It feels like I’m inside the devil’s peehole. Summer is bullshit. It’s something I endure, not enjoy. The heat and humidity, and everything just growing and growing and growing… It’s suffocating, and demoralizing. Fall can’t get here soon enough. This crap eats it from the ass-in.
Once again, here’s how I rank the seasons:
Just like in politics, I don’t like extremes on either end of the spectrum. I prefer cold to hot, though. So, there you are. The less-extreme seasons are at the top, ranked cold, then hot. How would you rate ’em?
Also, I’ve never liked Sundays. Since we’re airing our grievances… They’re far too lazy for my tastes. I’ve got nothing against laziness, mind you. But I need some vibrancy around me. I like to be the lazy sack at the eye of the storm. Ya know? Sundays are limp, and depressingly dull.
Saturdays are good, though. And so are Thursdays and Fridays. I like those light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel days. It gives me hope. Monday through Wednesday are not good days, but better than Sunday. The days of the week, ranked:
What are your thoughts on this important issue?
Remember how I was criticizing the weather “geniuses” for scaring us off from a planned trip to Knoebels on Thursday? Well, I guess I owe them an apology? The place almost got washed out to sea.
We went to dinner that night, at Cracker Barrel, and some high-weirdness happened. I was sitting there shoveling forkfuls of chicken and dumplin’s into my complaint hole, when everybody’s phone started shrieking.
It was a severe weather alert, and every phone in the house received it. At first I thought it might be a dispatch from Obama (“Obey!”), but soon figured it out. The message told us to take shelter, ’cause some bad shit is on its way. It was disconcerting, to have every phone go off like that.
Yeah, and everybody just kept on eating.
We’re now past the halfway mark on the new Surf Report shirts, heading toward the final days. If you haven’t pre-ordered, now’s the time. Here’s your link. Both designs are a thing of beauty, and the printer said he’d try to turn them around within 10 days. So, order away! After next Monday at noon, they’re gone forever.
I’ve been planning a new feature for the site, which I think will be fun. I’m going to try to start it on Friday, so stay tuned. If all goes well, it will be a regular every-Friday thing. I think you guys will like it. I’ve got several unusual ideas for this suffocating summer, and beyond.
Oh, and I posted this kinda-sorta book review on Saturday.
I need to go to work now, my friends. If you’d like to rank things in the comments section, please do so. You don’t need to stop at just the seasons and days of the week. Rank your asses off! Just choose a category, and go to town.
Thanks for stopping by here every day, it’s sincerely appreciated.
See ya again tomorrow!
Now playing in the bunker
Use the Surf Report’s webhost: HostGator!
Art in Texas says
I feel like a pile of number 2.
Root 66 says
You are spot-on with the seasons. Fall is by far the winner while summer is best spent in the A/C down in the man-cave!
I’ve never really considered ranking the days of the week before, but here goes:
Friday is my favorite;
Monday; and finally,
Tuesday stinks because the previous weekend is a distant memory and the up-coming weekend is way too far away!
Saturday, Friday, Thursday, [Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday], Sunday.
Spring, Summer, Fall, anything else, Winter.
Hamburgers, Brats, Hotdogs.
Football, Baseball, Other.
Cutting grass, cleaning gutters, shoveling snow, raking leaves
raking leaves is more fun than cleaning gutters
Spring, fall, summer, winter
Friday, the other days
Cookies, spinach and other veggies, wine
Elmo, Cookie Monster, Oscar
My phone went off for one of those emergency alerts the other day and damn near gave me a heart attack. I never saw or heard that before on my phone. It also did it this morning while I was sleeping making me jump out of my sleep. I don’t care for that shit. Any way to turn those notifications off?
The iPhone setting for these is at the bottom of Settings>Notifications>Government Alerts>Emergency Alerts
I have an android phone but it was pretty much the same, turned it off. Thanks.
Can’t find that on my Android phone.
Billy Joel says
Ringo, George, John, Paul
beer, bourbon, wine, sterno
birth, school, work, death
Seasons: Spring, Fall, Summer, Winter
Days: Saturday, Sunday, Friday, Thursday, Monday, Tuesday Wednesday
Liquor: Bourbon, Vodka, Rum, Scotch, Gin
WVSR Commenters: Funny, Topical, Jeff Reply, verbose storytellers, spambots, Firsters
Spot on ranking of the days.
The worst season and the best season in south Arizona are the same, it’s monsoon season.
I totally get why Indians did rain dances and people worship clouds and stuff, after 360 straight days of sunshine, rain is literally quenching your thirst.
And while summer heat is “at least dry heat”, monsoon heat is not dry. It was 100 degrees outside immediately after it rained an inch or so. it is exactly like a sauna outside when that happens, but you can’t walk around with your unharnessed balls dragging the ground. Hold your head over a boiling pot of water until it’s too hot to bear, then don’t move your head. Just stand there for however long it takes you to walk from your car to the store. That’s what monsoon season is like. But, it only lasts for a few weeks.
Oh, our other seasons are “Summer” and “Hot Summer”.
We don’t really do normal seasons here.
The Qweezy Mark says
Jim beam, wine, beer, meth.
Patty in Cleveland says
I’m with you on the seasons Spring, Fall, Winter, Summer with Spring only slightly edging out Fall.
Fall, Winter, Spring, Summer
Saturday, Friday, Thursday, Wednesday, Sundeay, Tuesday, monday
Rich man, poor man, beggar man, thief
cherry, blueberry, pumpkin, key lime pie.
Christmas, Thanksgiving, Halloween, Easter
On top, sideways, missionary
one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish
WB in OH says
Fancy beers, bourbon, rye, wine, fizzy yellow beer, vodka, scotch, rum.
Root 66 says
-Mary Ann, Ginger, Mrs. Howell
-Krispy Kreme, Dunkin’ Donuts, Tim Horton’s
-Quizno’s, Jimmy John’s, Potbelly’s, Subway
-Erin, Mary-Ellen, Olivia, Grandma Walton, the Baldwin Sisters, Elizabeth
-hot dogs, apple pie, baseball, Chevrolet
Hey! I think I’m starting to get the hang of this!
Speaking of donuts, has anyone tried those new “cronuts?” or whatever the hell they’re called. They go by a few names.It’s a combination donut and croissant. they look so damn good but I don’t know where to get my mitts on one.
Root 66 says
Never heard of that. I must live a sheltered existence. Sounds good, though!
If this helps:
It seems you can get one at Dominique Ansel’s bakery in NYC if you’re willing to camp out. That’s relatively close to home for you, Madz, right?
When I first saw a picture of a “cronut” a couple of months ago, I thought it wouldn’t be too complicated to make. Just make puff pastry, cut out the shape with a doughnut cutter, and fry. But would certainly take a lot of experimenting to get it right.
Bill in WV says
Poor Elizabeth. I can see your reasoning for putting the Baldwin Sisters ahead of her (free recipe), but Grandma Walton? For one, she was a sack-o-meat bag and, two she was a bitch and a half. I think I cheered when she had a stroke.
Fall, winter, spring, summer.
Saturday, Friday, Sunday, Thursday, the others.
Fancy beer, Scotch whisky, wine, gin, ,…, bourbon.
Salt, fat, sugar.
Phantom Railfan says
–Marathon, BP, Shell, ExxonMobil, Valero, Sunoco
–Summer, Spring, Fall, Winter
–Pumpkin, Lemon Meringue, Chocolate
–Baked, Mashed, Fried, Boiled
–College, Junior High, Elementary, Vocational-Technical-Trade, High School
–Double Quarter Pounder, Filet-O-Fish, McChicken, Chicken McNuggets
–Flea Markets, Garage Sales, Salvation Army, Goodwill
Distortion, wah, octave, phaser, reverb, delay
ESP, G&L, Ibanez, Gibson, Fender
Jason, Freddy, Pumpkinhead, Mike Myers, Pinhead
Fall, Spring, Winter, Summer. I love the stuff we do in the summer…riding, camping, vacation, deck parties at home… But I can’t take the heat. I sweat like a ho on dollar night at the moment humidity rears its ugly head.
Bob’s Burgers, Family Guy, American Dad, The Simpsons.
Beef, pork, chicken
Football, hockey, baseball
The Godfather, Casino, Goodfellas
Saturday, Friday, Sunday, Thursday, Wednesday, Tuesday, Monday. Although, to be honest, Friday *night* is my favorite of all.
Within 12 months there wilil be mayo flavored soda.
It’s nice to know that mayo soda is coming. I’m holding out for the newer soda flavors: Cheese and Onion, Buffalo Wing and Thousand Island.
And plus: http://threewordphrase.com/spicy.htm
The 4th Stooge says
Larry, Shemp, Curly, Moe.
Fall, Winter, Spring, Summer (Spring’s 3rd due to St. Louis having weird-ass spring seasons–sometimes it’s hot, sometimes it snows)
Friday, Saturday, Thursday, Tuesday, Monday, Sunday.
Ahem. The worst day in the week is a Sunday, as noted above, but even worst is a HOT Sunday. Second worst is a Sunday when you’re sick and need to go to an emergency room (or call the doctor), but you were too stupid to do this on a weekday TO the doctor so you could get admitted to the hospital…
In closing, Sundays suck, regardless of what cartoons are on FOX later that evening.
Lori in Cbus says
off topic but i just saw this vid on wimp.com and thought Jeff and co would enjoy:
Its rare color footage of a game in 1939 between the Yankees and Reds at Yankee stadium..
alot of hats in those days
Lori in Cbus says
Now back to the Devil’s Peehole
Lori in Cbus says
Fall, Spring, Summer, Winter
the WVSR, Dlisted, AboveTopSecret
Football, Football, Baseball
Bacon, brats, Ham, Pork butt,
dick. (that’s rank enough)
I thought I was the only one who thought Sunday’s sucked. I have always felt that way, even as a kid. I feel better now.
Root 66 says
-Sean Connery, Daniel Craig, Roger Moore, Pierce Brosnan, George Lazenby, Timothy Dalton.
I also agree!
Al K. Hall says
Summer, Spring, Fall, Winter.
Saturday, Friday, Sunday, Thursday, Wednesday, Tuesday, Monday.
George, Paul, John, Ringo.
Al K. Hall says
Perez, Bench, Rose, Morgan.
Dirty Sanchez, Hot Carl, Golden Shower