It’s been raining here for days, and everybody’s walking around saying all the stuff they’re programmed to say: “Well, we really needed it,” etc.
Needed it? According to who? That’s just something people say. What are you, a farmer? Are you worried about the goddamn squash harvest or something? Yeah, you’re not a farmer, you work in accounts receivable…
Every time it rains it sets off a series of events in nature, which inevitably ends with me shoving a vibrating motor on a stick back and forth across a ridiculous lawn, my mannery glands awash in perspiration. I just let Andy out to sling urine, and could almost literally see the blades of grass twitching and lengthening.
Stupid rain, and the stupid series of events… It’s pissing me off.
And since we’re on the subject, I’ve mentioned this before but now it’s getting out of hand. What’s the story with everybody saying “Really?” in an annoying voice, where they used to say “Are you kidding me?” Man, few language fads have bothered me more than this one.
I was complaining about it to Toney yesterday, right before work, and when I got there — immediately upon arrival — I heard two women talking about their dogs and the rain. One said the following:
“And she was prancing around, acting like she needed to go out to pee, so I opened the back door. And when she saw that it was raining, she just turned around and came back into the house. And I was like, really?”
My entire body flexed. I hate that crap, deep down. It bothers me, generally, when half the population simultaneously adopts some trendy language quirk, but this one goes one step beyond. Maybe because the word is usually said in an annoying tone of some kind… I don’t know, but it pisses me off.
It’s even worse than the fad from a few years ago, when everybody was starting sentences with “You know what?”
“Hey, you want some more mashed potatoes?”
“You know what? I think I will.”
WTF? That one made me crazy too. At the height of it, some people were almost literally starting every sentence with that idiocy. But it seems to be fading away, finally. The herd animals have moved on to something new, I guess.
And yesterday I nearly rear-ended someone while driving to work. I’ve also mentioned this one before, but I’m gonna mention it again. ‘Cause it’s ongoing, and infuriating.
I’ve lived in a lot of different places during my life, and only in northeastern Pennsylvania have I encountered so many people who don’t know how to merge onto an interstate highway. They drive to the end of the acceleration lane, STOP, and turn on their blinkers.
Um, that isn’t the way it works, shitstem. You’re supposed to enter the highway at roughly the same speed as existing traffic. It’s why an acceleration lane is provided. You go cranking along that thing, build speed, and slide into traffic.
Not here. You’d better be on your toes, mister, or you’ll drive straight up the poop-chute of someone sitting out there waiting for a full one-mile space between cars. Then they lurch onto the highway traveling at 4 mph. Good god!
There are bad drivers everywhere, especially in Atlanta, but these people up here amaze me. They do stuff I’ve never seen in other places, it’s innovative bad driving. And I guess they see each other doing stupid shit, are inspired by it, and decide to add it to their own repertoire.
And those are three things that are pissing me off in Q3 2010. What about you? What’s pissing you off in the third quarter? Anything new? We need some feedback from the field offices.
Use the comments link below, and I’ll be back tomorrow.
Have a stress-free day, my friends.
Correction: Get treated like shit*…dammit.
Wow, and I thought we were such a cheerful bunch Irritating: The people that are younger than 25 (and anyone else really) using the phrase ‘back in the day’. Shut the fuck up! you are practically an embryo!
What pisses me off… more so than other times of the year?
Busy bodies. Those that feel the need to call up some politico or buisness and bitch about something they perceive you did.
On my street, currently under construction and getting bottle necks put in (lane narrowing) because two cock sucking idiots think everybody drives too fast. Never mind that everybody else on the street thinks these bottle necks are the stupidest thing in existence and a winter hazard… those valid concerns fall on deaf ears when brought up at the info meeting. So a room full of people who don’t want them-who live on the street don’t get listened to.
The bitch who called me in because I passed her on a fucking secondary highway. I’m a government employee paid by the hour, you should be glad I have a lead foot.
Alex.
I was going to complain about the heat here in SoCal, but after reading the above I feel much better.
Given that perspective, an homage to the source of our not-so-much misery:
Up in the mornin’
Out on the job
Work so hard for my pay
But that lucky old sun’s got nothin’ to do
But roll around heaven all day
Show me that river
Take me across
Wash all my troubles away
Whilst that lucky old sun’s
Got nothin’ to do
But roll around heaven all day
Really.
Today’s further evidence made made me piss a little. I love that the guy just lays there.
It amazes me how many ppl are pissed off at general things in life………….really??? Such a negative site………. 🙂 You know what pisses me off?? That you HAVE to use a fucking smiley face, to justify sarcasm!!!
tootles,
good to be back it’s been a while
Sometimes I wonder if Brittney is a real person or an elaborate JK ruse. I mean it only as a compliment.
Ok, I got a few.
1st, what the fuck was up with yesterday? I went to Wal-Mart and that place was more fucked up than normal. PLus it was full of mexicans. I have nothing against mexicans (just 1, actually) but these were all over the place, in the way, and I stand by my statement that you don’t have to be white to be white trash. Is there a mexican version of Old Country Buffet? Well if there is it was closed yesterday.
Also the drivers in OKC were just flat out shitdicks yesterday.
From Sunday – What part of “I really don’t feel like talking on the phone so just text me” says “Maybe I should call him 4 seconds after seeing him”?
From today/the weekend:
I was informed that I wasn’t aggressive enough with our support network. Basically I rolled over on Friday when I was told that the work wouldn’t be accomplished until Monday. Where I’m pissed is that no amount of me throwing a fit would have called those people in to work for a customer that they don’t give a shit about.
Subway isn’t going to make my sandwich faster because I act like an asshole, you know?
Juancho…
I always wondered the same about Angry White Guy. But, over time, I began to see his reality, simultaneous with his presence in all of us. He’s Angry.
Thus, Brittney. Check out her blog. Check out her pix. She’s as real as you or me, only realer.
Brittney, I don’t mean to talk about you as if you weren’t there. Were you not there, I’d have no reason to talk about you at all.
Two sentences in a row in the subjunctive mood. My work here is done. Rock on, Juancho.
jtb
I wonder if Mexicans go to Aculpoco or Puerto Vallarta and say the same thing about white people. “Jesus, this place is full of gringos! It’s like the Love Boat up in here!” Except in Spanish, of course.
El Barco del amor, putas!!
I’d like to think they would. Just like in Dubai when all the white folk show up there for the new tourist attractions and amusement parks.
In Dubai they just laugh all the way to the bank. And then get started on yet another ridiculous construction project. Like a giant gerbil exercise ball stuffed with clowns wearing pantaloons made of spun gold.
Yeah, I said “pantaloons”.
El Pelota Del Oro
You know, I didn’t do the best job of stating the ontological argument for the existence of God. I tried to take short cuts and that usually leads to trouble. Now, if She exists, I’m hurtin’ for certain.
By She, of course, I mean Alanis Morissette or someone like her.
jtb
Gretchen, you drive me crazy when you speak French.
jtb
El Pelota De La Alanis Morissette
I would drive you crazy if I spoke French, since I got a D in it. Apparently French teachers aren’t fond of German-named students.
Conversely, we had a German teacher who had it in for one Jewish kid. She had a real problem with the way he said “sister”. I got an A in that class.
you think Alanis is una terrorista? I can’t tell whether you’re Basqueing or not, but I wish you’d go back to French. It drives me crazy.
jtb
Yeah, I have a problem with the way the Germans say “sister”. Is the name “Gretchen” irrivocably German? Surely you don’t haul a German name around with you now? None of my business, but there aren’t that many Asian men named Adolph.
jtb
Irrevocably, I’m afraid. Worse yet, it’s not really a proper name in Germany. The addition of “chen” (transl. “little”) to “Greta” is somewhat akin to calling a Jennifer “Jenny” or a Mike “Mikey”. More a nickname or a cutesy thing done with small children.
Yep, I’m real.
Gretchen, have you ever been to Nebraska?
@Tstorm, Wal-mart may be crazy because of the back to school fiasco…It was pretty crazy on Sunday when I went…come to think of it there was a whole family of Mexicans in the shoe section I was in. 4 adults and 3 kids all yelling at each other in Spanish while I was picking out some runnin’ shoes…I said excuse me several times, but obviously they didn’t know what they meant. I got elbowed a few times.
t-storm: Possibly as a kid but not as an adult.
Then how do you explain this?
http://www.amazon.com/Gretchen-Goes-Nebraska-Kings-X/dp/B000002IOG/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=music&qid=1282693480&sr=8-1
Somnambulism?
Remote viewing?
Astral projection?
Right in the Ast Hole.
Anyone that says “you know what I’m sayin?” can be pretty much guaranteed that no, I don’t have a CLUE to what they’re saying. Really.
and “DUDE!” as a greeting or entire conversation makes me itch with unease. HELLO? is that all we can expect from our yoof?
Traffic, email, my crapping cellular service, Wednesdays, yard crullers, douchbaggery, douchketeers, DirectTV, anyone driving the speed limit in the left hand lane and this dog THAT WON’T STOP LICKING ME just PISS me off.
in the 3rd quarter
Are you counting up my nomesayin’s? Are you takin’ a nomesensus?
I was at Target last Saturday during tax free weekend. I can assure you that Wallymart hasn’t cornered the goober market.
The proper response to “You know what?” is “chicken butt”, per the SNL skit with Mcauley Culkin and Al Franken. Do that enough and the perpetrators think twice about using it in your presence. I too hate the “back in the day” idiots. What you mean when your mamma still wiped your butt for you 5 years ago? As for road idiots, a few side of the road executions for blatant dumbassery would probably improve the gene pool.
Ace of Cakes – Would you pay $3k for a cake a half dozen people wiped their hands on? Me neither.
Just opened the envelope with my wvsr t-shirt – temporarily erased my pissed offness – thanks Jeff.
awg – missed you over the past while. Sorry to hear life’s shitty at the moment, but still missed you.
I get annoyed with truckers who don’t allow people to drive up the empty lane on the approach to roadworks and ‘merge in turn’, but who instead insist on acting like they are John Wayne’s of the highway and pull out and block your path.
‘There’s an empty lane there and the traffic’s backed up for three miles! Surely it would be better to utilise the empty lane and get home quicker.’
Am I wrong?
Does this happen across there too?
ps some of you guys seem really tense?
Could we have a question like ‘ whats your favourite flavour of ice-cream’ tomorrow/today please?
What’s pissing me off? Dang, that’s a loaded question with a long answer…
My fellow motorists, in innumerable ways … System designers at work who say “oh, you have the *old* drawings”… The two cars I saw today coming into a shopping plaza on a two-lane entry drive: the one in the left lane turned right, and the one in the right lane turned left … Dell tech support keeps ringing my phone at 7:00 am, or at least that’s who the caller ID says it is. When I answer, there’s nobody there. … Internet connection at home down for three days because my ISP didn’t want to pay OT for a Covad tech to swap out a card, followed by no refund for the outage.
That’s all I can think of right now.
.
Oh yeah! My T-shirts showed up yesterday! That’s the opposite of off-pissing!
Ian, I make lime ice cream at home; also a raspberry one that’s flavored entirely with Frambozen Lambic beer. They are both pretty good, if I say so myself. The truckers where I live are usually courteous about letting you (me) into a backup, in a situation like that.
.
What else pisses me off?
When I’m fucking myself on a slant and the slant has splinters.
Kids these days who where there hat of turds backward.
When you tell two people you’ve never met to make out and take rewindable video and they don’t.
Bears.
When you have a majority in the house and senate and still can’t get anything done and keep blaming the last guy.
When I get sand in my motion lotion.
When I pull out and she still gets pregnant but the kid comes out polish.
I could go on.
T-storm – that’s funny, did you mean polished or from the land of Poland, funny either way.
Can’t it be both?
Ian, there’s a language barrier with our generic highway terms, but I’m sure the same thing happens here. And do we seem tense? Well, the question was “What’s pissing you off?” I think you can expect some strong answers to that question. Things will all be back to normal tomorrow.
Ian the Errolite,
I’m with you. I’ve been complaining about that for years. And I’ve almost caused several of them to flip over because I refuse to put up with their shit.
Same holds true for Alabama drivers. They have no concept of “the passing lane” or “the fast lane”. I can almost hear them as I’m pulling behind them, “Well, I’m going the speed limit. He’ll just have to wait.” Who named you speed enforcer of the roads, bitch in the Buick? Get out of the way before I ass-end you or blow your tiny “brain” out.
Old people are the worst. Why do they drive so fucking slow? You’d think that time would be of the essence for someone that’s 100 years old. But no, they piddle dick around and try to kill the rest of us. I pledge that I will not slow down upon turning 80 – nay, I’ll speed up.
I can’t begin to list all of the things I hate. We don’t have that much paper in here.
Currently pissing me off:
1. Everything.
What’s been under my skin in 3Q and for the last 15 to 20 years are the words “My bad.” Two words, spoken as a complete phrase, when in fact comprising just two adjectives. And it wouldn’t get better even if the speaker included the implied noun. “My bad mistake.” You’re still missing the verb, sir. Maybe we could all resort to the more personal, “It was my fault. I’m sorry.”? Call me old school…
1. Incompetents who I pay to do a job right the first time, but inevitably they don’t and I end up doing it for them.
2. Same as #1 but includes Geeks at Best Buy who kept losing my new laptop pc programming order. Each time I called to pick up my pc, the Geek Squad Guy who was supposed to program it wasn’t there, and the next Geek had no idea what to do. Of course he promised to do what the geek before him failed to, and then he went AWOL… That went on for 3 darn days! I got satisfaction though, believe me!
3. Traffic in the DC/Stafford/Fredericksburg, VA Metro area. I’m convinced ppl are generally very intelligent until they get behind the wheel, then it’s sh*t for brains thereafter.
4. All the nice-nice, positive yap about how everyone loves their friends & family on Facebook. C’mon, if you kept it real and told the truth, you’d admit how much you really want to take them out behind the barn and beat the crap out of them sometimes.
5. Preachers! Mainly those who constantly use politics and Fox news as crib notes for the Bible. Gah!!
Other than that I’m fine 😉
Jason, funny you bring it up, last time I went down the interstate with my father driving I asked him to get back over in the slow lane to let some people pass but he refused because he didn’t want to get “trapped” behind slower traffic. He had the cruise set at 67, two miles per hour over the limit. That was the last time he drove to lake erie with me along.
Oh, my reds are really pissing me off!
Gretchen,
1) Sounds like you’re saying Gretchen is a diminutive form of Greta. It might be “cutesy” but I don’t think it’s quite a nickname. Using Jack for John and Chuck for Charles and Bill for William are closer to nicknames. I frequently suspect you of attempting to conceal your baccalaureate and post-grad degrees. Hell, your baccalaureate (or one of them) is in English. So it’s OK to use the word diminutive.
2) If you got a D because French teachers aren’t fond of German-named students, that doesn’t tell me that you don’t speak French well nor that hearing you speak it wouldn’t drive me crazy.
3) Sometimes I forget about the generation gap. You might have missed my John Astin Addams Family reference. It is, after all, Morticia who drives me crazy with her French.
jtb