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Preparing To Set Up Shop On Our Driveway

August 9, 2011 By Jeff 110 Comments

Before we get started today, I’ve had several people ask me about signed copies of the book.  I swear it’s true… I’m not just blowing smoke here.  So, I thought I’d open it up for orders again, briefly.  At the bottom of this post is a link where you can buy one, and I’ll remove it on Saturday or Sunday.  If you’d like a copy of Crossroads Road with my scrawl on it, then order away!  As always, thanks for giving a crap. [SORRY, you missed it. But the regular unsigned copies are still available.]

Toney and I are thinking about having a yard sale in the not-too-distant future.  Well, it’s Toney’s idea, of course.  I’d never come up with something like that… But I’m going to help in any way I can, and we’re going to try to get rid of some of the crap in our basement and garage.

Our basement is a mess, especially.  There are boxes down there that were sealed shut for our move to Southern California — in 1996 — that have never been opened.  Plus I just generally come with a lot of baggage, emotionally and otherwise.  I’m not really a fan of throwing stuff away.

So, I have every issue of Rolling Stone magazine that I bought during the ’70s and 80s, plus National Lampoon, Creem, Trouser Press, Sports Collectors Digest, The Sporting News, etc. etc.  I mean, it’s a metric shitload of reading material.

I also have every single zine I collected through the years, which undoubtedly looks like a mound of trash to my wife.  But it’s invaluable to me.  That’s the work of some of the most creative and interesting people in the world.  If something happened to it, I’d be despondent.

Somewhere down there is a box that contains everything that was on my desk at my old Atlanta job. I remember just throwing it all in a box, taping it up, and putting it on the truck.  I haven’t seen it since…  Under my desk calendar I kept a piece of paper where I’d note every concert I attended, sorta like Harv, I guess.  Also, the company gave us each a chunk of the Berlin Wall, which could be used as a paperweight.  (Kinda hipster, huh?) My chunk was really cool, with plenty of spray paint on one side.

See?  How can you toss stuff like that?

Another thing I’d like to locate in that cluster-fornication:  my dad’s dog tags, from when he was in the service.  They’re somewhere around here, but I haven’t seen them since the Clinton administration.

But, of course, there’s also a lot of full-blown crap in the basement.  And that’s what we’re going to try to sell.  Furniture that’s not being used… lamps… a computer printer that’s never been removed from its box…  Also, I’ve got roughly a million compact discs, and half-a-million DVDs, from my years in the “biz.”  I might try to sell the ones I don’t care about, for a buck each, or something.  We’ll see.

Do you have much yard sale experience?  Either as a seller or a buyer?  Tell us your stories in the comments.  Have you ever found something really great at a yard sale?  Like an original Rembrandt, or whatever?  We need to know.  Also, if you’ve ever hosted one, how did it go?  What do we need to be on high-alert for?  We’re fully inexperienced and need your guidance.

I’m also interested to know what kind of cool stuff you’ve got stored away in your basement, attic, or garage.  Please tell us all about it.

And I’ll see you guys again tomorrow.

Have a great day!

Now playing in the bunker
Jeff’s first novel, Crossroads Road, is available now at Amazon, the Kindle Store, and NOOKBooks.

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Comments

  1. doctorright says

    August 9, 2011 at 1:52 pm

    Hello.

    Reply
  2. Jason says

    August 9, 2011 at 2:04 pm

    I have lots of stuff that I won’t part with. Ancient Roman coins, antique guns, autographs (baseballs, cards, paper), some weird religious relics, and so on.

    This morning I went to the best garage sale ever. It wasn’t advertised, nobody was there, and everything was free. It was like my neighbor had just forgot and left his garage door open or something.

    I got a rug from a garage sale when we moved to a bigger house. Turns out it’s some kind of hand woven expensive ass rug. Paid $20 for it.

    We used to go to garage sales before we had kids and resale everything on ebay. I remember that those Wagner power painters were a big money maker. We made an average of $500 per month. But once the kids came it just wasn’t worth it.

    I bought an antique chair from an auction for $160 and sold it for $2,500 to an antique dealer. Score!

    Reply
    • doctorright says

      August 9, 2011 at 2:28 pm

      Autographs are cool. I think.
      When I was a kid, my dad (and mom once) and I went to five different inductions at the Pro Football Hall of Fame. And then to all of the training camps which were within driving distance. Met a lot of famous dudes, still have hundreds of autographs.

      And now I like baseball better.

      Two of the gents I met at the Hall- Mickey Spillane and
      Mr. T.
      Mr. Effing T. He told me to stay in school.

      Reply
      • Jason says

        August 9, 2011 at 2:56 pm

        I saw “Bart Star” walking through a car wash in Birmingham one day. He sent me to autographed photos of him in a Packer’s uniform.

        Reply
        • dto says

          August 9, 2011 at 3:19 pm

          He was always full of himself and now knowing he takes showers in a car wash proves it. Just can’t get use to not being naked in the locker room I guess.

          Reply
        • doctorright says

          August 9, 2011 at 3:23 pm

          See- that’s the problem with football.

          Too many hits to the head, and next thing you know BAM you’re wet as hell, walking through a car wash.

          Sad.
          I bet he was a nice old guy, though.

          Reply
      • madz1962 says

        August 9, 2011 at 3:18 pm

        Did he tell you – “I pity the fool who don’t stay in school.”

        Reply
        • doctorright says

          August 9, 2011 at 3:29 pm

          He screamed it at me.
          Then he yelled something about milk and bound away.
          He was wearing tiger-striped tights.
          For real. It was awesome, and also uncomfortable.

          Reply
          • Jason says

            August 9, 2011 at 3:56 pm

            Jesus! It sounds like he has some kind of acute mental disorder. Nobody ever yells anything about milk unless they’re fucking wild.

            Reply
      • WhiteTrashBarbie says

        August 10, 2011 at 10:56 pm

        I’ve met Mr. T too! And I also got his autograph! Very nice guy. He was a guest on a radio show I worked on, and he was promoting his comic book. He gave me one and signed it – stay sweet. Clearly he doesn’t know me.

        Reply
        • doctorright says

          August 10, 2011 at 11:14 pm

          Actually he was a great guy, real good with the peoples.

          That milk shit freaked me out, though. And who leaps around, bounding and shit?

          I’m sure you’re sweet. Mr. T knows things.

          Reply
          • dto says

            August 10, 2011 at 11:50 pm

            Mr. Tee’ anticdote’…I played for a really really good and cool comedien back in the early ’80s. He’d always find a guy in the room with an opened shirt and some gold chains hanging on him. He’d always say…”Oh look…a Mr. Tee starter kit. Never got old to me.

            Reply
            • doctorright says

              August 11, 2011 at 12:08 am

              No doubt. That’s still not old.

              And that’s why my 37.4 lbs. of chains and such are silver. To avoid confusion with Mr. T, and to avoid that joke. I’m a trendsetter.

              By the way, I play post-punk/ garage/ rock n soulbilly most Saturdays with a group of left over punks from the 70’s and 80’s. I’m the youngest of 7 or 8 guys, and I’m still in the ol’ 30’s. Music- a good way to be creative, let it go, and get punk in drublic (apologies to NOFX).

              Reply
  3. T. Farty McAppleass says

    August 9, 2011 at 2:12 pm

    I had one that went really well. Had some old bitches try to show up the day before (one the day of, at 5:00 am) to buy stuff early but I sent them packing.

    As long as people were willing to load stuff themselves I let stuff go for almost nothing. I think we made about $400 that morning.

    Reply
  4. Kelly from Iowa says

    August 9, 2011 at 2:13 pm

    Hate. Hate! having rummage sales. Get upset when someone (usually missing several very critical teef) tries to talk me down from the quarter I asked for a pair of jeans. Really? They can’t part with a quarter? Also, beware. A friend of mine had a hicklet take a dump in her front yard.

    Reply
  5. doctorright says

    August 9, 2011 at 2:23 pm

    Okay, I cheated. I commented first before fully reading. Lame.

    One of my main pursuits in life is what my family refers to as “resale.” I was raised by the rents to appreciate collectibles, and now me and my pa and bro refinish, refurbish and resell all kindsa stuff in all kinds of ways, at auctions and whatnot and things of dat naytcha.

    One way we sell our stuffs is, once a week at the minimum, a huge flea market. So, basically, we have a yard sale every week. Tables, big umbrellas, a canopy- actually looks halfway classy.

    Be prepared to hear snotty comments about some of your items. Be prepared for people to haggle on price, no matter how good of a price you give them. Somebody’s gonna break something. People will bring their pets and children and let them run and gallop about. You may have impulses. To smash and strike out at the customers.

    Have change (duh)- billls, coins. Make sure your stuff is relatively clean (duh). I don’t know about where everybody else lives, but around here folks want to show up at crackadawn o’clock. Do some sort of cheap advertising- posters, online, classifieds.

    Through the years, we’ve found a lot of cool stuff at other peoples’ sales- coins, comic books, sports memorabilia, movie posters, tools, books, art, wood carvings, jewelry, clocks. I am from a hoardy group of fools. I have… stuff.

    Hope this load of crap I just wrote helps somewhat. You’re smart enough to know all this shit anyway. If it didn’t help, well now that’s a chunk of life you ain’t gettin’ back.

    Good luck to you.

    Reply
  6. icecycle66 says

    August 9, 2011 at 2:23 pm

    I hate yard sales. Everytime I pass one I think, “If your shit isn’t good enough for you, then why is it good enough for me? You stuck up ass.”

    However, due to my proximity to Mexico, yard sales are a big money maker. All you need to do is give the Mexicans warning buy putting and ad in the Penny Saver for a few days and they will buy all your stuff. Unless it is absolutely terrible and of zero value, the Mexicans will buy it and bring it back to Mexico to do god knows what. Maybe they’re planning on building a giant waall of United States garbage in attempt to keep all the garbage from the U.S. out of their country.

    No crap though, every weekend an armada of 1970’s era pickup truck role through town looking for garage sales to raid and return back to mexico. It’s like the Viking raids of old, except with money and junk. If you show up late to a yard sale around here and there is still something left, pass it by because it didn’t pas the scrutinizing eye of a seasned Mexican and it won’t serve you any good.

    Reply
    • icecycle66 says

      August 9, 2011 at 2:29 pm

      Do the Canadians do this sort of thing up north/

      Reply
      • CADude says

        August 9, 2011 at 4:27 pm

        Yep. Eskimos come down in their 70’s-era pickup trucks.

        Reply
        • dto says

          August 9, 2011 at 4:45 pm

          Newfys seem only to buy hammers…so I’ve heard. They’re planning on building a hammer museum.

          Reply
  7. Root 66 says

    August 9, 2011 at 2:45 pm

    Oh boy! Nothing like blowing an entire weekend having a bunch of bottom-feeders rifle through all your stuff, and then piss and moan about having to spend $1 for a DVD or whatever.

    We had one lady that came in a rusty old minivan with a ton of little ankle biters. The kids all scurried around like cockroaches, trying to distract us. The mom then tried to put a CD in her purse (that was all of 50 cents.) I saw everyhting she was trying to do and asked her if she wanted me to wrap that for her. She dropped it and packed the kids back in the van (like a clown car) and sped off. Sheesh! For 50 cents? Whatever…

    Most of my stuff is old and broken down (read: four kids), so I usually can’t scare up enough stuff to even HAVE a yard sale! Nobody wants my junk. If someone broke into my house, they’d probably leave 20 bucks on the table and an apology note!

    Reply
  8. Ognir says

    August 9, 2011 at 2:57 pm

    It’s a good thing you are hanging on to those magazines. They sometimes go for a lot of money on Ebay.

    Reply
  9. Root 66 says

    August 9, 2011 at 3:07 pm

    …and another thing that annoys me at yard sales: people who walk up looking for specific things, “You got any pipe organs or waterfall dressers?”
    Dude, do you SEE any pipe organs or waterfall dressers? Yeah, I didn’t think so–move along!

    Reply
  10. Jason says

    August 9, 2011 at 3:14 pm

    I’ve been knocking on a lady’s door for 2 years because she sold me a toaster for $.50 that didn’t work. She never answers the door. I left the toaster on her stoop with a note stuck to it that says “Your head” and a hatchet smashed into it.

    She won’t call the police because she knows she fucked me outta half a dollar and the law is on my side on this thing. Plus there was that time that she allegedly caught me trying to cut her brake lines and she assulted me with her son’s paintball gun.

    She taped a dollar to her door the other night with a note, “Leave me alone about the fucking toaster already. Psycho!” But I refused to take it. You think I’m gonna let her turn this around where I owe her $.50? Nope. I scawled “leave exact change, cunt” on her door with my own blood.

    The moral of the story is that you don’t fuck people out of their hard earned quarters.

    Reply
    • doctorright says

      August 9, 2011 at 3:37 pm

      Dude…take the dollar.
      Then, tape $.50 to your head, wait in hiding until she leaves her house, then run full speed and truck her lousy ass from behind. Head first.
      Take her the fuck out, leave the quarters embedded in her flesh.

      That’s the only civil, legal way to handle it.

      Nobody will ever fuck with your quarters again.
      Cheers!

      Reply
      • Jason says

        August 9, 2011 at 3:53 pm

        I took the dollar. I’ve spent several sleepless nights chopping 2 quarters into small pieces and loading the resulting shrapnel into a couple of shotgun shells. I plan on shooting them through her living room window tonight.

        Then I’m going to run a wire from her brake light to her gas tank so that when she starts her car up it’ll explode.

        Nobody calls me an “obsessive fuck” and gets away with it.

        Reply
        • doctorright says

          August 9, 2011 at 4:16 pm

          Good sir, you are far from obsessive.
          Honest.

          And to call you a “fuck” is to elevate that word, at least in noun form, to a level of greatness and quality previously unseen in this lifetime.

          Please don’t kill me.

          Reply
          • Jason says

            August 9, 2011 at 4:26 pm

            Here’s the dealio, this trollop thought she could purchase my forgiveness for $.50. Not gonna happen. I’m going to let loose hell on her and ruin her life and kill all of her pets.

            Looking down her nose, calling me names. I’ll turn her into a paraplegic and she’ll pay for all of the other times she undoubtedly cheated people out of change. Jesus hates you, bitch!

            Reply
            • doctorright says

              August 9, 2011 at 4:41 pm

              All right. Y’know what?

              I was being a pussy there, and trying to be nice, because my psychiatrist won’t up my dose, … but now I’M pissed at that strumpet ass trick.

              I’m mouniting up, and I’m headin’ down Alabama way, and I’m gonna help you, Jason. Gonna help make the pain go away from you.

              We’re gonna tie this harlot up, and we’re gonna use sharp copy paper and lemon juice. I’m bringing a fuckin lead ball slingshot and we’re using it up close… real close. I’m not even drunk yet SHIT I’m hyped. You’ve done it now.
              This woman knows not the storm of strife and shitnicks she’s brought upon her doorstep.

              So, anyhow, talk later.
              Toodles!!!

              Reply
        • madz1962 says

          August 9, 2011 at 4:19 pm

          Jason and doctorright – do you have any fucking idea what diet pepsi feels like being snorfed through your nasal cavity? Well, do you? A couple more comments like that and I may as well snort battery acid. Holy shit! Funny stuff.

          Reply
        • icecycle66 says

          August 10, 2011 at 2:45 pm

          How’d it go last night?

          Reply
          • madz1962 says

            August 10, 2011 at 2:54 pm

            Me? How did what go?

            Reply
            • icecycle66 says

              August 10, 2011 at 4:35 pm

              No, Jason.
              I was wondering how making change for that lady went.

              Reply
      • CADude says

        August 9, 2011 at 4:32 pm

        “That’s the only civil, legal way to handle it.” Absolutely. I believe it’s in the Penal Code.

        Reply
    • Root 66 says

      August 9, 2011 at 4:26 pm

      I’m not sure if I am laughing because I’m disturbed, or if I should be disturbed because I’m laughing.

      Either way, that’s some funny stuff, right there.

      Y’all are aiming for the fence today!

      Reply
    • SaucyDeb says

      August 9, 2011 at 5:24 pm

      Pretty sure I nearly shorted out my laptop while shooting diet coke straight out my nose! Holy crap you guys are in fine form! I’m both disturbed and amused.

      Oh, and the bitch asked for it…

      Reply
      • bikerchick says

        August 9, 2011 at 7:23 pm

        Oh God!! ENOUGH!!! It’s not healthy to laugh this hard!!!

        Reply
  11. bikerchick says

    August 9, 2011 at 3:16 pm

    Being in the antique business for the last 15 years….I’ve frequented a few estate/garage/tag/rummage sales. I have more stories than Mother Goose on the subject.

    My advice:

    1. Get organized now. Start pulling out everything you want to sell; repack and put away what you don’t. You’d be surprised how many people bring out a box of shit “they just found” only to still have to sift through it, THEN decide IF they want to sell the new-found old treasures. I have had sellers take something out of my hand because it was in a box marked “garage sale” they didn’t go through and decided that item “wasn’t for sale”.

    2. Have everything out and on the tables/tarp/ground or whatever before that first person enters walks in.

    3. Put a price tag on it. Especially if it’s “yours”. It will save a lot of grief especially if you’re not handy. That way, Toney won’t sell an album for $2 when you wanted 25 bucks.

    4. If you actually have it in your garage or in an area where items, like furniture, tools, whathaveyou, are NOT for sale…cover those items with a tarp or blanket so they can’t be seen. I recently went to a house sale run by an acquaintance in the business. His girlfriend had piles of stuff (I WANTED) everywhere. Everything in those piles was “NFS” but not covered or marked as such. So cover it, remove it or mark it.

    5. If you are opening at 8AM…open at 8AM. If you are late and there are people in a line…you will get some pissed off buyers. Early birds usually do this for profit as well as themselves. They have their whole day mapped out in order of importance.

    6. If you do not want early birds, state it in the ad.

    7. Only ONE day is necessary. If people think they have another day to come back, they may forget and not return. Sell it the first time around. Get rid of the shit. Do something like Saturday, 8-2pm; 1/2 off at noon.

    8. If it’s advertised, make sure it’s there. Do a pre-sale BEFORE ads go out. I have had that happen all too many times. Stand for an hour in line waiting for a sale to open, looking for something advertised in the ad. Get in the door only to find out it had been pre-sold or already marked “sold”. Which I know is bullshit since I was the first one in the room.

    9. If you have speciality items like your magazines or CD’s, put it in the ad. Even better: Craigslist w/ photo’s. “Vintage and Collectibles” always bring people knocking. “Something for Everyone” means “what are we gonna do with all this shit now?”

    Is you head spinning yet? It seems like a lot but it really isn’t. I’m sorry. I know it’s just a garage sale. You may not have a “crowd” or a line. You may be sitting all day…who knows what sells. But at least you’ll be prepared.

    Reply
  12. Sluggy says

    August 9, 2011 at 3:21 pm

    First off, put anything of value on craigslist.
    Put price stickers on everything at the sale.
    Put any small/valuable things near where you will sit for the day so you can keep it from growing legs and walking away.
    The dealers will show up 2 hours before you advertise it starting.
    No matter what price you put on things, people will try to haggle you down, so start your prices a little more than what you actually want for it.
    As for advertising…Put big neon colored signs up at the end of your street, the end of that street onto the larger street, end of development, etc.
    Put an ad on Craigslist.
    Put an ad on the yahoogroups WilkesBarre-Scranton Tag Sale site…go to yahoogroups and do a search for it and sign up to be a member so you can post your sale. When you are done, feel free to unsub from the group.lol
    Local papers here charge about $20 for a classified ad so use the free advertising as outlined above.

    We just had a sale 2 weekends ago and I asked every person who came how they found us….the neon signs put up that morning was the biggest success.
    I really detest holding garage sales and dread them but am happy when they are over and I have cash in my pocket.

    If your location is not good for a sale, try setting up at the flea market. Do they still do the Circle Drive-In one up Rte. 6? I think there is one at the old Sugerman’s building in Eynon further up Rte. 6. There is a nice flea market off Rte. 11 below WilkesBarre in Shickshinny. I do that one sometimes. A LARGE buyer pool with no advertising by you! But you do have to show up when it’s still dark and wait in line to get in to set up…that’s a drawback.
    You’ll make more at the flea market.

    Hope this helps!

    Reply
    • FirstNations says

      August 9, 2011 at 11:22 pm

      Ditto that. Flea markets are the way to go if only because you aren’t stuck doing all the signs and advertising bs. Better yet, you DO make more money, and you don’t have a bunch of strangers knowing where you live, tramping through your yard, asking to use your bathroom, being creepy and unwashed and probably scoping out your house for ease of entry come some dark night. We do most of the major automotive and motorcycle swap meets near us; nearly everyone participating, including us, has a ‘garage sale’ style table along with the greasy rusty crap. We always do well.
      Best thing found: paid .25 for a little black jar up in Abbotsford (Canada, y’all) Lo and behold it was a 250.00 piece of San Ildefonso ware!

      Reply
  13. bikerchick says

    August 9, 2011 at 3:53 pm

    Now for a story or two:

    Anytime I see vintage/antique: musical instruments, Lionel Trains, or guns…advertised, I know it’s gonna be interesting. I’ve seen out and out fights and shouting matches over this shit.

    1. The best were the two asian dudes yelling about an antique violin found in the basement of an old house. Screaming at the top of their lungs in Korean or whatever. Sounded like two little girls in a sandbox. I thought they were gonna stroke the fuck out. Come to find out… they came TOGETHER with some other asian girl. She had to break them up. And she was the one who walked out holding the violin.

    2. Another good one: There is a guy and his neice who are well know in the estate/garage sale circle by “working over” the sellers. One will go in and keep the seller busy while the other stuffs shit in their coat and walks out. They are complete scumbags.

    This dude used to go to the houses the night before the sale and would leave a crumpled up coat or jacket on the front porch. In the morning, after people had been standing in line for sometimes hours, he would pull up in his car, walk up to the front porch and get in front of the line…stating he was “already here” and marking his spot, “See the jacket?”. The last time he pulled that shit, he got so mouthy with a couple of guys, they picked him up by the scruff of the neck and belt and bodily threw him off the porch into the snow. I about peed my pants. Everyone applauded.

    Reply
    • Bill in WV says

      August 9, 2011 at 4:26 pm

      That last incident, I would have loved to have seen with my own eyes. Actually, I probably would have been one of the throwers.

      Reply
  14. junkfood says

    August 9, 2011 at 3:56 pm

    Most of my suggestions were already covered by others. Here’s a couple I hadn’t seen.

    – Make sure you have an end time for the sale. Don’t say “Saturday 9 – ?” because people can and will knock on your door at 5 PM asking if it’s over.

    – When pricing stuff, figure out whether you’re pricing to make money, or pricing to get stuff OUT. You might leave some money on the table by taking 50 cents per CD, but remember part of the compensation is 15 now-empty boxes.

    Reply
  15. JCIII says

    August 9, 2011 at 3:56 pm

    Good Afternoon Surf Reporters…..

    Pretty much what everyone else has said so far.

    Expect people to be there at first light, even if you state “No Early Birds”. They just don’t listen.

    CDs and DVDs – If, say, you price them 50 cents a piece and are comfortable for “3 for a dollar” do it. They’ll all most certainly well sell.

    Prepare to get ripped off. You WILL get shoplifted. Yes, even for a 25 or 50 cent item.

    Reply
  16. dto says

    August 9, 2011 at 3:59 pm

    Hey…include a self-sponsored book signing. Since Borders is out…use your front yard.

    FAMOUS AUTHOR JEFF KAY BOOK SIGNING, MEMORABILIA AUCTION and YARD SALE.

    Cut up some of your old underwear and give strips away for book marks. Photo ops for a buck. I hear rejection letters fetch a buck or two.

    Reply
    • bikerchick says

      August 9, 2011 at 4:03 pm

      ….”Cut up some of your old underwear and give strips away for book marks….” ROTFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      Reply
    • Root 66 says

      August 9, 2011 at 4:18 pm

      I thought Nostrils swiped all his old underwear…

      Reply
      • Bill in WV says

        August 9, 2011 at 4:27 pm

        Sell Nancy, Nostrils and Sunshine. Better yet, make them a package deal.

        Reply
        • Root 66 says

          August 9, 2011 at 4:29 pm

          OR…sell Nancy, Nostrils and Sunshine-shaped cookies! They’ll go like hotcakes!!

          Reply
  17. Rick says

    August 9, 2011 at 4:13 pm

    Watch for the people who buy one item from you, but fill it up beforehand with other items without your knowledge!

    Reply
  18. CADude says

    August 9, 2011 at 4:30 pm

    All-in-all, I hate the garage sale process. I’d rather donate my old stuff to a charity (and the old stuff gets really, really valuable come April 15) than have some douchekateers (thanks for that word, Jeff. Sometimes it’s just perfect.) going through it all on my property.

    I agree that anything of value (including collectables) should be put on Craig’s List, or somesuch. You want serious buyers for that stuff, not haggling professional pickers (or, worse yet, old ladies).

    That said, there have been a couple of times when TW (The Wife or The Wrath, depending) has decided to get the stuff out of our garage via a garage sale. I always have a Plan B for stuff that doesn’t sell, in the form of a dumpster delivered the day before by Waste Management. The worse-case scenario is that the garage gets cleaned out, for the price of a dumpster. Any revenue on top of that is gravy.

    That philosophy has led me to agree to sell an old ice chest (cooler) for a pittance, so long as the buyer took the other 3 that were out there. And I’ve given old kids’ books away–to the kids whose parents have forced them to go garage sale hunting. The same with old athletic equipment–if someone will use it, it’s worth forgoing the $3 I might have made. Some people can’t grasp the concept, and insist on paying something, so I just take their first offer. Hell, I have a dumpster to pay for. The general rule: nothing goes back into the garage.

    Reply
  19. BooBoo says

    August 9, 2011 at 4:43 pm

    There is a good chance I am a full on retard…but did I miss the autographed book link? I have a book collection of first editions and such and I would love to have an autographed copy.

    Reply
    • WB in OH says

      August 9, 2011 at 5:44 pm

      I’m no mental health expert so I leave your comment alone, however, if you return to the end of the post and the beginning of the comments, you will see a big gold button with the words “buy now” on it. Give that a try.

      Reply
      • johnthebasket says

        August 10, 2011 at 1:46 am

        Dammit, WB; I’ve been assuming all along that you ARE a mental health expert (or, its antithesis, an IT engineer). I’ve been taking all your advice and wondering why I’m still all fucked up.

        jtb

        Reply
    • dto says

      August 9, 2011 at 9:31 pm

      BooBoo…hold off from buying right now and wait for the free book marks.

      Reply
  20. Phantom Railfan says

    August 9, 2011 at 4:45 pm

    I’ve got tons of stuff stowed away, much of it acquired at garage sales, thrift stores, etc as well as assorted ephemera related to my railfanning hobby. I’m actually not sure where a lot of it actually came from. None of it is particularly valuable, but it is all cool–to me anyway: record albums with cheesy covers and cheesier music, 45s and 78s, old magazines and paperback books, 1920s glass bottles, a light bulb from the 1940s, an old table-top tube radio from the late 30s, a few old RR timetables, a bunch of 1930s and 40s locomotive photos, glass insulators, and a number of local-advertiser neighborhood newspapers from the early 30s. I’ve also got a good deal of my Grandfather’s old correspondence and daily journals dating from the 1920s to the early 60s–fascinating stuff…

    Reply
  21. madz1962 says

    August 9, 2011 at 4:46 pm

    I helped my friend with a tagsale when she was cleaning out her Mom’s apartment. Apparantly, the building housed a lot of elderly folks who thought this was the social event of the month. They came staggering in, eyeing everything, touching, poking, lifting, squinting, tisk-tisking. It was amusing.

    One crotchety old fuck decided to purchase a neon green, plastic clock. Haggled it down to a quarter. On the way out, he dropped it and broke the plastic face. Came back in growling that he wanted his quarter back.

    Reply
  22. wordnerd says

    August 9, 2011 at 4:55 pm

    I’ve had approximately a dozen successful garage sales and one crappy one. So I’m ahead in the game. I have a million pointers, but seriously, the best thing you can do is sell early and get rid of it. It gets really, really old later in the day. You’ll make 90% of your money in the first two hours. I sell to early birds (they’re the serious ones, and they’ll take most of your really good stuff) and then practically give the stuff away at the end.

    As for books and cd’s, I list mine on half.com. Really easy – you just plug in the ISBN or UPC number, it brings up the book or cd and description, and even tells you the going rate. You’ll make a lot more money than you think. And you’ll be surprised how many people want to scoop up that old Roxy Music cd.

    Reply
  23. Alex says

    August 9, 2011 at 4:57 pm

    I hate garage sales… Not so much the sales themselves, just the large percentage of cock gobblers that show up to them.
    -NO PARKING signs means just that. Don’t fucking block the street cause you are too lazy to take an extra 10 steps to cross the street. Wheres parking enforcement when you need it? Prime, legitimate revenue generation for the city.
    -The drive by gazer… F’ing hell you douche, go park your heap if you want to gawk and get outta my way.
    -The park and whip open the door and be halfway out nearly getting your ass run over. Oh how I wish I could let my inner self take care of those darwin escapees.
    -The guy who upon departing, decides he needs to go in the other direction and like the out the door before the car stops rocking idiots whips into a driveway and backs out nearly getting creamed by the car behind… Namly me again… Another for my inner self to take care of.

    I hates garage sales…

    Reply
    • madz1962 says

      August 9, 2011 at 5:10 pm

      LOL – the whole post but “cock gobblers” made my face crumple into shoulder shaking laughter.

      Reply
  24. dto says

    August 9, 2011 at 5:02 pm

    And Jeff…I’ve got my Dad’s dog tags and his dog’s dog tag. Dad joined the Navy in early ’47 and that’s his dog Brownie’s license tag date from Hamilton Co. Ohio. They grew up together and Brownie said fuckit when Dad left and shortly Brownie sailed off himself. I’m really happy to have ’em.

    Reply
    • chill says

      August 9, 2011 at 8:09 pm

      I have my grandpa’s first aid kit from when he was in the Army in 1918. What I -don’t- have is his .45ACP from those days.
      .

      Reply
      • dto says

        August 9, 2011 at 9:17 pm

        Cool chill…while back in Cincy I acquired a Civil War era bugle form a guy that was his great-grand father’s and an 1864 Indian Head (feather not dot) penny his g-gramps had with it. Bugle is only beat up a bit and is of heavy brass. Bounced around on a horse or two I’d think. Gave twenty bucks for the bugle and twenty bucks for the penny.

        (actually…the Indian Head is a misnomer. That was actually supposed to be the statue of liberty profile thingy on there.)

        I like old stuff. For example…Take my wife. Please!

        Reply
        • chill says

          August 9, 2011 at 10:35 pm

          “I like old stuff. For example…Take my wife. Please!”

          Ba-da-dum – ch…… (that’s supposed to be a rim shot)

          So dto, aren’t you the trumpet player? I could be wrong. But anyway, brass is awesome. It’s a skill I never figured out, even though my dad played trumpet and cornet in HS and college bands. All I could do was flute and sax, and I suck even so. Guitar is a painful mystery.

          About the best I could do was to go and see Tower of Power when they came to town. A mind-blowing show, and highly recommended.
          .

          Reply
  25. Doug says

    August 9, 2011 at 8:18 pm

    Agree with Wordnerd, the early birds will snap up most everything that will sell. By noon you’ll find yourself giving stuff away to anyone who will bother to stop by.

    Heh, cockgobblers. Too funny!

    Reply
  26. m says

    August 9, 2011 at 9:32 pm

    I would rather dig out my eyes with a grapefruit spoon than ever have another yard sale. People are crazy, and the craziest of them flock to yard sales. At our last one, people CAME IN MY HOUSE AND RUMMAGED THROUGH MY KITCHEN CABINETS. And yes, I’m screaming that. I also hate the ones that try to bargain over ever single little thing. No, I will not sell you that for $0.08 when it’s marked a dime. Give me a damn dime or go away. And then there are also the shoplifters. No way, no yard sales, ever, ever, ever again. I’ll give it away and take a tax deduction. Hell, I will burn it in the yard and enjoy the pretty flames before I will have another yard sale.

    Reply
  27. JoshuaJ says

    August 9, 2011 at 10:13 pm

    My wife and I hit garage sales pretty frequently and have held a few. Biggest tips I can give are pretty simple.

    Most people don’t hit garage sales with more than $100 in cash. This has been stated on numerous rummage sale sites over the years. The exception are specific item hunters(an advertised sofa, or fridge for example)

    Craigslist is excellent for generating traffic. Be explicit.

    Don’t price to get rich or make huge profits if you really expect to move items(unless they are in fact worth a hefty price). Common mistake is people price too highly for literal crap, then wonder why they’re putting it back in their garage in the evenings. If you can’t part with it, don’t put it out, otherwise come to terms with smaller pricing.

    Place many signs with simple directions(arrows are great). I can’t stress how poorly setup signage kills sales. If they can’t find it, they can’t shop, but it’s amazing how many use shitty signs/directions.

    Avoid price reduction do to haggling on anything more than $20 in value. There are professional sale goers who live to rip off average folk by haggling them down, then turning around and reselling the item online, their own sale, or swap shops for a large profit.

    Reply
    • bikerchick says

      August 10, 2011 at 9:03 am

      I second the sign advice…. Neon posterboard with LARGE black print that can be seen from a passing car. I have seen far too many signs with teeny tiny print with a ball point pen. Also, make sure the date and time are listed. I am a hugh fan of stopping at a sale just because I saw the sign. But if I don’t see a date, fuck it. It could be an old sign posted weeks ago.

      Reply
  28. FirstNations says

    August 9, 2011 at 11:32 pm

    Gonna say it again: box it all up and go sell it at a flea market! What you don’t move by 2:30 pm you drop off at Goodwill, or load into one of those big dumpsters behind the grocery store (although lots of flea markets rent out a dumpster for the event; check their site for info). Flea markets truly are sanity-savers…and privacy savers too.

    Reply
  29. Jed says

    August 10, 2011 at 12:26 am

    We had a bunch of huge, stacking vinyl blocks that this mom wanted to haggle me down on. I paid $350 for them, was asking $80. She wanted to pay $50. Came back with her husband and three sweet little kids after closing, and I still had them. I told her she could find them posted on Craigslist tomorrow for $150, if she still wanted them. I don’ t know which was better, the five slackjaws, or the huge smile on my wife’s face when I retold the story. I donated them to a day care center the next day.
    My best advice: Have fun, and make your own happy ending.

    Reply
  30. Jed says

    August 10, 2011 at 12:29 am

    One more:
    Tool rats. If you’re selling tools, or if any tools are in sight from the street, you will attract these rats. After I dragged out an extension cord so that one of these “customers” could test out a massive belt sander, he proceeded to get his hand caught in the goddamn thing.
    Like I said, make your own happy endings.

    Reply
  31. Ric Frost says

    August 10, 2011 at 12:32 am

    We tried the yard sale route when we were drastically shrinking our crap back in 2006. We spent more hours that I care to think about babysitting piles of stuff just to make a couple hundred and move about 10% of what we wanted to get rid of. Then we contacted an auctioneer. Filled up one of the largest U-Hauls, dropped it at the hall the auctioneer rented, hung around a few hours watching it all get sold, pocketed $7K after getting rid of every last thing. We’ll never do another yard/garage sale again.

    In the past, I’ve been big on using craigslist, but a recent batch of stuff just got me grifters trolling for e-mail address and phone numbers. I don’t think I’ll be using it again.

    Reply
  32. Knucklehead says

    August 10, 2011 at 1:39 am

    I miss living in the Haight Ashbury for the sole reason that after a garage sale, the stuff that didn’t sell we left on the sidewalk and it was gone in 20 minutes.
    I don’t think the Italians are much into second hand stuff, but we’re gonna find out. We’re having a second hand sale in the piazza of our village on the 18th of the month. A British woman and myself are putting it one. Should be interesting, if nothing else. I have a fuckton of stuff I brought from the US that has absolutely no use here.

    Happy Wednesday, Surfers!

    Reply
    • johnthebasket says

      August 10, 2011 at 4:26 am

      Knucklehead…

      Please be sure to follow up and let us know how the sale went. It will be interesting to know what kind of stuff Italians are interested in purchasing. For that matter, please keep posting about your experiences. You are a keen observer and I’ve already learned some from you about Italian culture.

      jtb

      Reply
    • Root 66 says

      August 10, 2011 at 8:46 am

      Maybe you’ll sell ALL your American stuff because that might seem wildly exotic and “Western” to them.
      I mean seriously, how many Italians would have a Dale Earnhardt Christmas ornament with the little angel wings on it?!

      Reply
  33. johnthebasket says

    August 10, 2011 at 4:29 am

    This morning my mono vinyl record of The Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan began playing in stereo. It was those damn instructions again.

    jtb

    Reply
    • CADude says

      August 10, 2011 at 5:00 pm

      I read this reference to the instructions this morning, and..well..that was almost 4 hours ago, and I’m thinking that if this thing doesn’t recede, I’m going to have to either visit a doctor per the pill-pusher’s disclaimer, or find someone who would appreciate it. I can’t go home–I’d surely catch a metric ton of grief for doing things/thinking thoughts that I’ve neither done nor thought. TW just wouldn’t understand.

      jtb–I think you had this problem yesterday. Did it resolve itself, or did you have to take action?

      Damned instructions.

      Reply
      • johnthebasket says

        August 11, 2011 at 4:00 am

        Dude…

        You came to the right place. Yesterday, seven hours into the muscle-of-love problem, I visited the local Indian casino. I wagered a little over a hundred dollars on the one-armed bandits, and, naturally, won nothing. That’s enough to shrink any membrane, and way better than looking like a one-armed bandit myself.

        However, I suppose you don’t have Indians in OC, much less Indian casinos. Perhaps just driving up to Yorba Linda and pissing on Nixon’s grave would do the trick. It certainly would for me.

        If that doesn’t work, I can only recommend reading the instructions backwards. I’m going to have to do that myself if my electric bread slicer doesn’t stop playing “Norman” by Sue Thompson over and over and over.

        best of luck as always…

        jtb

        Reply
  34. Chuck in Belpre says

    August 10, 2011 at 8:44 am

    I was looking at a photo gallery of the rioting in the UK. It would appear that most people in that country wear Adidas track suits as daily wear. What’s up with that?

    Reply
    • AngryWhiteGuy says

      August 10, 2011 at 12:55 pm

      Well, thank God that America sent superhero Hulk Hogan to go over there and deal with it. Gotta love this country.

      Having a garage/yard sale sucks. In my experience, I have made no more than 70 dollars selling my shit.

      I like when the retiree in the Escalade pulls up and tries to haggle with me over some shit I put out there for a quarter. “I’ll give you 15 cents for this”. Fuck you cuntface, get the fuck off my lawn!

      The only thing I have gotten at a yard sale that I liked was a painting. It was on a 4×3 feet canvas and appeared to be an abstract of Hester Prynne, from the Scarlet Letter, a book I was forced to read in high school. I have never read a novel since. Lots of blues and reds in the colors.

      Reply
      • uncle_wedgie says

        August 10, 2011 at 1:35 pm

        Was the painting on black velvet?

        Reply
      • Swami Bologna says

        August 10, 2011 at 3:23 pm

        You didn’t read Jeff’s novel?

        Reply
  35. Becki says

    August 10, 2011 at 9:48 am

    Ordered your book! Sent you an email as to the name I preferred you to sign it to!

    Price to SELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Watch for people who buy small items with $20 bills – garage sales are often used to pass counterfeits!!

    Reply
  36. rob says

    August 10, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    I had a yard sale about 3 years ago, right before we moved to the current house. A Mexican guy bought my old clothes dryer for $10.00, which still worked..sorta..
    The funny part was I helped him load it into the truck of a rusted out Toyota Corolla. Actually, it was more like loading it ONTO the trunk of said Corolla. He pulled out some rope and just lashed the bitch down and drove off. Our South of the Border friends are so creative!!

    Reply
  37. henderson says

    August 10, 2011 at 1:20 pm

    We have the same issue as icecycle66. The Mexicans show up early and grab mostly the stuff for kids. We just avoid the whole hassle these days by just leaving stuff at the curb. It’s ALWAYS gone by morning.

    Funny story…. neighbor put a desk credenza to the curb, which I grabbed and drug home. The wife saw it in the garage a couple of days later and said “No.” So I put the credenza back in front of the neighbor’s house with a sign that said “Please don’t give me away again. I’m sorry. I’ll be good. I promise.” I gotta smirk when I here him tell the story about the furniture that came back.

    Reply
    • Alex says

      August 10, 2011 at 4:51 pm

      LOL!

      Reply
  38. dto says

    August 10, 2011 at 1:29 pm

    I had a yard sale about 10 years ago. Not a bad day all in all. The neighbor across the street at the corner did one every other weekend. That was his gig and he had all the signs up and stuff so I had a built in traffic flow. I put up a small saw horse out front my driveway with a poster on both sides that said…MORE STUFF…and arrows pointing to my garage. Sold some pretty decent crap I’d have to say. Sold a cool rug I had for $200 and I sold my organ for $300.

    Reply
    • Alex says

      August 10, 2011 at 4:53 pm

      Ouch. 😉

      Reply
  39. CADude says

    August 10, 2011 at 5:36 pm

    $300 for your organ? Didn’t she know that she could have bought a jackrabbit for $80 or so?
    (price based on quick web search, not on personal knowledge)

    Reply
    • dto says

      August 10, 2011 at 5:42 pm

      Yeah weird but…she tried to talk me into going down but I was in no mood to dicker. Turns out…the more she talked the more I went up.

      Reply
      • johnthebasket says

        August 11, 2011 at 4:12 am

        dto…

        I don’t know you, but you seem to be in the prime of life. Instead of selling your organ for $300, just read the instructions like The Dude did and it will be as good as new. Better. Well, maybe not better, but always ready for action.

        I think The Dude is highballing the jackrabbit, but, in the end, that’s better than lowballing it. Actually, you don’t have to use it in the end at all; that’s a personal preference thing.

        jtb

        Reply
        • dto says

          August 11, 2011 at 10:49 am

          What happened was I asked her to come back at the end of the day so she could try it out and find out why the high asking price. So I plugged in my organ and she loved it some much she started singing along. I don’t normally like sapranos but she did some pretty high straight voice trills you don’t hear very often. After a coulpe hours of trying it out she decided to think about it and come back in a day or so. She gave me the three bills for her deposit and told me my organ was her’s. The sale was easier than I thought and earlier in the day…all I thought she wanted to do was for me to dicker…just to see if I would.

          Reply
  40. doctorright says

    August 10, 2011 at 10:22 pm

    Think of the one thing in this world that you could not give one iota less of a shit about.
    Got it?
    Now replace it with this:

    The Baltimore Orioles just won.
    They won a fuggin game.

    WOOOOOOO YYEEEEAHHHH More fuckin beer YEAH WOOOOO

    We might not lose 100 this year… baby steps…

    Yeah, I said “we.” Like I’m on the damn payroll WOOOOOOOO

    Aaiiight back to regularly scheduled bullshit.

    Reply
    • dto says

      August 10, 2011 at 10:45 pm

      Aw crap…the economy is in the shitter and now the Orioles are winning. Those damn Mayans might be on to something.

      Reply
      • doctorright says

        August 10, 2011 at 11:03 pm

        My impassioned response, which appears below, was meant as a reply.

        You know, I fuck this reply thing up once a week.

        Another sign of the apackoflips.

        Reply
  41. doctorright says

    August 10, 2011 at 11:00 pm

    Oh, that’s just fine good sir- cast your aspersions upon me and my tiny orange and black feathery little friends…
    won’t your face be tight in 2064 when we bask in the glory of a WORLD SERIES VICTORY!?!

    Although with this victory and the economy and these bastard assed flash mobs and these damned reality shows and what with James Patterson writing a book every 8 fuckin minutes, the Mayans could be right…

    then no Series Championship…

    damn it man

    Reply
  42. johnthebasket says

    August 11, 2011 at 4:20 am

    Joey asked me for a date,
    He wanted to take me out to skate —
    But I told Joey he would have to make
    ‘rangements with Norman.

    Norman , ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
    Norman, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm
    Norman, Norman, my love.

    Reply
  43. t-storm says

    August 11, 2011 at 11:23 am

    Hey kids. Computer questions. Is there any solution to unmountable_boot_volume?

    Reply
    • Jason says

      August 11, 2011 at 12:19 pm

      http://www.wisefixer.com/lp/?kw=unmountable_boot_volume&gclid=CJH0q8PSx6oCFQKt7QodhV6E1g

      Reply
    • dto says

      August 11, 2011 at 1:27 pm

      Hey t-storm…looks like you’re in good hands here. I have no clue what you’re talking about but if you ever have any weed-wacker issues…I’m at your service of course.

      Reply
  44. jim britton says

    August 11, 2011 at 12:21 pm

    Is this a Windows installation?
    Can you start the recovery console?
    If you do not have the recovery console installed or if that version does not work, try to boot from an installation CD and select R for repair.
    Then run these commands –
    chkdsk c: /r /p
    fixmbr
    exit (to reboot)
    It couldn’t hurt…

    Reply
    • Chuck in Belpre says

      August 11, 2011 at 3:00 pm

      What Jim said should work. But, I just now looked at one with this message and it turned out to be a bad CD drive. Yeah…me neither.

      Reply
  45. dto says

    August 11, 2011 at 1:55 pm

    Anyone notice the price of good copy paper lately? I like 24wt but crap…they seem to have finally caught up with the tern “ream”.

    Reply
    • Chuck in Belpre says

      August 11, 2011 at 3:03 pm

      Last time I bought 24wt it was $5 a ream. What is it now?

      Reply
      • dto says

        August 11, 2011 at 3:31 pm

        double…hey..I feel like bitching. I guess I could could go out and cut down one of my trees and make it myself. That’s what the pioneers use to do so I’m done bitching now.

        Reply
  46. bikerchick says

    August 11, 2011 at 3:39 pm

    I miss the old days of frequent updates….the spring on my “Refresh” button just sprung. I miss you, Jeff! The way you whip your fingers through your hair… The way your rectal plate falls out…. The way you pick the pickles off your burgers…. The way sweet tea tweaks you out…. I miss your cartwheels….

    Someone hold me….. *sigh*

    Reply
    • Chuck in Belpre says

      August 11, 2011 at 3:52 pm

      You figger out that damn camera yet?

      Reply
      • bikerchick says

        August 11, 2011 at 3:57 pm

        Kind of. Using the “macro” mode for my jewelry. My photo’s seem to be improving. I love it!

        Reply
    • dto says

      August 11, 2011 at 4:36 pm

      Damn bikerchick…I thin you just wrote an LMN movie.

      Reply
  47. dto says

    August 11, 2011 at 4:37 pm

    “THINK”…crap!!

    Reply

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