It’s been raining here for days, and everybody’s walking around saying all the stuff they’re programmed to say: “Well, we really needed it,” etc.
Needed it? According to who? That’s just something people say. What are you, a farmer? Are you worried about the goddamn squash harvest or something? Yeah, you’re not a farmer, you work in accounts receivable…
Every time it rains it sets off a series of events in nature, which inevitably ends with me shoving a vibrating motor on a stick back and forth across a ridiculous lawn, my mannery glands awash in perspiration. I just let Andy out to sling urine, and could almost literally see the blades of grass twitching and lengthening.
Stupid rain, and the stupid series of events… It’s pissing me off.
And since we’re on the subject, I’ve mentioned this before but now it’s getting out of hand. What’s the story with everybody saying “Really?” in an annoying voice, where they used to say “Are you kidding me?” Man, few language fads have bothered me more than this one.
I was complaining about it to Toney yesterday, right before work, and when I got there — immediately upon arrival — I heard two women talking about their dogs and the rain. One said the following:
“And she was prancing around, acting like she needed to go out to pee, so I opened the back door. And when she saw that it was raining, she just turned around and came back into the house. And I was like, really?”
My entire body flexed. I hate that crap, deep down. It bothers me, generally, when half the population simultaneously adopts some trendy language quirk, but this one goes one step beyond. Maybe because the word is usually said in an annoying tone of some kind… I don’t know, but it pisses me off.
It’s even worse than the fad from a few years ago, when everybody was starting sentences with “You know what?”
“Hey, you want some more mashed potatoes?”
“You know what? I think I will.”
WTF? That one made me crazy too. At the height of it, some people were almost literally starting every sentence with that idiocy. But it seems to be fading away, finally. The herd animals have moved on to something new, I guess.
And yesterday I nearly rear-ended someone while driving to work. I’ve also mentioned this one before, but I’m gonna mention it again. ‘Cause it’s ongoing, and infuriating.
I’ve lived in a lot of different places during my life, and only in northeastern Pennsylvania have I encountered so many people who don’t know how to merge onto an interstate highway. They drive to the end of the acceleration lane, STOP, and turn on their blinkers.
Um, that isn’t the way it works, shitstem. You’re supposed to enter the highway at roughly the same speed as existing traffic. It’s why an acceleration lane is provided. You go cranking along that thing, build speed, and slide into traffic.
Not here. You’d better be on your toes, mister, or you’ll drive straight up the poop-chute of someone sitting out there waiting for a full one-mile space between cars. Then they lurch onto the highway traveling at 4 mph. Good god!
There are bad drivers everywhere, especially in Atlanta, but these people up here amaze me. They do stuff I’ve never seen in other places, it’s innovative bad driving. And I guess they see each other doing stupid shit, are inspired by it, and decide to add it to their own repertoire.
And those are three things that are pissing me off in Q3 2010. What about you? What’s pissing you off in the third quarter? Anything new? We need some feedback from the field offices.
Use the comments link below, and I’ll be back tomorrow.
Have a stress-free day, my friends.
Ian,
Coconut, banana, strawberry chunk generically. Commercially, it woul be Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia.
Love,
jtb
Why, in a forum like this, are, by coincidence, all the commenters excellent drivers when the rest of the drivers are schlubs? What are the odds?
With regard to driving in crowded areas, I rely on Ian’s philosophy to get me hame safely: We’re a’ Jock Tamson’s bairns.
with neep & tattie,
jtb
I’m a relatively happy person who isn’t pissed off by much of anything. It’s probably because I’m a moron…
JTB: I’ve been felled by a sinus-ear-upper respiratory infection, so thinking straight isn’t high on my list of priorities. Besides, I was never particularly good at all the little words that explain English grammar. I just “do” grammar well, I don’t explain it well. Mostly. Anyway, while I have seen episodes of The Addams Family I never watched it enough of the show to the extent that I could quote from it (ditto for the original cartoon). However I’m a veritable book of quotations when it comes to Star Wars. I guess it just depends where one’s Geek lies.
And speaking of movies, last night I was telling a twenty-something how hilarious it was for the new Piranha movie to cast Richard Dreyfuss. Crickets. “You know, because of Jaws?!” Double crickets. Have we now gotten to the point that the 25 and Unders have no knowledge or appreciation of the cultural significance of Jaws??!! Shit, when did I get so old?!
Doug: You can go sit out in the hall!
I hate when I[m late to the party…. 🙁
I have a new one. Bus didn’t show up for first day of school. got a hold of the bus company, they informed me they didn’t have a driver for the route…and thats it?? no driver, so those poor kids just stand there forever until they give up??
Hire a few extras, our unemployment rate is like 15%, I am sure you can find a few people.
fuckers. ruined my damn day.
This is just a sample list of the shit that dangles from my last fucking nerve….
1. Downtown Pittsburgh….The little trick dickbeaters play in the left lane at a light. A line of traffic behind them. Light turns green THEN the left turn signal is turn on. You fucking POS…is there a reason you can’t turn on that signal while APPROACHING the light to give the unassuming people behind you the option to move into the right lane to procede through the light?? No, I guess not. You would rather sit there through 2 or 3 lights afraid to put your nose into the intersection for an opening to make your turn while innocent people, just wanting to get the fuck home, wait behind you.
2. The Port Authority Bus. Jesus H…..Could any one of the bus drivers take their blinders off and actually use those big thingy’s hanging off the side of the bus called “mirrors” to LOOK before moving into the next lane?? Next time, I’ll just let you roll over the front end of my SUV. Its coming up to 60K miles..and 2 transmissions later, .I could use a new car….with Port Authority footing the bill.
3. Can I tell ya about the misfits that come into this office with thier medicaid and access cards, free insurance and huge attitudes like we owe them something? Let me give you good -for-nothings a little advice: If you actually had a real J.O.B. and not hangin’ wit da homey’s maybe your fucking hand wouldn’t have been blown off by a gun in a neighborhood shoot out. So sign the fuck in, sit the fuck down, and shut the fuck up. We’ll get to you when it’s your turn. And by the way…when I take the stitches and staples out of your wound can you keep the moaning and wailing down to a low roar? I don’t give a fuck how much it hurts. You were man enough to use a gun, man-up for the consequences.
Ok…done for now…
Stuck up government contractors who cost $180,000 a year and don’t do a damn thing, and when you tell the mto do something the say “That isn’t in the contract statement of work, it is illegal for you to ask me to do that.”
Fuck those overpriced morgue drawer fillers.
My favorite ice cream flavor is “Rage”.
It pisses me off that an entire new organization operations scheduling program was employed last quarter to be utilized for the next quarter, and I just heard about it in this quarter.
This means i missed all the training for the new system and I am 3 months behind on scheduling operations. this is bullshit.
And as of today, something I am highly pissed off about is American companies that outsource their call center to some third world jack ass country. Then someone who can barely speak English calls you with major attitude saying his name is Chad or Jason or some bullshit and he cant even speak english. You expect me to believe your mother named you Chad? Furthermore, loose your attitude. I cant understand half of what youre saying and you want to be pissy with me?
Alright, I feel better.
People talking about cake pisses me off!
Phrases that piss me off –
“Jus’ sayin.” Yeah, we heard you say it. No reason to point out the fact that you said it, dillhole.
“Not so much”. Not much explanation needed, it’s just annoying.
The most current piss-me-off-icfication factor:
My kids “need” laptop computers for school. Per the district. One of them is in SIXTH grade. Dubya. Tee. Eff.
Ian, Jason the lane blocking is to stop those turd munchers who think they are better than everybody else and can push their way into the front of the line infront of everyone else who is patiently waiting. So, get in line back there (pointing thumb backwards) and wait your time like everybody else.
Alex,
We aren’t talking about cutting in line. We’re talking about people who misuse the lanes while driving. People who go 45 in a 60 mph zone in the left lane are out of line. And should be put feet-first into a wood chooper.
I need that hat.
It blows my mind that some people can get a drivers license. I’e ran across the idiots who stop before merging onto the highway, and they piss me off beyond belief. Here in Va. we have yield signs as the acceleration lanes meet the highway in some places, are there are people stupid enough to think they have to come to a complete stop at them. I’ve seen a lot of chaos caused by these brain dead bastards. One day I was driving a very large truck filled with mulch for a delivery. Some stupid ass woman came to a complete stop at the yield sign, which caused me to lock up the brakes and smoke the tires. She’s damn lucky I wasn’t following too close, or it would have been a rather tragic end to her life.
I also can’t stand the morons who act as if their tires will blow out if they cross the white line signaling the end of the acceleration lane and the beginning of the service lane. Just because you were too stupid to merge before the end of the acceleration lane, it doesn’t mean you can’t cross that white line and merge when you can. It’s not a wall!! You don’t have to stop. Yes, you can drive over that line and nothing will happen. Really, trust me people, you can.
I agree Jason. Those that hold up the passing lane, are selfish idiots who should be taken behind the wood shed and beat down wit ha baseball bat. If someone wants to faster than you, let them pass. It’s not hard to move over and let them on by. I drive trucks and do this all of the time, because I’m never the fastest on the highway. I do my best not to hold anyone up. Even if I’m already speeding myself, it’s not my job to enforce the posted speed limit. Holding people up can only lead to them doing something crazy to get by you, Your stubbornness is making the highway more dangerous than their speeding, so get the fugg out of the way asshole!!.
@ Ian: If your using the service lane to an exit, that’s fine. If your using to cut the line, it’s only making things worse than it already is for everyone else. I don’t block the lane myself, but I won’t let anyone in front of me if they use it to cheat the rest of us.
To answer your question. My favorite ice cream is peanut butter and chocolate.
the other day I was behind a stupid dick who came to almost a complete stop before getting off the exit ramp. Acceleration lane and deceleration lane serve the same purpose.