Last night it snowed like a bastard here. It’s almost April. Enough, already! The schools shut down early, and by the time I arrived at work, it looked like full-on January out there.
And it just kept snowing and snowing… What the hell, man?! I checked a couple of weather websites, and both said it would stop by 10 p.m., then turn to rain. The temperature was supposed to rise, as the night progressed (weird), and it looked like the roads would be OK by the time I went home at 1:30.
But people were spinning conflicting yarns at work. One guy said, in a knowing tone, that the temperature was supposed to PLUNGE (much emphasis on that word), and it would be a world of ice when we were driving home. He said it was supposed to be 21, and feel like 7. He had specifics.
Possibly fueled by this pallet-jack meteorologist, some people went home early. And the snow kept falling.
This made me a little uneasy, so I checked the sites again. Where was he getting his information?? Was he just pulling data out of his ass? I saw nothing that confirmed his doomsday scenario. But it was enough to put a bit of doubt into my head, and cause me to harbor a low-grade worry throughout the evening.
And when I left there at 2:20, it was 34 degrees and sprinkling rain. It had been 28 at 7:30, so the temperature had indeed gone up. The roads were completely clear, and I had no trouble.
So, what are your theories on the guy who was going around spewing disinformation? Do people like that just make it up, to create chaos? Or do you think he was looking at the Boston weather page, or something? I seriously don’t understand.
I had no trouble driving last night, but almost crashed on Sunday. I was coming home from work, at 1:30 or thereabouts, on Interstate 81 — The Devil’s Parkway.
I noticed a tractor trailer up ahead, kinda weaving and not really respecting the lane markers. I wondered if the dude was about to fall asleep behind the wheel. I didn’t care for it, and kept my distance. But he started slowing down, and we were going 55 mph.
I didn’t like the thought of passing him, on account o’ the weaving. But the slowness was causing my molars to grind. I watched him, and he seemed to have woken up. He was going too slow, but was now holding his lane. So I punched it.
And the moment I got beside him, he came all the way over into my lane. Not partially… the whole goddamn truck! I laid on the horn, and swerved to the shoulder. All four of my tires were off the interstate, and I was driving over those WAKE UP! WAKE UP! rumble strips at a terrifying clip.
He was slow to respond, and it seemed like we rode that way for a long time. In reality it was probably two seconds, but it felt like five minutes. It was scary. I thought he was going to keep coming, and mash me through the guardrail.
Sweet sainted mother of Buster Bloodvessel! It’s a wonder I didn’t suffer a full rectal collapse. Have you had any near-misses on the highway lately? If it’s a good story, please share.
And I’d also like to get your thoughts on a tiny little jewel of Nancy nastiness that Toney unearthed on Sunday. The two of them usually talk on Sunday mornings, and this week Toney mentioned she had a lot of laundry to do that day — including two loads of towels.
Nancy was aghast. “You do two loads of towels — every week?!” She couldn’t believe it. Then she went on to tell Toney that her whole family shares two towels, and they’re only washed every two or three weeks. The three boys share one, and Nancy and Nostrils share another. And they’re only washed begrudgingly. You know, because of the environment, and all that boolshit.
Two of those boys are teenagers, and they’re all sharing a bath towel?? It’s disgusting. Shit! I don’t even want those uncircumcised thoughts inside my head… Blecch! And double-blecch!!
What do you think about this? Am I making too much of it? It takes a lot to be surprised by those people at this point, but this tale comes mighty close.
And that’ll do it for today, my friends.
I’ll see you again tomorrow!
Now playing in the bunker
Try Dropbox! It’s free and fantastic.
When did N&N get back together? Did I miss a secret WVSR message?
/And yeah, that’s pretty gross.
So, N&N aren’t giving Nostrils little hussy a towel, too? Or, is she sharing the one that N&N use when Nancy isn’t around and Nostrils and said hussy shower together at Nancy’s house? Or, why don’t N&N just lick each other clean, like cats? How clean can cats BE? They are covered in cat spit. Just a few random thoughts from me today…and images you will never be able to erase from your minds…carry on.
Cats will sometimes lick their humans as a sign of affection. Uh… I know where that tongue has been.
WV Bumblebee says
sharing towels? ewwwwwww!
I do use my same towel for 2-3 days. I figure I’m clean when I get out of the shower so I use one end for the top of me the other for the bottom. I’ve marked them with fabric paint so as not to get confused.
But by the 3rd day that sucker is in the washer!
WV Bumblebee says
PS, 83 here yesterday and got sunburnt on Sunday!
I’m one of those disgusting non-towel washers. My understanding is that I use the shower to get clean. The towel is merely a water retention device. I only wash it once it’s getting a bit funky.
I get that a lot of people find that disgusting, but, hey, I don’t. And I can’t imagine doing loads of towels in the laundry every week.
What that family is saving on water, detergent, etc. will be needed shortly for the boys’ therapy.
Somehow I think they aren’t saving shit. They are doing it to save the environment but probably overdoing it somewhere else.
Their money goes to expensive eco cars, commuting way too far, and disgusting food that everyone hates.
I reuse my towell, but not other people’s towells. Those kids probably share panties.
I wash my bath towels after each use… it might seem excessive, but otherwise I’d probably go nuts from the OCD thoughts.
Just think… even after showering, there’s probably little microscopic poop particles in your ass crack. So you use your towel and dry off your body/ass. But what if you dry your face with that same section of towel the next time you shower??? Enjoy that mental image, Mr. Poop Face.
Bill in WV says
Queue Redd Foxx…………
You gotsta’ wash yo’ ASS !!!!
The Qweezy Mark says
I do laundry often for one reason….to unleash as many chemicals into the environment and needlessly use as much water as possible, in hopes it will hurt struggling nations.
Sharing towels is disgusting. I wash mine once a week. I’m clean when I get out of the shower and I HATE doing laundry, so once a week is all they get.
N&N are Nasty.
Can you imagine how those towels must smell, after wiping two weeks of teen-age angst from the transparents’ nether regions? Not to mention two weeks of N&N’s nastiness! Those towels shouldn’t be washed, they should be condemned!
I keep imagining all the curly hairs stuck in the funky towels. Cue the full-body shiver.
Sharing towels? Oh for cripe’s sake!! Two towels in the entire household?? That’s just retarded. So the second person gets the “sloppy seconds” and a wet towel. Yuck. Those things must look like dirty dish rags after about a week.
Last close call I had was when some asshole made a left turn from the right lane. Cut me right off. I can see why people get shot. That was bullshit. Not even a courtesy wave, thank you, fuck you, turn blue….nothing. I’m surprised I didn’t get rear ended from slamming on my brakes and missing the jersey barrier in the middle of the road.
Bill in WV says
The exit I use when coming to work is a prime example of dumbass-you-deserve-to-die at its best.
There are two lanes on the ramp, which both allow you to make a right turn to cross a bridge into downtown. If you intend to go straight, you MUST be in the left lane. There are at least 3 signs coming down the ramp, warning you as such. I don’t know how many times that I’ve seen wrecks because of people in the right lane going straight through the light and the guy in the left lane turning right, either directly into the side of the dumbass or vice-versa. I drive a big Chevy pickup and dream of the day when a Volt or Prius pulls that shit on me. They’ll be scraping person from my front tires. I’ll be sitting there going “ah, that’s a shame”.
You are assuming that they actually wash more than once a week… That towel may not get very much use anyway.
PoInt well made.
Or point well made.
I change washclothes every day and the towels once a week. But jumping Jesus on a jackhammer 2 towels in a family of 5? The thought could send me heaving.
Jeff, the office weather person could have been spewing what he considered weather truth because up here, every single station had a different report. I heard 1 – 3 inches, then 2 – 4 or possibly 3 – 5. We got 6 inches and it did turn over to rain. But no matter who you spoke to, everyone had a different theory.
And just last night as I was going through the parking lot, some fuckhat pulled out of his space with his head completely turned to the left. I had to hit my brakes fast. The bastard never even turned his head or saw me. I couldn’t even sit on the horn or flip him the bird because I didn’t know which luxury car driving asshole he was and probably works on my floor.
WB in OH says
Making three boys share a towel would probably be frowned upon by the local children services department.
I think weather guy was just stirring the turd. Bad weather makes people nervous as it is and it is easy to manipulate people into believing anything. Kinda like how Mrs. Carmody manipulated people in The Mist.
Technically, after a shower, you are the most recently cleaned thing in the house. The towel should be getting cleaner every time you use it.
Personally, I would never notice my towel (unless it was not cotton). My wife buys them, washes them, puts them back on my hook. I can’t tell you what color they are, I can’t tell you how often they are changed.
And does anyone know where my vacuum and iron are?
The 4th Stooge says
I do not like using the same towel for my face and nether regions, so yes, I have 2 separate towels, and use a body wash for my body, and Oil of Olay soap for my face. The bigger reason for this is that I sometimes use facial scrubs, and do you REALLY want rough apricots for your face to wander down to decidedly more delicate areas?
A whole family using 2 towels reminds me of a story that my mother told me about some folks she went to visit when a child–she couldn’t get over the fact that there was only ONE comb in the house and that the mother kept the comb in her hair all day…for safe keeping, I guess.
So, what? Do they share the same toothbrush, teeth washing twig, or whatever? Oh, HELL no! Cooties are rampant in that house. Yowza!
Phil Jett says
Everyone in the family has their own towels and we even have extras for guests. Use it for most the week and then they are washed.
I don’t use my towel as an asscrack squeegee. I dry my body including ass cheeks, but I don’t dry my asshole. Either it air dries or my undershorts takes care of it.
I’m run off the road pretty much everyday here at a spot called the cut in the hill. Especially crazy if it rains or snows when it becomes a Christmas light show of brake lights.
Phil Jett says
You are correct. Backed up forever this afternoon heading into town because of an accident on the Brent. Backed up to 275.
I don’t miss driving home from cvg every night in that
I don’t use the towell to dry my asshole either. Ever since my alli addiction that thing pretty much looks like a bulldog eating mud so I just basically stuff my underwear with bounty and go about my day two paper towells at a time.
And no. I can’t spell towel.
Is that Jeff Kay in the classic picture?
Fancy Pants Maguire says
Two loads of towels!
I WISH we could afford towels….we are forced to drip-dry over at my house!
Yeah, people like making chaos out of simple seasonal weather.
I drive everyday for work, all weather conditions. I get to places and all I hear is how terrible the roads are, its slippery, can hardly move… I say hey, I just came across two counties at mach 5, yes, its snowing but I had no trouble… You should buy some snow tires and you wouldn’t be so filled with angst in driving in weather you should have mastered long ago considering where you live.
And whats with people leaving early to go home because it is snowing? You work until quitting time.
Has anyone thought about when you are visiting someone’s house and you use the bathroom and then wash your hands afterwards…?
At N&N’s house…YIKES! Pray that Jeff hasn’t been there too often and actually dried his hands on any of that nastiness.
They get visitors?
At some point, a poor unsuspecting soul has been to N&N’s yurt and used the facilities only to dry their hands on a bacteria laden towel. I have a feeling (since N&N are just oh-so-eco-friendly) that they don’t put out the “good” or guest towels when folks visit them.
The guest towel thing is something that’s begun to really bother me. At any sizable gathering, you use the facilities, wash your hands, then are faced with a damp (or thoroughly wet!) “hand towel” with which to attempt to dry your hands. Poor show, people. Either make several towels available, or splurge $3 for some of the new paper towels in dispensers, one per guest per use.
The latter option is how TW rolls. I’m just along for the ride.
I buy those “fancy” throw away paper guest towels, myself…Leave ’em in a nice basket by the sink, yep.
Average Jane says
Some a-hole in a pickup truck came right into my lane when I was on the highway a couple of weekends ago. Honking did nothing and I rode the shoulder until he passed me and I could get back on the road. I was so caught up in not dying that I didn’t even have an adrenaline rush – it was just sort of a “well, that happened” kind of thing.
We all wish we had an opportunity to do this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPKpVaimcxw
There must be someone on this earth who hasn’t seen that one, possibly minus the learned commentary from channel 3. For endless hours of amusement, google “russian dash cam video”, or search same on teh Tubez.
N&N would shit at our house. Everything goes in the hamper after one use.
We bought one of those oversize front load washers that handle about 100 pounds of laundry.
Kid is at college and wife units does average 2 loads per day, just her and I. We buy Tide by the dozen bottles at a time when on sale.
Fuck the environment, I am American and I was born to waste water and gasoline and electric, and buy lots of shit we don’t need, so fuck you. All them people making Tide and electric and gasoline need jobs so I am supporting them.
I have near-misses every day. Northern Virginia drivers seem to have gotten their licenses (if any) at the Wal-Marts. I had a non-miss about 10 months ago. I was driving to lunch with my boss and our VP, and a chick with the IQ of a cantaloupe decided to turn left in front of oncoming traffic. I was the oncoming, to the tune of $10.3k (thank you, insurance). I don’t know or care what the damages were to her car.
N+N’s towel usage pattern is way disgusting. Didn’t some Reporter post a little while ago about something similar? They had a coworker or classmate or something, who always smelled of dank towel.
At my house everyone gets his or her own towel, like civilized people. And a clean one every week. I don’t waste water and electricity just to waste them – they’re not free – but I use as needed.
Down here in Roanoke I-81, “the ribbon of death” goes forever. We havee mountains so I-81 is like. roller coaster with asshole truckers going 100 mph downhill and 20 mph up hills. scary as shit! Understand the truckers use I-81 as a shortcut to NYC. Sunday nights nortbound they are bumper to bumper. I use good old US Rt 11 as much as possible. Mostly 4 lane, divided with zero traffic. A little sliwe but pleasant.
As for towels, I’m queer for bath sheets. The bigger the better. Big, thick beach towel size only thicker. I have dozens. All are white. I use one about a week. But since I’ve retired I only shower and shave about once a week. . Gross bjuut I’ve become totally worthless. plus at my age and with all the BP meds,.prostate shit I can’t get “it” up anymore so its not like I get all hot and sweaty and stinky so I don’t need to shower as often
Now I understand why old guys smell like they do. Or at least you.
Root 66 says
Re-using a towel after showering is not a disgusting thing, although I don’t do that, BUT sharing a towel with someone else make my stomach churn–that’s about the NASTIEST thing I’ve ever heard.
I guess they really are concerned about the environment and making sure all those colonies of bacteria, filth and funk can thrive!!!
I use 1 towel a week or two… or until I detect an odor that is not right. I agree with most that it is a water absorber off a clean body. And yes, my ass is clean. With the advent of moist wipes my ass is probably cleaner than the rest of my body…
I especially understand having two loads of towels in Jeff’s house, because he’s got swimmers. Those chloring filled towels need to be cleaned often. Though I did her of a college swimmer who bragged that he used the same unwashed towel for an entire semester, and it was hung in a locker every day…now that thing had to be gross!
did her of a college
did hear of a college
The Qweezy Mark says
Did her AT college.
You ever been involved in that game where people sit in a circle and whisper something like “chicken salad” into the ear of the person next to them, and by the time it comes back around it has morphed into “dump truck” or something? The DIY weather guy is one of the people that fucks that little exercise up. Complete idiot, just making shit up is my guess.
Guys like him are all across the country and they spout off bullshit like, “On 9/11 we were third (or fifth or whatever) on the places to be attacked by the terrorist.” Really dipshit? The terrorist wanted to blow up the Chinese restaurant and oil change place on Rt 4? Wow. Fuck off.
The towel sharing thing is disgusting. Do they also leave wads of used toilet paper laying on the floor by the toilet for the next person to use again? Oh, that’s right, those sick bastards won’t even flush the toilet but every once in a while. God Almighty.
Swami Bologna says
To you people who say you won’t dry your asshole with your towel: Don’t you wash your asshole when you take a shower? If not, why not? After a shower, your asshole should be just as clean as every other part of your body, and you should have no problem drying your asshole with your towel, ’cause your asshole is clean as a whistle. Who the hell takes a shower and doesn’t give the ol’ asshole a good, thorough cleaning? Sheesh.
I just like having a soggy swamp-like asshole all day.
We have 6 kids. Each uses a towel once… every day. Do the laundry math. I’d PAY them to share or use one every week.
Correction- we have 4 kids. I was never good at math.
But only 2 when they’re asleep?
We have 6 kids too.
My daughter is two of them and I am the other 4.
Just ask my wife, she is the only adult here.
This makes me wonder about N&N’s toilet paper usage. I bet they are users of the family cloth. Google that if you want to be truly horrified.
Oh jeez. I had to go and google that. Why couldn’t I just shut up and take the blue pill?
Yes, “truly horrified” just about sums it up.
Want further need for brain bleach? I bet they wash their family cloths about as often as they wash their towels.
Near miss. Interstate in Nevada. A truck wheel comes bouncing from the other direction, boings through the median, onto my side of the road, and either bounces over my car (a freaking convertible, roof down, too) or just bounces past me – I couldn’t tell you which, I was too busy going oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, I’m going to die now.
Swami Bologna says
Limey, this coulda been you:
Jesus, everyone is ass-in-arms over towel usage and not one mention of Jeff’s “full rectal collapse”. Hilarious. Thanks for giving me a laugh in three words or less.