Let’s start this one with a little experiment… I’d like to test the power of persuasion, and will need your field reports to gauge the success of it. Ready? OK…
You have to pee. Think about it for a second, really stop and think. You need to pee.
Did it work? Let me know in the comments, and thanks for your dedication to scientific research.
Remember how I recently went ’round and ’round with a “well-known electronics chain?” If not, you can read about it here. In a nutshell the store-level employees were dumbasses (my interpretation of events), and I ended up buying a computer through the company’s website, to avoid further dealings with said shitpouches.
The only problem was the financing. They were offering eighteen months same-as-cash at the store, but not online. So I spoke with someone in their customer service department, explained the situation, and they gave me the same deal.
I knew it would be a problem, though. In fact, here’s how I ended the original rant:
But how much you want to bet I have many, many hassles with the financing? Anyone care to take that bet? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
Indeed, when we received the first bill for my new NASA computer, they had it listed as free financing through the end of 2008 only. Not exactly eighteen months, right? It was all so predictable, my hand didn’t even whip through my hair.
A few days ago I called them up again, equipped with detailed notes and the “case number” identifying the conversation in which the original promises had been made.
And they didn’t seem surprised, either. In fact, I suspect they did it on purpose. The free financing was immediately adjusted to eighteen months, then the woman tried to sell me a bunch of additional crap I don’t want or need. Grrr…
Am I wrong to be irritated by this? Their store people suck a bent one, they make me promises on the phone, the promises aren’t kept, and then they try to up-sell me when I call to get it straightened out?
Stay down, hand. Just stay down…
That store’s main competitor, who is even terribler still, is having all manner of financial troubles. I’m sure you’ve read about it in all the virtual papers, no need for me to specifically name them… I think they closed a bunch of locations recently, and filed for bankruptcy.
And the reasons aren’t too hard to figure out. They never had sale items, and I mean NEVER. You could be there when the place opened on Sunday, the day the weekly flier was distributed, and they wouldn’t have what you came for. Or you could wait until the end of the week, it didn’t matter.
That made me crazy. Plus, the employees were an infuriating mix of aggressive sales weasels (when you weren’t planning to buy anything), and uninterested big-pants idiots wearing pearl necklaces and ludicrous facial hair (when you actually needed help).
However… Last Sunday they advertised the GPS unit Toney and I want, for a ridiculously low price. It was listed as Black Friday Prices Now! And it was a damn good deal. The thing usually sells for $299, but is sometimes on sale for $249. They had it for $189.
So, being a glutton for punishment, I went over there (again). And it was an amazing thing to behold. Everything had changed.
There was a greeter by the front door, who was friendly without being pushy. And as we made our way into the belly of the store everyone wanted to assist us, bending over backwards to be helpful. Plus, they all looked like regular folks. What did they do with the sullen assholes with Rolling Rock bottle caps embedded in their earlobes? I don’t know, and don’t care.
And the most amazing part? They actually had the GPS units we’d come for, seven or eight of them. I couldn’t believe it; I almost dropped a rectal plate.
When we went to the front to pay there were lines at every register. So a manager (I think) came rushing over, and offered to ring us up in customer service. It was a completely new experience.
Who knows? If they’d started treating people with respect ten years ago, they might not be fighting for survival now. It’s amazing what desperation can do, it really is.
And I need to cut this one a little short; the boys are home half-day from school, and it sounds like a rock concert in the middle of a Chuck E. Cheese in here.
I’ll leave you now with a question about “comfort TV.” Recently we spoke about comfort food, something you turn to that somehow has the power to make everything seem OK in the world. Even when it isn’t.
I think there are certain TV shows with the same power, and for me it would be The Andy Griffith Show, Green Acres, and stuff like Gilligan’s Island. All very familiar, innocent, and goofy… What about you? Are there any television programs which scratch that particular itch for you?
In addition to TV, I also turn to old time radio, and specifically Jean Shepherd. When I’m stressed at work (which is happening more and more), I turn to Jean and he somehow takes the edge off. I cling to my iPod like a life preserver…
So, there ya go. If you have anything on this subject, or any subject for that matter, tell us about it in the comments.
And I’ll see you guys tomorrow.
Lew in Bama says
Comfort tv: any of those design/makeover shows, and the food network. Love it! I was home sick yesterday and watched a ton of food tv and style makeovers. Now theres a new show called BrideZilla…it’s about completely needy narcissistic controlling bitches planning their wedding to the poor sap who agreed to be shackled to them for life. It’s shows all the ways they abuse their friends and family, and yet, someone still wants to marry them. It’s downright disturbing and scares the hell out of me.
And no, I don’t have to pee….
Me and the butcher are not on speaking terms at the moment. He thinks I’m a “sicko” for wanting to buy and consume tiny baby turkeys.
Have yall ever heard of hamburger soup? It sounds good but I’m not sure how you make it. What, do you just drop a hamburger in a bowl and pour hot water over it?
My grandfather used to say, “The piccolo is the most difficult instrument to play. Master it and you’ll have the world by the buttcheeks!” I’m not so sure he was right.
I didn’t have to pee until I read all the comments about not having to pee. Kind of like in the morning when I brush my teeth and I tell my self over and over, “i’m not gonna gag, I’m not gonna gag, I’m not gonna gag” and before I know it I’m dry heaving over the sink and if I had just not thought about it at all I probably would have made it. Stupid electric toothbrush.
M*A*S*H and Barney Miller.
I vomited this morning while brushing my teeth. I used the guest bathroom to avoid waking up my wife and little baby. The found some toothpaste in the closet and went after it. But the toothpaste tasted like meat. The tube says “Hatchwells Meat Flavour Toothpaste” Suitable for dogs and cats. I have one dog named Willie Nelson. But he never brushes his teeth.
Comfort TV imagine Obama watching the Andy Griffith show: “But Mom where’s the rest of the family?”
Talking of pee tricks is putting the sleeping guys hand in warm water for real or an urban legend?
Pickles the Clown says
No pee for me… Just got done dropping a duece and eliminated the bladder at that time. Oh yeah and it was at work.
Comfort TV is Leave it to Beaver, Brady Bunch, Andy Grifith, Seinfield, and Friends.
No Pee…which rhymes with Opie…love Mayberry
Spiffy McClintlock says
Pagan – oh it’s for real alright. I pulled that trick on several drunken comrades back in my Army barracks days.
Hey Jeff – it’s time for your 2nd visit to the loo. You are feeling your bowels start to exhibit extreme pressure …
TV shows – Barney Miller, and Maxwell Smart.
Any chance that my cries for a coffee mug with the old logo have been heard?
My comfort TV is definitely Dexter… every Sunday the stress just vanishes as I think about how much fun it would be to kill a bunch of these asshats that are fucking with my Chi.
#62 – woo hoo!
I don’t think the experiment was valid in my case, ’cause I already had to pee.
Comfort food is Thanksgiving-y wintertime-type stuff: mashed potatoes with gravy, green bean casserole, pot roast, any kind of roasted meat. And Planters Dry Roasted Peanuts, of course.
I guess my comfort TV nowadays is Top Gear; that’s a fun show.
Re: radio, I used to listen to Jean Shepherd as a kid in the early 1970s. He was on WOR (710 on your dial) weeknights from 11:15pm until midnight, because WOR had a 15-minute (!) newscast at the top of very hour. I would listen in bed with the radio volume turned down microscopically low, since I was supposed to be asleep. Even at age 13 I knew it was good stuff.
No pee urge, and I just got back from a 3 hour drive…
Comfort TV: Seinfeld, Simpsons, Family Guy, Ren and Stimpy, Red Dwarf. I would like to include all the old Roadrunner and Looney Toons, but they are all censored not so as to not warp the minds of the “precious snowflake” generation, so they just enrage me when I watch them now.
I have comfort movies too: Dazed and Confused, Blade Runner, Office Space, Band of Brothers, Almost Famous
Only you would understand my secret identity: I am the STIG!!
Dexter is actually based on Jason:)
Hey! I saw you on the road this morning on the way to work. Red VW GTI with a license plate reading “IM STIG”. True fact. But don’t you feel a little self-conscious wearing Nomex on the subway?
The Evil Twin says
There is only one TV show that never fails to soothe me and make me feel that all is right with the world – Sanford and Son.
Comfort TV=Magnum PI, Miami Vice, and Simon and Simon. No, not the A-Team…talk about implausible! All those 60s/70s comedies give me the heebee geebees for some reason…Gilligans Island, MASH, Hogan’s Heroes, Andy Griffith, Get Smart…puke!
Big Bear In OH says
Comfort Tv is definitely some Andy Griffith or a little Gomer Pyle, USMC. Newer comfort TV includes Scrubs, How I met your mother, and The Office. Comfort movies would be Knocked Up, Gladiator, and on occasion, McClintock and Hatari! with John Wayne. Comfort foods are homemade Beef Stew and my father’s London Broil…so good.
Since we’ve branched out into comfort movies, I’ll put in a plug for The Big Lebowski. Or Fargo; any Coen Brothers, really. Also Nick Park’s “Wallace and Gromit” series.
Fuck it, dude. Let’s go bowling.
peeing: nope. but i offered to pee in the saftey manager’s mouth when they demanded i take a pee test at work. i asked if it could also wait a couple of days so i could eat a bushell of asperagas and a couple pots of coffee…..
comfort radio: Imus. or Cousin Brucey. and I’m only 28.
Comfort TV: Voltron. or Gundam. Or Startrek or Cosby show or ALF or… that’s about it.
The pee test had the opposite effect – I am pg so normally i have to pee all the time, but you may have cured that. Thanks!
Comfort tv = King of the Hill, Coupling (US version), Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservations, Golden Girls. Oh, and Michael Palin’s travel documentaries.
Comfort food = dim sum or sushi, and beer.
Shiny Rod says
Pee Test – no effect
Comfort TV – the patrol car video of me beating the crap out of Jason with my night stick.
Comfort Food – Tiff’s lasgana and a bottle of Evan Williams 1783
It’s all fun and games until someone loses a toupee or gets a coke bottle stuck up their ass.
Pee experiment didn’t work. Comfort TV is Wings *the sitcom, not the A&E plane show).
Comfort food is French Toast.
The Qweezy Mark says
I could watch Bonanza through a terrorist attack.
Father Bob says
Comfort TV is the Playboy channel. Comfort food are Thin bread wafers. I sit to pee and don’t have to at the moment.. I agree with Dave… Could use a good (or bad) handjob right now.
Pee test – no effect, which is weird, because I have TB.
Comfort TV = Dirty Jobs, Mythbusters, Food TV, or HGTV. Could watch that stuff all day.
Great report! I think the content rating goes up as your blood preasure rises! lol No pee but MAN did I pinch a huge loaf…was that some kind of reverse phycology trick?
I had to pee before I started reading. So no effect.
I appreciate all of the hard work and dedication that Jeff puts into this site so I will rarely complain but is there anyway you can limit a person to a certain number of posts per day? It’s starting to feel like the comments section is the “Jason Show”. I don’t really mean to single the guy out, but there’s only about 10000 people who read this site and for one person to put up 70% of the posts is a little self centered, I think, but then again I should probably just shut up and get back to work.
I’ll stop posting so much. No more than one a day will be the goal.