My alarm goes off at 9:30 every morning, which means I sleep six hours on workdays. It’s not enough, but I get more on the other three days. And so far I haven’t nodded off at my desk, or on my way home from work, or anything like that. Mountain Dew helps, I think. It’s the official drink of B Shift!
However, I didn’t get off the platform today until 11:15. And I wonder how many times I hit the snooze button in 105 minutes? Any idea? I don’t even hear that clock’s weak-ass chirping boolshit anymore. I just swing my arm in the air, and shut it down within a microsecond of it starting, and never come close to waking up.
It’s starting to become a problem, it really is.
Anyway, I’m getting a late start on this one. But I’m gonna try to catch-up… It’s too early for Mountain Dew, but Eight O’Clock coffee also works wonders. These are the kind of things a man learns during his travels: very important things.
A few days ago our Evidence was a freaky YouTube video of a man standing on the lip of an active volcano. It appeared he was only a few feet away from a swirling, roiling lake of fire. Here it is, in case you missed it. Holy shitlinks!
Now Alice in WV has sent me an outtake from that video, which some of you might find interesting. Check it out. Pretty cool, huh? Our logo, man, he gets around. Heh.
And speaking of that, I have a large backlog of pics that need to be added to the gallery. I haven’t forgotten, and will make an attempt to bring everything up-to-date this coming weekend. No promises, though. Another thing I’ve learned: try not to make promises.
Just so you know, I’m starting to hear a new saying that makes my sphincter wink. How do these things get started? And why do so many people willingly follow along, and jump on every questionable trend in language? It bothers me a great deal.
Have you heard people, just recently, starting to say, “Been there, done that, got the t-shirt!” WTF? It makes me angry, just typing it. I’m serious, I can feel a twinge of genuine anger inside myself. Unbelievable.
Finally, I was putting some clothes in the washer a few minutes ago, and poured the little cup of thick blue liquid on top, etc. And I started thinking about how huge boxes of laundry detergent used to be. Do you remember that?
Back when I worked in grocery stores, during the 1980s, washing powder (or whatever) came in a box roughly the size of a dishwasher. They were gigantic, and had a plastic handle built into the top, which would eat into your fingers because of the massive weight. Old ladies would always ask for help taking them to their cars, and I’d practically have to turn around backwards and drag it across the parking lot with two hands.
Then I started thinking about stuff that’s gotten smaller over the years, and things that have gotten bigger.
Maybe it’s an optical illusion, triggered by my own personal heft, but I’m convinced candy bars are a lot smaller than they used to be. And Big Macs, too. Have you had a Big Mac lately? You can practically pop them into your mouth, like a Tic Tac. (Big Tac? Tic Mac?) Somehow, though, they’ve managed to retain the original amount of fat grams.
Electronics, of course, have gotten smaller over the years. I had an early version of the Walkman, for instance, and it was like having a VCR attached to my belt. Now the iPod nano is about the size of a postage stamp, and can hold thousands and thousands of songs, with no moving parts. Amazing.
On the other side of the coin, I can immediately think of two things that have gotten bigger through the years:
TVs, even though they’re electronics, have grown in size. At least the screens have. During the ’70s many people had big ol’ furniture-style TVs, elaborate wooden boxes that weighed roughly 500 pounds. But the actual screen was usually something like 19-inches. People have bigger screens in their kitchens now.
Also, people. People have gotten bigger through the years. If you’re ever in a museum that features clothing from times as recent as World War II, you can see how small folks used to be. Some of the old uniforms look like children’s clothing.
And whenever I go to Knoebels and ride The Phoenix, an old wooden coaster from 1947, I can barely wedge my ass into the seat. I always have to sit on a slant, because both cheeks can’t touch bottom at the same time. The Phoenix was not designed for big 2010 American asses.
So, that’s yer Question of the Day: what things have gotten bigger through the years, and which ones have gotten smaller? Use the comments link below.
And I’m gonna get ready for work now, and put in my final day of the week. Tomorrow I’m free!
See you then.
……………….1………………….
……and got the t-shirt!…….
Jealous by 61 minutes!!
2nd?
Tree
Phones. First, there was the bag phone. Then, just a few years back, were phones the size (and thickness) of a credit card. Now, we’re returning to large again. My cousin has a Droid phone, and it’s roughly the size of a brick. Maybe not as thick, but it’s not something you can put in your pocket either.
Watches. Everyone has this fetish with watches that are the size of saucers these days. Butt Fugly.
Wheels. Remember the go cart wheels that the “cool kids” used to rock out? Now you’re not shit unless you’re rocking 24″ dubs.
It’s just silly.
Assholes. Assholes have gotten bigger. Why, back in my day an asshole would simply flip you the bird, or shove you to the ground and take your wallet. Nowadays these big ol’ youngster assholes light poop on fire and pour it on you, or steal your money without you even knowing it.
Why’s everyone got to be such a big asshole these days?
I keeping wanting to ‘LIKE’ a lot of these comments. I find myself going to click the ‘like’ button every so often and then remember that not every webpage on the net has a ‘like’ button. I’m convinced Facebook will eventually morph into some super robot and take over the world.
Not until Google buys it.
Who else has to deal with a bigger asshole now compared to the small asshole they once had?
My wiener got bigger from the cartoon in the bunker cam
Funny, my wiener shrunk! LOL
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters……
JK’s mention of the humongous boxes of powdered laundry detergent jogged my memory. I remember when…cue daydream sequence
The giveaways in the detergent. Buy a box and get a drinking glass(collect all 6!), or towels, or ceramic figurines (collect all 12!) or parts to a 72 Pontiac Catalina.
Just not done anymore.
I’m in my early thirties and I have several sets of the drinking glasses from soap boxes. I love them and they refuse to break!
Also…if anyone is into antiques, Depression glass use to be given away in soap boxes too. It was used for everyday dishes. Now the glass is so collectable and too expensive to use for anything but display. That was way before my time, of course…;)
Do they still put jelly in jars that “turn into” drinking glasses when the jelly’s all gone? I haven’t bought jelly in years but I still have a big working “set” of jelly glasses.
Do they still have the Flintstones jelly glasses? I used to have quite the collection, until the children broke them all.
Don’t know about that, but I have a few “Shell’s Mr. President Coin Game” coins. These were aluminum coins with pictures of presidents on them. Shell gas stations gave them out when you filled up there. I used to have a plastic dinosaur (!) from Sinclair, but it’s long gone.
.
I remember bath towels in boxes of soap powders. I still have one.
Jeff,
‘Been there, done that, etc’ was popular around here sometime in the early 1990s.
You gotta get out more, man.
It’s the “got the t-shirt” part that’s new. And it pisses me off.
I got the wvsr t-shirt (4). Should I feel pissed?
“Been there, done that, got the t-shirt!“ – Further evidence that the The Upper Pirogies Belt is about 10-12 years behind the rest of the country.
(I grew up in the area – moved and discovered how far behind on the Hip Curve I was)
shit I am in Charleston STILL and I know we are behind the times….this is still the mullett capital of the world ….but EVEN here “been there done that got the t-shirt is WAYYYY old ….like early 90s. Could it be a retro thing ? coming back ? fuck if so I feel old!
Eye Glasses used to be big, then they got small not they are big again. Bicycles. Cars, from the huge suvs to tiny little stupid cars that guarantee no action.
The Bunker Cam Cracked me up. cause to be honest no woman really wants to touch the yucky part of your weiner. Ever.
There’s a ‘yucky’ part?
Yeah, not the whole thing, just the line down the underside. and the taint and the boys. The boys are definitely yucky. Thats why most people do it in the dark.
But the line down the underside is the part that wants to be touched the most!
If by “line on the underside” you mean the frenulum.
Frenelum means “little bridle”.
I have a frenelarge.
OK that explains a lot of things. But then again it opens up a whole new set of questions. No wonder I have a confused look all the time.
11th?
My pay checks have gotten bigger.
My take home has gotten smaller.
Indeed.
Oh Carla, you don’t know some of the whores I’ve dated.
If touching cock were an olympic event they’d take the gold every time, unless Greece was competing.
BT DT, I was thinking of that phrase just yesterday. Yeah, it sucks. And making it longer makes it more annoying. So unless you are talking about banging the prime minister of canada or shoving a fistful of nickels up your ass you probably haven’t “been there, done that”.
Do you know where people haven’t gotten bigger? Cleveland. I mean they are fatter, but people watching before the Browns game it was just short person after short person. Except for the tall chick with the horse face. But she probably isn’t from there.
Shoot me an e-mail – I have something from Cincinnati for you.
Oh and in approx 2 hrs the Reds play their first playoff game in 15 yrs.
Who do they play? The Phillies, not too far from Scranton.
Who’d they play last? Atlanta, where Jeff has also lived.
I can barely concentrate the closer it gets to 5:07, leaving work just a touch early so I don’t miss a pitch!
Wish I’d stayed at work after seeing that fiasco of a performance by the Deds.
Ice cream dammit! I want the whole 64 ounces of Extreme Moose Tracks. Not 48 ounces.
Women! Women have gotten bigger. I was in Dollar World the other day and it was like a remake of Amazon Women on the Moon! Without the big hair and good looks.
Cars! Cars are bigger! One is even named Armada! An entire naval fleet is an armada.
Me! I’m bigger! When I graduated high school I weighed 140 pounds. Now those talking scales tell me to get the fuck off!
The little bitty virtual keyboard on my cellphone seems to get smaller every day! Holy crap–it’s like trying to type with hams. I fat-finger every other word. Seriously, I am going to throw it at a brick wall someday!
Potato chip bags also seem to be getting smaller (and EMPTIER!) Even the nefarious Sun Chips bags that crinkle too loudly! I can’t believe Frito-Lay is caving to these idiots…they’re probably the same people who wanted them to have more “Eco-friendly” bags in the first place!! Yes, I’m ranting. At this time.
GO REDS!
Tits have gotten bigger.
I love me some growth hormone added chicken and beef products, yes’sir.
I don’t know about that one, maybe we need to perform more research. May take a few years to notice any growth differences. Oh, and we need a few young volunteers to measure over time.
I’m on it Shiny Rod.
dammit Stanley…
You aren’t joking. I thought I was a pedophile for a while there. These high school girls look like 30 year old strippers. I could hit me some 16 year olds. Lord help!
Yes, clothing has gotten smaller. Too bad larger people still think they look OK in them. GAG
I was briefly single a few years ago, attending a co-worker’s backyard party. I saw this woman, gorgeous – playing with the family’s dog. 6’1″, about 135-140, white shorts with much ass hanging out. She was showing a good 3 inches of cleavage and some slutty tall heeled shoes (I think they’re called “wedges” and they made her about 6’3″). “SCORE!” I thought, while examining all the goods, flaming red hair, and ringless left hand……
15 minutes later, after she clearly wasn’t impressed with any of my lines or their flawless delivery, a coworker called me over to ask if what I thought of our office manager’s 14 year old daughter who plays for the school volleyball team.
Luckily, mom was inside the whole time. The co-dicks make me relive that day every Mon-Fri (and sometimes the weekends – Text-messages). It’s been an exhausting 2 years. Pedo-Gar, Chester the Molester…etc.
The girl looks anywhere from 25 to 35 years old. OH, and apparently this happens alot – her mom will not let her have a computer (No Facebook, Myspace), go to any parties by herself, and no cell phone because of similar misunderstandings.
Print! Newsprint, magazine print, food labels..you name it. Why did they starting making print so small?
I’ve really noticed it since turning 46…? Weird, huh?
My 46-year-old eyes and the reading glasses that I now carry around everywhere to use them have also noticed this.
Phones books have gotten smaller. What use to be a half gallon of ice cream is now a quart.
If its the standard 9 minutes between snooze alarms, you beat it down 11 times.
I don’t like this concentrated laundry soap. I want good old fashioned phosphate powder laundry detergent in institution sized boxes. Can’t seem to find nothing but shitty liquid and tiny boxes of excessivly priced “concentrated” powder.
Candy bars HAVE gotten smaller. I had a couple Mars bars, one from the ‘old’ package, and its upcoming replacement fresh off the shelf one. SMALLER. Same size package though.
Cars have gotten smaller but bigger. A toyota camry is a mid-sized car? Alrighty then…
Who in the hell decided 9 minutes should be the standard? Why not an even 10, it would make figuring out how many times I can hit snooze in the morning a little easier.
Jeff,
I used to have to set two alarms and put a plastic cup over one of them. I’d do the same thing you’re describing. Now I wake up whenever I want (usually about 10:00am) and I don’t even have a clock in my bedroom. Oh, the joys of being a cocaine dealer (or whatever).
Tits and asses have gotten bigger – and I love it!
Turkey legs have gotten bigger. So have chicken breast – where the fuck do they find these FFF chickens? I bought some sliced chicken breast from the deli recently and the chicken tit looked like a loaf of bread. Sweet Jesus!
Bigger is better seems to be a good rule of thumb.
Soup cans have gotten smaller and the price has gotten bigger.
I can remember when you could practically go sledding on a Drakes Ring Ding. Back in the day when they were wrapped in blue and silver tin foil. Now, one bite and they’re gone.
Cereal boxes have gotten bigger. You need a crane now to lift and tilt the box. Or just paw through and grab handfuls and toss them in a bowl.
The fog is getting thicker.
If I ever get caught, I think most people will say “yeah, I suspected that sort of thing.” Vs the usual “he seemed like such a nice guy.”
I could muse about how the world has gotten so much smaller, but I’ll spare you the preachy bullshit.
At the same time, the population’s gotten larger. Sometimes it doesn’t seem to be such a bad deal to only have 40 more years, tops, on the planet. The term “hell in a handbasket” comes to mind, although I’m sure handbaskets have probably gotten smaller, too.
Cripes. I guess I’m commenting from a cynical perspective today.. I should have concentrated on the larger tits and ass. In fact, I think I’ll do that. Ommmmmmmm……
Politicians brains have gotten smaller whilst their balls have grown larger.
and some of them have no balls at all.
My ponytail used to be pretty big. Now? Small.
Band names used to be big (The Strawberry Alarm Clock comes to mind for some reason). Now? Hole, anyone?
Cars might not have gained size, but light-duty pickups sure have. Every other asshole on the road now has to have a mega cab, dually, 4×4, 25 foot long monster. Never mind that they can’t drive it, park it, afford it or have ever even hauled anything more than groceries in the back. Trucks have a place with contractors, farmers, and related trades, not a status symbol. The grilles on these things have become bigger and bigger as the manufactures push harder the testosterone soaked image that your manliness is gauged by the number of running lights you have. Damn, I need a snickers…
Ya better get two cause they aren’t as big as they used to be.
I drive a sadan. One of the beautiful surf reporters (aka female) said that I’m not a real man because of it. I haven’t been able to sleep since. But I did by an eighteen wheeler from craigslist. And now I have more feeling in my cock. Maybe there’s something to it?
nah, that’s just the cocaine and hooker that come with the truck. Careful though, you might making money with a truck that big. Of course, you’ll need to plaster “super” and “mega” all over it to get the ladies.
haha. don’t lose sleep!! I am attracted to the boys with their toys, but It doesn’t turn out so good. You sedan men, thats who I should be following!! Good wholesome menfolks!!! 😉 a big jacked up truck, tires that hum, exhaust that makes me vibrate…I don’t know. It must be the redneck in me. 🙁 I bet you look like the bees knees in that sedan though….
You said feeling your cock
Yep, I’m all about the big jacked up…..truck…too!! Big ass tires with a hot-ass dude driving: work boots, tool belt, ripped jeans, bandana. Just like my boyfriend…sans toolbelt. All tools tucked away in his big ass truck. Giggity Giggity
I agree, driving a big truck when you never haul or tow anything is just plain dumb. I can’t fathom how big, garish SUV’s became status symbols either…but then again, I don’t understand much about the “urban” element.
I have black leather seats and a V-8 with an exhaust that’ll make you hum…
About a year after my family moved to the US from the UK in 1963, they sent back a photo of my little sister, one year old, standing next to a box of Tide. Guess who was taller? Everythin’ bigger & better in a America, sho nuff.
Gas stations have remained the same size, but now we do all the work.
They used to give away free shit, too. We still have a bunch of stackable coffee cups from those days (pre-energy crisis, 25 cent per gallon days).
Will there be a dispatch of shirts soon? I did my surf reporter duty and ordered one a couple of weeks ago. Can’t wait to get it!
Hey Amy…just keep watching the weather channel and when they report there’s a cold day in Hell…start checking your mail. 🙂
I’m happy to report that Yurt sizes have remained consistent over the years. At least there’s something we can still count on.
Little Macs have definitely gotten smaller, but the attitude the cashier gives me when I order it in that fashion has gotten larger!
Oh and I started hearing “got the tshirt” when going thru basic in 2004 in ass backward MO. So yeah WV is waaaaay behind the curve.
WOO HOO, PHILLIES!!! And a no hitter to boot! 🙂
Damn Reds.
Halladay for Cy Young.
Wow.
Electronics & my dick.
Yeah.
I have noticed the same thing. Either my dick is shrinking or my hands are getting bigger?
My schlong is noticably smaller now that my wife has squeezed out 4 kids. Hmmm…..
Like throwing a hot dog down a hallway…
Thanks, Jeff, for using my volcano picture. 🙂 made my day. AND it’s my birthday! Yay for meeee.
The day didn’t start so well. I stepped in dog shit this morning. Smashed it into the carpet. Not once, but twice. Didn’t see the second pile. grrrrrrrr the day got much better, tho.
Happy birthday, Alice!
Happy Birthday …that sux about the dog shit ! Hope you had a good Bday after that !
Happy Birfday, Alice!
Happy Birthday Alice!
I know …lets have a sing along…
Happy Birthday to you
So you stepped in some poo
That means good luck Dear Alice……
I’ll go step in some too.
…-d. 🙂
Happy Birthday!
Happy Birthday! See, even your dog is trying to give you presents!
Happy Birfday to my antique-ing buddy!! Did you make a wish when you stepped in the poo for good luck??
Happy fucking birthday!
Alice, you step in dogshit on your birthday you clean it up. You do it twice you go back to bed for exactly 365 days.
And my 2 cents. F the reply feature and bring back the who comments the most thing.
I reply, just to reply.
.
I don’t even get 9 minutes, my cell phone has a 5 minute snooze and I can’t change it. I’ve tried.
my cell goes from 5 to 30 min. My alarm clock I believe is actually 10. I think the 9 min is because we get used to usual numbers and they want to make it hard for you.
I just set a timer to an extension cord that I took the end off of and then tape the leads to my balls.
Yep, that’ll work every time.
Jeff, I keep the alarm clock in a room across the hall for exactly that reason. I have to pry my fat ass off the platform in order to make it shut up, which is exactly the point.
“Got the t-shirt”? Man, that was from, like, years ago. Are people really saying that agin? What’s next, “23-skiddoo”?
What’s gotten smaller is cars. In the 1960s, Valiants and Falcons were “compact”. Now, they’d be considered mid-to-full sized cars. What was considered big in those days, like an Olds 98 or an Impala, is ineffably huge today; when you’re driving, the hood ornament is in the next county. Also the net contents of packaged goods; pasta used to come in 1-pound boxes, but now it’s typically 12 ounces. Usually such package size reductions are accompanied by maintenance of the same price-per-package as before.
What’s gotten larger is soda fountain soft drinks. I worked at McDonald’s in high school, and I can say that they still use one of the paper cup sizes they used then. The 12-ounce used to be called “large”, but now its name is “small”.
.
I know BTDT got the Tshirt ….but what is 23-skiddoo ??? I don’t remember that making it to West Virginia. We might have been too busy combing our Mullets and saying “been there done that got a tshirt ” !
I heard it somewhere… think it was a 1930s thing, maybe even Prohibition era. No idea what it means. It was what I could come up with for seriously ancient slang.
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oh wow I wikied it ….it’s from the Roaring 20s ,probably the first national slang word …it means “get the hell out of Dodge” …..Thanks , I love trivia !
Yes, it was a phrase that 1920’s flappers and fraternity guys in bearskin coats with pennants said when they were leaving the room – it was also slang for checking out to the big bearskin coat in the sky…
PopTarts are smaller, but in the same size silver wrapper. My husband is convinced that Pringles are smaller too. The 2 main food groups in his life.
And here’s grumpy old john…
This isn’t a really big deal, but deriving the origin of 23 skidoo (which you didn’t do), and identifying its time of origin (which you missed by a generation) and its time of maximum popularity (which you got right) isn’t trivia. Trivia has no intrinsic value on which to build other ideas or constructs. The creation of our language and its evolution have social and econemic value.
23 skidoo was not the first national slang word by about 200 years. It was, perhaps, the first national fad expression.
Lastly, the Roaring ’20s is a cute expression, but not an accurate description of the United States in the 1920s. While there was some commotion in large cities about alcohol delivery and sales, 95% of Americans were trying to raise families, and the majority of Americans lived in rural housing.
Lastly, lastly, “…get the hell out of Dodge” is a pretty inaccurate definition of the meaning of 23 skidoo. In Spanish, vamanos is pretty close; in English, “Let’s go” is about as close as we can come. Richard Friedman would probably prefer, “Let’s bug out of the dugout.”
Not trying to pick on you. Just getting a few things clarified.
jtb
And our interpretation of history is entirely jaded by whatever colored glasses we prefer to view it through.
“Been there, done that, got the t-shirt!“ ‘went out with Nelson’s eye’ a saying that also went out of fashion with leg warmers. It must be doing the rounds again.
Cars are getting smaller. Thats a good thing, seeing as how oil is running out. Its cool that we’re finally saving some for our kids and not just saying ‘ Fuck em, I like my Humvee!’
Here’s a word or two from Karl Pilkington on things getting smaller and ‘Fun Size’ Mars bars.
“I don’t know why they’re called fun-sized; I mean, if I called a midget fun-sized, they’d kick off!”
….and legwarmers are back in fashion, believe it or not. I thought that shit went with the roaring 80’s. Holy crap…if I wore them now they’d turn the dogs loose on me.
Alice…
Happy Birthday. All days contain a certain amount of shit. Good for you for getting yours out of the way early in the day. Rock on.
jtb
For my 50th a couple of weeks ago, my kids bought me a T that said “50 – been there, done that, can’t remember”. I thought it was cute (and way too accurate).
I think ego’s and attitudes have gotting larger. Especially the younger “you owe me” generation. A little scary considering their offspring’s “give-a-shit o’meter” reading will be off the charts.
Dogs. Dogs have gotton smaller with the cross breeding their doing to create a fashion statement/accessory. Poor babies.
My spelling and vocabulary skills have GOTTEN smaller…..: (
Things getting bigger…
corporations, the national debt, professional sports, MPG numbers for autos, Americans’ waist sizes, the number of American and Canadian chain restaurants, the universe, and the cost of health care.
.
Things getting smaller…
computing cycle times, U.S traffic fatality numbers, the number of American and Canadian family-owned restaurants, the size of the average American IRA, music-playing devices, Louisiana, the North Pole ice cap, and newspapers.
.
jtb
If your IRA is still getting smaller, you may want to find a new broker.
Hey everybody, Thanks for the birthday wishes! I appreciate it!