• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

The West Virginia Surf Report!

Jeff Kay's Ridiculous Adventures In Suburbia

  • Home
  • About
  • Best of
  • Books
  • Archives
  • Donate

Speech Accessories and Office Rumors

April 7, 2009 By Jeff 92 Comments

officegossipI don’t know how these kinds of things take hold, but a few years ago many, many people were starting sentences with “You know what?”

Me:  Do anything interesting this weekend?
Them:  You know what?  I just hung around the house.

Me:  Have you seen the 3-hole punch?
Them:  You know what?  I think it’s in Frank’s office.

Me:  Do you smell shit?
Them:  You know what?  I do.

Seemingly out of the blue, everybody was doing it.  It drove me crazy.  I still hear it from time to time, but think it’s pretty much run its course.  Mercifully, so.

But now I’m hearing a new one, and don’t care for it, either.  Have you noticed people replacing “I agree” with the nonsensical “I know, right?”  What the hell?

Me:  It’s hotter than the devil’s scrotum in this dump.
Them:  I know, right?

What in the pearl-handled heck?  And already it’s been shortened, to make the ridiculous even more so.

Me:  I’m about to take this Papermate pen, and repeatedly plunge it into my heart.
Them:  Right?

Just typing it pisses me off.

Also, if you pay close attention, you’ll notice people starting sentences with, “Yeah, no.”  Don’t believe me?  Listen to the people around you…  “Yeah, no,” I fear, might be the new “You know what?”

How do these kinds of things start and spread so quickly?  Like the teenage girl Inner Sanctum creaking-door style of talking?  Who started that?  And how did it go around the globe?  I hear fifteen year old girls call Clive Bull, in London, talking that way.  And it bothers me a great deal.

What trendy little speech accessories get under your skin the most?  We need to start a list, dammit.  Help me out, won’t you?

Also, what are the latest rumors going around your place of work?

We don’t necessarily need the background, just give us the rumor as you might spread it to a co-worker.  It’s kind of intriguing to hear people whispering about things you don’t fully understand.  And leave in the shop-talk and insider lingo, as well.  I love that kind of thing.

Of course, if it’s an especially juicy rumor and a full fleshing-out is appropriate, that’s coo’ too.

There’s a disturbing rumor going around my office, but I don’t want to get into it here.  My current employers aren’t known for their highly developed sense of humor.  Notice how I never mention work?  I could end up manning the cheddar pump at Arby’s…

This is very short, because I spent a little too much time on today’s Mockable post.  But I think it turned out well, and hope you’ll check it out.  Right here.

Also take the time to read yesterday’s article, NOT written by me.  It’s both bizarre and hilarious.

And that’s going to do it for today, my friends.

I’ll see you tomorrow.

Now playing in the bunker.

Share on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedinShare on Pinterest

Filed Under: Daily

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. sunshine_in_va says

    April 7, 2009 at 3:22 pm

    Well Jeff – they could always bring back “I heard that”. If it isn’t one damned thing its another.

    Reply
  2. Casey J says

    April 7, 2009 at 3:22 pm

    I am originally from chicago and living in Ga, my boyfriend could never figure out when I would say a sentence ” I am going out” and leave it at that. He always protested I needed a place, time, etc. Drove him nuts, but makes sense to me.

    No work rumors here. I am a statistic also, my own personal sign of the times..jobless, insuranceless, blah blah blah

    Reply
  3. Susan in NWPA says

    April 7, 2009 at 3:26 pm

    I friggin hate hate it when my 8 year old starts a conversation with “Do you know what I did today?, Do you know what happened at school today?, Do you know what Cody said on the bus today?” No, I don’t friggin know, I wasn’t there, thus causing you to torment me so!

    So maybe it’s not trendy speech but it bothers me, oh how it bothers me.

    Reply
  4. Mark says

    April 7, 2009 at 3:35 pm

    and ya gotta love it when people finish a sentence with “ya know what I’m sayin”………. No ya dumb fucker…I don’t know the fuckin’ english language!…. Gawd that pisses me off…..

    Reply
  5. Good2go says

    April 7, 2009 at 3:40 pm

    The latest rumour is that the lease on our office space is up next year and it won’t be renewed. Since the recent downsizing at the company, there is now enough capacity in the other two offices in town to handle the 100 people in our office.

    Reply
  6. Jason says

    April 7, 2009 at 3:42 pm

    Knowit I’m sayin, knowit I’m sayin sayin, knowit I’m sayin doe? STFU! Pisses me off. I gotta stop posting so much. Sorry.

    Reply
  7. Brynhildr says

    April 7, 2009 at 3:50 pm

    My mother (among others) frequently opens a conversation with “Did I already tell you this?” followed by a long pause as she waits for me to answer, but since I have no idea what the topic is, the only thing I can say is “I don’t know. You need to give me a subject line first.” Or sometimes I say something like, “My crystal ball is a little dirty, so please tell me what you’re on about.” After which Mother will tell me not to get smart with her, etc. I can’t win.

    Reply
  8. Brandy says

    April 7, 2009 at 3:54 pm

    no worries, Shiny Rod… i have a twin sister, so I’m only about 50% ever called by the right name anyway, I’ve gotten used to it.

    My spawn will be officially an adult in 2015 at which point, she gets the boot. But the world is supposed to end in 2012, so I may get a break a little early.

    she starts the sentences that i can actually hear with “oh my god, guess what!” and then waits for me to say “what?” This happens about 178 times each day.

    Reply
  9. Amanda says

    April 7, 2009 at 3:57 pm

    Effing “What’s the dealeo?” makes me stabby. Runner ups = My bad, “do me a solid”, that “owns” me.

    Reply
  10. Shiny Rod says

    April 7, 2009 at 4:03 pm

    Mine turned 21 last year and when she starts a sentence with that line, I say “How much is it gonna cost me!”

    Reply
  11. Shiny Rod says

    April 7, 2009 at 4:05 pm

    My teenage nephew now has to start every sentence with “swagga swagga”, WTF?

    Reply
  12. tiff says

    April 7, 2009 at 4:28 pm

    Ah GOD! Thing 1 says BOTH, I know, right?” and “yeah, no”

    He’s 13…firmly entrenched in the middle school ways of highly irritating behvior. Daggone it I’m glad it’s not just ME suffering.

    Reply
  13. tiff says

    April 7, 2009 at 4:36 pm

    No office rumors here. The IT department won’t give us permission to start ’em.

    Reply
  14. Jorge says

    April 7, 2009 at 5:03 pm

    Oh yeah, I forgot one. Up here we often end sentances with the Canadian Eh?.

    How’s it goin’ eh?

    I like it.

    Reply
  15. Dave says

    April 7, 2009 at 5:09 pm

    So, it is funny you mention this…

    I work in a mighty professional place with lots of smart folk. Why they let me in, I’ve still not figured out. Anyway, just the other day I was in a meeting where this really super smart guy was talking so fast that he was actually skipping over words.

    Example – instead of saying “You know what I mean?” or even the shortened version “You know?” he would simply say, “You mean” and keep moving onto the next sentence. So it sounded like, “It is hot as cow piss in the summer, you mean, and I could use a beer.”

    Though we are in Texas, this guy has a serious Boston accent, so it sounds even funnier. The other thing he would do is, start off new sentences with “Right, but, so…”

    We have several people now who have shortened “Right, but, so” to just starting sentences with “So,” (Which I confess, I do when I write).

    So, someone might ask a question, and these goofy people answer it with, “So, it is true that four out of five dentists do prefer Trident Sugarless chewing gum, blahbety, blah, blah.“

    Reply
  16. brian says

    April 7, 2009 at 5:19 pm

    the sarcastic “really?” as in ‘that’s the best you have for me’ has run it’s course. it all started I think on SNL when they initially had so much fun with Michael Vick.

    I am guilty of taking part in slang that dumbs me down, and I must admit I still struggle also with “I know, Right?” and I cringe when I say it.

    Reply
  17. Linda says

    April 7, 2009 at 6:13 pm

    I started saying “I know, right?” because I was making fun of someone else, and now I can’t stop. I’ll try harder. I’ve heard most of these annoying phrases, but I’m intrigued by “swagga swagga.” Shiny Rod, I need some examples. Can you use that in a sentence?

    Office gossip: We have a shared printer, and someone printed out a confirmation page to a dungeon-type sex place in England. He happened to be going to England on a business trip, and the date of his dungeon reservation matched. It had a list of things you could check off that you wanted to experience, and the one that was checked off was “climax denial.” Do not google that. You’ve been warned. Everyone in the office heard about this, and the guy doesn’t know. He’s married, and is a holy roller.

    Reply
  18. Jed says

    April 7, 2009 at 7:25 pm

    You know what? My 74 year old mother-in-law uses this term ad nauseum. Usually in a tone I would call “peak crowning bowel movement” The answer is always more trite than the last time she asked if we knew what. Usually something like “that’s what happens when (insert generic noun) does that” Gravity usually increases by a few ounces after each “revelation”.

    Reply
  19. Brynhildr says

    April 7, 2009 at 7:26 pm

    Wow Linda, that’s the best office gossip I’ve heard in a while. Wish I knew the guy so that I could hold it against him at some point in the future. I love the subtle torture of saying just enough to make someone sweat about whether I know the truth or if it’s all in his head.

    The best gossip I ever heard was that so-and-so got a DUI and whats-his-name was busted for drug possession before his current job working on Wall Street. Oh, and I accidentally found a (long) list of the women DUI guy had slept with recently, which made me wonder if the health department was making him confess so that they could inform his recent partners that he had a raging STD. Of course, I have no proof of what the list was for, only a vivid imagination sometimes.

    Reply
  20. ms. barbara jane says

    April 7, 2009 at 8:09 pm

    Guilty of “I know. Right?”
    My business partner and I started doing it to imitate one of our suppliers and it kind of stuck. Mostly it’s in text messages.
    – We did $2000 at the shop today!
    -Awesome!!
    -I know. Right?
    It still kind of makes me laugh. I try not to bring it into my everyday conversations.
    I’m starting to really hate the word Dude. We have DUDE beer here now! WTF?
    I know! Right?

    Reply
  21. Doug says

    April 7, 2009 at 9:55 pm

    teen 1: whatev-uh!
    teen 2: Saaaweeeet!
    teen 1: I know, right?
    teen 2: A’ight!
    teen 1: Yeah, no.
    teen 2: Blessed, ya know what I mean?
    teen 1: Kinda’
    teen 2: How ya doin? Good?
    teen 1: Whatcha been up to? Nothing?
    teen 2: Ya know? That’s totally legit.
    teen 1: You got that right.
    teen 2: Ya know what I’m saying?
    teen 1: I know, huh?
    teen 2: You get my drift? Know what I mean?
    teen 1: Score! I will catch you later, Yes?
    teen 2: Quick question, what’s the sitch and all that?
    teen 1: So on and so forth
    teen 2: IDK
    teen 1: Right on, partner
    teen 2: Can I ask you a question? Really?
    teen 1: Oh my gawd! Like soooo BRIT-nay
    teen 2: he was all “I was like”
    teen 1: and them
    teen 2: I heard that
    teen 1: Do you know what I did today?
    teen 2: Did I already tell you this?
    teen 1: oh my god, guess what!
    teen 2: swagga swagga, eh dude?

    Some things just write themselves.

    Reply
  22. Dorothy's Secret says

    April 7, 2009 at 11:54 pm

    GAH! “I know, right?” is currently my most hated sentence/phrase. Followed closely by the morons in south central pa that add “a while” onto questions.

    The family is seated in Pizza Hut. Server walks over “Can I get you a drink a while?”

    WTF is that?!?!? I’ve lived in the area for over 10 years now and every time I hear someone that I know personally say it, I ask them what in the hell it means. I have yet to get any real answer. Usually it’s about like this: “well… a while… like do you want a beer a while. you know? A while…” dumbasses!

    Finally, although it isn’t a specific phrase, I want to remove my ear drums when people use the word literally incorrectly. Them: “it was so hot in my car I literally exploded.” Me: “Jackass!”

    -me

    Reply
  23. ashton says

    April 8, 2009 at 1:25 am

    Sitch? That reminds me of delish – especially when guys use it. Awful.

    Climax Denial? I googled it. I think it’s a band.

    Reply
  24. deb in atlanta says

    April 8, 2009 at 3:46 am

    “It is what it is”
    What IS it or rather what is IT? I have a friend who literally inserted this phrase into the conversation 10 times in an hour. Of course, she was a little toasty at the time, but no excuse for that crime against humanity.
    Since then, I’ve heard it repeated to the point I wanted to scream generally said in a portentous voice. “It is what it is.”

    Reply
  25. SkullyWV says

    April 8, 2009 at 7:05 am

    Kids saying “like” every other word really pisses me off!
    I suggest that it be changed to “Not dissimilar to”, yea, let the little bastards choke on that!

    ALSO
    Ebonics from white kids as they end every malformed sentence with “YO” whilst pointing their stubby little fingers in various “meaningful” directions.

    If I had hair I’d be running my hand through it!

    Reply
  26. CitizenX says

    April 8, 2009 at 7:16 am

    I hate to hear “shore” instead of “sure”
    YES! There IS a difference

    My teens:
    I tell them
    (and sometimes as a parent you have to spell this out)
    You can talk to your ghetto friends any way you like but when you talk to ME or anyone else in this house PROPER ENGLISH is required.
    I may understand the slang, but I stand there looking mean and say could you please repeat that because I have NO idea what you just said.
    Instant correction and good American children *snap*

    It is my goal to form them into transformers. They have to understand certain situations and mimic what is proper in each of them. Life skills.

    Reply
  27. Cartoon says

    April 8, 2009 at 7:40 am

    …”what evs”

    Reply
  28. Karin says

    April 8, 2009 at 8:56 am

    ‘Wait for it…. wait for it…..’
    That was funny the first 50 times I heard it. Not as much now.
    ‘Know what I’m saying’ after every sentence makes me want to poke my eardrums with a pointy object.

    Help a sister out:
    Someone needs to explain swagga swagga to me.
    I am old and still don’t understand most text speak – so a little primer on that would be good too. And do you have a sound byte of the screeching door voice? I think I get what you mean… but I’m not sure.

    Reply
  29. Nicole says

    April 8, 2009 at 10:06 am

    I KNEW that post on mockable was yours!

    Reply
  30. Poppajugs says

    April 8, 2009 at 11:06 am

    “What it is, is . . .”

    I could fucking kill someone for saying that. The worst part is that it’s one of those phrases people say because they think it makes them sound smarter. It’s probably here to stay.

    Reply
  31. NDfaninAZ says

    April 8, 2009 at 11:25 am

    Damn, what’s up with all the commenters on yesterday’s Mockable? Jeff got their panties in a bunch.

    Reply
  32. Rusty says

    April 8, 2009 at 11:36 am

    I almost forgot how much I hate “knowlamsayin’?”

    Reply
  33. Yeoman Weller says

    April 8, 2009 at 12:08 pm

    I can’t stand “so with that being said”. I hear it everywhere.

    Reply
  34. Yeoman Weller says

    April 8, 2009 at 12:09 pm

    And “whatnot”.

    What are you doing?
    Oh, just watching tv and whatnot.

    Reply
  35. tadpolegal says

    April 8, 2009 at 12:39 pm

    Wow- Just read the comments on Mockable- Pretty harsh shit.
    Jeff- Do New York next!

    Reply
  36. DTO says

    April 8, 2009 at 1:03 pm

    My Dad (79) will say some really goofy crap and then end off with, “You know that?” Like the time he said “Dan Rather is a communist…you know that?…like it’s common knowledge and I haven’t been filled in on the information. And there is no answer to that ‘questuon’. If you say yes, you just agreed with him. Say no I didn’t know that…well…you can see that wouldn’t work either. Or…”That goddamn guy should have been traded last year, you know that?” And the time he said Harry Carey “should be put in a wheelchair and run off a goddamn cliff…you know that?” The fuck Dad??? Just building blocks for my sense of humor and high degree of tolerance.

    Reply
  37. Robin says

    April 8, 2009 at 1:05 pm

    Damn Jeff,
    Somebody posted your mockable rant on metafilter today. The comments are getting a bit nasty.
    Personally, I’m not digging mockable. I read the WVSR regularly, have read all of the archives, subscribe to the recaps, read the suggestaholic, even read the updates from Buck and the rest, but I’m not going to keep up with mockable. I think its the title. Like a bitch session looking for a reason to happen. Surly.

    Reply
  38. DTO says

    April 8, 2009 at 1:06 pm

    @tadpolegal…THAT”S FUNNY!!!!

    Reply
  39. Shiny Rod says

    April 8, 2009 at 3:36 pm

    @ Linda and Karin – Swagga = one’s own unique style or personality that sets them apart from anyone else.

    No one on the corner have swagga like us Swagga like us, swagga swagga like us No one on the corner have swagga like us Swagga like us, swagga swagga like …

    Reply
  40. SeeKar says

    April 9, 2009 at 1:55 pm

    Can’t stand when people preface a question by saying just the word “question.”

    ex. Question. (pause) do you know… blah blah…

    Also, people who come up to you and just say a name, as if you are supposed to know what they want.

    ex. Gerald Ford…… (loooooooong pause, looking me right in the eye, as if to communicate telepathically)… did he enjoy beer and nachos?

    Ugghhhh! I wish they would catch a rogue comet with their face!

    Reply
  41. Olen says

    May 9, 2009 at 9:03 pm

    It is starting to drive me crazy that more and more people are starting sentences with “so”. “So” is an alternative to “thus”, “Therefor”, meaning “it follows that…”. But it as it is being used, the sentence or thought that follows is not a conclusion based on wjat that person, or the person they are speaking with, previously said. It is as useless and annoying as starting every sentence with “Uhhh” or inseting “like” 3 times in every sentence. I just heard this within the last couple of weeks but it seems to be a pandemic worse than Swine Flu!

    Reply
  42. Jason says

    May 9, 2009 at 10:17 pm

    So, it’s worse than the goddamn swine flu. That’s, like, crazy.

    Reply
« Older Comments

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

Now With Podcast!

Support Jeff And His Projects

Latest Tweets

  • Fresh podcast action, available everywhere! From Milton to Madagascar. pic.twitter.com/V6M1cmQcSA

    November 3, 2022 5:46 am

  • Something new I'm trying: nonewjeffs.substack.com/p/im-n…

    December 2, 2021 4:11 pm

  • Only 182 days until Opening Day.

    September 30, 2021 2:37 pm

  • Check out this great story about a 16 year old Tom Bergeron talking to Moe and Larry on the phone during the early… twitter.com/i/web/status/14387…

    September 17, 2021 5:02 am

  • Dogs! surfreportpod.com/2021/09/16/e…

    September 16, 2021 4:07 pm

Facebook!

Footer

Get Social!

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • RSS
  • Twitter

Search The Surf Report

Copyright © 2023 · Smoking Fish Media