I was recently in a meeting, with fifty or sixty of my co-workers, and the guy running it was having trouble keeping things under control. There was a lot of murmuring, and people just flat-out talking. After a while, it sounded like a middle school cafeteria in there.
The main guy was carrying on a conversation with a few specific people, about a piece of equipment called “the loader.” And half of the uninvolved parties were chatting and laughing and causing all manner of racket. I didn’t have anything in it, it was none of my business, but I felt a strong urge to yell, “Yo, listen up!”
But that never happened, and the noise continued until there was one of those weird instances when – for no known reason – everything just suddenly goes quiet. And at that moment, when the murmuring and talking ceased, only one person continued. And he said, “Loader? I hardly even knew her!”
There was a half second of silence, before everyone busted out laughing. And the person who’d made the remark turned fire engine red. Maybe it was because it happened at 1 am, and I was starting to go goofy with fatigue, but I thought that shit was hilarious.
This is my one day off of the week, and tonight we’re going to celebrate the first two of three November birthdays at our house. Toney and the younger boy had birthdays earlier in the week, so we’re going out to dinner. The Secret wants to dismantle crustaceans, so we’ll probably go to Ret Lopster. Where they serve up one heck of a New York Strip steak, by the way… Go figure.
One of the gifts the youngling received was the Black Ops video game everybody’s talking about. And Toney said the moment he put the disc into the player, the word “fuck” came flying out of the speakers. She was on her computer, right around the corner, and said it sounded like an episode of Deadwood in here. Good clean wholesome fun for a twelve year old… It makes me feel so proud.
When I was his age, maybe slightly older, we had HBO at our house. It was a new service, and seemed wildly exotic. One night we all gathered ‘round the tube to watch a movie I can’t now remember. It was an action film of some sort, possibly having to do with nuclear missiles. I’m having trouble calling up the exact information…
In any case, we were about thirty minutes into it, and the profanity was starting to pile up. It felt like every sentence featured two or three high-octane cuss words, not just damn and hell. Or even shit. No, this was the language of construction workers or longshoremen or (as it turned out) record executives.
It was very awkward, like one endless tampon commercial, and I just stared straight ahead with no expression on my face. Finally, my mother turned off the TV and said we weren’t watching such filth. And the next day she canceled HBO, altogether.
And that really sucked, because everybody buzzed about HBO in those days. Now I was on the outside looking in, and reduced to secretly tuning to the scrambled channel and listening to banned movies and stand-up routines, without actually being able to see them. And how sad is that? It was my own personal ‘Nam.
My mother also flew off the handle once about the language on the John Lennon/Plastic Ono Band album. She came into my room while I was playing it one day, as John let-loose a cuppa two tree fucks, and I was afraid she might rip the album off the turntable and fling it into the Kanawha River. But she just voiced her disapproval, and left it at that.
My parents aren’t Quakers, but they didn’t (and don’t) go around talking like record executives. And they don’t want that “filth” in their house.
Toney and I don’t go around swearing all the time, either. And it makes me a little uncomfortable to hear the f-word in our family room, with our kids sitting there. But, clearly, it doesn’t bother me that much. ‘Cause we keep buying them $65 software bundles for their Sony ProfaniStation.
Heh. We should probably make sure they only play their car racing games when my folks are here for Thanksgiving…
Were your parents strict/uptight about language while you were growing up? Can you remember any especially uncomfortable episodes along those lines? Please tell us about it in the comments.
And what are your thoughts on all those commercials about “freshness?” Man, you could’ve heard a pin drop at our house…
Yeah, it’s a loosely defined Question, but I’m struggling here. Do with it what you will.
And I’ll be back tomorrow.
Now playing in the bunker
Evil Twin t-shirts now only $13!
ONE !
I once heard a guy go off on some youts about cussing around his house. He cussed the whole time he was making his speech.
not only am I back but I am on fire. Top 3!!!
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters……..
Man, I hate it when I sometimes have that not so fresh feeling
one way to get rid of Nancy & Nossy–have one of the boys play that game–they’ll be out of there before you know it….but then we would miss out on all the stories…but when it gets to be too much of a good thing–Black Ops it is!!!
Very very uptight. Did not get away with saying “damn” and “hell” until my late teens. I only now just started saying “shit” in front of them, and I’m 38! Yelling “fuck!” around them will probably never happen, though they’ve probably heard me f-bomb like a kamikaze when I erroneously thought they were out of earshot.
I blame this state of affairs for why I otherwise curse like a sailor.
I think this so perfectly sums up how a lot of people, especially guys, feel about certain ads directed towards women.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KvoT0ZicwZY
Fabulous! I shared that with some friends.
I grew up in a very religious family, until the divorce but I digress, I was not even allowed to watch Happy Days. That Fonzi was a bad apple you know. I was allowed to listen to a very limited selection of music outside of hymns.
My daughter who is 11 loves, LOVES, to play Scarface on the xbox and once I sat there and heard the language I had to pull the plug on that.
I swear just as much as the sacrface game so I guess that makes me a big fat hypocrit.
I don’t remember my parents being strict about language so maybe that’s why I swear like a sailor today.
Freshness commercials have their time (during chick shows) and place (Oxygen, We, Lifetime), but it’s almost embarrassing to see them during guy shows or on guy channels (Spike, for example).
My mom didn’t really care a whole lot about that stuff when I was growing up. I remember when she bought my brother his first cassette. It was Snoop Doggy Dog Doggy Style. I couldn’t believe it. She also bought us Mortal Kombat 3 for our Sega Genesis one year. We were the envy of all my cousins. She let us get away with a lot of shit. She didn’t like for us to cuss though but as we got older she got used to it. LOL, my mom is awesome.
We weren’t allowed to use foul language in the house until after we were 18. If you did, boy my dad would hit you with the first thing he could get his hands on, even if he was 20 feet across the room. Strangly, they didn’t care about what we listened to. I had several Richard Pryor albums by the time I was 12. Mom would even hear them and not raise much of a ruckus over it. The parents cussed, but not once did I ever hear the F word out of Dad’s mouth until after I was an adult. Cracked me up the first time I heard it.
There was always some kind of foul language floating around our house so, we used it but we didn’t sound like a bunch of trailer trashers in the aisles of WalMart the day before Thanksgiving. I guess we “cussed with class”.
(In a minute I’m going to spew a blue streak. The wench next to me is listening to one of those learning seminars on her speaker phone. HELLO! Am I a part of this call? It’s muffled so I’m just getting white noise and I can feel my blood pressure spiking).
Even though my parents were cool as hell, I never really swore around them. When I was growing up I don’t think I ever heard them utter an F-bomb, especially my dad. It was usually shit, goddamn it, or in my case “you”, and son of a bitch.
After my dad died and mom grew older she seemed quite fond of the ol’ F-bombs. She didn’t give a shit who knew either. I guess thats where I get my trash mouth from. She used to work at a nursing home and private care until she died at 73. I used to laugh when she would talk about the “old ladies” and “old men” she took care of…she was 70 herself! She comes home one night bitching about an unruly male patient saying, “He kept trying to cop a feel, fucking bastard”. I told her she could get a cheap thrill and her reply was, “not with that old limp dick”… Ahh…miss ya mom.
You sure we didn’t have the same Mom?
SOS: Mom used to go through money like she had an hour to live…with nothing to show for what she spent. We used to say she either had a gambling problem or an illegitamet child. What up, bro?!?
OMG – my Mom worked in a nursing home, too and would on ocassion bitch about “them old coot bastards wheeling their chairs right by the doors so no one could get in or out.”
Mom has quite the yap.
Not much cussing around my house growing up. Nothing worse than damn or hell. My mom’s favorite saying when I was getting on her last nerve was ‘You make my ass tired.”
Then one day when I was 25 or so I was on the golf course with my Dad and he was having a hard time. He said “We could fuck around here all day.” And I laughed until I thought I would blow an aorta. Only time I had ever heard that from him. Miss you Mom and Dad.
my dad used to say ‘ oh ya bugger o’ hell!’ when he hit his thumb or suchlike but that was about it. They’d more likely use what would now be considered very unPC language. ‘ Better than a kick in the arse with a club foot!’ was quite popular and had lost its impact until the occasional ‘outsiders’ heard it .
We had to ‘ease’ our parents in to allowing cursewords and I guess I have my older siblings to thank for wearing them down years before I tried my hand at the practice. I never heard my old man say the F-word but one of my older brothers did and to this day it just astounds him.
One thing my dad would not put up with was calling someone (especially one of my brothers) a sonofabitch. Here I thought it was just another handy putdown but Dad made it clear that it was saying something about someone’s MOTHER. And he would have none of that in his house. Especially about MY mother (and his wife)! He said “If you ever call someone that, you’d better be smiling; else you’re liable to be picking yourself – and your teeth – up off the ground.
Miss you Dad.
I accidentally dropped the f-bomb in front of my Dad a few months ago during a “heated discussion” with my ass-hole BIL and I’m still on his shit list. I’m 55 years old. Puhlease.
In my house, we openly say whatever we want too. Occasionally my son will raise his eyebrows and remark that nice ladies don’t say that word.
I never said one time I was nice.
My dad was the epitome of uptight. No profanity. No M*A*S*H. No devil’s music on the radio. He once destroyed a KC & the Sunshine Band 45 he caught me sneaking around to listen to. No alcohol allowed. Church whenever the doors opened. He’s mellowed with age, but I still keep my alcohol & profanity restrained around him.
My parents divorced when I was 9 or 10 and my mother allowed all the forbidden things with gusto whenever we were at her house. It wasn’t until I was grown that I realized she wasn’t 100% comfortable with it all either, but she’d live with anything just to put a twist in my dad’s shorts. LOL
Parents never used the F Bomb or any body part words other than “ass”, but everything else could be strung together any which way.
As kids if we ever used the same language……..the belt would come off.
All my relatives swear like sailors. It was a relatively open house with regards to language, the only general rule for us kids was no swearing without a reason. I was well versed in sailor vocabulary by the time I got to highschool. Catholic highschool. Which brings up an interesting observation: There was a lot more casual swearing going on in the Catholic school system than there is in the public system.
I can attest to that! I went through Catholic Grammar school and we were were more liberal with our bawdy language than my public school cronies.
In school, some of my classmates were Catholic. That crew always had the foulest mouths. I figure it’s because none of those Carlinesque Anglo-Saxon monosyllables actually amount to taking the lord’s name in vain, so they’re OK if a bit coarse.
I did my best to keep up.
.
Pretty tame growing up, but that’s relaxed.
My 2.5 yr old nephew used damnit in context over the summer.
My folks would reprimand us when we swore, but it was a half-hearted reprimand at best.
George Carlin’s “AF/FM” album has a bit about the word “shit”. One of my fondest childhood memories is listening to that bit with my Mom the first time. She wanted to be a good parent and explain to me why cussing is wrong, but she couldn’t stop laughing.
My parents always enforced pretty strict profanity standards, and mostly by example. The strongest I ever heard from them was “dammit” – not even “goddammit”.
I was an eager student of the extended vocabulary of my peers, both in school and in the neighborhood. But in this, like every other area of human endeavor, the learning never really stops. The path truly *is* the goal.
One time (age 13 or 14) I let slip the dreaded S-word, totally sotto voce, which resulted in the one and only time I got my mouth washed out with soap.
.
Lol, you still referred to it as the “S-word”.
Oh yeah, “freshness” – the XGF and I used to mock those ads when they came on. Because they’re, you know, able to be mocked.
I always thought is was funny how commercials describe the sense of smell: if they are selling something that stinks, it is either an aroma (food) or a scent (perfume). If what they are selling is supposed to get rid of the stink, then it’s an odor. I think they should just use the word “stench” for everything and be done with it.
.
A feminine hygeine spray called Sprunt!
Well, you’d never forget the name! It would always be on the tip of your tongue!
Thank you George Carlin.
LOL – I miss George. I could use another HBO special.
At University Discount Center (no longer standing) at Ohio State, while shopping for beer, I noticed a toy M-16 rifle squirt-gun right next to the Massengill Disposable Douche. I pointed this out to a buddy and we agreed the two products should be combined and called “Massengun” (gets the job done).
Yes – when you’re storming the dark & dank depths of your woman’s fortress of love, ya better go in heavily armed.
8^)
lofl.
@sunshine – that is brilliant. Are you the Mad Men guy during your day job?
Regular cussing around the house when I was kid…Damn, hell, shit. Never outside out side the house though. Good rule I think. I was ninteen when I first heard Dad go apeshit and say fuck over a spare tire. It was an “enchanted moment.”
Cool old lounge lizzard comedian back in the day told a joke…
“Ya see all these new feminine products? The washes and stuff? All the different flavors? Strawberry, Peach, Lemon, Raspberry? My wife bought one of those. You know what she bought?….Tuna!!”
I’ll take Swords for 100, Alex.
We got HBO sometime in the 70’s and one time when my parents were visiting, we started to watch the movie Silver Streak after dinner. My mom was asleep in a recliner and she woke up just as the female lead was working (kissing) her way down the the chest and belly of the male lead (on the train, in a bunk). My mom screamed…”What is this – Deep Throat?”
It took me an hour to calm her down, and assure her that HBO didn’t have movies like that.
I meant to ad, after that, cussing was fine with her.
ADD – damn I must be stupid tonight.
I don’t know if I have ever mentioned it but I am monocular. Anyway a good friend of mine had a son about 18 months old at the time. One day he picked me up in his truck and when I got in the little kid put one hand over his eye and said “Chuck you one-eyed bastard!” Kid wasn’t even as tall as the seat back. Funniest damn thing I have ever heard.
Chuck…
How did the kid know? Do you wear the Patch? Just curious. None of my business.
jtb
No I don’t wear a patch…that would make me look like an aging pirate. Maybe a white Sammy Davis or a male Sandy Duncan. The kids dad put him up to it. He was always doing stuff like that. Not surprisingly the kid got in lots of trouble at school for cussing and other things.
Chuck: I just blew coffee all over my monitor. LMFAO!
I had a friend in St. Louis who lost an eye at a jack in the box. He would take out his glass eye to freak people out. My favorite is when he’d hold it over your beer when you were in the bathroom to “keep an eye on it”.
We called him One Eyed Mark, Reverend One Eye, and Air Conditioning Mark (That’s what he did).
Hey the bunker cam is the Mystery Spot in Santa Cruz, I used to live down the road 🙂 The only place on Earth where the laws of physics don’t apply… either that or a carnie trick. Great place to visit.
I’d say probably a carnie trick ….we have one too
http://www.mysteryhole.com/whatisit.html
I think the WV one might be a fake, but the Santa Cruz Spot actually defies the laws. That’s why Tom Lehrer stayed in town after retiring from UCSC.
jtb
Looks like Fringe is exploring the numbers stations. Whiskey, tango, foxtrot!
Hey, Gretchen, I’m watching it, too! This show just freaks me out, but I can’t stop watching it.
Olivia’s not very nice!
Fauxlivia, as my fellow online nerdlings call her. LOVED that they incorporated the freaky numbers stations into this episode. I’m all atwitter!
Yea, I can’t remember where I read about the numbers stations. It wasn’t on WVSR was it? I think it was about a couple years ago. That whole thing is really wierd. Looks like Olivia had better get the hell out of Dodge. From next week’s previews, it looks like she’s been discovered, and Walter’s had enough of her.
Jeff brought it up here a couple times. You can read more about it here:
http://www.archive.org/details/ird059
Thanks! That’ll take some time to go through.
Here’s another good article about the creator of The Conet Project. It kind of makes my hair stand on end whenever I read it. Especially this quote:
“Even if you assume that most of the messages are ‘pick up this money’ or ‘drop off the laundry,’ think about what numbers stations represent. The only way a secret like this can be kept is if you live in a society where everybody is obeying and everybody is a little sleepy. But if you’re a curious kind of chap you’ll wonder, if your government can keep this a secret, what other secrets are they keeping.”
And the link I meant to post would be:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A35647-2004Aug2.html
Thanks again! Good article.
How in the hell did some two-bit redneck peckerwoods (thank you Sam Peckinpagh) in Dunbar, WV have HBO in the late “70’s when us crackers in the suburbs of Richmond didn’t get cable until the mid-’80’s?
Yup, right around 1977 I believe Dave. I think we watched Car Wash and The Bingo Long Traveling All-Starts & Motor Kings about 50 times in a month.
** Stars **
Test market
Here’s a possible scenario: (I live in WV, too.) We’re not flat, like Illinois, so we can’t microwave the signals. Everything has to be satellited in. Even our public radio runs on satellite. Since WV is so “economically challenged”, maybe the feds paid for it. Who knows. I have no explanation.
Yes, I ate much liquid soap in my youth. And let me tell you it didn’t help at all! (This from the professor who explained the differences in what the “c” word means in the US versus the UK in my communications class…..)
What do you call a vagina full of bad decisions? A cuntastrophe
OMG you owe me a coffee since mine is now dripping off my screen.
That is hilarious. Can’t wait to tell that one ot Beloved.
My mom cussed like a sailor and all my friends loved to come over and listen to her because most of them had never heard half of the crazy shit she could come up My father on the other hand never cussed.
They were very strict as far as grades, dating, staying out late , etc etc etc but all us kids could cuss as much as our hearts desired . Go figure….
TILLY…
I am sorry to hear that you are on fire.
best wishes…
jtb
My parents let loose with the occasional hell, bitch, damn, sonofabitch or piss occasionally but never any profanity of a sexual nature. I heard my father utter the word “Fuck” only once in my life and my mother never used that sort of language. It was never acceptable for me to curse however and doing so would result in an odd scolding exclamation of “Here!” which sounded like “Hair!”.
I am incapable of describing how unfresh I feel some days, particularly after a sweat-dripping, panting hour of physical therapy. I might try a freshness product, but I’ll be damned if I’d know where to put it.
To echo an earlier comment, I suspect the whole freshness industry is a carnie trick.
jtb
You Sir are on fire.LOFL
Fuck all you cunts
i’ve just ( 5 minutes ago) confiscated a CD from my son’s growing CD collection. It was a compilation CD given to him by a neighbour who said it had some good tracks on it. Needless to say I forgot to check it and was horrified to hear track 22 blasting out mindless profanity at 8am. Mindless Drug Hoover – ‘The Reefer Song’ will not be being played again!
Growing up, I started with mild words and cranked it up a bit till I got a clip round the ear. then I’d leave it a while and try again.
I must admit to still enjoying a good swear. Especially if I hurt myself, wake up late, or my beloved Aston Villa FC lose a game.
I find combinations of crude body parts, animals, and references to intellectual capabilities work the best. For example “I can’t believe we lost again, the bunch of useless great cretinous-billy goats- ball bags.” Suddenly I am full of love and peace again.
The “c” word however, is still never allowed, under any circumstances. It’s the law!
Why? Whats so precious about the word ‘cunt’ that it is not allowed? Is ‘dick’ also on your never allowed list?
A good friend of mine used to say “Watch your fucking language, there’s cunts present!”.
I love that little man.
I learned how to cuss in the military at the tender age of 17.. 1987.. every other word was fuck and i never heard until I got to the base.. so after 5 years of indoctrination, i had my first civilian job and found quickly that fuck was not a word to throw out casual-like.. i got my mouth washed out by my mom for saying hell.. yet she cussed all the time.. shit being her fav word.. she’s a cunt anyway..
My dad on the other hand, was a vietnam vet ..spending time in the navy and cussed like a sailor.. (hehe) i learned how to say motherfucker from him but i only use it when im really angry..which im rarely anymore.. i miss ya dad.. muthafucka