The Half-Shirts had their annual Memorial Day blowout yesterday, and it sounded like a drunken, cackling good-time. In fact, Toney and I were still awake at 1 AM, staring at the ceiling fan above our bed, and bitching about the noise.
“I’m going to call the police,” a frustrated Toney said at one point.
“Are you kidding? They’ll know who it was,” I warned.
“They can kiss my ass,” she answered.
But, of course, she was only blowing off steam. I think we repeat the same conversation every year — the Half-Shirts have their holiday traditions, and we have ours.
We also wonder why they throw their big shindig on Monday night, instead of Sunday. “Don’t they have to work tomorrow?” is usually muttered five or six times, and this year was no different.
Earlier in the evening there’d been a large group over there, including what sounded like menagerie of old ladies. Drunk old ladies. And every few minutes one of them would let loose a piercing cackle that threatened to shut-down my central nervous system. Fully excruciating.
We also heard a lot of over-modulated Scranton accents, and the taking of the Lord’s name in vain: “Chriiiiiist!” and that sort of thing. Heh. But at least we didn’t have to listen to booze-fueled political “analysis,” like last year. At least there was that.
Whatever. It’s only one night per year. Let ’em have their fun, I say. Toney, on the other hand… not quite so understanding. Screw with her sleep and she’s ready to start ripping out throats: all tolerance for shenanigans is suspended between the hours of 11 PM and 5 AM.
And so it goes.
Here’s a run-down of the beers I sampled for the first time this weekend, and my quickie review of each:
Brooklyn Pennant Ale ’55: yes
Hook and Ladder Golden Ale: unremarkable
Blue Moon Honey Moon: no
Sierra Nevada Summerfest: not quite great, but close
Toney and I also had two pints each of Victory Hop Devil at the local yuppie bar. That one wasn’t new to us, though. I like the stuff, but it’s a little over the top. It’s loaded with both hops and alcohol, which sounds good on paper… But I always get a second one, and wish I’d switched over to something a little less insane. Know what I mean?
At the yuppie bar we also enjoyed some perogies, seated inside a tent-type deal on their lawn. Weird, huh? I’d never really had perogies before (I think I might’ve tasted one at Knoebels), I’d only made fun of them. But I’m tellin’ ya… the shit was excellent. They smell like feet, but taste like heaven.
Here’s a pic I snapped with my cell phone. We got six of them, for something like eight bucks. Incredibly over-priced, but delicious.
Mmmm… perogies.
The rolling box o’ beds is no more. A woman came and looked at it twice, and the second time gave us a hundred dollar bill as a deposit.
And on Thursday she returned with a tow-vehicle, her teenage daughter, and more hundreds.
We transferred the title, and all that crapola, and I was praying there wouldn’t be a problem hitching the thing up. I was never an expert at any of it, and had visions of all sorts of embarrassing hitching-up issues.
But I had it ready to go within thirty seconds; I was creating the illusion of being a professional. I’d always dreamed of pretending to be a professional! Now I’d just have to hook-up the lights, and the deal would be done.
Yeah, and that’s where it all came crashing down. That camper hadn’t been used in two years, and the lights wouldn’t work properly. In fact, they wouldn’t work at all. Grrr…
Figuring there was just a build-up of corrosion, or whatever, on the plug itself, I started cleaning it with steel wool. I got it all polished and nice-looking, and tried it again. This time the brake lights wouldn’t work, but the blinkers would. WTS?
We monkeyed around with the thing for two hours, making phone calls and trying everything we knew to try. The woman had less than ten miles to drive, and her boyfriend told her repeatedly to just get it home. But she wouldn’t do it.
Eventually we ran out of options, and the girl was rolling her eyes and making expressions of disgust that only a 14 year old girl can make. I offered to buy a new plug, and the woman took me up on it. Advance Auto Parts actually had one in stock. No way in hell I’m trying to install it, though. I made that clear, up-front.
Finally she sighed, and said she’d chance it. And they took off with their “new” camper, a tad unhappy. “Better hang on to that money,” I told Toney. “I have a feeling we haven’t heard the last of those two.”
But that was five days ago, and so far nothing… I’m thinking the chapter is closed at this point. The camper is theirs now, not ours. I believe the gray area only lasts for a couple of days, right? And we’re well beyond it.
I wish we had a few more boxes o’ beds to sell, though. We’re still receiving calls on it. Twenty-five people must’ve asked us about it already. In fact, somebody called while I typed the previous paragraph. The whole world wants a rolling box o’ beds!
I’m watching King of the Hill, through Netflix, and was telling Toney about the episode where Hank is constipated, and hasn’t crapped in days. I’d seen it before, but laughed just as hard the second time.
But she doesn’t share my enthusiasm for the show. In fact, she’s fairly hostile toward it. I don’t really understand it…
“It’s one of the best shows in TV history,” I insist.
“Ha!” she answers.
And that leads to the Question of the Day… If you were limited to just one, what would you say is THE best TV show ever? ONE of the best is too ambiguous, it has to be THE best.
There are plenty of contenders, I believe: The Sopranos, Homicide, The Wire, LOST, etc. But when it gets right down to it, there are only two that I can consider THE best, fully capitalized.
For most of my life I’ve said The Andy Griffith Show is the greatest of them all, and nothing will ever come along to challenge it. Then Seinfeld came along and challenged it…
But I’m still going with Andy. I’ve been watching that show for forty years, and laugh every time. It’s completely timeless, and brilliant. The writing is amazing, and so is the acting. Almost all of the black & white episodes are classics, and a few should be shown in an endless loop at the Smithsonian.
What do you think? What’s THE best TV show of all time? Use the comments link to set me straight.
And I’ll be back tomorrow, with more of this stuff.
See ya then!
No Jason, not at all! I hadn’t seen your post! Now I want the ones they sell at the Windsor Inn! Got DAMN!
Andy with Barney in black and white
@Trisha – Thank you I am now all the wiser.
I hadn’t looked at the perogie picture. That slimy thing could be a fried onion an important part of perogie presentation (if so…mmmmmm) . If not – ewwww.
I know we’re only supposed to mention one show but also a classic is Arrested Development – to bad it was so short lived.
American TV, best show ever:
Tie:
The Larry Sanders Show (1992-1998)
The Jack Paar (Tonight) Show (1957-1962)
Canadian TV, best show ever:
Tie:
Slings & Arrows (2003-2006)
Trailer Park Boys (2001-2008)
I’d hate to have to decide which, among the four shows, was “best”. They all belong to the ages.
jtb
Gonna have to go with the Wire for what is traditionally considered a TV Show.
If we include Mini-Series I’ll have to go with Band of Brothers or Generation Kill (from the creator of The Wire)
Simpsons. TPB is also good.
I’m going with I Love Lucy- I still laugh at episodes I’ve seen a million times- Runners up however are: The Bob Newhart Show, All in in Family. Andy Griffith (Black & White Only), WKRP, Rockford Files, Leave it to Beaver…
This is a dumb question- Name one??? Jeff- I think you need to break it down int ocategories!
in to… See now I’m all worked up!
Gonna go with MASH here.
Leave it to Beaver was great. “Walt you were a little hard on the beaver last night” Yes June I was…
The Best ever was The Late show with Johnny Carson. No one will ever top him. EVER…
Oh and Bonanza was good also
SPOONMAN! I salute you and curse you as well for stealing my thunder. Yes, “The Rockford Files” was and is still the best show ever made. Jeff, you can watch it instantly on Netflix. Good stuff!
Shane…”fuckin clownshoe = FUCKING FUNNY!!!!!
Deadwood….Cowboys, cussing, drinking, whores and poker. I do try my best to keep the tradition going.
Everyone should know that if your intent is to still be barking at the moon in the early am., you need to invite the neighbors.
Tough one. Different criteria, different shows go to the top. But among the contenders would be;
The Prisoner, Adam-12, Dr Who, Family Guy and, All in the Family.
Shane, I was just kidding (pulling a Son of Sam).
#1 Andy (black and white WITHOUT Helen Cramp – the other one was hot)
#2 Carol Burnett (“went with the wind” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Nt0yi4wbro – look around the 3 minute mark for the best skit ever)
#3 WKRP
#4 King of the Hill
#5 Sanford and Son
#6 Arrested Development
#7 MASH
#8 Fambly Guy
#9 Battlestar Gallactica
#10 Scrubs (season 1 – 6)
#11 The Office
#12 My name is Earl
Maybe move #8 after #12, what was I thinking?
I don’t know about best ever, but Frasier was/is highly under-rated in my opinion.
The Office was brilliant for most of its run and probably would’ve gotten my vote but I think it has sort of dropped off lately.
All that being said, I’ll have to go with the old B&W Andy Griffith Shows. They’ve stood the test of time and never fail to repeatedly deliver the laughs.
THE best tv show… Arrested Development.
‘Seinfeld’…easily.
1) Maude
2) Rhoda
3) Phyllis
The Simpsons
Honorable Mentions: Seinfeld, WKRP in Cincinnati, Magnum P.I., My So Called Life/Freaks and Geeks (toss up), Pushing Daisies
If you’d asked me a year ago, I’d have said Deadwood, hands down. That show liberated me and I am now able to use every swear word in the book with reckless abandon.
However, I’ve been watching Mad Men repeats lately and have discovered that they are far more brilliant than I realized the first time around.
Rampant drinking, smoking, and loose morals appear to be my favorite recurrent themes. Timeless. Classic.
M*A*S*H. Hands down.
i don’t know about the best but here are some greats:
Hill Street Blues
I Dream of Jeannie
Seinfeld
and the gold standards of Comedy:
All In the Family &
the Jeffersons
I agree Jeff – to the classifications of shows. We have just been thinking about comedy entertainment.
Anything on Discovery has me hooked!!!
Not sure that I could work on Deadliest Catch but love to dream that I could. Also if there is a storm involved – I am hooked!!!!
I can’t beleive I am the only Honeymooners fan out there! O.K. non comedy has to be the Prisoner!
Andy Griffith for me as well, but only the black and whites AFTER the first year. The characters weren’t quite jelled as yet, especially Andy himself, who was too much of a grinning country clown. The show was much better when he was more mature, and sorta grouchy with Barney.
After that, Seinfeld and Curb – thanks Larry David!
And I have to put a vote in for Arrested Development, which is impossibly brilliant, from the first show to the last.
I have issues, but my fav. show ever is Roseanne. I know, I know…but I can’t help it. Reruns that I run across occasionally just crack me up.
Must remind me of my childhood..
Wife: what do you want for dinner tonight?
Me: Peirogies.
Wife: Really? And that’s all?
Me: I dunno. What goes with them?
Wife: I dunno.
Me: Just make a shit load then. I’ve gotta craving.
Wife: Cool, I’m on it.
I’m very open to food suggestion. That’s why I can’t watch the Food Network very often. We’re having loads of delicious peirogies tonight, thanks to Jeff Kay. Cheers!
The food smells like feet thing is weird. I think Romano Cheese smells like feet. I guess I think it smells like my feet. I’m not a foot sniffer so my barometer as far as food to foot smells is very limited. I do know that Poop-Doggie-Dog’s feet smell like pop-corn (and that is not uncommon). I think certain plants, some ferns and sage, smell like cat piss.
Bev’s browning ground beef and onions right now. Smells like…taco night!!! Yum!!
Too bad “Frasier” was so underrated. Here is the Emmy count. It also won many Golden Globes and plenty of other awards. I think it was horribly overrated.
“The series won 37 prime-time Emmys during its 11-year run, breaking the record long held by The Mary Tyler Moore Show. Grammer and Pierce each won four, including one each for the final season. The series holds the record for the most consecutive Primetime Emmy Awards for Outstanding Comedy Series, winning five from 1994 to 1998.”
Emmy Awards:
Comedy Series (1994-98)
Lead Actor in a Comedy Series: Kelsey Grammer (1994, 1995, 1998, 2004)
Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series: David Hyde Pierce (1995, 1998, 1999, 2004)
Guest Actress in a Comedy Series
Jean Smart (2000, 2001)
Laura Linney (2004)
Guest Actor in a Comedy Series
Derek Jacobi (2001)
Anthony LaPaglia (2002)
Directing in a Comedy Series
James Burrows (1994)
David Lee (1995, 1997)
Writing in a Comedy Series
David Angell, Peter Casey, David Lee (1994)
Chuck Ranberg, Anne Flett-Giordano (1995)
Joe Keenan, Christopher Lloyd, Rob Greenberg, Jack Burditt, Chuck Ranberg, Anne Flett-Giordano, Linda Morris, Vic Rauseo (1996)
Jay Kogen (1999)
Editing: Ron Volk (1994, 1996, 1998, 1999 with Scott Maisano, 2000-04)
Sound Mixing (1996, 2002, 2004)
Art Direction (2004)
3. The original Star Trek. Everything after is just vanilla blah-blah-blah special effects SF.
2. Seinfeld. Or is is Sienfeld. i before e, except after c? Almost number one.
1. Monty Python’s Flying Circus. I can’t believe it has not been mentioned. Those guys were pure genius.
I always loved the Munsters, Beverly Hillbillies, and Andy Griffith. I’m pushing 50 though. Jeff don’t you have Mrs T’s pierogies in your freezer section at your local grocery? They are pretty tasty for a frozen product. IParma Ohio is the kingdom of pierogies. Bill Clinton always had to go there when he was in Cleveland!
All this Andy Griffith talk made me think of a video:
NSFW
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GmFp0I8AZqw
I know this might come as a shocker but I’m a Star Trek fan.
Plus Carol Burnette ranks way up there for bests!
Loved Mash and Monty Python too.
And who doesn’t like Dr.Who?
I have to agree with the Andy Griffith show, All in the Family and Seinfeld. I also like Family Guy and The Office.
Those are the ones that stand out the most, but I have to admit…I always loved The Mary Tyler Moore show and Newhart too…Larry, Darrel and Darrel always cracked me up.
Too hard to name one best show ever. Some contenders:
Comedy:
–Andy Griffith Show (B&W only, although in some of the earliest ones Griffith plays the role like too much of a dopey grinnin’ hick)
–The Office (USA)
–Green Acres
–Scrubs
–Frasier (For about the first four seasons)
–All in the Family (Although some episodes haven’t dated well)
–Mary Tyler Moore
–Many Loves of Dobie Gillis (underrated, and featuring Bob Denver in a very different role)
Dramas:
–The Twilight Zone
–ER (don’t judge me; the first five seasons were fairly compelling)
–LOST
–CHiPs (Sentimental childhood favorite)
I like “Mad Men” too. For all of those who have been lost like I have, they moved the time slot to infomercial world in Central Time Zone. If you look around you can find it.
Dating myself, but Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom was a “Can’t Miss” back in the day (non-comedy category)
Yep Steve Marlin Perkins sitting in a boat while Jim rassels a Gator or big snake is some fine veiwing.
I think for sheer entertainment value, I have to go with the ORIGINAL and longest running reality tv show of all time……….COPS. I mean you can’t script humor you see in that show, -ex: Cop chases suspect several blocks, finally catches and cuffs them and when reaching into said suspects pants pulls out a large bag of crack and big wad of cash and the guy seriously looks into the cops face and exclaims: “These ain’t my pants, I borrowed these pants……….right.”
And you know that when the cops show up and one or more people aren’t wearing shirts, funny sh*t is soon to follow…., and they will never run out of original material as long as there are trailer parks and booze…..
As for funniest shows now, I think Family Guy and South Park need to be commended for being able to make a show in such a short amount of time that they can be now be ‘topical’ (relevant to current events if yer’ wonderin’), as they can get away with saying stuff that nobody else can, because they are cartoons……..and we can’t punish them, right??? Giggety-Giggety.
@ Jason
Bacon! Bacon goes with perogies!
@ T aka Mrs. Wally…thank you for the “corning” defination for Leanne. Every Halloween you could expect it in our neighborhood…but still scared the bejesus out of you! Good times!
I have to go with a few…can’t do it in one, Jeff…
M*A*S*H (but only the episodes with Trapper and Henry)
Family Guy (Pee-Ur-Pants-laughter)
The Carol Burnett Show
Seinfeld (in particular “The Contest”)
Andy Griffith (black and whites only….especially loved Ernest T. Bass who was only in a few episodes.)
@ T aka Mrs Wally….hey thanks for the explanation to Leanne about “corning”… Always a Halloween tradition in my neighborhood while a tweenager! Fun for all!!
Sorry Jeff, gotta go wit more than one!
M*A*S*H……with Trapper and Henry
Family Guy…. pee ur pants laughter every episode
Carol Burnett…..classic
Andy Griffith….black and whites only especially with
Ernest T. Bass who was only featured in a few
episodes.
Seinfeld…..in particular “The Contest”
……..f’n computer…..
It would be hard to pick THE favorite. like picking a fav child. I loves my tv babies
Arrested Development – Andy Griffith – Seinfield – The Office
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia – this is probably too new to count as favorite all time, but it is damn funny and makes me spew every time
Thanks for mentioning a Brit show Taiwan On, ’cause my vote is for Are You Being Served.
I can watch Family Guy for well over 24 hours consistently and still laugh my ass off. LOST is the best show on television however non-stop of that and my brain woudl probably explode
South Park is the greatest television show of all time. Simpsons is a distant distant second
NYPD Blue – there is no equal!
SCTV (Second City Television) was THE show to watch when I was in school. John Candy, Rick Moranis, Eugene Levy, Catherine O’Hara and Martin Short all got their start there.
Beavis and Butthead was a landmark show, before the others. The rest of my top picks would be:
MASH
Sopranos
Six Feet Under
The Paper Chase (long forgotten)
Seinfeld
The Office