I’m apparently on the mailing lists of several semi-pro forwarders, if you know what I mean.
These are not folks who sometimes find something interesting on the internet, and send the link to their friends. No, everybody does that. I’m talking about people who are much more serious and organized. I’m talking about active members of the forwarding community.
They often work specific niches, but not always.
Many fancy themselves funny forwarders and send out “funny” emails that have been forwarded to them by other funny forwarders within the network. These can include jokes (generally typed in a giant font, for some reason), wacky newspaper articles (self-contained within the message with no outward link), or videos in .wmv format and attached to the email itself (as if YouTube was never invented).
There are also political forwarders who like to distribute propaganda that supports their personal point of view. These are often diatribes supposedly written by well-known people (like Paul Harvey or Denis Leary), but were more likely penned by some foaming at the mouth political turdpouch in a basement somewhere. Political forwarders also like to cite “statistics” and “facts” that all of us would do well to take with a giant grain o’ salt.
Then there are the inspirational forwarders who like to send out heartwarming crapola about “true friends,” and gaggy stuff that. Inspirational forwarders often veer into religious messages, as well, and nostalgia pieces about how we didn’t have any safety measures when we were growing up, and we all survived. Forwards in this category sometimes play music when they’re opened, and often feature animated .gifs that annoy the living hell out of recipients.
And there are patriotic forwarders… and conspiracy forwarders… and “be warned about this fresh new threat to your family” forwarders… and on and on and on.
None of this is new, of course. But I’m starting to notice it becoming more organized and formal. And consistent. Folks are starting to describe each other as “accomplished in the field of forwarding,” and things like that. I believe the people who are involved in this enterprise set aside time every day to “forward,” and feel they have a responsibility to their network. Ya know?
What other categories of forwards are there? And what are the common characteristics of each? I know I didn’t cover them all, so help me out, won’t you?
Also, before I call it a day here, I’d like to confirm that I’m not alone in being an old fart throwback to a different era.
Last night at work I described someone as having a “big Grizzly Adams beard,” and the young whippersnappers just looked at me with confusion. I might as well have said “cat’s pajamas” or “23 skidoo!”
And I notice this happening more and more often. My descriptors are apparently starting to expire. Please tell me I’m not the only one… Please tell me you’ve said something like, “What are you, the Fonz?” only to be met with stares that say, “WTF? What kind of gibberish is this foo’ spewing?”
If so, tell us about it in the comments.
And this was a quickie, but I hope it’s not too horrible. I’ll be back tomorrow, then I’m gonna go underground with my “book” for several days.
Have a good one, my friends.
Now playing in the bunker
Buy Jeff a beer, he requires a beer.
Gallagher and Carrot Top are about as funny as having a prolapsed anus.
I am usually 6 sheets in by the end of my sixer of schlitz.
I used to think Carrot Top sucked until I accidentaly went to one of his shows. He was freaking hilarious, and now I find myself defending him when people say he sucks.
I don’t know what it is about seeing him live that makes him so funny. I think maybe that the comedic energy is lost if you aren’t there.
Aww…Ghostbusters!
“Aim for the flattop!”
I’ve seen shit that’ll turn you white!
said the black man to the white man
A co-worker of my hub’s just got a place with her boyfriend and her cousin. She was telling hub about this and he broke out into “come on knock on our door…we’ve been waiting for you”She had no idea. She’s 22, we are 41.
Oh yeah, forgot this one. We used to say “now we’re shittin’ in tall cotton.” Means we have arrived, we’re living the life of luxury, whatever. Usually said when some asshole showed up at a party with a six pack of Schlitz.
Gallagher had some good ones:
“Don’t you hate it when you decide to run a yellow light and the guy in front of you chickens out? I got gas & first gear for two cars!”
Geez, I keep posting as Another Dave when I’m at home. Gotta clear the cookies now. Heh. In 10 years nobody will know what that means!
I actually heard a lady say, “kiss my grits!” the other day. And I remember that from Mel’s Diner.
If an e-mail has a “FW:” in front of it I delete it without ever looking at it. Always.
Here’s a few sayings I like:
*He didn’t know whether to shit or go blind.
*White trash kids couldn’t have a room this messy because they don’t have this much shit to throw around!
*I’m fucking this chicken. You just stand there and watch the feathers fly, boy.
*I’ve got the world by the asscheeks.
*You can’t eat like that. You’ll paint the whole house with your asshole in a few hours.
I was talking to a bar friend the other day about my fudge up of a brother and I said at least he doesn’t have to worry about the draft.
He replied instantly with “There was one?”.
Good new: My Middle brother (There are three of us, 33, 29, and 20) just had kid number 4. He now has an Andrew, a Brayden, a Caleb, and a Dustin. He’s stopping there.
Bad news:
A really shitty story out of St. Louis. A singer/guitar player and general force with the STL music scene was killed over the weekend by a hit and run driver. I can’t say I knew this guy but I had seen his band a few times before I left.
http://blogs.riverfronttimes.com/atoz/2010/08/fattback_dave_hagerty_venice_cafe.php
im going to forward your post to all the people i know who love to forward me crap lol maybe they will get the point, i also always delete anything that has FW in the subject.
Now, he who is without sin?
I’ll admit. I’ve forwarded. I was never a serial forwarder. My Grandma was, my Dad is sometimes. It got to the point where I didn’t want to open anything my Grandma sent since it would irritate me and I don’t want to be irritated by my Grandma, know what I mean?
I have been reprimanded, back in 2001 or 2 or so. Nothing big but I did forward that taco bell dog on the screen one. I’ve bee pretty good since then.
So there, I said it. If you send this to a billion of your friends timmy won’t get cancer.
I think there are two ways to stop these mass forwardings. One is to just be direct and tell them, you hate that stupid shit. And the other is to just mark it as spam.
ok, along the same note, what is it with so called professional websites doing pop ups? I hate pop ups. mlb.com does netflix, cincinnati.com does some bullshit, msn does, cnn does. it’s really god damn annoying.
The worst are the ads that pop up in the body of the site and you can’t find the close button.
on a more interesting note i just saute’d some jalepenos, habeneros, and garlic to mix with some leftovers and though i washed my hands, i am still burning in the taint’ll area. actually feel kind of nice.
uh, taint’ll area???
t-storm… naked cooking again? If you can’t put a little distance between your funland and your food prep hands, maybe try to put a little time in between instead?
So, it burnt when you ate it… it burnt when you manhandled your man handle…and then I’m assuming the O-ring on the way out… good to be alive isn’t it?
Dave …It’s the no man’s land between little Tony and the twins and the balloon knot
there was time, and washing. habeneros are a bitch.
i’m looking for the burn.
I get told all the time by people that I use phrases that make me sound like a cranky old man. Not surprising, since I grew up with a retire-with-the-belt, professional cranky old bastard: my Grandfather. He taught me how to properly curse when I was four years old. The first time I said “fuck,” my Mom didn’t have the heart to discipline me because she knew that I heard the word from the old man, many times. I also have a good backlog off antiquated phrases, such as “dumber than boiled gravel.” I’ll do my part to keep ’em alive.
I remember the first time I made chile con queso…. I absentmindedly wiped my eye while slicing up the jalapenos… it felt like broken glass, dipped in acid… set on fire. Not nearly as funny as a flaming taint’ll area (funny t-storm, funny) but perhaps a good schadenfreude (thank you spell checker) laugh.
t-storm: What in the hell were you making with all the peppers then felt the urge to scratch/touch your taint’ll area? Just askin’
I figured as much, but man, I don’t wipe THAT aggressively!
i had some peppers and onions and garlic that i peppered up with some sausage and rice and masala. mmmmm. late night bachelor food.
and the scratching was for me.
hot fuzz: Um…news flash….the balloon knot on ANY man is also “no man’s land”….
bc – LOL –
so you’re saying it’s not about the butt hole pleasures??
40 yr old virgin
Mooj: Life is about people. It’s about connections.
Andy Stitzer: It’s all about connections.
Mooj: It’s not about cocks, and ass, and tits.
Andy Stitzer: Yeah.
Mooj: And butthole pleasures.
Andy Stitzer: It’s not about butthole pleasures at all.
Mooj: It’s not about these rusty trombones, and these dirty sanchez.
Andy Stitzer: Please stop.
Mooj: And these cincinatti bowties, and these pussy juice cocktail, and these shit stained balls.
Andy Stitzer: Mooj, just please stop.
hot fuzz: butt hole “pleasures”…ain’t no sucha thang.
bc – congrats – this is the first time I’ve been stuck for a smart ass comment or been unable to suggest a point in the comment section of Jeff’s blog (and the crowd went wild – up went shouts of “Finally”).
I’m tapping out.
🙂
Virus warning forwarders. “WARNING: If you receive an email with subject line “Merry Xmas,” don’t open it, it will destroy your computer” and that shit. Of course, the “virus” never really existed. But the forwarders were duped and continued to forward.
Haven’t seen them much of late, but they were all over the net around 7 or 8 years back.
“What’s your damage, Heather?”
Crickets. and it wasn’t even that long ago!
Then there’s the forwarder who sends you crap that is 1) utterly opposed to your political view, 2) incorrect, and 3) libelous.
In other words, my Mom. I love her, but I don’t think she knows about Snopes for #2, doesn’t care about #3, and thinks #1 will take care of itself once I grow some common sense.
*sigh*
Wish she’s just send the jokey ones and leave the rest in the garbage can.
Can’t lurk by without responding to this. Whenever I bust out one of those references and it is met with a blank stare, I say in rather indignant voice, with just a touch of “What are you? New??” to it. TV show from the ’80’s or Movie from the ’70’s. Makes everyone that I’ve used that on feel rather small and insignificant. Works rather well in the Reno, NV area anyway…
Nope.god what a mess
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