On Friday I overheard two women in their 50s, with catastrophic cig-voices, discussing Thanksgiving. Here’s how part of the conversation went:
Haglet 1: So, how was your dinner yesterday?
Haglet 2: Already digested and down the river!
<wild laughter that eventually morphed into twin coughing fits>
It’s true that I’m a connoisseur of the inappropriate, but that one triggered a half-squint of disgust. Good god! I wouldn’t be surprised to hear a big fat slob of a man say something like that. But a woman? A mature woman? She was basically saying, “Well, I’m not motivated to comment on the quality of the meal, Tina, but I will tell you this much: I ALREADY SHIT IT OUT!”
So classy and refined. I’m sure both those ladies attended the top finishing schools on the east coast. The acid-washed jean jackets and packs of Merits confirmed as much. America’s answer to Lady Diana!
Speaking of sophistication, I was reading this article about micropenises last night. It popped up (so to speak) as sponsored content on Facebook. And it occurred to me: if I’d read that thing when I was 15 or 16, before the internet destroyed my ability to be amazed, I wouldn’t have stopped talking about it for weeks. Now? Eh, mildly amusing.
It also led me to this interview with a shockingly crass urologist, at the same site. She has plenty of memorable tales to tell, about unfortunate wangs and whatnot. But her demeanor is off-putting. How would you like to be one of her patients? Sheesh. Isn’t there such a thing as wiener/doctor privilege? It feels like she just went into that line of work so she could be a hit at cocktail parties.
A few nights ago I stopped at Sheetz to buy gas on my way home from work. As I was fumbling with the nozzle, etc. the guy on the other side greeted me with much enthusiasm: “Hello, my friend!” What the? Do I know this guy? I don’t think so. I gave him the ‘sup? chin-lift and a half-smile, and continued with the task at hand. “It’s a wonderful day to be alive!” he shouted. What in the everlasting hell? Is this guy special needs, or something? Yeah, yeah I mumbled, without making eye contact. “It’s up to us to make the most of every day!!” he continued.
This was starting to be concerning. I wondered if I should call 911. If you see something, say something. I could imagine the conversation with a cop: “So, what did this man say to you?” Just all sorts of positive shit, officer. Take on the day, and things like that. He was relentless, and I didn’t feel safe. “That is highly irregular. I’m going to call in the feds on this one. Thank you for bringing it to our attention.”
For some reason I did a Google search for ‘greatest sitcoms of all time’ a few days ago, looking for a list that met my approval. This is the closest I could come. It features two of my three favorites: The Andy Griffith Show and Seinfeld. The only one they missed was Green Acres, which gets a bad rap. People chuckle and believe I’m being ironic when I mention that show. But it was Monty Python-level absurd and one of the wildest and funniest programs of all time. I sincerely love it, and wonder what kind of mind-altering substances the writers must have been using.
The list includes Scrubs and Will & Grace, which I know nothing about. I’ve never seen an episode of either of them. Also, Roseanne. I might’ve watched two or three episodes of that crap, but didn’t like the way she was always chewing. Also, it seemed about as funny as all-over cancer. Is that unfair? The rest of the shows listed are worthy, I guess. I know people loved Taxi, and I didn’t hate it. But it wouldn’t be on my personal top twenty list. It’s a little… melancholy. Gilligan’s Island is a surprising choice, but I have no issue with it. Who could have an issue with Gilligan?
What are your thoughts? What shows should come off the list, and which ones should be added? Tell us about it in the comments. We’re talking about TV sitcoms: situation comedies.
And I have to work early today, my friends. Early for me, anyway. It would probably seem late to most of you. Anyway, I need to close out the category and start getting ready to go.
As always, I urge you to remember to use one of our Amazon links before doing your holiday shopping. There will be one at the bottom of this (and every) update, and there’s a graphic in the sidebar. They’re all over the place. Just click through, and get to shopping. It’ll cost you nothing extra, and I’ll receive a tiny sliver of whatever you spend. Much appreciated!
I feel weird. I don’t think I got nearly enough sleep. My brain is betraying me already. In any case, I’ll see you guys again on Thursday.
As the gas station philosopher said, make the most of your day!
Now playing in the bunker
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Lose Friends and That 70s Show… Right on for Green Acres. Add Newhart and Malcolm in the Middle.
Archie having a micro-penis would explain a lot of things.
Any list that excludes King of the Hill gets dismissed by me. I’m also a Green Acres fan.
I’m sorry Mom upset you with her Thanksgiving comment.
Yes, King of the Hill needs to be on there, I’ve heard it might be coming back, Rusty Shackleford told me.
What a provincial list of sitcoms. It’s a local list for local people (now that was a good show). See if you can stream I’m Alan Partridge, some seriously tight comedy writing.
Love King of the Hill. Too bad it’s on at 4am here.
Will & Grace has genius writing and acting. Roseanne was groundbreaking in depicting real life. Doesn’t mean you should like either, everyone has their personal taste. That’s why lists are so troublesome.
There’s a guy at work with a “Thank-you for coming in today!” sign outside his office, and he says the same to every person he greets every day. He has a lunchtime walking regimen where he swings his arms wildly, scales curbing, kicks signs, and does odd stretching.
Dude, who says that women have to be classy and refined?
The original Bob Newhart Show, Newsradio and WKRP In Cincinnati of course.
I’ve always been a fan of Green Acres, too. Add to my list WKRP In Cincinnati, The Beverly Hillbillies, , the original Newhart, and All In The Family. Back when TV was worth watching. Also all those shows were about the length of my attention span.
Another vote for Green Acres – especially this episode, http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0592667/. The writers had to be on acid for this one.
WTF??? No Sanford and Sons??
I was surprised to see “Gilligan’s Island” on this list…sort of like “McHale’s Navy” or “Hogan’s Heroes,” sometimes funny but sort of formulaic and unimaginative. I always thought that “Barney Miller” was a good show during an era of good shows (1970-1985).
The gals with the Luckies and bourbon voices should have their own show, …I’de watch it.
I could do without a lot on the list, but must keep Will & Grace. and Roseanne, up until they hit the lottery. It got way weird afterwards.
and I would have to add Married…with Children; I loved and still love that show.
Definitely Married with Children. That show aside from maybe one season was comedy gold.
You’re in rare form today, Jeff. Must be your pending 55th birthday!!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEFF!
I’d be interested in a list of the unfunniest sitcoms ever. I suspect that a laugh track would feature heavily in most of the shows that make that list.
Can’t blame your for being unnerved around Captain Happy. That’s truly suspicious behavior.
Guy had probably just carved up his whole family – all while wearing a clown mask and big floppy shoes.
Creepier, more like a youth pastor
Cheers. Just catching it on Netflix
Hey Limey,
Mod Rockerboy GM Mickey Adams is taking on the world live on YouTube starting early Friday morning. Yeah, he’s a little eccentric, but it’s a bit of home away from home. I’ll be watching. . .
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yU8FURj8w8g
John
Mickey hasn’t a hint of a sense of humour, and he’s funnier than 95% of American television comedies. John Cleese was dead drunk when he wrote Fawlty Towers, and it made Will and Grace look like a pissenlit after it’s blown. Brit food and cars are the shits, but British comedy is close to unsurpassed.
John
Being rude about British food or cars is fighting talk John. Notice how nonexistently the cream of American autos, Cadillac, sells globally. Only old people in Florida and the Midwest are fooled by that crap, the rest of the world buys Audis and Lexuses (Lexii?) and yes, Jaguars. People aspire to an Aston not a Buick. AND it is figgy pudding season so STFU 🙂
Chess is not my game. I taught my daughter to play and she routinely beats me now. She is 9.
One word: Austin Allegro. Just sayin’.
I was only talking about 4-wheelers. One more word: Vincent.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j0kJdrfzjAg
jtb
[At the Polo Lounge in Beverly Hills, planning to cover the Mint 400 Desert Race in Las Vegas]
“Well,” he said, “as your attorney I advise you to buy a motorcycle. How else can you cover a thing like this righteously?”
“No way,” I said. “Where can we get hold of a Vincent Black Shadow?”
“Whats that?”
“A fantastic bike,” I said. “The new model is something like two thousand cubic inches, developing two hundred brake-horsepower at four thousand revolutions per minute on a magnesium frame with two styrofoam seats and a total curb weight of exactly two hundred pounds.”
“That sounds about right for this gig,” he said.
“It is,” I assured him. “The fucker’s not much for turning, but it’s pure hell on the straightaway. It’ll outrun the F-111 until takeoff.”
“Takeoff?” he said. “Can we handle that much torque?”
“Absolutely,” I said. “I’ll call New York for some cash.”
I’ll see your Allegro and raise you an Austin Princess. However, there was plenty of tat being made here in the 1970s too.
Another fan of Green Acres here. It should never be confused with crap like Mr. Ed.
Seems like The Office should be on here.
The golden girls.
Fawlty towers but not really a us sitcom.
I don’t love Lucy.
Me neither. Thought I was the only one.
Was M*A*S*H a sitcom? Sure there were funny moments, but it was more poignant than comedy. Was there an episode of Friends called The One That’s Downbeat, Melancholy and Sticks With You?
I too would put Married… with Children on the list.
I realize how folks ’round here feel about “Seinfeld”, but I’d rather have a root canal than listen to his whiny voice! Ugh!!
I DO love me some “Gilligan’s Island” and “The Dick van Dyke Show”, though.
“Mama’s Family” didn’t make the cut? Maybe it was mistaken for a reality show rather than a sitcom!
That nice guy at the gas station? He was probably looking for you to buy gas for his car. Someone did that to me once, so I try not to make eye contact with anyone while filling up! I also mumble to myself and make weird noises when I’m gassing up, just to make sure that people keep their distance! 🙂
Eleven of these shows would have never made my list. On account of the fact that they suck.
It is a good list but a few I would lose…just can’t get into Roseanne, Frazier, Will and Grace and anything in black and white is horrible to re-watch. I would add Wings as a forgotten gem, good writing and acting. Married with Children was good for the first few seasons but then seemed to be on auto-pilot.
Twilight Zone, Steve Allen, Casablanca.
Crime Story – the first season at least. NBC, 1986-ish.
RIP Jim Nabors. I used to love Gomer Pyle when I was a little kid.
I just saw a video clip about the “Drunk History Christmas Show” which will air tonight. One of the sections is going to be narrated by Phil Hendrie!
Just thought y’all might want that info.
Happy Birthday Jeff!
Happy Birthday Jeff. I’m sorry Jim Nabors passed away on your birthday.
Huge happy birthday to my childhood friend Jeff Kay. Admit it everyone. He seems like you have known him forever.
I had my dog with me at the grocery store the other day. Some rando came up and gave me this, with no preamble or warning or anything :
“I love seeing dogs. I saw this one lady, with a really nice pit bull, not aggressive or anything. Then a stray dog came up and attacked! This lady’s dog just tore the other one up! But he was protecting her!”
The fuck?
Also, I was very, VERY suspicious of Scrubs for a fucking decade. But my sweetie loves it, so I gave it a chance. Yeah, it’s pretty damn good.