This is my one day off this week, and it’s been lazy as a mofo so far. I posted a bunch of nonsense at Twitter and Facebook, ate a frozen Marlene Deitrich meatloaf dinner, and listened to Franz Ferdinand and Arctic Monkeys. And that’s pretty much been the extent of it.
Toney has been setting three(!) alarm clocks for me, and moves the last one around from day to day. So, if I’m still asleep after the first two go off, I have to physically get out of bed and go searching for the third one. Yeah, well… today I got all the way to number three, tracked that bastard down and killed it, and climbed back into bed and slept for two more hours.
I’m exhausted, on account of the three or four number one priorities in my life. I know that sounds impossible, but I have many number one priorities. And it’s starting to take its toll.
But enough of my whining… At least I’m not a man with no arms and no legs, lying in a pile of leaves, named Russell. It could always be worse. Right? Right.
Yesterday I was listening to a classic rock station while driving to work, and they played “Jukebox Hero” by Foreigner. Wotta glistening turd of a song. In fact, Foreigner surprises me the most, of all the “classic” bands. When I was in Junior High I loved them, for some reason. I played the hell out of the first two albums, and thought they were fantastic.
Now I can’t stand anything by that band. Especially the later stuff, when they started bringing in child choirs and the like. What the hell was I thinking when I was 14?! Other shitty bands — Styx, REO, Journey — don’t make me frown nearly as much as Foreigner does. Rarely have I been so enthusiastically wrong about something. Wow!
They were also one of the first bands I saw play live. It was Foreigner, Wet Willie, and Nantucket, at the Huntington Civic Center. Heh. I saw a guy in the audience snort cocaine off a tiny spoon there, and it gave me the creeps. Nantucket also scared the shit out of me. The whole night felt semi-seedy and dangerous, which is something I later embraced. But not when I was 16…
It doesn’t have to be music, but is there something you used to LOVE that now confuses you? Something that makes you say, “How is it possible?! That sucks with a crystal-clear certainty!!” If so, please tell us about it in the comments section below.
And before we call it a week here, I’d like to take a few minutes and highlight some Surf Report nonsense from the past couple of weeks. I think we’re on a roll of sorts. I’d hate for you guys to miss even one fart joke…
Speaking of that, I recently purchased and consumed the new Taco Bell Smothered Burrito. I also snapped some photos, and compared ads vs. reality, in the classic style. In a nutshell: I enjoyed the heck out of that burrito, and will never order one again. Click here to find out why.
Last week I somehow endured two full days of excruciating “management training.” It was an introvert’s worst nightmare, and my own personal ‘Nam. Read the terrible tale here.
Late last month I told you guys about two old songs that have the ability to ruin my day. Both are shitty songs, for sure, but that’s not the reason they hold so much power over me. Here are the details.
A recent Asshole of the Week was people who don’t throw their own trash away in fast food restaurants. The surprising thing to me? There were people actually defending this action, in the comments. It still blows me away. Read the update and comments here.
A couple of days ago I began a photo gallery of Fast Food Signs Gone Horribly Wrong. I want to think of it as a work in process, so please send me similar photos if you happen upon any. Here’s what we have so far.
And when it comes to Evidence, it doesn’t get much better than this. Creamy behemoth?! Amazing.
Finally, this Bunker Cam shot generated one of the funniest reader comments in recent memory. From Buck Naked: “Step 5. Raise the chicken over your head and swing it in a circular motion clockwise around your hat. If the problem persists, continue at step 8, Resetting the Router.” Bravo, sir!
That’s gonna do it for today, my friends. Thanks for stopping by here, and for helping to spread my stupidity around the internet.
Please don’t forget the Question of the Day: Is there something you used to love, which is now difficult to understand why? Use the comments section below.
And I’ll be back on Sunday or Monday.
Have yourselves a great day!
Now playing in the bunker
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Ozzie Bucco says
Christie Eller says
Plaid bell-bottoms with cuffs. They were awesome, NOT. Trying to make my stick staight hair wavy, which included rollers, perms, curling irons, braiding. Why did I torture my hair like that? Drinking heavily. Why did I think that made me cool? I puked alot and was hung over at work. Plus now I hate when a conversation starts with, “remember the time…”. Hair metal bands. Most of them were really bad.
jim britton says
I used to like the song Total Eclipse of the Heart until I finally saw the video.
Bright eyes, indeed.
Christie Eller says
Did you ever see the literal video on YouTube? Hysterical.
Old School version.
jim britton says
I just viewed the literal version of Total Eclipse.
Man, that’s great!
I just read somewhere the other day that Mick Jones was retiring. I think he was the last original member of the band.
This may fall into that category . . . at least for me. Myself and the younger sibs could not quietly wait until the new season of Saturday morning cartoons would premiere. Each of the major networks would have a preview show on Friday and we would ‘choose’ which ones to watch the next morning.
We’d get up early with the TV guide in hand to watch the cartoons. Man, that was greatest to see the newest Scooby Doo. This must have been the early 70s or such.
When did this stop? Do the networks even do this anymore? Is there such thing as premiering toons? Now, I could care less for the new season of anything.
Saturday morning cartoons are a sad shell of what they used to be. I watched them die when I was a kid in the 80’s.
I remember that. I was a cartoon guy. I think some of those preview shows can be found on Youtube.
Lovin’ the rapid updates.
I used to love Phish. Then I found beer. A Phish concert drunk is excruciating.
This might sound downright sacreligious to some, but I can no longer tolerate “A Peanuts Christmas” . The Grinch and Rudolph are still endearing to me but holy hopping gumshoes – I can’t stand listening to that whining bitcy Lucy van Pelt. I want to backhand her right smack in that black frowning square of a pie hole she has. It totally zaps my Chrostmas spirit. I never realized what a “c” she was until I had my back to the TV and just herad her grating voice going on and on and on.
All peanuts. I think they’ve run their course.
Just for you madz1962.
Or this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5CLZguLUf8A
John Smith says
Top 10 things I used to love and now don’t:
9. First Wife
8. Second Wife
6. My job
5. Going for a drive
3. Taco Bell
2. Saturday Mornings
1. David Letterman
Your #1 is right on the money! And, unfortunately, so is your #7.
Ibid on #1. That cranky bastard is one step removed from the fossil which is Larry King. Just saying.
That Foreigner cover brought a shudder. I used to love love love that band. Then one day when I was 18, something snapped, I ripped the Head Games cassette out of the car’s tape deck and hurled it out the window. Nothing will make me reach for the mute button faster than a Foreigner song.
This is why I’ll never get a tattoo.
I used to love going out dancing every Friday night…in the 80’s. All dressed up in my FMP’s and a new out fit every week, on the prowl! Now? Shit! Give me a shithole, shot and a beer bar, jeans, t-shirt or tank and my cowboy boots. Then home by 9 to watch Ghost Adventures. Don’t be jealous. You too can throw caution to the wind and live a little.
I used to love to watch Night Gallery. Still a classic but doesn’t quite pack the punch it did when I was a yout. I remember it used to scare me shitless. Now we watch it aand when its over, just sit there and blink at the BAT. Hard to believe I thought it was so scary.
The one with Toddy McDowell and ossie Davis is still freaky scary. One of my favorites.
Roddy for chrissakes
Somewhere in an alternate universe there is a Toddy McDowell, successful character actor, and a Carl Rappaport, baseball’s iron man.
Phantom Railfan says
When I was a kid, my sister and I loved the Muppet Show. For old times’ sake I recently watched, or tried to watch, an episode on youtube, and couldn’t get through it. It just didn’t hold up. Same thing with Sha Na Na, it REALLY doesn’t hold up and I actually felt embarrassed watching it by myself on youtube…
Phil Jett says
Anal sex. Giving or receiving. And Letterman.
MiniPeds in NOLA says
Phil’s reply for the win.
Letterman, for sure.
Christmas – fuck Christmas.
Todd Rundgren – whotta douche.
Just finished this book and I KNOW many of you guys would like it. I’ve read all of her books but this is, by far, the most disgusting and therefore my favorite.
One more for Letterman and Christmas.
I used to like flying, but now it sucks.
Thanks for putting “I’ve Been Waiting for a Girl Like You” in my head all weekend. I never even liked Foreigner to begin with.
Interesting for you to bring up foreigner… I say them at JFK in philly, opening for the Rolling Stones. That was about the time I decided that I didn’t care so much for them… I saw them again last year at a user conference for a software tool we use at work. I was surprized at how many hits they actually had. Of course, the members of today’s band are completely different from the original band, even though they sound exactly the same.
And, since you mentioned Wet Willie, I saw him just this past weekend. He put on a good show, but again, in a small venue.
Wow, I just need to chime-in and say I grew up with Letterman, and have grown old with Letterman. He’s a legend to me. Carry on.