As I type this, the website is down again. And you can probably guess how well I’m taking that news… When this happened earlier in the week I was impressed by how quickly my hosting company fixed the problem, but I’m not very happy about it reoccurring a few days later. A problem that repeats itself trumps its swift resolution, in my book. Ya know? I like how fast they react, but am irritated that a reaction is necessary again.
If you’re reading this, though, everything should be OK for the time being. Grrr…
My parents are right now making their way to the Upper Perogie Belt, for a quick visit. We haven’t seen them in a long time, which is yet another thing I feel guilty about. I need to make more of an effort. But they stay in Florida half the time, and their West Virginia house is about ten hours from here. It’s not easy.
Tomorrow we’re going to Knoebels, which should be fun. The weather is perfect, and I think we’ll have a good time. I’m planning to eat a wide swath through that park, like my brother-in-law Nostrildamus, starting with the cheese fries stand near the front entrance. I’ll probably also go inside the haunted house, and ride The Phoenix roller coaster. Oh yeah.
Here’s some info on The Phoenix. Coaster nerds travel great distances, sometimes from other continents, to ride it. It’s not the tallest or the fastest, but it continuously makes you feel like you’re about to be ejected into the woods. They call it air-time, when your ass is suspended above your seat, and The Phoenix provides a LOT of it.
I’ll give you guys a full report on Monday, complete with photos and a food list. And any of your high-horse comments about nutrition can be sent to BlowMe@thewvsr.com. Thank you for your attention to this matter.
And by the way… I know this sounds defensive, but my diet isn’t nearly as bad you might think. Toney is a reformed vegetarian, and there’s not an abundance of red meat consumed here. Hell, my cholesterol was just checked a few weeks ago, and it was perfection. Yesterday for lunch I made myself a giant salad, with a little grilled chicken on top. And that is not unusual.
I write about my fast food adventures, and almost being blinded by a Hot Pocket, etc. But I eat a lot of the good stuff, too. I’m a fatass because I’ve had a desk job since 1990, and go through periods when I drink too much beer. My diet isn’t perfect, that’s for sure, but it’s not horrible either.
Tomorrow, however, all bets are off. I’m going to need a mobility scooter by the end of it. What are your favorite fair foods? That’s what it’s called, right? Fair foods? In any case, please tell us about it in the comments.
And I have a mini-announcement for you guys today. Hopefully it won’t be a huge deal, but I wanted to explain. Starting next week, I’m going to revert to my original posting schedule of Monday and Thursday only. So, that’s two posts per week, instead of three or four. It’s a test, maybe for the summer only, to see what happens.
I have several reasons for doing this, and here are a couple of them:
Because money is so tight these days, I lead a fairly dull life. We don’t travel, I work a shitload of overtime, and not a whole lot happens that I can tell you about. I can’t write about work, because my company is extraordinarily savvy when it comes to social media, the Internet, and all that stuff. They come down on people, and it’s a subject I’m forced to avoid. So, I don’t have an abundance of new material, and find myself repeating the same stories over and over.
Also, I want to make the posts better, and actually spend some quality time on them. I often crank out updates in a half-hour (like this one), and they’re not very good. I want to write better updates, and give them enough room to breathe. As soon as a new post is uploaded, the previous one pretty much ceases to exist. Sometimes a good one gets buried too quickly, I think. I’d like to shoot for higher quality, with a little space between ’em. And see how it goes.
There are other reasons, including the book project, but the two I just mentioned are the main ones. I want to have enough time to post photos and links, and make the posts worthy of your attention. I find myself winging it far too often. It’s just a test, though, and if it doesn’t work, I can always adjust.
So, starting next week: Monday and Thursday only. Let’s call it our summer hours.
And I’m going to do a little yard work now, before my parents arrive. My nipples are exploding with delight… In honor of our pending Knoebels visit, please tell us your favorite fair foods, or the most unusual you’ve encountered, and that sort of thing. Use the comments link below.
And have a great weekend, my friends!
Now playing in the bunker
Treat yourself at Amazon: US and Canada
Dorney Park, PA. Ice cream in a rolled up waffle. Yum…
big greezy eye talyun sawsijes
jim britton says
Write when you can.
I love the “Aw Shucks” roasted corn at Dorney Park. Going on monday!
I haven’t been to Dorney park since 1969. There was a Carvel’s Ice cream and a Yacco Hotdogs near by. Are they still there?
Lee Harvey Ramone says
I have a Yocco’s (the Hot Dog King) t-shirt
Bill in WV says
Tofu-pups, slathered in mayonnaise.
You, “Wing it”‘ quite well. To me sometimes it’s like you write a quick tune and turn it over to us and we all get to improvise a solo based on your melody. You crank something out just to give your ‘band’ a chance to play. Thanks for that. You got a…”I gotta give ’em something to play with because it’s a pretty great band”, thing going. We like the tunes you write and waiting for the next chart is always worth it.
****I eat every goddamn thing available at fairs and the like. As long as I hit the beer tent every half hour….I know I’ll be fine.
Very good analogy DTO
2 updates a week will be much better than the 2 updates a week you’ve been doing. Can’t wait
The WV State Fair has a “boof” that I visit almost yearly. They have kielbasa with grilled onions and peppers crammed into a sub bun that weighs about 2 pounds. I then load it up with hot sauce, and find a place to sit and devour the thing with my eyes rolled back in my head. It is a religious experience.
Subject: Bi-Weekly updates
What am I supposed to do for the other 3 days of work? Selfish Bastard.
There’s a shitload of pure gold in those old archives.
Scotch egg on a stick with horseradish sauce
Wild rice corn dog
The cheese curds from the big vendor in the food building
Honey ice cream from the agriculture building
Walleye strips from the building by the lumberjack show
sooo many delicious choices……the MN State Fair is THE BEST
Hey Jeff…I think the way you’re doing the Bunker Cam is really cool. Any chance of sending us a new fix over there through the week? Just a pic and turn us loose? I liked that caption thing you did for a short time a while back and this is a good fix for the ‘Jones’ of that kinda habit.
Did someone give you a ration of shit about your diet? From what I’ve gathered you eat a very diverse blend of good and bad food. I knew a vegetarian who basically would only eat white bread and american cheese. That shit ain’t healthy.
Shit, if you posted about work we’d have to buy you a shit load more in beer since you’d be unemployed, however you could update more. I’d rather have sporadic updates than shit updates about the parking situation on I-81.
I was that vegetarian for a while. My Mom kept asking why I wasn’t losing any weight only eating vegetables LOL.
The Qweezy Mark says
Guilt About not seeing parents? Plenty of that. I’m sittin’ in Sky Harbor drinkin’ Fat Tire right now, bound for the Upper Perogie Belt to spend some time w/ Ma & Pa !! Dread the next 5 hrs. Better have some shot’o’bourbon, too!
Jeff, best watch out–your advanced age might result in a Phil Dunphy at Disney reaction from those young folks rides.
Root 66 says
Looks like you’re in luck, Jeff–according to their website, the park rents an “Electric Convenience Vehicle” for 35 bucks, so feast away! They will take care of you. Stay hungry, my friend!
As far as favorite fair food goes, the Ohio State Fair has a dairy barn with fresh ice cream. Granted, that may not sound very exotic, but man is that stuff ever good! It is so tasty, I think I’m going to cry!
sonetimes the ones you don’t think much of are the ons we enjoy most
for that i thank you
we used to get few friends and eat our way thru the local fair
we would order 1 thing at each booth and cut it into 4 or 5 pieces, depending on how many of us there were
that way we could sample everything there and not fill up at the first booth
I would cheerfully put up with semi-weekly updates if they contained 50% more N&N/Sunshine & Mumbles content. It doesn’t take extra spending money to ride that Kook Train, does it?
All well, do what you can, Jeff. You provide excellent value, no matter the portions.
I’d love to see more N&N/S&M content myself.
It isn’t my new favorite but I had fried Kool-aid at the Cherry Blossom Festival in Macon a couple of months ago.
Selfishly, I’m sad about only two posts a week. This site is my “treat” at work when I’m ready to do an Ike Turner on the Mrs. But I look forward to the comments too. So hopefully everyone will keep them coming. Your efforts have been much appreciated no matter the length or subject matter, Jeff.
The Indiana Co. Fair has THE BEST stromboli stand and those huge hand made batter dipped onion rings. I can feel the heartburn now. And its worf it! The Butler Co Fair has an apple dumpling with french vanilla ice cream hat I could roll in like a dog rolling in crap….sunnyside up, all fours in the air.
The one thing I never liked are those Henry VIII turkey legs. Dryer than a dust fart. It takes 3 swallows just to choke down one bite. Blecch.
“Dryer than a dust fart” LMAO!
Bill in WV says
I once witnesses a family eating off of one of those Henry VIII turkey legs. The dad would take a bite, then just reach it over to one of the young’ins and give him a gnaw, then the next. Pretty damned disgusting, but it was at a NASCAR race, so all was normal.
OH!!!! How could I forget…Kennywood’s Potato Patch Fries with cheese are legendary!!!
Rat Bastard says
Can’t forget those! I haven’t been there yet this year. A visit is in order.
Kelly from Iowa says
Cotton candy, corn dogs and red velvet funnel cakes with cream cheese drizzle. Makes me see God hisself.
Two know facts of the Universe…Funnel cakes with cream cheese is Satan’s creation (YUM!) and that if two fishing poles are left three feet apart…they will still tangle.
***beer nuts are served on the plane to Purgatory.
Kelly from Iowa says
Last year at the fair, I couldn’t believe the incredibly long line of people at the egg council’s boof waiting and waiting for a free…..hard….boiled…..egg. When there’s greazy goodness to be had, what would possess these idgits to stroke out over a hard boiled egg?!
To begin with…the fact that an” Egg Council” even exists is too fucking weird for me to grasp. The other fact is… I have seven hard boiled eggs in my fridge right now and this scares me into total lock-down and has caused me to load my Winchester.
The purpose of the Egg Council is to meet annually with the Chicken Council to debate which came first.
Thanks for clearing that up for me but it was touch a go last night for a while around here. I swear the bastards knew the eggs were here and were coming for them. They’re my eggs. I degraded them and I boiled them. Those goddamn egg-sucking Zombies were not gonna get ’em. I decided to eat every last one of them and as you know..there is nothing more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of a hard boiled egg binge. I sat on guard all and when the sun came up I gave the place an
‘all clear’ and secured my weapons. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from this…if I going to keep boiled eggs around here…I going to need more guns.
And a Vincent Black Shadow.
WB in OH says
I’m about half way through the book, don’t you two spoil it for me.
It’s OK. We’re with the Factory Team.
I’d love to stay and chit-chat WB…but I’m in bat country and I can’t stop right now. These goddamn flying mammals are not a thing to be taken lightly.
For a firearm that would complement the eggs, I suggest a potato gun. Is there such a thing as a bacon gun?
The Renaissance fair in CA sells this stuff called Hawker’s Mush. It’s a bowl of straight wild rice covered with creamed spinach topped with hollandaise sauce. Good thing it’s only a once-a-year deal. It’s looks like dolled-up invalid food, but Christ is it ever good.
This year they had a Navajo fry bread stand. Fry bread covered in butter and honey, I hope they’re back next year.
Anything is good if you slather it with hollandaise.
hot fuzz says
I had eggs Benny on the weekend and I sounded like Meg Ryan eating a salad. It was THAT good.
I think I’m the only one in this Comment/Chat-fest room that hasn’t been to a fair in about….oh….15 years or so. I got nuttin’ on that front.
And I’ll prove I’m even MORE boring (if that’s possible). I’m a new vege-muh-tarian, so I get to ask for no meat at restaurants and all that good nonsense. We’re not doing it for any moral Don’t-Kill-The-Cows reason, just for health issues and to try to see if our grocery budget sees a difference. I don’t think it has because in lieu of the absence of meat our booze intake has doubled. Ha!
Zeppoles and Bloomin’ onions.
Jeff, I’m sorry I made a crack last week about your diet. It won’t happen again. (it was about the Hot Pocket). My apologies my friend!
That being said, your post was so goddamn funny, you must continue that diet to provide my with comedic relief!
Damn, I haven’t had zeppole since 1973! I want one. Or ten.
What’s a Zeppole??
Golf ball sized bits of deep-fried dough, dumped into a paper bag and doused with confectioner’s sugar. Kind of like a beignet. A proud member of the donut family.
Fried pickles at the Rheinbeck Sheep and Wool Festival.
Omg…. Fried Pickles…. Simply fantastic
I have to try fried pickles. They sound scrumptious!
I’d like to consider myself a bit of a fried pickle connoisseur. If I go to a new restaurant and they have fried pickles, I just have to get them. Dip them and ranch and you’re good to go.
Help me with this…Sweet or dill? Slices or whole? Batter type? Tempura…egg and flour…no batter just hot oil? I’m think I’ll try grillin’ some in a bit. I’ll get some big whole dills and sweets, grill ’em a bit and then wrap some bacon around the and throw ’em back on the grill. Shove a stick in the new, “Dave’s Big Pickle”, …buy a little cookhouse trailer and start out on the carney circuit and eventually sell franchises to peddle my big pickle for me.
WB in OH says
Try this one, she has some great recipes.
What?….no bacon?….gimme a break with a goddamn long winded recipe for a fucking pickle. Jeeeze!
WB in OH says
Here ya go bitch…
Make sure while they’re piping hot, to ram them in your ass!
Yikes WB… how the hell you know so much about such things. Oh wait…you still live in Ohio.
***love ya dude…and go ask a pretty girl to sign that baseball I gave you. It friggin’ works…then again you can always impress them with your knowledge of fried pickles.
WB in OH says
I still have the baseball, I didn’t take it out in the yard and get it dirty like I did with my Wally Post ball 🙁
I’m doing just fine getting chicks…since I’m not really interested…
One of these days I’m walking out of this office and not coming back…epic road trip…I’ll see you then dude.
The ones I had were dills, but not too sour or hardcore. Cut into discs, battered and deep-fried. They looked similar to the Homesicktexan ones, but without the cornmeal in the breading. When they are fresh out of the oil, the water in the pickles is BOILING. You have been warned.
lori in cbus says
oh chill.. i’ve always wanted to go to rhinebeck and i love fried pickles..i will need to save up and plan the trip
WB in OH says
Just keep doing that voodoo that you do, so well…in whatever quantity. I might get a little work done Tuesday and Wednesday.
As for fair food, I concur with caveboy, “big greezy eye talyun sawsijes” although I think we spell it a bit different in OH.
Disneyland sucks. Shove a long twisty stick up the Disney dickhole. Fuck this place.
Jesus, ice, Disneyland is downtown free-market capitalism. Seems like your kind of thing.
More to follow when I get a real keyboard. But Disney isn’t really the problem.
It’s the that lograde sludge Disney calls their guests. If I ever need murder fuel, this is the best place to get it.
Did you know Mortimer Mouse was originally a gerbil. Walt was an acid head and a sex freak.
***oh…the place is a lot more fun if you do some shrooms before you go. Trust me on that one.
hot fuzz says
I hear old Walt wasn’t too fond of our friends of the Jewish persuasion.
Lee Harvey Ramone says
Cotton Candy? I love that band!
T. Farty McAppleass says
I say who gives a mother fuck about diet? To hell with the food nazis. Some of my favorite fair foods are the candied apples (the bright red ones, not the caramel ones), I’ve had some fried alligator on a stick and that’s pretty damn good. Chicken fried bacon with gravy dipping sauce. Jalapeno poppers. Sometimes I even like those big-ass turkey legs. Sausages are good. Funnel cakes, of course. Lemon slushy drink things are good.
I eat like shit and I don’t care. I think it makes me a better person. Love yall!
Never had one at a fair, but the RennFest turkey legs are shit – dry, flavorless factory birds. A kosher turkey that I’ve deep-fried is an entirely different story, but you don’t get those on the Funway.
Alligator on a stick sounds good.
T. Farty McAppleass says
If you have to trample babies and old ladies to get to some alligator on a stick, brother, you do it. It’ll be worth it. I wouldn’t lie to you. I hardly ever lie. But I NEVER lie about food on a stick.
hot fuzz says
I’ve only had gator once and it was blackened on a stick. Tasted like….pork.
Funnel Cake. Definitely.
Jeff, you must be thrilled with all the “artisan” foods being offered in the fast-food universe these days. Artisan bread at Quiznos, artisan pizza by Dominos… the list goes on. How about classing up your fast food section with some reviews???
Nothing is better than a gotdamn armadillo egg. It’s a jalapeno stuffed with cheese, wrapped with bacon, then encased with sausage. And it’ll change your fucking life. Anybody else ever heard of these? I had them in Texas all the time. But when I talk to the buttfuckers in Alabama about “armadillo eggs” they say, “I thought armadillos was mammals, mayan?” Buttfuckers. Intolerable sometimes.
Ain’t never been to Texiz. Well, two days in Dallas for a trade show in 1996 hardly counts, right? But my mama’s from Waxahatchie, so I guess I best get straight with Jeeziz. Gnome sane?
You best buy some cemetery plots in Texiz. Cause when Jeezis comes back he’s going there first. Everybody knows that. While you’re down there buying your grave, get you some armadillo eggs for fucksake.
Dang, didn’t think a that. I’ll get right on it, tell you what.
Good Evening Surf Reporters…
…can honestly say I’ve never had a bad gyro.
WB in OH says
Years ago my drinking buddies and I would make the trek to Dayton to listen to live music in the “Oregon District” which was basically a block or two big. Anyway there was a gryro cart. Man those were fantastic at 2 in the morning with a belly full of beer. Hordes of people walking around with big grins on their face and tzatziki sauce running down to their elbow.
Chuck in Belpre says
I’m back…did anyone miss me?
WB in OH says
Where did you move to? Across town or across the country?
hot fuzz says
Deep fried butter. Never had it but it’s what forms the lines at the CNE each year. Frozen butter balls, breaded, deep fried. a little chunk ‘o heaven I’m told.
Deep fried Beer has made the rounds – it’s like a ravioli with Beer in it… same goes for Deep fried cool-aid. I still want to try a deep fried Mars Bar (Milky Way).
Chocolate covered deep fried bacon has a certain appeal too. Haven’t tried it but it sure looks interesting.
I like my arteries nice and lubricated.