Remember when I was briefly writing under the name Bill Oates? It didn’t last long, like many things I’ve started, but the plan was to post stuff at the Oates blog that I didn’t want attached to my real name. Well, I need to fire that shit up again…
I won’t, but it would definitely come in handy at this point. The last few weeks have been a real ball-masher, my friends, and I can’t really talk about any of it. A lot of it’s work-related, and some of it is kid-related. I could get into trouble if I wrote about the work stuff, and my blood pressure can’t handle any armchair parenting advice. No offense, but everybody can go fuck themselves.
Anyway, I think (hope) the worst is behind us now, and I’m going to try to get back on a reasonable schedule here. Sorry I disappeared again. I’m turning into Art Bell. You know, without all the success and prestige.
Toney had her gallbladder removed last week. That was relatively stressful. I guess it’s a medical conveyor belt at this point, extremely common and no big deal. Indeed, a nurse muttered in my direction that she’s surprised there are “any gallbladders left in Scranton,” considering the number they yank on a daily basis. But I’m a world-class worrier, and can build cataclysmic scenarios out of thin air.
We made it through though, and she’s at Wegmans right now. Here’s how it went:
12:00 noon: arrive at hospital
2:30: surgery begins, a half-hour late
4:30: in recovery
7:30: home watching Property Brothers
Crazy, huh? That same procedure in 1979 would probably require the patient to be gutted like a fish, and a week of wallowing in a hospital bed. Right? It’s pretty amazing, but I still turned it into a semi-calamity.
They have a big screen in the waiting room, like at the airport, where you can monitor the progress of the procedure. I looked at that thing roughly 700,000 times, and at some point decided it was taking too long. And what the hell do I know about gallbladder removal? But my inner-sensors were telling me something was surely wrong, and I began to freak out a little.
I started pacing around, and severely burned my lips, tongue, and the roof of my mouth with a ludicrously hot cup of complimentary Folger’s coffee. That shit was like something straight out of a smelting furnace. Holy hell! Then I called Steve and we talked about Tom Petty for a long time, and I paced, and paced, and paced. And every time I looked at that arrival/departure board, it just said “in OR.” Occasionally an alarm of some sort would sound from deep within the hospital, and I was sure it was some kind of Toney-based Code White, or whatever.
But the doctor finally came out and talked to me. He had color photos to share, as well. Everything went well, and he said it took a normal amount of time. “She can go home in a couple of hours,” he assured me, and shook my dick-joke-writing hand with his bringing-people-back-from-the-dead hand.
Here’s one of my fellow waiting room patrons. He didn’t seem nearly as stressed as I was. Ten minutes earlier he was eating what appeared to be five pounds of boneless chicken wings from a Styrofoam container. And I was pacing around with swollen lips, and an anal pucker that could shell a walnut. I guess we all deal with things in our own way?
Some stuff I’m actually enjoying, if you can believe it:
Will Not Attend by Adam Resnick One of the funniest books I’ve read in a long time. After I was finished I went back and re-listened to his WTF episode, as well. Then I listened to it a third time. He’s goddamn hilarious.
All things Tom Petty. Not sure what’s going on, but I’m fully invested in Petty at the moment. I purchased every studio album on CD, read this really good biography, and watched the four-hour(!) documentary on Netflix. All within the last couple of months. Also, the older boy and I are going to see the band in Philadelphia on July 1. They were FAR AND AWAY the most expensive concert tickets I’ve ever purchased. Previous record: Steely Dan. I’m not going into details right now, but it was insane: StubHub specials. Can’t wait, though! I saw them once before, in Atlanta, and was so drunk I can barely remember it. Wotta shitbag I was.
Fargo TV series. I had an attitude about this thing, and refused to watch it for a long time. But it was a mistake. I’m still in Season One (on Hulu) and loving every minute of it. Wonder how many great things I’ve missed out on, because of preconceived notions and various chips on my shoulder? I’m sure the list is long.
I’m returning to work now. Things have settled there, finally. We’ll see how it goes. In the comments, if you’re so inclined, please share some things you’re currently liking and disliking. And I know some of you are apparently powerless, but please try to stay away from politics. I’ll see you again soon.
Have a great day!
Now playing in the bunker
Support us by doing your shopping at Amazon! In Canada? Here’s your link. Thank you guys!
I just noticed that you put the ‘Now playing in the bunker’ link back on your site (a few months ago, but I reckon I’m not the perspicacious fellow I once was), so I’m ‘liking’ that. Also glad to hear that Toney has gotten through her gallbladder surgery in good shape. I don’t like cantaloupe, however.
A Dr. talked to me about an inflamed gallbladder a year ago and they were keeping a watchful eye on it. Then told me to come back in a year for a check up??? Saw him a month ago and it wasn’t even brought up… WTF?
I hate, hate tuna casserole, green bean salad (NOT a salad), and anything with lentils in it.
Churchill said it best, “When going through hell, keep going” or something close to that.
I haven’t posted in a long time, but I have never stopped reading. Good to have you back!
Lady Astor: Winston, if you were my husband I’d poison your coffee.
Winston Churchill: If you were my wife, I’d drink it.
Lady Astor: Winston, you’re drunk!
Winston Churchill: Yes, but you are ugly. In the morning I shall be sober.
Under things I like…Having craft beers with friends.
Under things I don’t like…The social media presence(s) of those same friends (Wotta bunch of douches).
Glad to hear Toney is on the mend.
Hey, we haven’t had a good Nostrils, Nancy and the Translucents story in awhile. The one must be really good at wiener pulling by now.
I wonder if the oldest translucent is grown up and is Sean Spicer.
Pulling wiener in public, no doubt.
Fargo is up to Season 3 right now – A lot of people I know are bailing on it. I am still watching it. I still wonder what the deal is with the end of Season 2.
I have that Tom Petty documentary on dvd. It was directed by Peter Bogdanovich. The dvd also has a concert disc.
Two not so well known TP songs I rather like: Mystery Man and Straight Into Darkness.
American Gods, the bands Flipper and Pissed Jeans, Politics and House of Cards as a compare and contrast, Bowling and pinball.
I like Flipper, bowling and pinball too.
And the new Better Call Saul episode coming up tonight.
And bass fishing. And golf.
When bass fishing, do you throw back any guitars you might catch?
Only the ukuleles.
I turned 50 a month ago, and I don’t like that. I also don’t like the results of Chris Cornell’s toxicology report, or the fact that he even had one in the first place.
I do like the fact that I had bloodwork done since my birthday and by some scientific miracle, I got a clean bill of health from the doctor- no sawing or amputations in the forseeable future. I’m also grateful that I’m not chained to any relationships personally or professionally that would hinder me from accomplishing any of the short range goals that I made for 51st solar orbital.
Also happy about the sliced, grilled steak I have in the fridge marinating in teriyaki sauce about to be sautéed with onions and peppers to become fajitas.
And not too political, but I dislike people from both extremes of the spectrum with blinders on that are incapable of thinking empirically.
Glad to be a functional member of society todsy, and look forward to more updates over the summer.
Gonna clap my hands and jump for joy. Got a clean bill of health from Doctor McCoy!
Poetry, that.
A++++++
“… he assured me, and shook my dick-joke-writing hand with his bringing-people-back-from-the-dead hand.”
I made this for another site:
https://m.imgur.com/hdPjg4W
Thank the Lord the Property Brothers didn’t cause Toney to relapse. They certainly have a lot of gall. God is great.
jtb
I like playing golf but I dislike how poorly I’ve been playing this year.
I think you’re dropping your right shoulder. Mine dropped long ago.
jtb
Golf requires a lot of muscle memory. My muscles have Alzheimer’s.
Glad Toney is recovering and things are calmer in your life.
I like it when things go well for people and I like it when someone has good fortune or anything along those lines. I’m definitely rooting for everyone. (Even the people who don’t much care for me).
I dislike people who always seem to be in competition with others. Life isn’t really a competition is it? Don’t we all just kind of stumble through it? Instead of stepping over everyone that’s down, maybe we ought to stop and lend a helping hand instead?None of us will make it out alive so why not try to make the experience more pleasant for everyone?
I feel sorry for the competitive, judgey bunch because they’ll never be content with anything.
I like being content. It’s enough for me.
I like your comment.
I don’t like that I can’t come up with a good one myself.
Happy to hear that Toney is doing well. Hope things improve for you. For likes and dislikes, I like the fact that I survived three months in the hospital, and dislike the fact that I still can’t get around without a walker and still have to depend on people to fetch and carry for me. But, at least I’m alive, and that is good.
I like my job, it’s cool as hell. I also liked the “Discovery of Witches” trilogy that I read recently. Total nonsense, of course, but I enjoyed the read. I’m also liking a little extra time off to enjoy early summer stuff like taking my kids to the community pool for an afternoon or just having my 5 and 3 year olds crawling all over me like a couple of puppies while we sit in my recliner and watch a little television. I also like my new pair of Keens “Austin” hiking shoes that I wear to work. They’re great when I’m on my feet all day.
I dislike the fact that I’m having to change jobs because some weasel in another state doesn’t understand what we do, even though we’ve got tons of metrics that show the value my team provides. On the other hand I’m going to a new job that’s probably slower paced for more money, less taxes, and more than 4 fewer commuting hours per week, so there’s still stuff to like about it.
I also still dislike cats, hippies, and the French. Because they’re dirty.
Glad Toney is feeling well.
You always make me laugh, and I like that.
This is to Tammie, sorry, Jeff.
Her comment is the best thing on the page today (sorry, Jeff): ‘None of us will make it out alive so why not try to make the experience more pleasant for everyone?’ A quotable quote indeed.
To Jeff at last: I like your writing! I shopped recently at a women’s wear shop here in Brisbane called Crossroads and I told the staff all about your book. Their eyes glazed over, the illiterate fools.
That’s fgoodey@hotmail.com, not hitmail
I dislike pretentious assholes, those smarmy pricks that think they have to prove something. Even if there is no point to prove. And mushrooms. I really dislike mushrooms.
I like lots of things. My grandson, our new puppy, and I actually like my job.
I have never felt the Tom Petty love, not my thing I guess. Been on a Pearl Jam craze as of late. Could be a mid life crisis, could be I’m just into the groove.
I also had my gall bladder removed years ago. Same deal, hospital by 8am, home by 3pm.
I was told by my doctor in January that my blood work indicated I was pre-diabetic. Pissed me off, i don’t drink or smoke, am active and not terribly overweight. He told me it was almost inevitable that it would become type 2 in time. I said “Fuck that, not gonna happen”. Completely revamped the diet, started running again, blood work last month… normal. Beat the shit out of pre-diabetes, while spending almost all the time traveling. Now to keep it up.
Welcome back Jeff Kay
I like my new TiVo Bolt, holy crap it’s an improvement over my TiVo HD, so much stuff I’ll never have time to watch. I also like mushrooms, but I knew a guy who ate a field mushroom every day (one of those 6″+ monsters) and he went mental, so tread carefully.
Saw Pearl Jam before they became famous – didn’t take. Saw them again after they became famous – didn’t take. Ten is a solid album but most of the rest – meh. I listen to Mother Love Bone more often than all the Pearl Jam output.
I am really liking Tortillaland raw tortillas (Walmart and Costco only as far I know).
Still like beer.
Glad Toney is good.
Like: The Great British Baking Show
Dislike: stress-induced nausea
Like: the new floor we’re putting in the living room
Dislike: the fact that we have to put in a new floor
I’m glad Toney is on the mend. I’m also glad to see you back in the saddle, Jeff. Best to you both.
I like the fact that I’m drinking a Paulaner Hefeweizen right now. I like that I’ll be going on a vacation with friends soon. I like a nice pan sauce. I like the Coen Brothers.
I dislike my job. I dislike the city zoning board. I dislike bananas and sweet potatoes. I dislike people assuming that I know and love football.
I like that my commute changed from 96 miles to 32 miles per day.
I like my job (a lot), my co-workers, and that I am surrounded by people that want me to succeed.
I also like reading. A lot.
I greatly dislike passive aggressive people…and watermelon.
I also paid a shit ton for Tom Petty tickets. I can’t wait. Been waiting a long time to see him
Used to love my job. Liking it less now. We are on such an insane schedule that wasn’t properly planned for that management has come up with creative solutions like ending vacation, weekends and going home at a reasonable hour. About ready to throw in the towel on this bullshit.
On the afternoon of June 2, 1967, fifty years and four days ago, I drove to The Record Shop at south 11th and Commerce in downtown Tacoma, Washington and spent three dollars and fifty cents to purchase Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. These are a few of my favorite things:
Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band
With A Little Help From My Friends
Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds
Getting Better
Fixing A Hole
She’s Leaving Home
Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite!
Within You Without You
When I’m Sixty-Four
Lovely Rita
Good Morning Good Morning
Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band (Reprise)
A Day In The Life
jtb
Check out the new ‘remastered for stereo’ 50th anniversary release. Its really, really good.
The tree frogs are singing louder than ever this spring and I’m enjoying the nightly serenade. Nature has a way of tempering the dislikes.
I’m liking that my kid is starting to crawl and learn to walk.
I’m also not liking that my kid is starting to crawl and learn to walk because WOW he never sits still and I can’t get anything done.
I’m not liking my job right now….hate is probably a better word. I hate my job right now.
I like not being broke though, so its kind of a trade off.
One artist I like is Robert Frost, and he wrote a short poem about the nature of liking and loving things called Hyla Brook. I could just link to it, but comments have slowed, and my God, man, there’s not enough poetry on this site.
Hyla Brook
by Robert Frost
By June our brook’s run out of song and speed.
Sought for much after that, it will be found
Either to have gone groping underground
(And taken with it all the Hyla breed
That shouted in the mist a month ago,
Like ghost of sleigh-bells in a ghost of snow)–
Or flourished and come up in jewel-weed,
Weak foliage that is blown upon and bent
Even against the way its waters went.
Its bed is left a faded paper sheet
Of dead leaves stuck together by the heat–
A brook to none but who remember long.
This as it will be seen is other far
Than with brooks taken otherwhere in song.
We love the things we love for what they are.
There once was a man from Nantucket…
. . . another county heard from. Very nice. . .jtb
Yeah, those gall bladder surgeries really move along. When my mum had hers out I think it was an 6 or 8 inch scar and a few days in the hospital.
Later on, an aunt had a tiny incision and out the same day.
My dad had a hip replaced, two days. Up on his feet the next day getting a start with PT.
Things I don’t like; can’t remember stuff anymore. Or missing lots of details. I used to be able to rattle of all the stats of my dad’s hip surgury.
Things I like: Roar of a v8 engine.
I am glad things in your life are improving. your wife is healthy, at home and on the mend… work is aptly named, …going back to it is an act of daily courage but if it wasn’t nasty by nature, going home would have less meaning.
I like the series “Justified” because Raylan gets to do things that I have day-dreamed of doing. I like the Beatles and Rolling Stones because listening to them makes me feel younger. I was diagnosed with cancer in 2015, I like still being around. I also like the level of medical care and attention that helped me to rebound and regain my health. I’m sure you would agree.
I desperately dislike angry, negative, snarky folks, especially when they are bold enough to get in your face.
Good luck and welcome back!
So glad Toney is on the mend. Laparoscopic surgery has changed everything I remember about 20 years ago one of the Phillies had his appendix out and was back playing the next day.
Fargo is the BEST! And since the season ends and the story ends you aren’t juggling plots like a drunken rodeo clown for 17 years…
Took my kid (adult kid) to see Mel Brooks & Blazing Saddles it was the BEST show I have ever seen. I was in a room with Mel Brooks, it was a big room and there were a few thousand other people there but I was in the same room. During the Q&A I was on the edge of my seat like a kid’s first trip to Jurassic park. I smiled for days. I still can’t believe I was there. Downside our tickets were $220 plus $10 for parking plus $35 for dinner plus the $100 for tickets for a separate event on the same night I had bought first and ended up donating to a charity when we couldn’t find anyone to buy them.
So one night out cost more than my airfare on my first trip to London.
All this talk about Kraft beers, I had to try one. I have to say, it was a little like their salad dressings: lots of sodium and not much body. In any case, it seems to me that spending time with friends is the important pleasure; the beverage of choice — PBR, Mexican vodka, or Flintwater — is inconsequential.
jtb@.5 fortnight
Is bifortnightly once a month or weekly? The WVSR updates are happening bifortnightly etc
Well, semi-fortnightly means twice every two weeks: roughly weekly. Bifortnightly should mean either every other fortnight (once every 28 days), or a desire to get laid every two weeks with no gender preference. I speak a little English, but I only speak corrupted English semi-fluently.
jtb
things i like: updates on thewvsr.com
don’t like: three or four paragraphs a month in new content
Please keep writing – I miss it!
Really enjoyed watching Hannibal. I like the movies and the books, but the show took it to a new level of excellence.
Also loving this beer. http://drygate.com/studio-range/disco/#
Last.
there was a good interview with the guy who wrote the petty biography on freakonomics.