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Please Help Me! I Think I Wrote a Check My Ass Can’t Cash

October 21, 2013 By Jeff 93 Comments

karl

I made a commitment a few days ago which might come back to haunt me. Toney started a new schedule at her job, which requires her to work on Saturdays. She’s never really worked on weekends, so it’s going to be weird. But I told her I’d cook dinner that night — just blurted it right out there — and she happily accepted the offer.

The problem? I can’t cook, at all. Back during a previous lifetime I would sometimes take a stab at breakfast, and it was usually semi-successful. But I don’t know how to cook dinners. Toney got rid of our grill a few weeks ago, because it was rusting out, so I can’t even resort to burgers on the deck. I think I might’ve made a tactical error…

I’m going to give it a shot, though. I’m going to prepare dinner, and have a six-pack of some sort o’ microbrew in the fridge, every Saturday night. Try to turn a negative into a positive. If you guys have any suggestions for good, but SUPER-easy things to cook, please help me out. I’ll be driving back from West Virginia this coming Saturday, but will be starting down the slippery slope of tears, profanity, and “Oh my god, somebody call 911!!” the following weekend. Help me out, won’t you?

The rules: normal stuff (no fancy-ass boolshit), a minimal number of ingredients, and directions that even I can follow. What would you suggest? And I’m serious when I say it’s gotta be simple. It’s going to be like Karl Childers competing on Chopped.

Any suggestions for me? Please use the comments link below.

How are your cooking skills? How did you learn? Did somebody teach you, or did you figure it out via trial and error? Also, any tales of cooking disaster? If so, please share those as well.

And I need to go to work. I feel weird today, physically weird. Hopefully I’m not moving toward the light. I’ll be back tomorrow, I hope.

In case you missed it, we’re doing a roundup of Donnas here. Also, Kevins. So, if you know any Donnas or Kevins, please tell us all about ’em.

Have a great day, my friends.

Now playing in the bunker
Use the Surf Report’s webhost: HostGator!

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Comments

  1. shinywilly says

    October 21, 2013 at 2:05 pm

    1st

    Reply
  2. shinywilly says

    October 21, 2013 at 2:13 pm

    I made a kick ass bacon wrapped pork loin roast that was so simple.

    preheat oven to 350
    1-1/2 to 2 lb. pork loin
    season with black pepper & lowerys seasoning salt
    wrap loin with 5 or 6 strips of bacon
    cut up & quarter 4 potato’s
    slice an onion

    put loin, potatoes & onions in a baking dish
    center rack for 40 min

    If this does not work…….Call for pizza delivery

    Reply
  3. Icecycle66 says

    October 21, 2013 at 2:36 pm

    Here’s three of my wife is not around meals.
    I have more if need be.
    From easiest to slightly less easy:

    —–

    Fish with macaroni and cheese:

    Ingredients:
    Mysterious white fish from the freezer section. (Not that pre-battered garbage. Get some sealed packs of tilapia or mahimahi or whatever.)
    Old Bay seasoning.
    Pam cooking spray, or similar.

    Defrost the fish in the sink under running water.
    Put a pan on medium heat.
    Spray some Pam on it.
    Cover each side of the fish in Old Bay.
    Cook each side of the fish for three or four minutes.

    Make some macaroni and cheese from a box.
    Eat that shit.

    —–
    Hot chunks of meat with macaroni and cheese:

    Ingredients:
    A pound of some meat (not ground meat, whole meat. Doesn’t matter what kind)
    Some olive oil
    Couple of big squirts of Sriracha hot cock sauce
    Liberal sprinkling of garlic powder
    Two or three shakes of soy sauce, or just some more salt
    Five or six shakes of Worchester sauce

    How to:
    Chop up a bunch of meat into little bite sized cubes.
    Mix that meat and all the other shit in a bowls and let it sit on the counter out of dog range for about half an hour.
    Heat of a pan at medium to medium-high heat.
    Dump all that shit on the pan.
    Cook it for a few minutes, maybe eight minutes. Make sure all the sides of the meat get brown; not grey, brown.

    Make some macaroni and cheese from a box.
    Eat that shit.

    —–
    Fajitas
    Ingredients:
    A big ass flank steak
    Normal sized jar of Pace Picante sauce
    An onion.
    Some bell peppers
    Garlic powder
    Chili powder
    Cumin powder(Look in the back of your spice cabinet, it’s there)
    Salt
    Black pepper
    Vegetable oil
    Tortillas (that’s exotic shit)

    Cut all the fat off of your flank steak.
    Put the flank steak in a bowl or something. Put some salt on it, not a bunch, just some. Punt a bunch of garlic powder on it; that shit’s delicious. Put a smidge of cumin and a couple shakes of chili powder on it. Drown that bitch in Pace. Let it sit on the counter well away from Andy’s serpent like tongue while you do the rest of this.

    Cut up the onion and bell peppers like you see on TV. Put some salt on them. Put a little bit of chili powder on them. Put just enough vegetable oil in the bottom of a pan big enough to hold you whole piece of unfurled meat. Heat the pan up to medium or medium-low on the dial. Put your vegetables in it, the meat comes later. Cook the vegetables until they are as soft as you want them to be. Stir’em every once in a while. Cook them for the duration of at least one beer.

    Now dump all that cooked shit into a bowl.

    Now heat up you pan to medium-high or high on the stove dial. Slap your beef flap on it.
    The room will fill with smoke. That means it’s working.
    A bunch of shit will smell like it’s burning, that’s okay.
    Cook the meat for 4 or 5 minutes on each side. It will probably look burnt.
    Cook it to medium doneness.

    Take out the meat and drink a beer.
    Now cut the meat AGAINST THE GRAIN.

    Make some macaroni and cheese from a box.
    Eat that shit.

    Reply
    • Doug says

      October 21, 2013 at 3:39 pm

      Now you could write a cook book I’d find worthy of using!

      Reply
    • Flip says

      October 21, 2013 at 4:08 pm

      I’ve got 2 words for you. Crock pot.

      Reply
      • John Smith says

        October 21, 2013 at 6:08 pm

        I had three words.
        Google.
        Crock.
        Pot.

        Reply
        • johnthebasket says

          October 21, 2013 at 11:19 pm

          Not just too complicated. An order of magnitude too complicated.

          jtb

          Reply
    • T-STORM says

      October 24, 2013 at 10:53 am

      Vegetarian mac and cheese:
      Make some macaroni and cheese from a box.
      Eat that shit.

      Reply
  4. Jorge says

    October 21, 2013 at 2:57 pm

    Alright, I cook well, but for the novice here’s something easy.

    Hard to screw up spaghetti (unless Toney is used to good Italian food, then disregard).

    Boil water.

    Add spaghetti noodles to the boiling water (after removing from the box), cook until soft (take one out from time to time, run it under cool water and taste, if it’s undercooked, keep going.)

    Get a jar of your favorite spaghetti sauce, open it. Heat on high in the microwave for 45 seconds.

    Put a collander/strainer in the sink, dump in the spaghetti once it’s cooked.

    Put the drained spaghetti in a bowl. Pour the sauce on.

    Mix

    Serve

    Eat.

    If you want to get crazy you can probably buy frozen meatballs and warm them following the instructions on the package. You can probably microwave those too.

    Honeslty, cooking isn’t rocket surgery. Watch some cooking shows from time to time, get some ideas, follow some recipies.

    Eventually you get pretty good at it.

    Reply
  5. Icecycle66 says

    October 21, 2013 at 3:01 pm

    Tacos
    Ingredients
    1 lb gound beef
    Cheese
    Taco shells or tortillas
    McCormick Taco seasoning

    Follow the directions on the back of the McCormick Taco seasoning packet.

    You can also chop up some tomatoes and lettuce and junk.

    —–

    Chicken ceaser wraps: (Oh wraps, the lady of tour life will think you are so health conscious)
    Ingredients:
    Boneless skinless chicken tits.
    Salt, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder.
    Advocado, tomato, other junk like those things.
    Some cheese.
    Some creamy ceaser dressing from a squeeze bottle.

    You are essentially making a chicken ceaser salad, but in a burrito role.
    Season your chicken tits with salt, pepper, garlic powder, and ponion powder. Cook it until it won’t kill you.

    Stick it in a “wrap” with all the other junk.
    Eat that shit.

    —–

    Some Greek thing

    Ingredients:
    Chicken
    Garlic powder, salt, black pepper,
    Lemons
    Cucumber
    1 cup of plain greek yogurt.
    Pita or pocket bread, or just use tortillas again but that’s lame.
    Tomatoes
    Bacon.
    Frilly lettuce. (hey, when you’re cooking sometimes you gotta get this shit.)

    Chop of up your cucumber.
    Mix the cucumber, a few dashes of garlic powder, your greek yogurt, and the juice out of that lemon in a bowl. Let it sit on the counter while you do all this other crap.

    Cook your bacon until it’s crispy.

    cut your gross, slimy, boneless, skinless raw chicken breasts and/or thighs up into little strips that will fit in the pita things.
    Season your chicken with garlic powder, salt, black pepper. Don’t put too much salt. Over salted food is garbage.
    Using the same pan as the bacon, and the bacon grease, cook your chicken until it won’t give you the shits later.

    Smear some of your cucumber sauce in the pocket bread. Stuff your chicken, bacon. and vegetables in it.

    Eat that shit.

    —–

    Reply
  6. Icecycle66 says

    October 21, 2013 at 3:08 pm

    If you can read, you can cook.

    Reply
    • Lori in Cbus says

      October 21, 2013 at 9:22 pm

      EAT THAT SHIT! by Icecycle66 available where all fine books are sold. Aprons and chefs hats sold separately.

      Reply
  7. The Divine Miss E says

    October 21, 2013 at 3:13 pm

    Baked chicken is the easiest thing ever. Kraft makes these new-ish products called Fresh Makers that you can find in the cheese section, that are sort of like Shake and Bake but tastier. You buy one of those and some boneless chicken breasts, and you follow the directions on the package to coat the chicken and then bake it. The rosemary and parmesan one is delicious. Then all you need is one or two of the frozen sidedishes in the steam bags, they have whatever you’d want. Bake the chicken, microwave the sidedish, and done.

    Backup plan is to whip up some kind of casserole from the recipes on the side of the Campbell’s coup can like my mother always did when she didn’t really want to cook. Then you only have to throw a few ingredients into a dish and bake it for a while. Easy.

    Reply
  8. Cody says

    October 21, 2013 at 3:20 pm

    Go to the grocery store. Find the aisle that says “boxed dinner” and pick up several different versions of “helper” and then buy the ingredients they have listed on the back. Follow the instructions.

    Reply
  9. Icecycle66 says

    October 21, 2013 at 3:28 pm

    Oh, make sure you make your kids be there for chopping and stirring. Make it a mens night sort of thing.

    Also, get some super hoppy beer.
    Now would be the prime time to give your Elder Secret his first sanctioned sip of beer, since he’s about to go to college, without The Woman around.

    Get a super hoppy dark beer so that he thinks it’s gross and doesn’t go become an alcoholic at State University.

    Reply
  10. madz1962 says

    October 21, 2013 at 3:30 pm

    Pasta and jarred sauce, a salad, loaf of crusty bread, a cooked vegetable. You can go fancy and get some of the fresh pastas that have a decent filling like lobster ravioli if that’s your thing.

    Roast chicken. You can bake some potatoes while the bird is roasting.

    Stove top burgers, steak and fish work well. So does the broil in your oven.

    When all else fails, boiled weenies and beans.

    Reply
  11. Bill in WV says

    October 21, 2013 at 3:32 pm

    Hell, just buy the Kraft Mac&Cheese dinners, where all you really have to be able to do is boil water, drop the macaroni in until it gets soft, drain it and squeeze the cheese into the mix and stir. And, boil some hotdogs. Add a can of a green vegetable, if they like that shit. OK folks, DINNER !!!

    Reply
  12. Steve in WV says

    October 21, 2013 at 3:34 pm

    Tuna Fish Sandwiches

    Coupa, two, tree cans tune.

    Coupa, two, tree tablespoons of mayo.

    Open tuna. Drain, Dump into bowl. Add mayo. Sir.

    Slap that shit on some toast.

    Serve with tater chips.

    Reply
  13. chill says

    October 21, 2013 at 3:36 pm

    Spaghetti from a box. Sauce from a jar. The box directions will tell you to boil it for a certain number of minutes, but start checking it three or four minutes early. Note, the clock starts when the water comes back to the boil – not when you put the pasta in. Pro tip: put a level (not heaping) tablespoon (aka soup spoon) of salt in the water when you turn on the flame.
    .

    Reply
  14. Gayle says

    October 21, 2013 at 3:36 pm

    Get a crockpot if you don’t have one. Put in a roast, cut up some potatoes and carrots throw them in and pour dry onion soup mix on top. Cook on low all day. Very easy.

    Reply
  15. Candace says

    October 21, 2013 at 3:39 pm

    You’ll love crock pot recipes. Very easy. Here’s one I found on Pinterest that is really good. Serve with tortillas and taco toppings. I’ve even made nachos with it.

    Slow cooker cilantro lime chicken

    In a slow cooker, mix together:

    One 24-ounce jar medium or mild salsa

    Juice from one lime

    1/4 cup fresh cilantro, chopped (if you don’t like cilantro, I guess you could leave it out, but I wouldn’t)

    One 1.25-oz. package taco seasoning

    2 jalapeno peppers, finely chopped (optional) take out seeds if you don’t want it spicy.

    Add 4-6 boneless chicken breast halves to the slow cooker and coat with the salsa mixture.

    Cover and cook on Low for 6 hours.

    Reply
    • BoMama says

      October 21, 2013 at 11:19 pm

      Ok, yum.
      Jeff, a crockpot will be your new BFF.

      Reply
      • Sponge says

        October 22, 2013 at 8:19 am

        Yes! Crockpot is the way to go!

        Reply
  16. Limey says

    October 21, 2013 at 3:40 pm

    I’m a good cook. I do 95% of our household cooking.

    Pot roast. Throw it all in the slow cooker and come back 8 hours later. Easy.

    Reply
  17. chill says

    October 21, 2013 at 3:41 pm

    I think my cooking skills are reasonably good. My mom wanted her boys to be able to feed themselves without burning the house down, so she taught us the rudimentary basics when we were young. Later I became interested; did a lot of reading, took a couple of classes, did some friendly competitions, etc.

    Most weekends I’ll cook a mess of something and nosh during the week, or freeze it in portions. This past Saturday it was beef barley soup, 100% homemade.
    .

    Reply
    • madz1962 says

      October 21, 2013 at 3:49 pm

      Soup is a good idea and the manly favorte – chili.

      Jeff, there has to be thousands of chili recipes out there. It’s definitely chili weather.

      Reply
      • Icecycle66 says

        October 21, 2013 at 3:56 pm

        No way.
        In your current situation I would recommend against any and all dishes that allow for a lot of left overs.

        With a lot of leftovers from what your make, she won’t have to cook as much on her standard cooking day.

        That will make her want to not cook more and will eventually lead to you doing the most cooking. If at all possible, have no leftovers after you cook.

        Reply
      • chill says

        October 21, 2013 at 4:00 pm

        I make chili a few times a year during the cold weather. It’s good, very good. There are two main problems: a) it’s a most-of-the-day commitment to make, and 2) if you don’t already have a go-to recipe, researching it on the Internet will make you crazy. There is so much emotional baggage and religiously-held beliefs concerning chili, that you’ll be spinning your wheels. It must have beans! It must not have beans! …and so on.
        .

        Reply
        • Icecycle66 says

          October 21, 2013 at 5:23 pm

          IT MUST NOT HAVE BEANS!!!

          Reply
          • chill says

            October 21, 2013 at 5:25 pm

            See?
            .

            Reply
          • Limey says

            October 21, 2013 at 7:39 pm

            If it doesn’t have beans in it you’re making spicy meatloaf mix. WTF?

            Reply
            • icecycle66 says

              October 21, 2013 at 10:58 pm

              Beans get in the way of the meat and pepper.

              Reply
              • BoMama says

                October 21, 2013 at 11:39 pm

                Sub beer for water in your chili. Delish.
                I too leave out the beans.

                Reply
          • Lew in bama says

            October 22, 2013 at 12:49 pm

            Chili without beans is meat soup.

            Reply
            • Icecycle66 says

              October 22, 2013 at 2:29 pm

              How does having beans change it from meat soup to chili?

              I think the chili actually has a major role in the naming convention.

              Reply
              • chill says

                October 22, 2013 at 7:56 pm

                I believe the name “chili” comes from the chili peppers it’s made with, i.e. your Anchos and New Mexicos and whatnot.
                .

                Reply
  18. Billy Joel says

    October 21, 2013 at 4:47 pm

    I agree with the post suggesting you buy something with the word ‘Helper’ on the box.

    Microwave some frozen peas to go with the ‘Helper’.

    Drink beer.

    Reply
  19. eeyoresmama says

    October 21, 2013 at 4:49 pm

    Ask your Mom while you are home visiting for some easy recipes.

    Get the boys involved, they need to learn as well.

    And the crock pot is easy for just about anything, soup, spaghetti sauce, chili, meats.

    Good luck and have a safe trip.

    Reply
  20. Mrs. L. Bangs says

    October 21, 2013 at 4:57 pm

    One-Dish Chicken and Stuffing Bake

    1 box of StoveTop Chicken Stuffing
    6 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves (about 1 1/2 pounds)
    Paprika
    1 can (10 3/4 ounces) Campbell’s® Condensed Cream of Mushroom Soup
    1/3 cup milk
    1 tablespoon chopped fresh parsley or 1 teaspoon dried parsley flakes
    How to Make It
    1 Heat the oven to 400°F. Prepare the stuffing according to the package directions.
    2 Spoon the stuffing across the center of a 3-quart shallow baking dish. Place the chicken on either side of the stuffing. Sprinkle the chicken with the paprika.
    3 Stir the soup, milk and parsley in a small bowl. Pour the soup mixture over the chicken. Cover the baking dish.
    4 Bake for 30 minutes or until the chicken is cooked through.

    Steam A veggie to go alongside.

    Eat that shit.

    Reply
    • Liza Zajac Whitehead says

      October 21, 2013 at 5:15 pm

      That’s an all-time favorite at my house. But I must tell you it’s called “Funeral Chicken” because it’s our GO TO dish to bring to bereavement luncheons. Go figure.

      Reply
    • Liza Zajac Whitehead says

      October 21, 2013 at 5:21 pm

      Super Easy Creamy Mexican Chicken Crock Pot Soup:
      1 can of rotel (can also use mild salsa AOK),
      1 can of corn, drained & rinsed (can also use frozen AOK)
      1 can of black beans (drained & rinsed),
      2 frozen chicken breasts (can also use 4 bnls/sknls thighs AOK),
      8 oz cream cheese (can also use light nufatchel AOK),
      1 packet dry ranch dressing,
      1 tablespoon cumin,
      1 teaspoon onion powder,
      1 teaspoon chili powder.

      Put all ingredients in crock pot and cook 6-8 hours. Shred chicken with forks and enjoy! Very thick and creamy – more of a stew than a soup. Great over tostadas.

      Reply
      • Garrett says

        October 21, 2013 at 7:22 pm

        I have a variation on this one:

        2 lb. browned hamburger meat (1 pork + 1 (deer or beef or turkey))
        1 large onion chopped.
        2 cans ranch-style beans (kidney, black, or mixed if you prefer)
        1 cans corn
        1 cans white hominy (don’t like hominy, subs 1 corn)
        1 cans yellow hominy (don’t like hominy, subs 1 corn)
        2 cans diced stewed tomatoes
        1 can Rotel tomatoes and chiles
        2 small can of diced green chilies.
        1-2 pkg. Ranch Style Dressing Mix
        1-2 Pkg. Taco Seasoning
        salt, pepper
        x number of fresh jalepeno (cooked in with meat)

        Prepare: Brown meat and onion. Pump everything together in a pot or crock pot and let simmer for an hour. Add water or broth to desired thickness.

        Serve with shredded cheese and crumbled tortilla chips. Crush some chips in the bottom of the bowl and add soup, top with cheese.

        optional:

        sour cream or cream cheese
        shredded cheese
        tortilla chips

        Serves: A shitload.

        Reply
  21. hardoxdan says

    October 21, 2013 at 5:01 pm

    One of my favorites:
    Peel and slice 4 or 5 large potatoes.
    Peel and slice one large onion.

    Find the largest skillet in the house, preheat to medium-low.

    Add about 3 tablespoons olive oil and throw in potatoes and onions. Add some garlic powder, onion powder, pepper, and seasoning salt.

    Stand there with a spatula and keep flipping the potatoes over until they are almost done, little bit brown and potatoes are soft.

    This normally takes about three cold beers worth of time.

    Move the pile over to one side of the skillet and add one pound of loose hot sausage and get that all browned and mix it all together.

    Serve with a bottle of hot sauce on the side.

    Reply
  22. Walter Williamson says

    October 21, 2013 at 5:09 pm

    Pot roast. Go to the seasoning dept. in the grocery store.
    Locate the pot roast kits. Comes with a plastic bag and seasoning.
    Follow the directions on the package. A short cut for
    The potatoes and carrots is to buy canned ones.
    You put it all in the oven and hour or hour and a half later your done.
    You’ll look like a genius. Wife will be happy and you’ll probably have
    Left over roast beef for sandwiches on Sunday for the game.

    Reply
  23. rob says

    October 21, 2013 at 5:14 pm

    Ok…I’ll make this real easy, just like when it’s my turn to “make dinner”.
    1) Find local BBQ place
    2) Order family pack #1 with side of potato salad or similar. (Hey, it’s your dinner, get what you like)
    3) Take shit home; enjoy hero status.

    A quick bit of Googling shows the following near your locale:

    Chef Pigs
    1330 Pittston Ave
    Scranton, PA 18505

    Reply
    • cashoe says

      October 21, 2013 at 7:28 pm

      If they’re the place I’m thinking of, I found them on yelp over the summer. Went by the location and they were long gone….

      Reply
  24. Sheryl says

    October 21, 2013 at 5:14 pm

    You’re coming home from Grandma’s right? Tell her your sad story and she will make a casserole or something for you and the secrets. Grandmas are good that way…

    Reply
  25. Jeannette says

    October 21, 2013 at 5:14 pm

    My husband had to do this a few times when I went on Strike and demanded some “Me time” away from the screaming gaggle of geese we call children. So what I did, and maybe Toney might agree to it too, is on nights when I made meals that could easily be frozen and reheated, I made double batches, and froze some for later. Have her put a post it note with heating instructions on it, and then all you have to do is pop it in the oven.

    Reply
  26. TR says

    October 21, 2013 at 5:23 pm

    Can’t go wrong with spaghetti, so simple. I learned to cook from my mom and picked some stuff on my own, and learned a few things from my husband who is a pretty cook cook.

    Reply
  27. Phantom Railfan says

    October 21, 2013 at 5:33 pm

    The recipes mentioned here are all good and easy. When I worked in a bookstore we sold tons of this cookbook:

    http://www.amazon.com/Man-Can-Plan-Great-Meals/dp/1579546072

    Also, you might try perusing any cookbooks you find around the house for easy stuff…

    Reply
  28. chill says

    October 21, 2013 at 5:33 pm

    And BTW, Jeff, this is the time of year when grills might be on sale. Check your local House of That Sort of Thing.
    .

    Reply
  29. Melissa says

    October 21, 2013 at 5:52 pm

    Everyone knows how to make this stuff:

    –Grilled Cheese (accompanied by either store-bought Tomato Soup, or one of your kick-ass salads!)
    –Spaghetti & some garlic bread
    –Kick-ass sammiches (get some of your favorite meats & cheeses from the deli & make some sandwiches for everyone. Have chips on the side)
    –Grill hamburgers inside on a skillet. Could fit maybe two at a time or so.
    –Hot Dogs or Chili Dogs, with store-bought Potato or Macaroni Salad on the side.

    Look at Saturdays as everyone’s “take it easy” night and serve food that allows you to take it easy. No frills, no big recipes to follow, just regular food, served with a side of beer (for you & Toney, of course).

    Reply
  30. tiff says

    October 21, 2013 at 6:29 pm

    You’re already to god of salad at your house, so make it work in your favor! Saturday salad night! Just have to pan-sear some kind of meat, or chop up an avocado, or throw on some tuna, sprinkle a lil’ cheese on top, and you’re done. Just be sure to lay on the protein – heck, even a burger on a salad with cheese on top is delicious.

    Otherwise, this is what you do: plop a Boston butt in the slow cooker with a sprinkle of brown sugar/smoked paprika/garlic powder and optional S&P on top. Once the spices are on, surround the meat with a couple of TBSP of white vinegar and a half can of Coke (I’ve hear root beer and Dr, Pepper work too). Cover that shit and cook on low for 8 hours or so. When the meat falls off the bone, serve in your choice of tasty bun with store-bought coleslaw and a can of your fave baked beans (heated).

    Also, breakfast is really good for dinner on occasion.

    Reply
    • Billy Joel says

      October 21, 2013 at 6:44 pm

      I concur with the breakfast for dinner idea: Get all of the boxes of cereal out of the pantry, and bust out a gallon of milk from the fridge, as well as some bowls and spoons.

      Dinner is served.

      Reply
  31. Ognir says

    October 21, 2013 at 6:39 pm

    I’m not married – so if I didn’t cook, I wouldn’t eat. I started learning how to cook stuff when I was a kid.

    Reply
  32. kimberly says

    October 21, 2013 at 7:27 pm

    Allrecipes.com Look for recipes with at least 4 stars and lots of reviews. Read the comments before you begin. Also, get a book that explains the science of cooking. Not a recipe book, per se, but one that explains why things are done a certain way when preparing food. Between the two my husband went from not being able to cook anything, to preparing better food than most restaurants.

    Reply
  33. Average Jane says

    October 21, 2013 at 7:30 pm

    Here’s an easy one you can put in the crockpot in the morning and eat when you get home.

    Zesty Roast Beef Sandwiches

    1 chuck roast
    1 packet Italian dressing mix
    1 jar sliced pepperoncini peppers
    1 beer
    Sliced Italian rolls
    Horseradish sauce

    Place roast in crockpot, sprinkle with Italian dressing mix and pour in beer and the juice from the pepperoncini peppers. Cover, turn crockpot to “Low” and cook for 8 to 12 hours. Shred beef with a fork when done. Serve on Italian rolls spread with horseradish sauce and garnished with pepperoncini peppers.

    Reply
  34. Average Jane says

    October 21, 2013 at 7:32 pm

    Here’s an old family recipe that’s quick to make and not as weird as it sounds:

    Slumgullion

    1 pound of ground beef
    1 medium onion, chopped
    2 stalks celery, sliced
    1 clove garlic, pressed
    1 bag frozen mixed vegetables (peas, carrots, corn, green beans)
    1 can red beans
    1/2 cup small shell noodles
    1 tbsp. molasses*
    1/2 to 1 cup water
    Salt and pepper to taste

    Brown ground beef in a large skillet, draining fat as needed. Add onion, celery, carrot and garlic, and sauté until onion and celery are golden brown. Add frozen vegetables, red beans (no need to drain), molasses and shell noodles. Stir together and add as much water as you need to be able to cook noodles effectively. Simmer uncovered, stirring occasionally, for 20 minutes or until noodles are soft.

    *Don’t be afraid of the molasses. It ties the whole thing together.

    Reply
    • chill says

      October 21, 2013 at 7:38 pm

      …much like The Dude’s rug.
      .

      Reply
      • Average Jane says

        October 23, 2013 at 3:26 pm

        Exactly.

        Reply
  35. Average Jane says

    October 21, 2013 at 7:34 pm

    Okay, one more. A WT standby:

    Tuna Casserole

    1/2 pound shell noodles
    1 can tuna packed in water (drained)
    1 can Campbell’s cream of mushroom soup
    3/4 cup frozen peas
    A little milk, if needed
    Ground black pepper to taste
    French fried onions for garnish

    Cook noodles according to package directions and drain. Mix with tuna, mushroom soup, peas and enough milk to make it smooth. Sprinkle French fried onions on top and bake at 350°F for about 25 minutes or until heated through and bubbling.

    Reply
  36. Limey says

    October 21, 2013 at 7:48 pm

    If you’re making a beef pot roast in the slow cooker, however much water it calls for substitute for a mild red wine (a Pinot or something). Always better.

    Reply
    • chill says

      October 21, 2013 at 8:09 pm

      I find that using solely red wine is “too much”. I’ll use a few glugs of wine, maybe one glass worth. In my pot roast this is the deglaze, but with a crock pot you don’t get any fond. The rest of the liquid will be half or more of homemade beef stock, with the remainder water. Don’t be shy with the herbs.
      .

      Reply
      • Limey says

        October 22, 2013 at 9:00 am

        I am struggling to understand this concept of too much wine.

        Nope. I don’t get it 🙂

        “I like to cook with wine. Sometimes I put it in the food.” – Julia Child (I think)

        Reply
  37. Sluggy says

    October 21, 2013 at 8:45 pm

    I have 2 words for you…..
    Crock Pot

    Throw a whole roasting chicken in there or a hunk of roast. If you do beef, add a can of dr. pepper or coke, if chicken nothing else, just throw the protein and turn it on for 8 hours(in the a.m. and it will be ready for dinner).
    After the meats been in 4 hours, add chopped up onion, potatoes, carrots. Put lid back on for the last 4 hours.
    At the 8 hour mark, everything will be cooked and you’ll have an au jus in the pot to spoon over everything.
    Mmmmm

    Reply
  38. dto says

    October 21, 2013 at 9:02 pm

    Ingredients:
    One dozen hard boiled eggs, two cans of pickled beets, a couple of tins of kipper snacks and a tin of oysters. A box of Waverly crackers, a block of medium cheddar along with apple slices and some grapes.

    Directions:
    Boil water add eggs
    Open two cans
    Peel back lids of tins with that cool key thingy they give you.
    Open box of crackers
    Slice cheese and apples
    Rinse grapes.

    Reply
    • Icecycle66 says

      October 22, 2013 at 5:11 pm

      Oh man, for a minute there I thought you were using kippered beets. That would have been gross.

      Reply
  39. guitarob says

    October 21, 2013 at 9:30 pm

    True Story: I once tried to make fried chicken (I was 15). I put oil in the pan, turned it up on high. Took some chicken out of the freezer, dropped it into the pan, and narrowly avoided a call to the fire department about 5 minutes later.

    23 Years later and I’ve gotten much better in the kitchen since that day, but I still won’t do anything involving frying even though I now know how to do it properly.

    Here’s an easy recipe that we love for chicken taco-fajita-ritos:

    1 Can of Rotel chilies and tomatoes.
    1 Can of Rotel sauce
    4 Chicken breasts
    1 Large bottle of Taco sauce

    Dump it all in the crock pot, heat it on high for about 4-5 hours.

    Use two forks and shred the chicken. Serve on tortillas or taco shells with rice (they sell 90 second nuke-a-rice packs now, though we prefer the real stuff), shredded cheddar cheese, and whatever else sounds good.

    Reply
  40. MiniPeds in NOLA says

    October 21, 2013 at 9:50 pm

    Spicy red pepper pasta:
    INCREDIBLY EASY
    boil up a package of penne or ziti or any other stabbable pasta (not linguini or angel hair)

    Crush or mince two, tree cloves of garlic
    A teaspoon of red pepper flakes (like you put on pizza)
    Four tablespoons of olive oil
    Half teaspoon salt
    Half teaspoon ground black pepper

    Heat the oil to medium high in a small nonstick pan, add red pepper flakes and simmer for about a minute
    Add crushed garlic
    Cook until the garlic is browned but not crunchy looking (like a minute or two)
    Turn off heat on oil

    Drain pasta, dump back into the pot
    Salt and pepper pasta
    Dump peppery garlic oil over pasta
    Stir really well and eat with salad

    Husband used to sauté up frozen pre-cooked shrimp and add those too, but I love just the pasta. Good luck!

    Reply
    • MiniPeds in NOLA says

      October 21, 2013 at 9:52 pm

      Oh and this was originally in Cooking Light magazine so I’m led to believe it’s not that bad for you, except for it being pasta.

      Reply
  41. JR in Sammamish says

    October 21, 2013 at 11:31 pm

    Get some really good bread
    Buy some really good cheddar cheese – sliced
    Make grilled cheese sammiches

    Buy some really good tomato soup – like Trader Joes in a box if you have that, or something good from grocery store.

    That’s a really good comfort-food meal. Good for a Saturday nite. and you can cook it quick when she gets home from work.

    Reply
    • hardoxdan says

      October 22, 2013 at 1:12 am

      Add some very thinly sliced good quality ham to the grilled cheese sammiches, plus about 4 or 5 slices of cooked bacon. Boars Head Tavern ham is really good.

      Potato salad on the side.

      Reply
  42. Tim says

    October 21, 2013 at 11:55 pm

    You have already been given some good advice. Spaghetti, Taco’s, many Crock Pot projects. And you have also been told correctly that if you can read, you can cook.

    The only thing I might add is Hamburger Helper. Or anything with the directions on the box.

    Reply
  43. metten says

    October 22, 2013 at 2:38 am

    As a general rule of thumb, I do not attempt to prepare and serve Italian dishes to women named Toney. The advice you’re getting is spot on…a crock pot turns a seemingly delicious and complicated dinner into an exercise of throwing shit into a pot that morning and turning it on. Also, anything I didn’t learn about cooking at various bullshit cook jobs at various bullshit restaurants, I learned from reading the internet, the back of a box or a 1950’s era Better Homes and Gardens cookbook I got at a garage sale for a quarter. Whoever said it first is right. If you can read, you can cook.

    Reply
  44. Westersteve says

    October 22, 2013 at 8:44 am

    A basic Betty Crocker cookbook is the key, it will show you what you need to make many items. But by far a crockpot with a few recipes will get you by.

    Reply
  45. Skully says

    October 22, 2013 at 11:07 am

    Someone said Crock Pot…wise advise.

    2 packages of Italian dressing mix
    2 beers
    1 jar of sliced pepperoncini
    Dump these in a crock pot and stir
    Add 2 pork tenderloins
    Set on high
    Walk away for 5 or 6 hours

    Remove the meat and tear it up with two forks until it is well shredded.

    Put the meat back in the crock pot.

    Walk away for at least 30 minutes.

    Stir it up and have it on bread substance or on a plate.

    Some frozen bag fries are good with it or even tater chips.

    Sooper easy!

    Reply
  46. Kristy says

    October 22, 2013 at 12:06 pm

    I agree with the crock pot suggestion.

    Recipe courtesy of my sweet Mother. My husband and I have it pretty regularly.

    Beef Tips

    1 1/2 – 2 lbs. stew meat (make sure it’s thawed if it’s been in the freezer)
    Cream of mushroom soup
    Cream of celery soup
    Liption Onion Soup mix
    Jar of sliced mushrooms

    Dump the canned soups and soup mix in the crock pot and stir.
    Dump the meat in there and stir it all together.
    Put the lid on and cook on low for 4 hours.
    Open the lid and dump the mushrooms (drained) in and cook on high for one hour.

    Serve over egg noodles or rice with some rolls.

    Super easy and super tasty.

    Reply
  47. Lew in bama says

    October 22, 2013 at 1:00 pm

    Grab that taco dinner kit from the “ethnic food” aisle, 1 lb of ground meat, some chips, salsa, and cheese.
    Follow box directions, serve. Box to table in about 20 minutes.
    Other easy and quick options:
    Grilled cheese and soup
    sloppy joes and fries/onion rings
    hot dogs and fries/onion rings
    chicken and waffles (frozen chicken fingers, Eggo)
    spaghetti
    “helper” anything
    chicken stir-fry with rice (this is great, throw a bunch of chicken and random veggies in a skillet until done, throw in some cooked rice and soy sauce.)
    You can also pick up ready made dinners at your local grocery store…fried chicken, sandwiches, soups, etc.
    Easiest solution: take wallet to food establishment, pay for food already cooked. Take home, enjoy.

    Reply
  48. JCIII says

    October 22, 2013 at 1:13 pm

    Good Afternoon Surf Reporters…

    I don’t believe anyone mentioned meatloaf. If you can make hamburger mix with ground meat, then there it is.
    While the meatloaf bakes, peel and boil some potatoes. Mash em up then serve everything with a jar of beef gravy.
    A bag of frozen mixed vegetable makes a nice side dish.

    As far as cooking skills go, the wife and I split the kitchen pretty much down the middle. She has her dishes that she does well and I have mine.

    Probably my most tasty is my version of jambalaya.
    1 pound of Andouille sausage
    1 pound of shelled and deveined shrimp
    garlic
    onions
    celery
    paprika and/or chili powder
    a can of crushed tomato
    a ban of black beans

    Cook the sausage in a little olive oil with half the onion, garlic and celery. Drain
    Add the tomato, black beans(with juice)the rest of the seasoning and bring a boil. Simmer.
    Add the shrimp and cook for 5 – 7 minutes until the shrimp turn pink and firm up.
    Serve over a bed of rice.

    Damn, it’s so good…

    2 cups of white rice

    Reply
  49. Al K. Hall says

    October 22, 2013 at 1:57 pm

    If you like ribs, try this:
    Rack of baby back ribs, cut into four slabs.
    Put ribs in crock pot.
    Pour in a bottle of barbeque sauce.
    Cook on low for 6-8 hours.
    The meat falls right off the bones.

    Reply
  50. Miketheripper says

    October 22, 2013 at 2:24 pm

    Try these Jeff. My mom used to make them for me as a kid and I still love them!

    Pizza Burgers!

    Fry up several smallish hamburger patties, drain the grease, turn down the heat a bit, slap some good cheddar cheese on top of each burger and add a jar of pizza sauce to the pan and simmer. Then crack your favorite everyday beer and eat that shit!

    Reply
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