On Saturday Toney and I visited the Insufferable Beer Snob Tavern (as I call it), inside Cooper’s Seafood in Scranton.
They have a rambunctious bar there that attracts college students, and features a large deck and people projectile vomiting into fireplaces, etc. But hidden away in the rear of the sprawling restaurant complex is another, almost secret drinkery that’s more to my liking.
The room is small, relatively subdued, tricked-out with dark wood, and looks like a library in a millionaire’s mansion, circa 1948. And, most importantly, they sell an amazing lineup of obscure, super-snooty draft beers… Yes, the joint has my name written all over it.
We hadn’t been there in a long time, because our lives are crazy, but used to go two or three times per month. On Saturday there was a sign outside that said they were offering Boddington’s on tap during the month of July, served in a British pub glass you could take home.
“Cool!” I shouted, before realizing it was no longer July. Then I got irritated that we’re so lame we missed a great promotion that ran for an entire month.
I love Boddington’s. It was on tap in the lobby bar at our hotel in London, and brings back pleasant memories of scratching my head in utter confusion while watching a cricket match on a huge TV amongst eastern Europeans in red sweatsuits. I wanted a couple of those glasses…
And I got ‘em. At first the bartender said they were completely out, that they were only being offered in July. “C’mon man, it’s July 32!” I said. And he somehow came up with two of the things. It was a miracle! Only fifteen seconds earlier none had existed, yet here they were.
And they look exactly like this.
Then we tried a Saranac summer ale that was fairly odd. It didn’t even taste like beer really, it was more like lemonade, or something. I drank it, and it wasn’t as horrible as it could’ve been, but it went directly to the NEVER AGAIN file. I generally like Saranac beers (a lot), but this one was a little too novelty for me.
And to close out the category, I went with an Uncle Teddy’s Bitter, from a cask. By far the best beer of the day… It was served at room temperature, was mind-blowingly good, and is exactly why I love going to Cooper’s and “exploring.”
Yes, Toney and I are the Lewis & Clark of alcohol abuse…
While at the Snobby Prick Bar & Grill, we discussed many things. Those little Saturday excursions are almost literally the only time we’re alone, without a million distractions. Many of our biggest decisions have been made inside various barrooms in Lackawanna County, PA (for better or worse), but usually we’re just going on and on with the goofy shit…
And I’ll use our disjointed weekend conversation as the basis for our Questions of the Day. I have two for you today. Neither is great, I’m afraid, but together they might add up to something semi-interesting… And here they are:
In how many states have you been issued a driver’s license? Can you beat me? I’ve had licenses in five different states: West Virginia, Norf Carolina, Georgia, California, and Pennsylvania. Have you had more than five? How about foreign countries? Tell us about it, won’t you?
And if you’re married, or living with someone, what’s the percentage breakdown on the household chores, male vs. female? I admit I could do more… Ahem. I say it’s 75% Toney, 25% Jeff. But Toney believes it’s more like 85/15.
However… I load the dishwasher after meals, unload it once the filth has been blasted-off, make our bed every day, take out the trash, mow the grass, occasionally dust and vacuum, etc. I’m not a COMPLETE slug. Sheesh.
What about your house? Give us your percentages by gender, in the comments section below.
And I’ll be back tomorrow, with a big ol’ Topic Dump ™.
See ya then!
3 licenses, Michigan, Florida, then back to Michigan. House work is 90% wife and 10% me. I pay for it with nagging and lack of sex…
Adam, Is your lawn the size of a welcome mat? I use between eight and twelve dollars week for gas to cut my yard. 4 acres of grass with on acre of woods.
My lot is a half acre but most of that is taken up by 2000 sq foot of driveway, the house, the deck, and forest. I can mow and trim my lawn in about 40 minutes with a push mower. It looks like a big lawn but when you realize the only thing out back is a forest, canyon, and river it makes it a awesome… low maintenance is 25% of the reason I bought the place. Stealing from old people is the other 75%.
3 state licenses – WV, Cleveland and Eurasia.
@ Pickles the Clown – At least you have some hope, I wouldn’t mind a little nagging, dog fur does not move itself from the carpets although I have been looking at getting a Roomba but I’m afraid Ginger will think it’s a motorized floor frisbee. I’ll damned if I hire a housekeeper. I have to much work (music production stuff) that has to be kept on the DL. Artists don’t like their stuff leaking out before release.
Licensed in WV only.
As far as chores, I’d say it is 75% me and 25% my wife. But seeing as how I got laid off and haven’t found a job yet, I don’t have a problem with that.
@Strangeart- I hear ya. We both work full time. He goes to school full time but has been off all summer. WTF?!?!
I ‘mow’ once a year. I knock down my thirteen acers (small tractor with a big drag along blade thing), and I let the snow do the rest . See ya later bye ! I don’t like knocking it down too far beacuse the deer and elk like the safety. I know.. I live in a different world…but it’s the one I’m in!
Ohio
Nevada
New Mexico
I’m in the nitwits protection program and get let off for stupid shit all the time.!
I’m a stay at home mom, so I’ll say 85% me, 15% him. He does rinse the dishes and load the dishwasher after dinner (he’s better at loading it to capacity than me), he changes light bulbs, takes out the trash and does all the yardwork. Oh, and he also does all the heavy lifting! He’s good about helping out in other areas as well, but I do the majority of the day to day chores.
FL
NC
GA
MD
MO
WA
UT
I count that as being licensed in seven states. Wow! This should be reported on CNN because it is just so damn interesting. Will someone please alert the media?
And how exactly am I supposed to calculate the breakdown of household chores in percentages? By devising some elaborate spreadsheet with all of the chores listed and expected times for completion? Give me a couple of days and I should be able to give you my results to within a couple of significant digits. This is what you and Toney speak about over beers?
Pre-stroke, mr. kenju did about 20% of the chores. Post-stroke, it’s more like 5%. Could be worse.
@Tyrosine
First one to mention delegating household chores to the offspring! Our teens do 80% of the work around the house
(dishes/garbage/vacuuming/sweeping/lawn)
Since we both work full time AND THEY NEED TO LEARN this stuff for THEIR houses.
Oh Jeff! Just wait until the oldest secret is old enough to cut the lawn! Three steps: Observe, discuss, do!
Is he 12 yet? Seriously.
My Duties:
Laundry, killing spiders/catch&release lizards, fixing what needs to be fixed, bathroom cleaning.
About once a month I will detail the whole house to my specifications.
My D loves to cook so he does most of the cooking.
Licenses in OH and GA only.
Never knew there was an international license.
Interesting in the UK there is one for stick and one for automatic.
100% of all household chores are done by the Female Head of the Household.
100% of all the Money earned is earned by the Male Head of the Household.
And that’s the way I like it.
Me…Car maintainance… oil changes, belts. batteries, tire air pressure…ect. Maintain thirteen acres. Raccoon, skunk and bear control. And she helps. I do lots of outdoor stuff and I run a business that lends itself to assholes. I’ve avoided actually shooting someone.
Her…Food, laundry/ clothing, cleanliness, calming the storm, biz bookwork. Birthday cards, throwing out old lettuce. All the other stuff. And I join in somewhat. She’s amazing.
We both help each other in a little bit of each.
So I guess we’re 90/10 on both fronts there.
Licensed in Mass., NY, DC and Virginia, plus international. Legality aside: if you don’t know how to drive a stick shift, you don’t know how to drive. In my opinion, of course.
I have no idea what the percent chore breakdown is, but most of it remains undone unless people are coming over.
You should check out some of the funny early 90s Boddington’s TV ads,. Here’s one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQfXkK1FD3s
Naff beer though.
@ CitizenX,
So true. My wife can’t do laundry because her mother considered chores to be abuse so she never had the opportunity to learn. The only reason she can sew and cook is because she took home econimics in high school.
A few weeks ago I posted a comment here ranting about basic skills. It seems that Popular Mechanics agrees with me:
http://www.popularmechanics.com/home_journal/how_to/4284709.html?page=1
Nice Link Tyrosine
.. but I disagree on the title
100 Skills Every Man Should Know
Attention Women:
Whenever you see a title with such a narrow message-
master the gender specific list!
Take it as a challenge..
Chores=abuse?
I don’t know what to say about that momma of hers.
Yay to Home Ec though.
Schools are cutting Home Ec (among other things)
out of their budgets. Sad.
2 states
Arizona and PA
All my housework is done by me. My cat refuses to do any housework. Bitch!
Jeff, next time at Cooper’s ask for Charlie. He usually works the bar you’ve described. He’ll take care of you. Knowledgeable and very efficient and very cool. Knows his beers and isn’t above throwing you a few on the house. Downside is he’s a huge Dave Matthews fan.
@ CitizenX,
I agree the title should be amended, but Pop Mech is a fairly testerone heavy publication. I consider it a victory that they included ironing a shirt on the list without saying “give it to your wife, it’s her job”.
We call my mother in law “The Shmoo”. She considers it a term of endearment, but it’s not.
Awwww….Gleep juice!
Stop babying those secrets and have them do more of the chores. What is this 1955?
I wasn’t going to chime in about that 100 things for guys to know… but please…I thought they knew this stuff by 8th grade. I’m not playing macho man over here but really? That crap is second rate merit badge stuff.
Not the venue I know but……….
Holy crap in a bundt pan Jeff, that special email posting of the Angry White Guy letters was awesome!!! Please, please do a retrospective of all of the Angry White Guy postings. Those early postings about his restuarant jobs were absolutely outstanding and often had me laughing in tears! You know what would be great, is to have some new postings by him as well as from Meeten (I apologize for the spelling) and from the “Tales from the Holler Guy.”
Thanks Jeff for all that you do, seriously, you make the day more tolerable and I appreciate the break from seriousness and reality my friend!
Chuck, Salem, OR.
Licensed in MA, IL, CA and NC.
Chores: the wife and I agree its 50/50, with some help from the boys now and then.
Not bad for a couple of slouches.
The Gargoyle Letters
Set the stage (for me) on AWG.
Hilarity indeedy.
Nice repost, Jeff!
Oh, I could so spend an afternoon, or weekend or a month with you and Toney at that kind of beer snob place.
SOunds like fun.
70% me, 5% each of the 2 kids, 1% the husband. You can see there’s a gap there.
I’ve had licenses in PA, NY and CT.
The chores around here are classified as “inside” or “outside”. I do the inside stuff, the boyfriend does the outside stuff. I am not fond of any type of gardening, grass cutting, etc… Believe it or not, because my huge fear of spiders. If it needs mowed, picked, planted, weeded, watered, pruned, weed-wacked, or cut back, I am as far away as possible. F**k that s**t.
Jeff ultimately has my blessing to post all previous early stuff, if he still has them saved on a disk. I had asked him to have them removed due to several legal and personal issues, as well as a plan to put them in book form. That fell through and all the issues are resolved.
DId you know- Eli Manning is getting overpaid?
On IPOD right now- “Jesus of Suburbia”- Green Day
Drivers License in three states. West Virginia, North Carolina & Pennsylvania.
Did you know I – the Gargoyle Lettters are one of the reasons I first visited the WVSR?
Did you know II – NFL players can’t get overpaid because they generate large amounts of income which, incidentally, comes from idiots like myself.
On the IPOD right now – nothing, because I don’t have an IPOD. Or an I-anything.
@AngryWhiteGuy
Thanks, Chris. The stories were awesomely entertaining, even if some parts made me a bit uncomfortable [?].
It’s hard to explain. A lot of the frankness really made me cringe (but in a good way?), and I couldn’t stop reading.
I hope you don’t mind my saying, but it was kind of like walking downtown every single day to watch a 60 story building get blown up. Simply fascinating, and funny, in a sort of dark way – like if Tim Burton were to direct a “Tasmanian Devil” movie, or something.
Where do I go to read AWG’s stuff? How am I missing this? Oh, and I don’t care how much they pay Eli, but they should pay Peyton more.
I hear that! Peyton will retire as the greatest QB ever. And will break all of Brett Favre’s records, except the most career interceptions one. Eli isn’t even in the top ten QBs in the league and now gets paid more than anyone. I guess since it’s NY, they can afford to do so. Colts rule!
Maybe Jeff can put all the old stuff I did on one “best of” page or something. If you ask him nicely.
@AWG: So what happened after the fourth letter? Inquiring minds want to know!
@AWG: I need you to write a “nastygram” letter to the dirtbag/deadbeat tennants I have in my house to pay up or GTF out!!! Your letters get the point across better than I ever could do!
Maybe he can release the stories in a limited time edition. I think the material could make a good book and I’m sure that there are more subplots to fattten it up.
Question. Has Mrs. AWG read any of the material?
Chris, I’d like to once again hear the old stories from the Bob Evans days. The storm sewer adventure, getting rolled up in a fence along Rt. 60. Hilarious, at least for me it was.
Gretchen, soon after the fourth letter, we ended up moving back to Hell, AKA Sarasota, Florida. I now have no troubles with the blind senior citizens in my ‘hood with the Gargoyle proudly on display.
Garrett, Mrs. AWG was alerted to the material by a concerned friend who stumbled upon it. Although, pissed off at first, she decided that it was a good thing for me to get all out in the open, as part of my 12- step rehab and it ended up all OK.
Bill, your memory is astounding, albeit, your older bro was familiar with many of these situations, I am sure it is not something yhe two of you discuss on a regular basis. I cannot believe you have such total recall of stories posted years ago like that.
Bikerchick- put it all in your own words, with no editing. You will get the point across. Just lay it on the line.
Did you know- The Green Day concert I went to Monday night with my 12 year old ranked in the top 5 of all concerts I have been to, which numbers over 350. It was a day that I wish I could live all over again. Trip to the Dali Museum in St. Pete, followed by the show. I left there happier than I have been in a few years.
On IPOD right now- “Sell Out”- Reel Big Fish
The Gargoyle Letters are what brought me to the Surf Report 5 (?!) years ago! God those were great… And it’s also my recruiting tool when I come across a like-minded future Surf Reporter.
I’ve been sitting in my doctor’s office for 30 minutes with my pants off and nothing to do but read comments via iPhone… I wish my doctor would get his ass in here so I can cover mine back up.
@ Adam,
While you’re there look in the cupboards for free drug samples. If you happen to find a speculum you should move that to the freezer.
Licenses (if anyone cares) VA, FL, CT, and NC. Pretty much have the east coast covered.
Chores: 50-50, or quite possibly up to 70-30 with Biff doing most. Such a nice boy.
Licenses (if anyone cares) VA, FL, CT, and NC. Pretty much have the east coast covered.
Chores: let’s just say that now thath the THings are teens and I have a shiny new husband who is a home remodeller AND laundry-holic, my life has improved dramatically. More time too on my dimpled butt and wonderwhy Facebook won’t let me play Bejeweled Blitz!
Why do they always say, “Hmmm… I don’t know what that is, let me prescribe this cream.” No drugs Tyrosine 🙁
Apparently the nurse blood pressure is high, so I went and picked up some Bush’s fried chicken and a sweet tea. If I have cogestjve heart failure at 28 they’re going to put me in medical books!
Evidently updating while getting drive through chicken makes me leave out words.
Facebook had a “degraded site experience” this morning, but they claim everything is up and running.
Twitter experienced a Denial of Service hack this morning from 9:30 to 11:30. The latest is that they are still under attack, but they’re working on it.
Source: Headline News Network (HLN)
Wow, I have to think. Um, in order:
PA, IN, UT, IN again, UT again, CA, VA, KY, IN for the third time, still have that one plus Philippines. So 10 in all, 7 different places.
We have a maid, so most of the housework gets done while we sit on our fat asses. The stuff that doesn’t get done, I probably do 80%, and my wife would be happy to vouch for that, since most of it involves cleaning up after the cat.
OK…so I’m STILL waiting for you to come visit me AWG!
AND…I clean EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE!
That is why I drink and feel homicidal.
THE GODDESS HAS SPOKEN!