on the Interstate.
The worst I guess was the flight from St. Louis to Kansas City on TWA a couple of decades ago. It was the last leg of a long trip for me, and when we got to St. Louis I learned my next flight was cancelled because something was wrong with the plane. A hundred or so of us shuffled off to a distant gate for a later flight, only to learn there was something amiss there, too. We were told to go to a gate four or five miles away, and not to dawdle because we needed to board as soon as possible. When we arrived, all out of breath, a flight attendant was trying to sort out seat assignments on the different plane, then she gave up and told us since it was an L1011 there were something like four seats for each passenger so we could sit wherever we wanted. Except we couldn’t board yet because they could not legally take off with that plane unless they had a certain number of flight attendants or something. It was getting late, and it was taking a while round up the crew.
Eventually, they let us on the plane. First class was filling right up, which I’m sure was annoying to the four people who had actual first class tickets. Business class seemed about as big as a gymnasium, so I found a nice comfy seat off to the side where I could look out the window even though it was quite dark. There were about two dozen other people in business class because most people went on back to coach for some reason. I had just gotten settled when a young woman came in and sat next me. What the hell? Now we get to share an arm rest while four hundred or so arm rests in the plane go unused? How rude. I should have gotten up and found another seat but she seemed pleasant and I was too tired to make a show of getting away from her. I was trapped and the only way out was to be as rude as she. Then she started talking. She was on her way home from Australia or somewhere on the other side of the Earth, and apparently needed someone to tell all about her day and a half of travel. Yikes. I wanted to say, “You know what, Lady? I don’t give a shit. If I’m lucky, I’ll never see you again so why do I care about your aunt’s hip replacement and its effect on your travel plans?” But I was raised to be polite and she had not crossed the line so I had to play by the rules. Fortunately, it was a short flight and I was home by 2:00.
Not too stressful or scary, I know, but pretty annoying especially after a couple of hours of airport tag.
My first post-9/11 flight was one month later, on October 11. It was pretty freaky still, with concrete barriers and troops with rifles all over the airport on our arrival. Inside the airports were banners thanking us for traveling. That was the last time I was on a plane that was not completely full of people.
I feel sorry for the crews after all the bizarre stories we have seen and heard in recent years. I’ve seen flight attendants have to put up with the coarsest of dumb shits in tight quarters, and admire their patience.
Speaking of patience, I once followed some poor guy from gate to gate as he was trying to catch up with his family on their way to Hawaii. I kept ending up in line behind him, and heard him calmly explain the situation at least three times at three gates. I was just trying to get home and was in no particular rush, so I felt like a bit of a whiner when my turn came to try to get on a plane. Of course the people at the gates were as helpful as they could possibly be, and got him taken care of somehow. I’m sure he would not have gotten the same treatment if he’d been the Mister Important type trying to bully his way on board.
Sorry guys, but I overslept today like a sumbitch. I won’t be able to update. But I’ll be back tomorrow, I promise.
Damn you dormancy platform!
First class is the way to go, boys and girls, if you can.
My last flight to New Orleans was a real kick in the balls. I wasn’t in first class but I’m not sure it would have mattered. The turbulence was absurd. There was a cajan sitting at the window and I was sitting on the isle. The cajun said, “Goddamn man, look at the wing!” It was flapping up and down like a bird wing and I was worried it might snap off. The guy directly in front of us said, “Jesus Christ!” and started throwing up in his little popcorn bag thing. He filled it up and asked ole cajun boy for his. He told me I better pass mine up too. He filled all three bags and started carring them down the isle, I presume he was going to the restroom to flush them. But he dropped one of them and then started puking even more. This caused a lot of ruckus behind us.
The cajun guy started making small talk. He said he kills alligators. I said, “Yeah? Like those guys on that tv show?” He said, “Yep.” And I also catch crawdads. Shortly after that our puke tube landed and we went on our seperate ways. I ran into the same cajan at a bar the next night. Crazy.
When my husband passed away in Daytona while at Bikertoberfest 4 years ago, it was the day before we were to drive home. An anonamous friend back home paid for 2 plane tickets for me and someone to escort me to fly home…so I wouldn’t have to endure the 16 hour long ride home.
My friend, Tammy, volunteered to stay with me and we were taken to the airport. I was in a complete daze and she just literally pulled me through the airport to board the plane. We had coach seats. The stewardess came around for refreshments, saw us crying and asked if everything was ok. Tammy told her what had just happened. The stewardess teared up and said she’d be right back.
Next thing I know, she asked us to follow her. She moved us from coach to first class and offered us everything they had.
As we left the plane she hugged us both and wished me well. To this day, I regret not getting her name to at least send her a thank you or a note to her supervisor or something to say how wonderful she was. Shit, I don’t even remember the airline we flew.
glad you had people around you to take care of you.
Good grief(?)
About a year ago I had a flight from St. Louis to Kansas city. As luck would have it, I got a nearly brand new 737 painted up in Shamu colors compliments of Southwest Airlines. I grabbed a seat in the exit aisle, only 2 seats and lots of legroom. I’m sitting right next to one of the oversized engines hanging off the wing, no biggie.
Uneventful flight – the best kind. During landing I absent mindedly gase out the window. We hit the runway, the thrust reversers engage, and flaps on the engine nacelle open up – and i can see the turbine blades spinning around inside the engine!!!
Now I’ve flown more than most folks, and I have never ever seen inside the working parts of any jet engine, at least while said engine was doing its job.
Not wanting to go all William Shattner-ish, I debate -do I tell anyone when I get off the plane or just pretend I didn’t see that? I chose the latter.
Upon returning home, a neighbor was sitting in our kitchen talking to my wife about a trip she had just recently been on. She says, when we landed the strangest thng happened, my husband and i freaked out about it.. I interrupted and said “you saw the turbine blades whirring around?” Indeed, she saw the same thing.
I guess the newer models of the 737 have somewhat of a different thrust reverser that includes some side flaps that open which allows you to see inside the engine. Its perfectly normal, but IMHO, the general public doesn’t really need to see the guts of a jet engine at ANY time!
Pretty much any 737 from the -300 model on have that kind of reverser. It’s a translating cowl design. Most if not all commercial jets use that type.
The cowl (engine covering) slides back opening up the sides and blocker doors block the airflow and divert it forward. What you were seeing would be the big front fan. Everything else is pretty well sealed up.
My uncle almost got fired from Boeing over the the thrust reverser. He was a former pilot who went into his degree career of engineering. All the pilots said the new thrust reversers were crap…he had people engineer a new thrust reverser. And on a side note, my brother’s ex-girlfriends Father designed the landing gear on the 737.
Headed to Denver Thursday through Sunday and St. Louis next weekend Friday to Sunday. Wooooo Southwest!
How about BEST flights? My absolute best was probably a in my Air Force days. The FAA out of Seattle regularly tested our navigation aids at my base in Spokane. As military guys, we could grab a “”hop” over to their base in Seattle. Military hops, you had to be in uniform, FAA you could wear civilian clothes. My best hop was with the FAA, Spokane to Boeing Field in downtown Seattle. The pilot asked me where I wanted to be dropped off. The main gate was fine with me.
So, I get off this unmarked Lear jet, and this security guard comes out and unlocks the gate…as this throng of passengers waiting on a charter jet look at me like I’m a rock star! Oh yeah, baby! I was making $498 a month!
I’ve been a road warrior for 25 years now, so not much gets me worked up anymore. But a couple of memorable ones….
Sitting on a Malaysian Airlines flight from Singapore to London, reading a Straits Times article about how Malaysian Airlines was caught not putting enough fuel aboard the planes on the flight from Singapore to London in the event that the plane would need to fly around weather or go into a holding pattern. Talk about a long flight.
Just about to take off from Beijing when the plane turns around and taxis out to a remote part of the airport. Waiting, waiting, no announcement. Finally police show up with the stairs on wheels and remove the pilot. Waiting 4 more hours. Still no announcement. Finally, the police and stairs show up again with a new pilot and off we go. I’ll never know what happened, I guess.