The Half-Shirts had their annual Memorial Day blowout yesterday, and it sounded like a drunken, cackling good-time. In fact, Toney and I were still awake at 1 AM, staring at the ceiling fan above our bed, and bitching about the noise.
“I’m going to call the police,” a frustrated Toney said at one point.
“Are you kidding? They’ll know who it was,” I warned.
“They can kiss my ass,” she answered.
But, of course, she was only blowing off steam. I think we repeat the same conversation every year — the Half-Shirts have their holiday traditions, and we have ours.
We also wonder why they throw their big shindig on Monday night, instead of Sunday. “Don’t they have to work tomorrow?” is usually muttered five or six times, and this year was no different.
Earlier in the evening there’d been a large group over there, including what sounded like menagerie of old ladies. Drunk old ladies. And every few minutes one of them would let loose a piercing cackle that threatened to shut-down my central nervous system. Fully excruciating.
We also heard a lot of over-modulated Scranton accents, and the taking of the Lord’s name in vain: “Chriiiiiist!” and that sort of thing. Heh. But at least we didn’t have to listen to booze-fueled political “analysis,” like last year. At least there was that.
Whatever. It’s only one night per year. Let ’em have their fun, I say. Toney, on the other hand… not quite so understanding. Screw with her sleep and she’s ready to start ripping out throats: all tolerance for shenanigans is suspended between the hours of 11 PM and 5 AM.
And so it goes.
Here’s a run-down of the beers I sampled for the first time this weekend, and my quickie review of each:
Brooklyn Pennant Ale ’55: yes
Hook and Ladder Golden Ale: unremarkable
Blue Moon Honey Moon: no
Sierra Nevada Summerfest: not quite great, but close
Toney and I also had two pints each of Victory Hop Devil at the local yuppie bar. That one wasn’t new to us, though. I like the stuff, but it’s a little over the top. It’s loaded with both hops and alcohol, which sounds good on paper… But I always get a second one, and wish I’d switched over to something a little less insane. Know what I mean?
At the yuppie bar we also enjoyed some perogies, seated inside a tent-type deal on their lawn. Weird, huh? I’d never really had perogies before (I think I might’ve tasted one at Knoebels), I’d only made fun of them. But I’m tellin’ ya… the shit was excellent. They smell like feet, but taste like heaven.
Here’s a pic I snapped with my cell phone. We got six of them, for something like eight bucks. Incredibly over-priced, but delicious.
The rolling box o’ beds is no more. A woman came and looked at it twice, and the second time gave us a hundred dollar bill as a deposit.
And on Thursday she returned with a tow-vehicle, her teenage daughter, and more hundreds.
We transferred the title, and all that crapola, and I was praying there wouldn’t be a problem hitching the thing up. I was never an expert at any of it, and had visions of all sorts of embarrassing hitching-up issues.
But I had it ready to go within thirty seconds; I was creating the illusion of being a professional. I’d always dreamed of pretending to be a professional! Now I’d just have to hook-up the lights, and the deal would be done.
Yeah, and that’s where it all came crashing down. That camper hadn’t been used in two years, and the lights wouldn’t work properly. In fact, they wouldn’t work at all. Grrr…
Figuring there was just a build-up of corrosion, or whatever, on the plug itself, I started cleaning it with steel wool. I got it all polished and nice-looking, and tried it again. This time the brake lights wouldn’t work, but the blinkers would. WTS?
We monkeyed around with the thing for two hours, making phone calls and trying everything we knew to try. The woman had less than ten miles to drive, and her boyfriend told her repeatedly to just get it home. But she wouldn’t do it.
Eventually we ran out of options, and the girl was rolling her eyes and making expressions of disgust that only a 14 year old girl can make. I offered to buy a new plug, and the woman took me up on it. Advance Auto Parts actually had one in stock. No way in hell I’m trying to install it, though. I made that clear, up-front.
Finally she sighed, and said she’d chance it. And they took off with their “new” camper, a tad unhappy. “Better hang on to that money,” I told Toney. “I have a feeling we haven’t heard the last of those two.”
But that was five days ago, and so far nothing… I’m thinking the chapter is closed at this point. The camper is theirs now, not ours. I believe the gray area only lasts for a couple of days, right? And we’re well beyond it.
I wish we had a few more boxes o’ beds to sell, though. We’re still receiving calls on it. Twenty-five people must’ve asked us about it already. In fact, somebody called while I typed the previous paragraph. The whole world wants a rolling box o’ beds!
I’m watching King of the Hill, through Netflix, and was telling Toney about the episode where Hank is constipated, and hasn’t crapped in days. I’d seen it before, but laughed just as hard the second time.
But she doesn’t share my enthusiasm for the show. In fact, she’s fairly hostile toward it. I don’t really understand it…
“It’s one of the best shows in TV history,” I insist.
“Ha!” she answers.
And that leads to the Question of the Day… If you were limited to just one, what would you say is THE best TV show ever? ONE of the best is too ambiguous, it has to be THE best.
There are plenty of contenders, I believe: The Sopranos, Homicide, The Wire, LOST, etc. But when it gets right down to it, there are only two that I can consider THE best, fully capitalized.
For most of my life I’ve said The Andy Griffith Show is the greatest of them all, and nothing will ever come along to challenge it. Then Seinfeld came along and challenged it…
But I’m still going with Andy. I’ve been watching that show for forty years, and laugh every time. It’s completely timeless, and brilliant. The writing is amazing, and so is the acting. Almost all of the black & white episodes are classics, and a few should be shown in an endless loop at the Smithsonian.
What do you think? What’s THE best TV show of all time? Use the comments link to set me straight.
And I’ll be back tomorrow, with more of this stuff.
See ya then!
I’ll try to update at 2:30 am, but my job is crushing my luggage, so I can’t make any promises. In the meantime, I posted something new and ridiculous at Mockable. Please check it out, as well as Metten’s excellent offering from yesterday.
Bill in PA says
Every episode was like a movie.
Cinematography was excellent.
it would have been great to have
that show in HD on HBO.
Could have been even MORE intense.
deb in atlanta says
You’ll have to come back down to Atlanta and revisit Taco Mac–more kinds of beer than anyone in the right mind could want to taste (and some you DON”T want to taste ever)
Yeah, Andy pretty much is the best. I just love Barney so much.
Best Show Ever: Arrested Development.
That is the only show that I will (once or twice a year) carve out an entire weekend of sobriety to sit and watch from beginning to end.
Has anyone heard about the movie that is supposedly in the works?!
Oh, listen to that Jeff guy, no time for us anymore, spending all his energy over at that Mockable place…
benny hill,lost in space,batman ah childhood
I watched my first episode of Arrested Development on hulu. Fan-fricken-tastic. I’d never even heard of it before.
I’ve heard that they have a “yes” from the entire cast and it may start filming as early as the end of this year.
I always liked Barney Miller. The characters who wondered into the show were a hoot. Funny stuff.
Someone said “Cagney and Lacy”? I say ‘Gag me and rape me”. Terrible show.
Nick Perry says
I believe the longest running continous show is the ‘Pennsylvania lottery’; great theme song and always exciting.
Mike Judge’s new show ‘The Goode Family” starts in about 40 mins. Looks like it should be great.
@Jason – Glad you checked out Arrested Development. Wait till you see the Cornballer.
Biff Spiffy says
@Leanne, I have taken the liberty of creating a google map of the pierogie belt – at least, my idea of the minimum extents. Corrections are welcome. Oh, the URL: http://maps.google.com/maps/ms?ie=UTF8&hl=en&msa=0&msid=116917003831769773557.00046ad882b803ede31f4&ll=41.483891,-77.783203&spn=5.217628,10.92041&z=7
@Bill in PA, you are right on with Miami Vice; fantastic show! Beautifully photographed, and don’t forget the music.
I’m proud to say I was paid to watch it, along with everything else that was on NBC in the early-to-mid-1980s. That was actually a pretty good selection of shows: Cheers, Saint Elsewhere, Hill St. Blues, early Letterman. Offset, of course, by the A-Team, Manimal and other gems. I’m not sure which category Knight Rider belongs in, or We Got It Maid either.
Angie in Japan says
Good Times…I love J.J.!!!
Bill in PA says
@ chill +1
I forgot to mention the great music and the tons of cameos.
Who wasn’t on that show in the day?
I agree with Alex. I think Jeff has lost his focus.
@chill – Mapping it out is beyond the call of duty on your part. I have been in the area but not on a perogie/beer mission. Next time I will plan it out accordingly.
Also for funny shows if you fly to Canada maybe you watch ‘Just for Laughs – Gags’ sick but Hilarious!!!!!
Sorry – meant to add it is usually on Air Canada et al airline videos.
Also will be looking for a 1/2 shirt party!!!!
Bill in WV says
Leanne, I’m holding a no-shirt party if you’re interested? No pants – optional.
@Bill – Ur an idiot… 🙂
@ Bill – will there be perogies?
I lean more toward classic episodes than the shows overall. Examples:
Seinfeld: The Contest – had me in tears several times
Frasier: the one where the new (gay) boss thought Frasier was gay. Slowly built comedic tension at its best.
Andy Griffith: Nip it in the Bud, Andy, Nip it in the Bud!!! Need I say more?
Scrubs: My Musical – very clever, and good songs to boot
The Simpsons: Treehouse of Horrors IV – Ned Flanders as the Devil and the starting lineup of the 1975 Flyers serving on the jury in Hell – I fell off my chair laughing.
Leave it to Beaver: the one whereThe Beav gets stuck in that teacup/billboard thing.
The Larry Sanders Show: the one where Larry never gets his chance to pee during the show (“next break watch out, ’cause my dick’s gonna be out and I’m gonna be spraying”)
But, if I had to pick a desert island show, it would probably be Seinfeld.
http://www.martbingo.com/ Isn’t this your idea?
@chill: Er, I lived in the Philadelphia area for 24 years and never had a perogie. Not until I moved to western PA (and yeah, the cheese ones can smell like feet to the uninitiated). So either I was deprived as a child or the lower right hand corner of that map graphic has to schooch up a bit.
The only reason I ever watch any of the color episodes of Andy Griffith is to marvel at just how bad they are. And the stupidest one in my opinion is the one where Aunt Bee insists on learning to fly a plane. Not in a million years. She would have gone nose down in old man Kelsey’s swamp. Almost as lame as the one where Opie gets together a little rock group and says “groovy”. Whew.
Oh, holy crow, I love me some TV. How to choose? Categories really would help. Ok, I’m going to say, and I am pretty sure that I can commit to this, The Burns and Allen Show. Love it!
Batman….x-specially when Catwoman is there. No , no preference , all Catwomen were Fine
@Gretchen, thank you – this is exactly the kind of information I’m looking for. I’ve never lived in Philadelphia, so I didn’t know that. I *have*lived in upstate NY, western Mass. and NYC, so I know the pierogie status of those places. Likewise through friends who are from northeastern Ohio.
The map has been duly amended.