Ever notice that banks like to get the young ‘uns all addicted to Dum Dum suckers? Kids are like Pavlov’s dogs. If they get the treat one time, they will never forget it and expect it at every bank. Some banks don’t give them out. Sometimes, perhaps, they’re just out of stock.
When I was younger, the banks AND the liquor stores gave the suckers out. I guess someone decided it wasn’t really a good thing to make children want to come to the liquor store and the freebies disappeared.
I buy the ginormous bag at the store to keep at home in case someone has a sucker melt-down. At Buddy’s age, he’s cool if he gets one or not. Sissy, on the other hand, has a real feeling of entitlement to those “free” suckers.
The good news for her is that she likes them all. Even the much maligned root beer and coconut flavors. Blecch.
She will happily reach into the bowl we have at home and just take one off the top. I like to eyeball the situation quickly and determine if there is anything on top worthy of my taste buds. Unlike a lot of people I know, I do like the cream soda and the sour apples ones.
I don’t believe in rooting around in the bowl just to find a watermelon or whatever. No one wants your grubby booger hooks (Kayism) touching all the lollipops, even if they do have wrappers on them.
Recently, the Evil Twin decided he wanted to take some of the suckers to work, so I got a ziploc baggie and scooped a bunch in the bag. I didn’t inventory the selection, I just grabbed a big handful and tossed them in the bag (BTW, booger hooking is okay between a husband and wife. The Evil Twin and I have kissed – on the lips, even – I figure if it can go that far, we can be comfortable with each others’ germs.)
Anyhoodle, he picked up the bag and looked in. He said, “Yuck, all those cream soda ones are going in the trash!”
I said, “I like the cream sodas and I’m sure someone in your office does, too. I mean, they wouldn’t make them if no one liked them.” This is also my theory on cool ranch Doritos, but those things are NASTY.
He must think we’re living large, being so cavalier about tossing out perfectly good Dum Dum suckers. Have you seen how much the giganto bags cost??? I’m sure every time they sell a bag of those, some executive at the Dum Dum plant adds to their kids’ college savings.
What’s your favorite flavor? Are you the daring type who will choose the “mystery” flavor? (not me!).
I’d like to thank Jeff for the opportunity to be a guest here today. It’s quite an honor and I hope I did the WVSR some slight form of justice. He’s a tremendously hard act to follow.
Enjoy your vacation, my friend!
Love, 
Evil Twin’s Wife publishes a fantastic blog under the title The Glamorous Life of a Hausfrau. She’s also (duh) the Evil Twin’s wife. Evil Twin has designed many of our t-shirts, and also the cover of my novel. Both husband and wife are about as cool as it gets, and I salute them both! Thank you ETW, for today’s update. It’s a great way to close out the week. -Jeff
Me first.
I am daring so I do like to try the mystery liquor.
woohoo 2!
Third?? Woo-hoo!!
All Dum-Dum flavors are good to me. The coconut and root beer are in there to cut the acidic nature of the others. After all, once you have eaten 15 or 20 of the acidic fruit flavored ones, you have to have a break.
I take Dum-Dums very seriously.
Halloween is coming up. How many of us buy the candy for ourselves and not the kids? Hmmm? Dum-Dums are good but I used to prefer the Black Cows and Sugar Daddies. BB Bats were kinda meh.
I LOVE BB Bats. Wow,I can’t even remember the last time i had one. I’m going to see if CVS has any.
I just bought a big bag of Wonka Mix and another of assorted “heads” (lemonheads, appleheads, grapeheads, and, yum, chewy tropical)
Our banks always gave out generic suckers. You were lucky to get dum dums. Sour apple, FTW.
On Halloween I like to ignore the door and eat the candy myself. It’s a little game I call, “Fuck you. I paid for it.”
I love you, T. Farty.
My mother worked in banks as a teller a few times while I was growing up. The ladies working the drive-thru windows were very generous with the dum-dums.
As for flavors…I’m a fruittie (fruitty?) kind of gal.
Have a great weekend everyone! It’s supposed to be in the 80’s. Don’t sit in a bar all weekend…it will be too nice! Drink outside! I doubt we get many more of those temps for a while. We leave for Hilton Head next Friday for a week. By the time we get back, we’ll have snow.
Go Steelers. Hopefully, they can overcome all the injuries and Ben can stay on his feet and actually throw a pass to someone in the same colored uniform….for a change…
Don’t sit in a bar….?
You say that like it’s a bad thing. Ouch.
I think what she means is find a bar with some outside seating.
Me, I buy the econo-size bags of mini tootsie pops. Better flavors and a chewy bit in the middle when you are done.
I buy 4 or 5 bags the day after halloween and that lasts me through the year. I don’t get too many young’uns at my business, but those I do get a pop.
No, they don’t gt nasty, the sealed bags stay fresh until you open em, then I keep the opened ones in an airtight plastic jar till i let em pick one out.
Your theory that somebody likes the flavor, or they wouldn’t make it sounds good on paper. But then I present to you: black licorice. Who likes black licorice? Nobody. It taste like someone farted in your mouth (I should know. I used to hire escorts to fart in my mouth).
Nice read. My kids are young, 5 and under. They go fucking nuts over lollipops.
um… I like black licorice. I just tore through a big box of Good & Plenty’s. And I always saved the black Chuckle for last.
madz – Do you like Sambuca liqueur and Ouzo too? Ugh…I can’t even think about it!
I once overdid it a bit on Sambuca. Took me about a decade before I could even be in the same room with it. Now, Beloved actually makes Sambuca. Truthfully, I haven’t had it in ages.
Umm, yeah, I love black licorice. like, LOVE it. When I was a kid my dad always had a ginormous 2-gallon container of black licorice vines in his office. I swear he and I could off that entire container in a few weeks time. Good & Plenty are also one of my favorites. YUM!
I steer clear of licorice flavored drinks though, yuck. Some things are just better left in a solid, machine extruded form.
There’s women out there that’ll fart in your mouth for $25.
Jason, I TOLD you that was a one time deal and not to ever, EVER mention it.
I am the opposite, I hate black licorice but love a shot of Sambuca.
My favourite shot is one we (“we” meaning staff at Wiley’s Sports Pub in Kanata, Ontario circa 1999) concocted and called the Bazooka. Not the Bazooka Joe, that is a shooter built for teen girls. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. A Bazooka is 1/2 Jack Daniels and 1/2 Sambuca. Google teaches me that we aren’t the only ones to come up with this, it is aka an Anaconda. The strength of the Jack complements the sweetness of the Sam and vice versa. It’s the perfect shooter.
Black licorice is great. I can’t stand the red stuff.
I also hate cherry flavored lollipops, something about the red food coloring they use leaves an unnatural taste in my mouth.
I love black licorice, but it’s extremely hard to find around here. I suppose it would be easier if I didn’t live in the middle of the woods…
A local ice cream shop sells homemade licorice ice cream. It only takes one scoop, but it fills the craving for a while.
My son has gone off to college leaving me at home with the wife and 16 yr old daughter. They NEVER randomly pick, you know the type, the ones that always pick out the cashews out of the mixed nut bowls. I have relegated myself to eat the “green” flavor of everything as well as all the misshaped candies of the world! Anybody for some Dorito’s crumbs?
At the beginning of every summer, I buy a huge box of those freezy-pops. I call them frozen “suckies”. The majority of the flavors my boyfriend eats are the green and orange ones…mainly the ones I pick over.
For a while the dietary department at our hospital would not bring us popsicles, and that’s the only thing we let laboring women have besides plain ice. We would take turns buying those things when they were on sale so we could give them to patients. Nurses don’t make enough to spring for the real thing! 🙂
I ‘m not that picky when it comes to Dum Dums – I like all the flavors. It always amuses me that the “mystery flavor” label is full of question marks. In a movement to kep hip and current, they should probably replace the ? with scattered WTFs.
That would be AWESOME. I might even give one a try. When the kids get a “mystery” flavored one, in my experience, they tend to be fruit or something “normal”. Not like “Oh ho, you’ve chosen the ear wax flavored mystery sucker!”
I used to think the Mystery flavor was a giant combo of all the goop leftover at the end of the conveyor belt. Kinda like a cherryrootbeerlemonorangepunch flavor.
Speaking of “Mystery” anyone remember the game “Mystery Date” – I always thought the “bum was way better looking than the doofus in the tux.
My whole life is scattered WTF’s.
The mystery ones are the dum-dum corporations way to get rid of the dum-dum rope that occurs when they change a factory line from one flavor to another, so it could be a mix of any two flavors on the production schedule. I like the idea of WTF’s. They could put a picture of Marc Maron on there.
Have Dum-Dums have gotten smaller or is it I’m not two foot seven any more?
Three inches of snow at my place yesterday was the wife’s report last night. I’ve been in L.A. for the past ten days and leave today. My orentation (and ‘training’) is over and now it’s another 30 days evaluation and then another 60 after that before they give me my own truck. I’m now an OTR driver for a major carrier. 10-fuckin’-4in’ and having a blast. I’m pretty much a Jolly Rancher (original flavors) kinda guy but a bag of Dum-Dums seems to be in order. Never knew there was a Cream Soda one. Somebody must have picked them out.
Congratulations, dto, on the new job! Or should we call you “good buddy” now? Best wishes for smooth sailing.
Thanks…and dto will still do just fine. Just got my call and I’m breaking down the laptop right now. Catch ya’all later. 🙂
…-
TRUCKER CLOCK WHO WANTS IT!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Wqc__mHkpI&feature=player_embedded#!
Stay away from this driver, good buddy!
Try to keep off the meth as long as possible, okay?
Raspberry Jolly Ranchers are the absolute best tasting thing in the world. Even better than chocolate or corn bread.
Never had a Dum Dum. What planet am i from?
But I bet you’ve had your share of “Smarties”!
Awwwww, Smarties!! My favorite candy of all time. And cheap too! You can usually buy a big bag of them for $1.00 at Walmart around Halloween so I stock up!
Now I’m gonna have to go to the store on the way home from work, dammit. Thanks madz. Thanks alot.
After reading this post, I’m making a mental list of everything I want. BB Bats, Smarties, Dum Dums, Good & Plenty and now that I’m on a nostalgic trek, fukkit, I’m getting me some Bit O’ Honey’s, too.
That would be a good hooker name. Bit O’Honey. or Bit O’Hiney.
MMMMM! Love me some Smarties! Always my fave at Halloween.
What are BB Bats? Don’t believe I’ve ever heard of those.
BB Bats — rectangle hard taffy sucker
Who remembers ZOTS ??
Yes, Yes I do!
I always liked those Nik-L-Nips – those wax bottles with the liquid in it.
I wonder if there’s a correlation between Nips and alcoholism? When you think about it, a little kid going in and asking for a six pack of Nips.
They don’t make candy cigarettes anymore, do they? Or that cigar bubble gum?
You too can buy all of that and more over at :
http://www.oldtimecandy.com/
(previously mentioned on thewvsr)
…. and it just gave me a wonderful idea for my Mom’s 70th bash! THANK YOU
I don’t believe it’s possible for a man to have a surfeit of Smarties. I would trade all the junior leaguers I’ve had for a half dozen Smarties and consider myself way ahead on the deal.
jtb
The main branch of my credit union (fuck banks) switched from DumDums to stickers a long time ago. Not sure why they thought that was a good idea, as it seems like there’s always a janitor scraping stickers off of the doors, windows, counters, etc…
My oil-change place gives out Tootsie Pops. I always feel a little weird about it; I’m a grown man with no children, why would I want or need a lollipop? Guess I’m pretty much in the minority, but I don’t think anything looks more ridiculous than a grown-up eating a sucker. On the other hand, my idea of a nice vacation is to hang out by railroad tracks and photograph locomotives, so maybe I’m the one who’s wrong…
Kojack.
All right, I’ll grant you Telly Savalas looked cool with one. I’d forgotten about that. But when I encounter, say, a clerk in a shoe store or an usher at a sporting event with a sucker hanging out of his mouth, I still think it looks damned silly…
Not a big fan of the dum dum, prefer the tootsie pop. If your bank hands out tootsie pops though, good chance they’re screwing on some bogus checking fees.
Anyone remember the lollipops that were round with a hole in the middle and the stick was looped? They were my favorites as a kid.
Safety pops?
http://www.saftpops.com/safety.php
I always loved the Lifesaver cream swirl lollipops. Those had a hole in the middle but no looped stick. The orange and cream were my favorites.
I have always liked the CREAM SODA ONES!
Hated the lime ones!
But I always tried to see how fast I could get it to the point that you can slide the stick out and just have the candy in your mouth.
.. and didn’t they have send away items on the wrappers
you could purchase or was that just Bazooka?
Great post! Loved seeing your name in “The Book”
Off topic but:
Rockin’ the beard and the fish:
http://www.treeandleafclothing.com/blog/beard-week-5-0
I’m 3rd from the bottom.
EXCELLENT! You look so thoughtful.
You know what, considering it’s ETW’s post, not so off topic.
BAM, peanut butter and JAM!!!!!!
It’s 80 degrees outside, no clouds, no wind. Absolutely beautiful and the clock is stuck at 4:20. COME ON, get to 5:00 already!!
You got a problem with 4:20? :^)
.
Only since random drug tests became all the rage 10-15 years ago, 🙁
WB…Do you really get tested? I thought you were some kind of brilliant analyst, not a 777 pilot or a mayor.
jtb
And by the way, it’s been 4:20 at my place since late 1967.
jtb
3-4 times since they started, they pull 4 names a month.
Not a brilliant analyst, pilot or mayor, just a lowly middle management schmuck.
I think that may have been the first time I’ve ever typed “analyst”, Ron Jeremy was a brilliant “analyst”!
My favorite flavor has always been plaid.
They have lots of old time candy at The Vermont Country Store.
Also Cracker Barrel.
There are entire web sites devoted to selling candy from long ago. Remember, Google is your friend.
(I sure miss Cherry Humps – yinz prolly never heard of ’em.)
I love Vermont Country Store, but encountered a bit of a shock on their website two days ago. I was looking for a nightgown, and they usually have good ones for reasonable prices (and nightcaps, too, but I’ve never figured that concept out) and then I discovered that they sell “marital aids” marketed toward the senior set. I’m thoroughly disturbed now.
You are awesome, as always. 🙂
I think having Dum–Dums in the liquor stor should be required. Otherwise all we (in Texas, anyway) hear is whining about how the DARE officer said alcohol is bad… That is a tough one to explain.
Totally a Green Apple Jolly Rancher person. Being gracefull like I am, lollipops are not my friend.. I always end up sticking the soggy nasty lollipop stick to something inconvenient, like my asshair.
Nothing cuts cottonmouth like a GAJR, folks. Words to remember.
Dum-Dums should not only be in the liquor store but also contain liquor. My favorite flavor would be Mojito.
And here’s some Further Evidence for your weekend:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/clickandclash/5658641862/in/set-72157626584908000/
Thanks for that Gretchen, I’m thinking that chap may be a brilliant analyst as well.