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Random People Tweeting About What’s Going On in the Bathroom at Work

April 17, 2012 By Jeff 44 Comments

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Filed Under: Random Tweets

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Comments

  1. WB in OH says

    April 17, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    WOOT!

    Reply
  2. icecycle66 says

    April 17, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    I need to find out where some of these people work.

    Why are drunk people in your work bathroom?
    Why is he combing his hair?

    Reply
  3. t-storm says

    April 17, 2012 at 2:29 pm

    Now lets play match the reporter to the Tweeter and the Offender!

    We know none of the Tweeters were Jeff. But he could be responsible for a peanut butter smell.

    Reply
  4. Theresa says

    April 17, 2012 at 2:30 pm

    Why is he crying?

    Reply
    • madz1962 says

      April 17, 2012 at 4:08 pm

      Maybe his hair was really snarly and it hurt him to brush it.

      or some hottie he lusted after just called him “an asshole in a cheap toupee.”

      The possibilities are so totally endless.

      Reply
      • dto says

        April 17, 2012 at 10:48 pm

        Or…maybe after all these years…he found out he really is gay.

        Reply
  5. Theresa says

    April 17, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    My husband used to work in a warehouse and you would not believe all the gross bathroom stories he tells me. People shit on the floor, people smear shit on the walls. I also heard, don’t shit on your break, make sure you do it on company dime lol.

    Reply
    • Josh says

      April 17, 2012 at 4:24 pm

      “I don’t sweat on their time and I don’t shit on mine.” – a guy I work with

      Reply
  6. madz1962 says

    April 17, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    Was Matt Timmerman trying to get away from his manager, or is she really that much of a cunt that she made him eat his lunch in the crapper?

    Reply
  7. Dave says

    April 17, 2012 at 3:25 pm

    The definitive web site on the subject (warning: this could cost you HOURS of productive time at work): http://www.poopreport.com/

    Reply
  8. icecycle66 says

    April 17, 2012 at 3:29 pm

    I had a meeting with the Command Sergeant Major and the Cheif of Staff in our bathroom not too long ago.

    It’s not uncommon at all to see the General, the Deputy Commander, and a hand full of other big wigs having a meeting. one in the stall, two at the urinals, one leaning on the sink counter.

    It doesn’t matter how bad I have to pee when i walk in on that. I grab a handfull of paper towels and leave.

    Reply
    • Ognir says

      April 17, 2012 at 3:53 pm

      That makes me think of No Time For Sergeants.

      I almost got ran over (again) the other day by someone texting on their phone while driving. Maybe they were tweeting they were about to hit a dude while they were texting while driving.

      Reply
      • t-storm says

        April 17, 2012 at 3:54 pm

        Maybe they were pooping and texting about tweeting while hitting a dude while driving.

        Reply
    • Alex says

      April 17, 2012 at 4:21 pm

      Why would it be bad form to just use a urinal while this big shot meeting is in progress? Its not as if you walked into a boardroom and used the potted plant in the corner…

      Reply
      • icecycle66 says

        May 7, 2013 at 12:14 pm

        It is bad form because I don’t like people standing around talking while I am peeing.

        To hell with their meeting.

        Reply
  9. Joe T. says

    April 17, 2012 at 3:37 pm

    Bathroom humor is funny!

    Reply
  10. putski says

    April 17, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    I have found that a bucket of water over the stall seems to make all that persons’ problems fade away if only for a short time….

    Reply
  11. Henderson says

    April 17, 2012 at 5:45 pm

    I sit just outside the bathroom at work. Thank god for Bose headphones.

    Reply
  12. chill says

    April 17, 2012 at 7:57 pm

    At my office it’s all single-user bathrooms. I am eternally grateful for that.
    .

    Reply
  13. Melissa says

    April 17, 2012 at 8:08 pm

    My co-worker & I were discussing this yesterday. I came to her upset because when I went to a different floor’s restroom to pee (we have 6 floors & utilize quite a few of them), I saw a woman come out of one stall (after it flushed) & promptly walk out. WTH? Then, while I was in another stall, another woman finished her business & again, just walked out. Does NOBODY wash up anymore? Geez, at least turn the water on & make me THINK you are washing your hands!
    My co-worker proceeded to tell me that she was in the bathroom on our floor when someone came into a stall near her & promptly released one of “the longest bouts of flatulence I ever heard!” (Her quote). She then proceeded to put her hand to her mouth & re-create the sound. Good times!

    Reply
    • chill says

      April 17, 2012 at 8:19 pm

      I find this lack of hand-washing disturbing. I see it often enough, at the fancy-pants suit-wearing executive places I sometimes go, that I want to print up some signs for the insides of the mens’ room doors:

      WASH YOUR HANDS
      Nobody wants to shake hands with your schlong.

      That is all.
      .

      Reply
  14. Shiny Rod says

    April 18, 2012 at 1:10 am

    They have signs in the bathroom at one of my sites that reminds people to flush the toilets. These are the engineers that design and build our roads and bridges and the have to be reminded to flush!

    Reply
    • t-storm says

      April 18, 2012 at 1:37 am

      I wish you could call those assholes out. Would that be a hostile work environment?

      Reply
  15. bikerchick says

    April 18, 2012 at 10:09 am

    The flea market I go to every Sunday has a bathroom inside a big block building for indoor vendors. I made the mistake of going in one of the bathroom stalls. Someone smeared shit all over the walls beside and behind the toilet. They actually wrote the word “shit” WITH shit. What. The. Fuck??? I cannot imagine what kind of sick individual would actually scoop a fistful of poop right out of the toilet and do this. That happened about 2 years ago. I never went into that bathroom again. I’ll sit on a big sponge in my truck and pee on it before I wander in the literal shithole. Sick fucks.

    Reply
    • t-storm says

      April 18, 2012 at 10:48 am

      Is this sponge for sale at the flea market?

      Reply
      • bikerchick says

        April 18, 2012 at 11:25 am

        Yes. But you get what you pay for. Be wary of cheap sponges.

        Reply
  16. reederfam says

    April 18, 2012 at 10:24 am

    This is pretty funny if you get it in email. Try readin’ that!!!

    Reply
  17. Buck says

    April 18, 2012 at 11:39 am

    Combing his hair, crying, in a public bathroom……ahem, friends…..that WAS Jeff K.

    Reply
  18. madz1962 says

    April 18, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    I can’t stand women who go slamming into a stall, yank their drawers down and pricede to pee in that semi “skier” stance, splashing piss all over the seat. They have something against sitting on a public tiet even if the restroom is equipped with ass doilies. If you just want to crouch, fine, but at least put an ass doily down to catch your piss.

    Reply
    • madz1962 says

      April 18, 2012 at 1:20 pm

      TOILET – jeez.

      Reply
      • bikerchick says

        April 18, 2012 at 5:22 pm

        “Ass doiley”. Hahahahahahaha!!!!!!

        Reply
    • Miss Q says

      April 18, 2012 at 5:48 pm

      OMG, Madz, I wholeheartedly agree. We can always tell when the auditors are here because those bitches can’t figure out how to properly use a toilet to save their lives. They prance in here with their Prada shoes and woven silk shirts … and piss all over the seats. And, for the record, we DO have ass doilies.

      Reply
  19. icecycle66 says

    April 18, 2012 at 3:11 pm

    I’ve never really wanted to catch a phantom shitter in the act. But I have always wanted to see one walk out of the bathroom.

    Are they covered in poop and have to hustle to their car?
    Do they take a hooker bath before they leave the room?
    Is any poo in their hair?

    Reply
  20. dto says

    April 18, 2012 at 3:53 pm

    Hey Roland, music lover. Go fuck yourself. One man’s shithouse stall might be a trumpet players, practice room. I know trumpet players who made a decent living sounding not much better than a fart. Trumpet, trombone, sax…we all love to warm up in the shitter. The sound is amazing. And when someone in there does fart…we get to play, “Match That Note”. It’s a blast.

    Reply
    • CADude says

      April 18, 2012 at 6:37 pm

      Is that Roland the Headless Music Lover? There just might be a song there…

      Ant thanks, dto. We haven’t had a good “Go fuck yourself” in quite some time.

      Reply
    • chill says

      April 18, 2012 at 7:00 pm

      “A blast”. I see what you did there.

      On a similar “note”, I’ve had a few cats (at different times) who liked to go in the bathroom and yowl. Same reason, I guess.
      .

      Reply
  21. Swami Bologna says

    April 18, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    Dick Clark croaked. First !

    Reply
    • Alex says

      April 18, 2012 at 4:34 pm

      you mean he wasn’t dead already???

      Reply
      • madz1962 says

        April 18, 2012 at 4:48 pm

        Massive heart attack. I think they should drop him from the ball in Times square for a fitting send off.

        Reply
        • dto says

          April 18, 2012 at 5:06 pm

          Bob Barker just moved up a notch.

          Reply
    • icecycle66 says

      April 18, 2012 at 5:34 pm

      I thought he died four or five years ago.

      Reply
    • icecycle66 says

      April 18, 2012 at 5:41 pm

      Do you already miss dick?

      Reply
    • Clueless says

      April 18, 2012 at 6:44 pm

      So without Dick Clark can we even have another New Year’s Eve? Will the world really end in 2012? And how did the Mayans ever figure that one out?

      Reply
  22. Gretchen says

    April 18, 2012 at 7:30 pm

    The answer to what happens if you try to take a dump while skydiving. Because I know at least ONE of you has considered it.

    http://deadspin.com/5899154/shitting-while-skydiving-a-physics-experiment?tag=funbag

    Reply

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