When I was in elementary school, during fifth grade or thereabouts, a kid started wearing a t-shirt once or twice a week, featuring two cartoon pigs having sex, and the words “Makin’ Bacon!”
It was amazing to me, for several reasons. For one, I’d never been to a place of business – outside of Myrtle Beach, SC – where such a garment could be purchased. This was mid-1970s West Virginia. It certainly didn’t look like a shirt the Montgomery Ward in Charleston would carry. And I assumed he bought it himself, because no parent would ever sign-off on such a thing. Right? But what about the laundry? His mother had to know about it. Was it possible that he wore it around the house, in front of his parents and grandparents, etc.? Incredible. I didn’t live in such a world.
Plus, he wore it to class, and never got into trouble! As far as I know, nobody said a word to him about it. He wore it all the time, for years. Hell, he’s probably got it on, right now.
Similarly, during high school there was a cigarette-smoking, drug-taking, intimidating-on-every-level Future Inmates of America chairman, who regularly showed up in a shirt with the words SUCK A ROD on the front.
It was just a white t-shirt, with red iron-on letters. Needless to say, there wasn’t much attention to detail. The letters were not lined-up right, and the spaces weren’t consistent. It bugged me, on an aesthetic level. But what do you expect from a guy who probably set hospice fires?
I assumed the school administration decided to pick their battles, and not hassle this guy over his choice of attire. It was probably far down the list of grievances. But it still blew my mind whenever I saw him terrifying his way down the hall, with SUCK A ROD on his chest, inside a public school building.
When I lived in Greensboro, I returned to Dunbar once or twice a month, and drove through some rural-ass mountain communities in Virginia. I mean, this was the land that time forgot.
One time I stopped at a charming-looking general store, to buy a soda or whatever. And I was surprised to see they carried a sizable selection of racist t-shirts, belt-buckles, bottle openers, etc. One shirt had Klansmen on it(!?), with the words “The original Boyz n the Hood.” WTF??
There was another one, featuring Martin Luther King, that I don’t even want to talk about… Wow!
I bought a Coke, because it suddenly felt like I was the subject of scrutiny, and got the hell out of there. The guy behind the counter looked like something out of The Hills Have Eyes, and I couldn’t believe I’d somehow stumbled into a living, breathing Ugly Stereotypes of the South museum. Everything was on display right there, inside a small Mom ‘n’ Pop grocery in rural Virginia.
As I drove away, I wondered if they had a vendor who came by once a week, in a panel truck with Racist Souvenirs by Delbert painted on the side. In my mind, the driver always tipped his Confederate cap to the bread guy, in a show of route-man solidarity, restocked the “Rap is Short for Crap” back-scratchers, and asked the protruding-forehead owner if he’d thought anymore about maybe offering something from his new anti-Semitic line. But, he was always shot-down: “We just ain’t got no Jews up here to hate, Delbert. Sorry.”
Anyway… I’m calling it a day, my friends. In the comments section, please tell us about the inappropriate clothing you’ve encountered during your travels. What have you seen that made you think, “Good god! Who would buy such an item?!” Or maybe you remember someone from your schooldays, like good ol’ SUCK A ROD, who somehow got away with pushing the envelope, again and again? Please tell us about it below.
And I’ll see you guys again next time.
Have a great day!
Now playing in the bunker
Use the Surf Report’s webhost: HostGator!
First?
Throw that in our faces.
Well, OK–just this once.
Then we’re good, right?
This one’s not that bad but a kid always wore a shirt that said “some name of a bar I can’t remember, but then another slogan was Liquor in the front and poker in the rear” and had a naked chick on it.
I myself, actually got a shirt with 2 stick girl figures on it and it says I’m only 2 girls short of a threesome. My GF won’t let me wear it anymore but I still have it.
Long time reader, first time poster, BTW.
No one like a show-off Bob
A show off-bob?
And it’s never been news that no-one likes me.
(It’s always been not news that everyone didn’t)
🙂
😉
I don’t remember anyone wearing suggestive t-shirts when I was in school. It seemed back in the 70’s it was all about skirts being too short or Levi’s with rivets damaging the wooden chairs.
My son had a classmate who had to turn his shirt inside out, it had “Divers Do it Deeper” on the front and “Divers Go Down Longer” on the back.
I saw a kid wearing a t-shirt that said, “My other ride is your mother.”
Alongside the roach clips and framed Budweiser mirrors was the most coveted carnival prize of all… the caterpillar crawling on a crinkle cut French fry captioned knock it off asshole, I’m a French fry t-shirt. Mmmmmmm the ’80s!
No shirt story, but Dick Trickle has died of an apparent self-inflicted gunshot wound.
Dick Trickle in and of itself would make an inappropriate shirt.
Did you know that Dick Trickle sat on the Busch Pole once?
One Christmas morning I took my dog out at my mother’s house and saw the neighbor in pj pants and a Harley Davidson t-shirt that said “I snatch kisses and vice versa”. Happy birthday baby Jesus!
Purchased at some random oyster bar in (Charleston?)SC while on vacation a t-shirt that read “Shuck me, suck me, eat me raw”
I was under the influence of heat stroke and a gargantuan frozen adult beverage concoction. I never did wear the thing…
Must have been in Fancy Gap.
May Dick Trickle Rest in Peace, he gave us so many chuckles over the years. Wonder if he found out he had “mad cow” disease? That would do it for me.
I have one that says… I will NOT fuck your cat.
Decades ago at a record show [anyone remember those?], I saw a dude wearing a totally inappropriate and totally hilarious shirt: One the front, a picture of Charles Manson on a Wheaties box, and on the back, “Cereal Killer”.
I used to know a pediatrician who would make rounds at the hospital in a t shirt that said, “I’d rather be riding my Yama than yo mama.” So charming, and professional, too.
Tee shirt at an outdoor concert in Charleston, WV last summer:
“Panties Off. Party’s On”
The guy wearing it weighed about 300 pounds.
The same night I saw a guy wearing a shirt that said, “My kid shot a deer while your honor student was in school.” Not inappropriate, but really funny.
Not sure if it’s really inappropriate or not, but I once saw a woman in Japan wearing a pair of jeans that had the words “Fancy Pimple Club” embroidered on the back belt loop. It still conjures up unpleasant images in my mind when I think of it.
About the best I can do is a T-shirt my siblings gave me one birthday: “Disco Sucks”. I wore it proudly. Mid-late 1970s, obviously.
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I am in possession of a series of embarrassing ‘X do it with X’ sparkle iron-on baseball tees from the early ’80s that I’d give my right ear to fit into again.
‘Musicians do it with rhythm,’ etc…
Tee shirt on a baby @ Navy Pier Chicago circa 2010 —
I was supposed to be a blow-job
When I was a kid, my dad had a shirt that read, “I choked Linda Lovelace”
Being a kid, I had no idea whet it meant so I didn’t find it odd or funny. When I was a bit older, and discovered the wonderful world of adult entertainment, the shirt’s meaning became clear, and uncomfortable to think about. Thanks, Dad.
Long Time, No post…
I can remember two instances of kids in school having to turn their shirts inside out: One was a T-shirt in Junior High that said “Have a Nice Day…Before Some Asshole Fucks it Up.” The other was way back in elementary school; it was an iron-on with a photo of a child urinating and the slogan “WHIZ KID.”
I remember those shirts that had a photo of a car, and “I’d Rather Be Blown” written underneath. I never had such shirts. I saw a teenage girl at the store recently that had a shirt on with the words “I Would Not F*CK Him With Your Dick.” I have to wonder what sort of parents missed that one.
This talk of shirts makes me think of McCroys department store. I recall that is where you could get shorts with letters put on them.
“Injection is nice, but I’d rather be blown” Car pictured was probably spitting fire from a blown (supercharger) engine.
uh, shirts I mean
I had a George Carlin shirt “Sometimes, a little brain damage can help.” I really wanted to get the one that said “Simon sez go fuck yourself” but couldn’t bring myself to buy it. Yeah, I’m a wuss.
“Keep ON the Grass!”
My mother got that shirt, and my father got a Cheech and Chong record some time in the late 1970s. I didn’t “get” the t-shirt until some time in high school, when everyone started wearing those weed shirts, hats, etc. (and either having to take them off or go home). My mother didn’t “get” it until waaaay later (and she was still wearing the shirt until about 5 years ago for yard work!)
I’d love to have a shirt like that today.
A year or two ago I was at the Wallmart one Sunday morning and saw a plus-sized 20-something hickette in a pink t-shirt with fuzzy electric blue lettering that said,
“I’ve got the PUSSY, so I make the rules.”
Charming.
Interestingly enough, I myself have a couple t-shirts similar to those mentioned in the update or the comments section. I once got pulled over on my Harley (many years ago) while wearing a black t-shirt featuring a large white image of Charlie Manson on the front and the words “Charlie don’t ride” on the back. I’ve worn that to work on a couple occasions, mainly to reinforce the stereotype that most of the maintenance department is bat-shit crazy. And I may or may not have known someone who owned and occasionally sported one of those white hood wearing, large red letter saying “Boys In The Hood” t-shirts. I used to attend motorcycle gatherings sponsored by a very large and well known group of fringe element motorcycle enthusiasts where such items were always prominently and proudly displayed for sale.
I was behind a car recently with a bumper that read:
“Eating ain’t cheating”
There was a guy that came in to see the doc with a t-shirt that said “I’m not a gynecologist, but I can take a look”. He was with his wife. Dickbeatin’ douchbag.
Mail order bride no doubt.
Oh man, I went on a hike with my outdoor group once and a guy was wearing that very shirt. He was a social charity case, which explains his presence at the hike.
I bought a ‘concert’ tshirt in London in 1983. It was “Adolph Hitler’s European Tour”, gave the dates and cities he invaded and included the cities that were ‘cancelled’. I thought it was hilarious and wore it for years. I think I may still have it somewhere. I actually only got one comment about it (In a record store, no less) being offensive. Fuck it – it looked like a concert shirt and I liked it.
I also had a good friend who had a black tshirt and in TEENY TINY white letters across the chest it said “I fuck on the first date”.
I seem to recall seeing the Hitler one around, but can’t recall details. I thought it was kind of funny, but my sense of humor tends toward the twisted black-comedy side.
I had a shirt which had man on it holding the leash of a dog. The dog was humping the another guy’s face and the caption was “He likes you”
When I was 16 I had a shirt that said, “Save a mouse. Eat a pussy.” on it. I had been staying with my grandmother and the shirt didn’t make it home with me. I can’t imagine why.
I saw a guy wearing a shirt that said “Let me be the father of your next abortion.” Gross and creepy!
I bought a shirt a Renaissance fair once that said “Eat, Drink and Kill Mary.” Weirdly, it seemed to piss off a lot of people in the “real world.” Too soon?
Had a friend that worked for the county coroner’s office years ago. He had shirts made for his department that said “Our day begins when yours ends”
Totally macabre and hilarious! I guess it would help to have a sense of humor to make it in that particular line of work.
When I was about 15 or so I ordered an iron-on from a little catalog of hippy sorta stuff. It was a cartoon picture of two turds with Mickey Mouse type arms and legs and grinning faces. The large caption said “Get You Shit Together”. I got my mother to iron it on a sweatshirt for me (she thought it was funny), but I never had the nerve to wear it to school.
In Taiwan, many locals buy tee shirts or sweatshirts with English language phrases on them. I am pretty sure that they do not understand the phrases, they just want something that has English on it.
A while ago, I went to the rental car office to pay my lease, and the gal that works there had an English language sweatshirt on. This is at a reputable place of business. The phrase on the sweatshirt was “TOO DRUNK TO FUCK”. It still makes me smile to this day.
You feeling this traffic yet?
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2325980/How-fast-food-outlets-food–really-look-wouldnt-fit-Big-Mac-large-box.html
LOL n/m thought that last link was to you.
Shills.
Let us not forget all of the hilarious BIG JOHNSON tees. “It’s easy to reel them in when you’re trawling with a Big Johnson”, for one.
I couldn’t think of one until yesterday when I went to my niece’s lacrosse game and spotted one of the dads wearing an oh-so-classy “#1 Pimp Daddy” shirt. Hand-lettered, I might add.