Every time we go to West Virginia, Toney and I have a series of conversations about “over-the-top state pride,” as she calls it.
She’s referring to the WV logos on almost every car, the West Virginia-themed clothing covering much of the bloat, and even jewelry that pays tribute to the state. It is a bit over-the-top, I guess, but I probably wouldn’t notice if Toney didn’t point it out every time.
Clearly, it irritates her…
“It feels like they have a chip on their shoulder,” she says. “I doubt people in Connecticut or Kansas are going around saying, ‘I’m from Connecticut or Kansas, you got a problem with that?!'”
Hey, I always say, when you’re the butt of every joke, and openly mocked for decades on-end, people tend to get defensive and defiant. Plus, a lot of it’s about WVU football, and nothing else. …I think.
We have the exact same conversation every time, and I’m always put in the position of defending the homeland. Even though I’m not really disagreeing, I feel a need to offer an explanation.
“It’s an inferiority complex,” she says. “Like Canadians, with their freakin’ maple leafs.”
Controversial.
On a related note, my Mom told me about something that happened while she and my Dad were in Florida last winter. They were reportedly talking with one of their neighbors down there, and it was mentioned that my parents were married at the age of 19.
“Wow, I didn’t think people in West Virginia waited until they were 19 to get married,” the King of Comedy said.
“Well, it was our second marriage,” my Dad answered.
Heh. He regularly comes up with the kinds of comebacks that would occur to me five minutes too late… And five minutes too late won’t do a damn bit of good. Ya know?
However… My Dad told me he was talking with someone in Dunbar recently, and the guy said he remembered me from my years working as a toll collector, at the Dunbar Toll Bridge.
The dude said he came across the bridge at about 2 am one night, and the following conversation supposedly took place:
Him: What would you do if I told you I wasn’t going to pay this stupid toll?
Me: I’d write down your license number, and call the police.
Him: You don’t know who I am, do you?
Me: No.
Him: I used to work with your Dad.
Me: Yeah?
Him: And I’m just joking with you. I’d never cross the bridge without paying.
Me: And I wouldn’t have done anything if you hadn’t. What do I care?
For some reason this ten second conversation has stuck with the man for 25 years. He thinks it’s hilarious. I, of course, have no recollection of any of it. Or of him, for that matter.
But he certainly captured my general attitude about things back then… Yep, that sure sounds like me, circa 1983.
While at my parents’ house, the Secrets were forced to share a bed. And, needless to say, this led to many arguments. “He steals all the covers!” “He kicked me in the back!” “He talks in his sleep all night, and yells!”
WTF?
So, we split them up on the second night, and I slept with the younger Secret. Which led to even more bitching… By him and me.
He said I snored all night, and kept waking him up. “It sounded like a train,” he complained. And Toney jumped on that particular bandwagon, saying I’m a complete weirdo because I sleep on my back. Is that so unusual? What’s wrong with sleeping on your back?? Sheesh.
This criticism of my “snoring” (greatly exaggerated, I believe), and my sleeping style, continued for a long time, and I finally snapped.
“You guys sleep the way you wanna sleep, and I’ll do it the way I want. On my back! Like a gingerbread man!!” See? After a while you get all defensive, and defiant. And kinda weird.
And anyway, the Secret wasn’t exactly a joy to share a bed with, either. He continuously moves, tossing and turning, and working his legs like he’s riding a bicycle. He whipped the covers off me about ten times, and kneed me in the kidneys repeatedly.
“Tonight I want to sleep with (the older hooligan) again!” he said. “It’s horrible sleeping with Dad.”
“OK, Lance Armstrong,” I answered, before Toney stepped in and blocked an argument in the making.
And I think that’s gonna do it for today, boys and girls.
In the comments section I’d like to read your stories about the worst person you’ve ever slept with. Not in a sexual way, of course, but just a general bad sleeper. Not even in the same bed, necessarily… Maybe in a hotel room, or at camp as a kid, or something like that? We need to hear all about it.
Also, how do you think you sleep? On your side? Is that what society tells us we have to do? Am I the last gingerbread man standing? Is that what it’s come to? Use the comments section to bring us up to date on this important information.
And before I go, I want to alert you to another excellent animation short by Metten. Right here. Please check it out, and leave your thoughts at the site, if you’re so inclined. We’d both appreciate it.
And I’ll be back tomorrow, with a rare Friday update.
See you guys then!
I sleep on my side with my back to the wall. The room has to be pitch black and I always have a fan on. I do not require an alarm clock. I have an internal clock that wakes me up between 6:30 and 7:00 every morning. I have to have a pillow between my knees. Been that way since I was a teen. Mornings are not a pleasant thing to see because of my high level of libido at night. I have very vivid dreams OK, yeah leave it alone. Sleep is sleep and sex is sex and the two do not mix with me outside of my dreams. I sleep in my sweats so in the morning I can get up an go jogging without having to dig for them. I don’t use covers unless it is really cold outside. I also now sleep with my Glock with laser sight under the pillow unless of course I am with someone which is not that often. I like my privacy and it takes a lot to share said space. Both ex’s snored like freight trains and number one was a wild sleeper. Arms and legs everywhere. Thats it for me.
Hey, I’m not a lumberjack, or a fur trader….
I don’t live in an igloo or eat blubber, or own a dogsled….
and I don’t know Jimmy, Sally or Suzy from Canada,
although I’m certain they’re really really nice.
I have a Prime Minister, not a president.
I speak English and French, not American.
And I pronounce it ‘about’, not ‘a boot’.
I can proudly sew my country’s flag on my backpack.
I believe in peace keeping, not policing,
diversity, not assimilation,
and that the beaver is a truly proud and noble animal.
A toque is a hat, a chesterfield is a couch,
and it is pronounced ‘zed’ not ‘zee’, ‘zed’ !!!!
Canada is the second largest landmass!
The first nation of hockey!
and the best part of North America
My name is Kevin!!
And I am Canadian!!!
Let’s hear it for Canadian Beaver, woo hoo!!!
Hey, I’m not a redneck, or a NASCAR fan….
I don’t live in a trailer or eat spam, or own a Ford….
and I do know Jim, Jack and Old Grand Dad from America,
and I’m certain they’re good with ice.
I have a President, not a Queen.
I speak English not American, or British.
And I pronounce it ‘Get it done’, not ‘Git r done’.
I can proudly not sew anything on my backpack.
I believe in peace making, not appeasing,
dissention, not blind patriotism,
and that the Eagle is a truly proud and noble animal.
A toke is a puff, a Chesterfield is a city in Missouri,
and it is pronounced ‘ass’ not ‘arse’ !!!!
America took what we wanted, size of land mass be damned!
The first nation of Baseball!
and the best part of North America (the chewy center)
My name is Tony!!
And I am American!!!
We went to Disney World in May. I had made our reservations in August ’08, then got to thinking about moving to a different area of the resort I had chosen because they offered trundle beds. See, I had to call the travel agent and explain to her that the Evil Twin was a *large* man who snored and sweated a lot and our 11 year old son didn’t want to share a bed with him. LOL. Turns out, our son took a sleeping bag and slept between the two full size beds. Evil Twin had his own bed and I shared with our 3 year old daughter (who is a good sleeper). After nearly 18 years of being together, I am used to the snoring, sweating and cover stealing. I hear that I am a world class snorer myself. 🙂
Hey, I’m not a share cropper, or a slave….
I don’t live in a ghetto or eat chitin’s, or drink 40’s….
and I don’t know Jamal, Shaquita or Shanene from the hood,
although I’m certain they’re really really nice.
I have a President, not an impotent monarch.
I speak proper English, not ebonics.
And I pronounce it ‘for sure’, not ‘fer sher’.
I can proudly sew any goddamn thing you give me.
I believe in keeping a piece, not calling the police,
privacy, not socialism,
and that the panther is a truly proud and noble animal.
A toque is a what you do to nuts, a chesterfield is a cigarette,
and it is pronounced ‘hey’ not ‘ay’ !!!!
America is the richest nation in the world!
The first nation of football!
and the best part of North America
My name is Shiny Rod!!
And I am American!!!
Hey t-storm: Git r done:) @shiny if your pillow is between your knees where is the Glock?
On family vacations my mother would insist that brother #2 and I had to share a bed, because she felt that no one should have to deal with our crazy sleeping. Tossing, turning, pillows and blankets all askew, walking, talking, hitting, kicking, and I even do the crossing legs as if in a chair thing that Gretchen mentioned.
I don’t think I am so bad now. Can’t speak for my brother. Mostly I do the gingerbread man sleep, punctuated with insomnia.
Hey… I do the gingerbread man sleep, I do NOT poop at work, and I am married to a Ton(e)y. Has anyone ever seen Jeff and me in the same place at the same time?
Oh, and I have to say that the comments over the last few days have been absolutely outstanding! Some of the family stories have been really sweet and touching, and, as usual, the comedy factor has been high. Good job invisible friends! (@Gretchen – crouching tiger, hidden dragon – LMAO!)
On the state pride thing. Here in OK there is a lot of college pride, which is ironic since most of the people I meet have not gone to college.
Maybe it’s because the entire state looks like a giant foam finger.
Also, not to be a bitch, but could suggestaholic suggest something already?
@t-storm and shiny rod
A-m-fing-men!!!!! You all rock! And I have to agree with WTB. Simply stellar!
When I was about 14, me, my mom and bro went on a camping trip to Niagara Falls my mom’s best friend Hazel and her son. We were all sacked out in our cozy U-Haul-rented tent ready to drift off when Hazel started to snore. In fact, she snored before she was even asleep! (I’m bettin’ she was doing the gingerbread man pose) The worst part was not trying to get to sleep that night, tho that was bad enough, but waking in the morning to the condensate dripping inside the tent. I couldn’t shake the visual that we were being drenched by the inside of Hazel’s overactive lungs.
Yech, glad I remembered that right before bed! Where I will drift off lying on my left side, as close to the left edge of my queen-sized bed as I can get. Yeah, a waste of a good bed….but the cats like the extra room!
Goodnight!
Why thank you, White Trash Barbie. Glad I could make you laugh. 😉
I forgot to add that one drawback of having a king size bed is that it encourages my husband to scootch to the far perimeter just before the alarm goes off, forcing me to engage in a stuntman double-roll to get after him (we’re, uh, not people “of size”).
Ah America, where you can get a bed so big you have to chase your spouse across it every morning just to wake him up.
Not technically someone I’ve slept with, but very close. On a “family vacation” when I was younger, I shared a bed with my older brother. This was fine, but we shared a small motel room with my dad and stepmom. I awoke to the sounds of them doing the dirty right beside us.
I guess I have always been the one that people talk about when it comes to bad bed-time stories.. I used to have night terrors for several years. I could wake up screaming and often ran(in my sleep) and turned the lights on(I often dreamed I had spiders in my bed) and I even broke my foot once when i did this(I tripped over the vacuum cleaner that I had gotten out to get rid of any spiders before bedtime..ah the irony..). Needless to say, my previous boyfriend had a hard time. One time I woke up standing by the side of the bed, my boyfriend hugging me hard as I was rambling “I’m so scared, I’m so scared(but in swedish cus that’s my origin)” over and over again. He and I are still friends but he often talks about all those nights with horror in his voice..
Pagan – I’ll never tell
Hey, I’m not an alcoholic, or an engineer ….
I don’t live in a castle or eat haggis (very often), or own a tam o’ shanter….
and I don’t know Jimmy, Hamish or Agnes from Aberdeen,
although I’m certain they’ve probably got ginger hair.
I have a First Minister, not a president.
I speak a form of English.
And I pronounce it ‘on a boot?’ not ‘what do you mean?’.
I can’t really sew very well at all.
I believe in doing the fighting for the invading powers ,
diversity, if only people would stay here, instead of leaving to improve other countries,
and that the giraffe is a very tall and noble animal.
A neep is a turnip, a settee is a couch,
and it is pronounced ‘ch’ as in ‘loch’,not ‘ck’, as in ‘lock’ !!!!
Scotland is the second largest landmass in the U.K!
The first nation of curling and teenage pregnancy!
and the best part of the Northern Hemisphere!
My name is Ian!!
And I am Scottish!!!
I start on my back, until I fall asleep. My wife then wakes me up to tell me I am keeping her awake by snoring and asks me to turn on my side. Can’t fall asleep again while on my side. Turn back to the back position, fall asleep. Wife wakes me up to tell me I am keeping her awake by snoring and asks me to turn on my side. Can’t fall asleep again while on my side. Turn back to the back position, fall asleep. RInse, lather, repeat. This is why I go to work pissed off at the world.
Worst sleeper has to be my daughter. Sometimes gets in our bed after a bad dream and immediately comandeers the space. Spreads out like a windmill and has conversations with Wow Wow Wubbzy in her sleep. This makes for a worse night’s sleep than the above paragraph.
On IPOD right now- “Shitlist”- L7
AND NOW, SOMETHING TO READ UNTIL THE UPDATE-
A phone call I received at work earlier this week.
My Five Minute Career as an Applebee’s Manager
So I am sitting in my office and the direct line rings. Usually, when people call for their questions, it passes through the receptionist first, who, in turn, patches the call through to me. However, occasionally, someone knows the direct line number. Sometimes, someone calls by accident. The conversation went something like this:
It’s 9:30 in the morning.
Me: Hello, vault.
Her: Is this Applebee’s? (I clearly said “Hello, vault”, so I knew what I was dealing with)
Me: Yes, it’s a great day in the neighborhood for Applebee’s, but we do not open until 11:00.
Her: No, no, no, I don’t want to order. You see, I was in there last night and left my husband’s credit card on the bar. Could you see if someone turned it in. My name is Leigh Thomas. The name on the card is Andrew Thomas.
Me: What did you order?
Her: What does it matter? I just want to know if the card is there.
Me: I can look up your order in the computer and maybe trace it back to the wait staff that might have it. You don’t want a starving waitress running up your husband’s credit card, do you?
Her: I guess not, it just had drinks on it. We were at the bar. There are probably several rum and cokes and a couple of Jack and cokes on there.
Me: Did you drink all of these yourself?
Her: No, no, no, I took some friends out after work and bought them drinks.
Me: I’m sure your husband appreciated that.
Her: What’s with all the smarmy criticism? I just want to get my card back. (I can’t recall the last time I heard someone actually use the word “smarmy”.)
Me: How many of these drinks were yours?
Her: What the fuck does that matter?
Me: Because people who leave their husbands credit card on the bar are usually drunks, or stupid bitches, such as yourself.
Her: What the fuck? You have a lot of nerve….
Me: So are you a stupid bitch, or a drunk?
Her: Fuck you, asshole!
Me: Now you’ll never get your husband’s card back, stupid, drunk bitch!
A co-worker walks in at this point and is shocked, thinking I am speaking with an actual client of our company.
Her: Fuck off! Andy, come talk to this asshole.
Him: (Andy, the husband) What’s the problem, guy?
Me: My name is not Guy.
Him: Do you have my card, or not?
Me: Is that your wife I was talking to?
Him: Yeah, do you have my card?
Me: I’ve gotta give you credit sir, I don’t think I could be married to a stupid, drunk bitch like that….losing my credit cards, buying drinks for everyone at the bar.
Him (speaking to her) Who did you buy drinks for? (Then to me) That doesn’t fucking matter. What is your name?
Me: Are you coming down here?
Him: Yeah, I want to see you in person…or your boss.
Me: Come to the bar and ask for me, I will be in the back. My name is Mr. Jabloemi, that’s J-A-B-L-O-E-M-I.
Him: (Still having no clue, and writing it down) Okay, got it. I’m on the way. You’d better be there.
Me: Ask for Heywood.
Him: Heywood?
Me: My father was a black man, my mother was Polish.
Him: So what if I start calling you a fucking porchmonkey?
Me: I wish you wouldn’t, sir.
Him: You called my wife a dumb bitch.
Me: It was “stupid bitch”, sir.
Him: Fuck you, porchmonkey!!
Me: I’m afraid I may have to cap your ass when I see you, sir.
Him: (Still no clue) I’ll be there in ten minutes. (Hangs up phone)
I sincerely hope these two have not breeded. The best part would have to be if he went to the bar and asked some unsuspecting waitress for “Heywood Jabloemi”.
My wife takes her half of the bed in the middle, so I’m essentially left with a forth. That’s okay because I keep telling her that when she turns 50 I’m going to trade her in on two 25’s.
Have a great weekend!
This is unrelated to the post, but I had to share it.
http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/
Does Tony realize that the flying WV – http://api.ning.com/files/mCghDLduZ*JC8rXNGqriLlPOUozFuSQ*y779BRzDx1o_/FlyingWV.jpg
Is actually trademarked by the university, and they require the state of WV to get special permission to use it?
I think your delightfully funny, but unfortunately sports-ignorant wife is mistaking widespread football fandom for some sort of non-existent state pride.
AWG- that is simply excellent. High hilarity!!
Yeah, it’s definitely a WVU athletics thing. I’m pretty sure if I visited where Jeff lives there would be a ton of people wearing Penn St. stuff, as they even do down here in Maryland where I live. A lot of VT (Virginia Tech) too. Not that I’m not proud of being from WV, considering they get shit on by a lot of people who are just ignorant. Mostly by people who are so-called “educated.” There are no pro teams in the state, so WVU is it.
Let’s Go Mountaineers!
@bennigan’s nazi – I think the flying WV is just convenient. When people are touting that they’re from WV, they don’t say “WVU.” of course, a lot of people are truly WVU fanatics and cover everything they own and talk non-stop about WVU sports. I was a little taken about when I first moved here, but now, after all these years, I barely notice. It doesn’t offend me. what do I care?
impossible sleep-mates – my husband. After many years of getting poor quality or no sleep, he now sleeps in another room. nice. but like @bikerchick, I would have to get a vacation from vacation and sharing a room/bed with him. gah!
I sleep like Ginger with the modified ‘twist’ position. But I can fall into a deep sleep in the gingerbread position, too. Sadly, I can also fall asleep in the driving-my-car position. dangerous. can’t go on long driving trips like I used to. hell, sometimes I can barely make it to work.
@AWG-An instant classic!
Also very nice pride “Rants” by all!
Speaking of pride it’s about to get all scarlet and gray in these parts, O… H…
What does the trademark have to do with anything I wrote, Nazi? I said everybody has the logo on their cars. And that’s explained by the fact that it’s trademarked? I don’t understand your point.
And if you guys think it’s all about football, you’re fooling yourselves. Non-existent state pride? That’s a good one.
OK, this news just in, the new teen fad is Vodka soaked tampons and anal bongs. I am getting full body shivers.
Ooooohh, I’m late to the cross-border nationalism rant!
Thanks Pagan, Shiny Rod, T-storm et. al., that was fun!
I sleep on my side like a normal person.
Worst sleeping partner was my grandfather. He snored so loud he was thrown out of hotels or had his room moved on many occasions. We traveled together a lot when I was a kid and I frequently had to get a separate room.
Don’t get me wrong: I definitely feel there is a lot of state pride around here, not related to sports. people just wear the flying WV because its easy to pick up.
but now for something that IS sports related – NFL, baby! last night, Miami played and, correct me if I’m wrong, but don’t they have three former West Virginia players as QBs? Pennington, Leftwich, and Pat White? that rocks! Two from Marshall and one from WVU.
#81!
@Brynhildr,
Your boyfriend pissed on you in his sleep? I’ve been plenty drunk many times but NEVER pissed in bed. And you cleaned it up? Wow, you’re a saint, I’d have spent the rest of the night performing vivisection on the bastard.
Shiny Rod, I am German and I’m an asswipe…….
Damn right I have state pride! But alot of people have the WV on their cars that aren’t from WV. Most of them would be WVU alumni that came from other states, PA, MD, NJ, VA. But, of course, there is a large majority of folks in WV who have the WV on their car who didn’t go to WVU, just are fans of their sports team.
Garrett – Then I retract my offense, you are allowed. Especially around Austin and San Antonio.
Oops, what I meant was that there are a lot of folks LIVING in other states that aren’t from WV that have the WV on their cars, a lot of students from PA, MD, NJ, VA.
Back to the pissing on people in while asleep.
I am definitely a side sleeper. I switch sides throughout the night. I can sleep on my back, but I don’t very often. I’ve never been able to sleep on my stomach.
Worst people I’ve shared a bed/bedroom with: my friend Debbie, who snores so loud, it shakes the windows. My mom, who gets up a million times a night to pee.
I no longer snore since I use a CPAP, but whomever shares a bed with me gets to hear the white noise of my CPAP.
I also sleep with the ceiling fan on, even in the winter (I live in Phx, so winter isn’t really winter anyway). And I hug my pillow (Lumpie) all night. Even when I turn over in the night to sleep on my other side, I somehow carry Lumpie with me.
OK, I’m going to digress from the sleeping issue for a sec. This one’s for the dog lovers out there.
Yesterday, my dog had surgery to fix her cherry eye and when I returned to pick her up at the end of the day, I went back into an exam room to talk to the vet tech about follow-up care. As soon as I started talking, my dog, who was in the adjacent room, began barking like mad. Repeatedly. Until the vet tech finally went to go get her. And when she came around the corner, I could see her poor sad self standing there, ass wagging like I’ve never seen it before. Now, I choose to believe that she heard my voice and was excited because she loves me, and not that she heard my voice and meant “Mama! How could you do this to me?! Get me the hell out of this place and get this damned cone off my head! Please!” Warmed my heart. Now she follows me around the house, e-collar bumping into everything and scratching the back of my leg constantly. I’m about to go find some duct tape to wrap around the edge before she draws blood.
That is all.
Ahhh! The cone of silence!!! He He…
Tyrosine — I am no saint. Boyfriend was duly punished for his misdeed. I slapped him a few times, partly out of anger, and partly to wake him up so I could minimize the damage to the mattress. Touch of OCD here. The slapping was hard enough to elicit an “owww” or two. And when he wouldn’t move I kicked him in the leg, once as I yelled “mother-” and once for “fucker”. A few more slaps for “asshole” and “bastard”. When all was said and done, he was not allowed to so much as cop a feel for quite some time. He finally gave me an appropriate apology and not just the “I was drunk” excuse. Nope, no saint here and yes, I do use sex as a weapon. And?
Alice, you are correct that three former WVU’s played, but Leftwich plays for the Tampa Bay Succaneers. This years team is going to end up 4-12 or 3-13, due to their inexperienced coach not naming a starting QB by now. That kind of shit divides a team. Back to the days of the winking pirate (Buccaneer Bruce) on the helmets. Sad time for the Tampa fans. Go Colts!!!
Oldtimers- remember that Rockin’ Randi’s boyfriend pissed on her in his sleep. My wife would stab me in the head with a pair of scissors if I had such poor nocturnal bladder control and that happenend.
DIET NEWS!- There was a health fair at work today where they drew blood and gave you a report. Said I ain’t gonna make it. Cholesteral is way too high, as is blood sugar. I was categorized in the “obese” scale, instead of the “overweight scale.” Now the diet is a little more serious than before. I have heard of these “vegetables” before. Any recommendations for the good ones?
ON IPOD right now- “The Man Who Sold the World”- David Bowie
When left to my own devices I’m more of a coffin style sleeper. Flat on my back, hands folded on my chest, feet crossed at the ankles. I sleep best like that, but I am rarely allowed to do so for if I so much as take a deep breath before my wife is fully asleep I am snoring and must be punched until I roll over.
My wife is the worst person to sleep with as far as I am concerned. My ideal room temperature for sleeping is 62 to 68F, not C. She would become hyperthermic at those temperatures because she gives off intense amounts of heat. She’s a propper-upper. No matter how I sleep if she is cold I will wake up with her propping me up, attempting to use me as a heat source. She also talks in her sleep and sometimes l’ll be privvy to her crazy a** conversations. She’ll just string unrelated words together and then just laugh. More than once she has woken herself up laughing after stating something along the lines of “the bicyle chimney isn’t here!”
AngryWhiteGuy – Thats some of why I am relegated to salads and water. Doc clear me for full on exercise so I’ve kicked in high gear. Not going out like that. Dropped another 10 lbs and I’m falling out my clothes. With cholesteral, your going to have to drop all fried foods, breads and suger and increase your fiber intake. Also look at doing an internal cleanse to flush the impurities out of the body. Kale is a good source to start lowering your serum cholesteral. Here is one of my sources for diet infomation. http://www.lunch-box-diet.com/
Thanks for the link, Shiny. I do eat a lot of collard greens and no need for the fiber, since I fill the bowl, so to speak, like clockwork every morning. Fried foods do tend to be a weakness and I basically have to have bread with everything. I get a lot of exercise, but I guess the red meat and potatoes diet has finally caught up with me.
On IPOD right now- “Love is the Drug”- Roxy Music
AWG, I hired a nutritionist and lost 50 lbs two years ago and have kept it off by eating every two to two and half hours, no carbs after 3 and two fruits a day – one must be an apple. and NO SUGAR. Make sure anything you put in your mouth has less than 5g of sugar per serving (except the fruit, of course. this does mean no fruit juice, only whole fruit) Also banned while losing were corn, peas and bananas (all very high in sugar) Snack on almonds. Dinner is just protein and veg.
I lost 2 lbs a week consistantly until I lost 50 lbs. Now that I’m at the weight I want to be, I eat carbs with dinner once in awhile and eat sweets now and then, but really try to stay away from anything processed.
And Walk! One of the reasons I got my dog was because I’d be forced to walk him everyday. It works! Good luck!
AWG – thanks for setting me straight on Leftwich. ahhh – loves me some football.
@AngryWhiteGuy – I remember my grandfather telling me what he ate for lunch everyday growing up – whether in the field or at school. 3 lard sandwiches and coffee! This he did until he was drafted for WWII. Said he worked it all off and I don’t believe he had a cholesterol problem until very late in life.
To all of you gagging at the lard thing – Lard rendered on the farm is a little different than what you see at the store. It actually still has some meat and all the fine pig flavor (I was told).
Interesting thing about those that don’t like vegetables. In my experience, people that wouldn’t even look at a green bean or carrot, tend to surprise you with liking more unconventional vegs when they get past the mental block.
No alot of people like brussels-sprouts, beets, asparagus…etc. but I’ve seen a bunch of anti-veg folks go after them like the Bush twins on happy hour. don ask me….. So, maybe try some of the odder stuff on your produce isle.
Here’s another possible tip – this guy at work nearly had Crisco running through his veins, according to his doctor. All he did was, now get this, change his breakfast from 2 tacos to a bowl of cheerios and can of sardines. [!] Every day. After a year his cholesterol was under 200. His case in under research for some publication in a medical journal. Go figure.
Supposedly the cherrios do something with absorbing and soluble fiber like Dow Scrubbing Bubbles or something. The oil in the fish does something or other too. Oh, and he eats like a ton of hot peppers now, I guess burning your corn hole is part of the therapy too.
Thanks Knucklehead. I had heard that you should eat small amounts every few hours, but it seems inconvenient, working and all. I cannot remember the last fruit I ate, so I may need to try that. Exercise is no problem. I do try to run, but I dominate on the basketball court at least four nights per week. For my size, I am very quick and active.
I don’t necessarily need to lose 50 pounds, but losing about 30, and getting down to 265 would probably be better for me.
On IPOD right now- “Maggot Brain”- Parliament Funkadelic
Forgot about the Cheerios, Garrett. Thanks for the reminder.
“Bush Twins on happy hour” That was fucking awesome!!
Leftwich is so slooooooowwwwww. His movement resembles the last play in the original “The Longest Yard”. Yeah, the slow motion play. He makes Bernie Kosar look like Pat White.