Our oldest son went off to college yesterday. For a week, anyway. He’s at a swim camp at Penn State, until Friday. It’s a week of astronaut-training intensity, with the college swim coaches, and will undoubtedly be a memorable experience for him. And hopefully valuable, as well.
There are 120 kids at this camp, from around the state. They live in the dorms for a week, eat in the school cafeterias, etc. It’s a little taste of college — with a shitload of swimming packed into each day.
Five or six kids from his high school swim team are participating, and we took part in a convoy of sorts with the other parents yesterday morning, all the way to State College.
I don’t really like the convoy, if you wanna know the truth. The lead car is always going a little too slow for my tastes. Or, if I’m the lead car, I have to worry about all the people behind me. It’s too much responsibility. Am I going too fast? Have I lost anyone?? Not a fan of the convoy…
But we made it without losing anyone, and stopped at Perkins for lunch. A whole bunch of us took over one entire room of that place. And I had to sit at a table with people on both sides of me. I hate that. It’s like the clump of three seats on an airplane, and you’re assigned the middle one. Know what I mean?
We almost never go to Perkins, because our local one smells like a wet dog, but I remembered they have a really good mega-salad there, with pieces of fried chicken on top. I located it on the menu, and it was exactly what I was craving.
However…. I was one of the last adults to order, and everybody else opted for sandwiches. So, I felt social pressure to also order a sandwich. I had visions of the waitress bringing out cheeseburgers and whatnot — until they got to me. Then she would have to use both hands to deliver a plate the size of an on-deck circle. At that point everybody would have to make a comment about it — this lunchtime curiosity — and I’d feel kinda douchey.
Plus, salads are a little poofter, right? I think that’s unfair, but I don’t make the rules. So, I just went with a club sandwich, which turned out to be really good. Mmmm… smoky turkey.
After lunch, we continued on to the check-in place — a few blocks away. “Just the kids and one adult!” some unknown authority figure shouted at us. So, the moms went into the building, and we dads hung around outside, chitchatting and checking our phones.
The boys’ dorm was just a few yards from where we were standing, and we carried all our son’s crap up to his room. His roommate would be one of the other kids from his team, which was a relief. Some were paired-up with complete strangers. Needless to say, I wouldn’t care for such a scenario.
And holy crap, those rooms are tiny. I’ve been in plenty of dorm rooms in my time, and this one was by far the smallest. It was like a jail cell. Two single beds took up 75% of the space, and behind each was a radically abbreviated desk and closet. It felt like you could stand in the middle, extend your arms, and touch two walls in any direction. That’s probably not an accurate memory, but it’s way it seems to me now.
Across the hall was an ancient 1950s-era bathroom, and the whole time we were there toilets were flushing non-stop.
When we got home Toney checked the prices of dorm rooms in that particular residence hall. They’re called “small doubles,” and cost $1800 per semester for in-state students. They’re literally a sleep chamber. No way you could study in there, or do any real work. Submarines probably have more elbow-room.
The other kid’s parents were there, as well. And we were all peppering them with advice, etc. Clearly, they couldn’t wait for us to get the hell out of there. Both boys seemed to be in a state of high distress, because we wouldn’t leave them alone. I finally told Toney we should leave, and all four adults said their goodbyes.
I hope he’ll be OK, I thought, as we descended inside the wonky elevator. The campus was crawling with high school kids. There are all sorts of “camps” going on this week — not just swimming — and the dorms were rockin’.
It felt weird leaving him there. I’m very good at imagining the many “complications” he could encounter in such a setting. But, of course, he’ll have a blast. He’s infinitely more mature and responsible than I was at his age. Heck, he might be more mature than me now…
When we got outside, someone suggested we walk over to the swimming facilities, to take a look at the pools and everything. It was pretty impressive — especially the outdoor pool. And as we were walking back toward our cars, we saw the boys walking across the common area, with girls from their swim team.
Man, they couldn’t WAIT for us to get out of there!
Another set of parents from our convoy was in the parking lot, and they said they were going for some ice cream at The Creamery, before they returned home. We decided to tag along, and the place was pandemonium. But we finally received our cones.
They were perfectly fine, but not as great as I’d anticipated. Everybody in this area talks about The Creamery, and acts like it’s the greatest ice cream ever produced on the planet Earth. It was good, there was certainly nothing wrong with it, but I think I was over-expecting. Or maybe I have a chip on my shoulder? I’m unclear.
While we were driving home, Toney and I were talking about Nancy and how she always puts people in categories. People aren’t just people to her, they’re always “my Cuban friend,” or “my African-American colleague,” or “our Muslim neighbors.”
I told her our day probably wouldn’t impress Nancy much: “We had a nice lunch with four white couples this afternoon, and met another white couple for ice cream.” Heh.
Last night, around 10:00, I texted our son and he was the king of one-word answers:
Everything OK?
Yeah.
How was the workout tonight?
Good.
How was dinner?
It was good.
Where are you now?
The room.
Are you in for the night?
Yeah.
OK, good night.
Good night.
Oh, it was an exhausting conversation, filled with much detail and nuance. For some reason I don’t think homesickness is something we need to worry about… <sigh>
And I don’t really have a Question for you guys today, so I’ll just go with the old standby: What did you do this weekend?
Of course, if you have anything to say about our Penn State adventure, feel free. Do you have any similar stories, about your kids or yourself? Please use the comments link below.
And I’ll be back tomorrow.
Have a great day!
Now playing in the bunker
Crossroads Road in paperback, available now!
uno?
The one word answers only get better as they age. My favorite is always the response to “Where are you?” Of course, it’s OUT. Smartass kids.
That may have been your last tima in a Perkins, they’ve recently filed Chapter 11.
The weekend was uneventful, which is fine by me.
Ain’t got nuttin’ on sport camps or summer camp for that matter.
I thought I was going to spend $25 to get a motor vehicle inspection. It ended up costing $371. But I’m not bitter about it or anything.
Good Afternoon Surf Reporters…..
The old standby “the weekend”: Saturday, worked until 3. Went to the bar, had a few cold refreshing tasty adult beverages.
Then the wife, her girlfriend and I had a threesome. On the golf course. Played 9 then went to dinner.
Sunday was a recoup, rest and relaxation kind of day. Although I was motivated enough to cut the grass and continuing my beer consumption.
All in all, pretty typical.
Spent most of the weekend in bed, sick with what seems to be an upper respiratory deal–None too happy about it. What little time I did spend out of bed Friday before it hit was utilized pulling my buddy’s Chevy pickup out of a mud hole about three feet deep that he swore “Only looked like a little puddle” when he got there.
As for sports camps at college, I went to a camp when I was 17 for future athletic trainers (which I didn’t turn out to be) and it was the best, most insane week of my life until I went to actual college. Not to scare you, Jeff, but there was a lot of drinking, chasing women, shenanigans and ridiculousness. Also, learned a couple things about what athletic trainers do, and how to tie someone up using only athletic tape so that they’ll never be able to get out of it unless somebody cuts them out. Good memories.
I bet they’re all smoking cigarettes and looking for places to jerk-off this very instant.
With all that teenage camel toe and moose knuckle being slung around someone’s either gonna get knocked up or have very starchy socks.
People are rough on gym teachers, but let’s not forget all the years they spend in college, learning how to yell a last name in a scary way.
And smoking a cigarette and looking for a place to jerk-off happens to be just what I’m doing right now!
Summer of 1978, age 17, went to lacrosse camp at the University of Maryland. First task on the agenda was rounding up a few like-minded teens to go find beer. Walked off campus to a commercial strip and found a beer store. They had no problem selling us under-agers a couple of cases (though back then the drinking age was probably 18, so not too unusual to sell beer, no-questions-asked, to 17-year-olds). That night drank too many beers, and had a wicked hangover during the next morning’s lacrosse practice.
I hate going to places with multiple plates. Why does a fajita plate have to be served on a Lazy Susan. Do they do the math at places that serve multiple dish meals. How the hell am I supposed to fit a meal consisting of 11 square feet of porcelain trays on a table no larger than a the tip of a thumb-tack? I always have to gauge how much space the other peoples meals are going to take up on the table, account for the salt, pepper, bucket of sugar, and the stupid drink menus that stay on the table to decide if I want the Lumber Jack Platter, or if I should just get a bowl of instant grits. It’s not fair. Just put it all on one plate, If I want a multitude of dishes each separating the food groups from each other, I’ll go to the Happy Hog Buffet and do it myself.
Over the weekend I:
– hiked up to Grandeur Peak (legs still feel tired)
– got the swamp cooler up and running for the summer
– saw the new Woody Allen film (wedding anniversary date)
– grilled a tasty dinner
– saw the Del McCourey band perform
’cause we got a great big convoy
Rockin’ through the night
Yeah we got a great big convoy
Ain’t she a beautiful sight
Convoy…..
Thanks for putting that f**king song in my head!
That Woody Allen movie Sucked Balls. That is my girl friend’s opinion. Mine is worse.
Yeah, not enough car chase scenes
Del McCoury Band is awesome. Did they play “Vincent Black Lightning?”
Yup, they did
Shoveled rocks – I kid you not. And raked tree branches. And ripped one dead tree (1 foot diameter) out of the ground and dragged it 100 feet back in to the woods behind the house. I’m so fucking sore today!
Also saw a ballgame Saturday night: Frederick Keys (Baltimore Orioles farm team). Finished 3 books: one about Audie Murphy, one that was sick and twisted (“Crash” by J.G. Ballard) and one about Wall Street (“Liar’s Poker” by Michael Lewis). Mind you I didn’t start all 3 books this weekend, just finished ’em.
Any sightings of Joe Pa? I hear he wanders the campus.
We went to Cooper’s Lake Biker Rally at Cooper’s camp ground in Slippery Rock, PA, Thursday – Sunday. About 18 of us. It was fun but you know can pick out the friends you’d rather not spend 3 full nights with let alone camp with. There were a few of the girls I was ready to drown in the lake. Particularly the one who had to spend 45 min a day in my camper blowdrying her hair and applying 14 layers eyeliner. Then wanted to borrow the bandana I was WEARING for her “outfit”. Ha. Wish in one hand; shit in the other…see which one gets filled first, sister.
It rained most of the time. So much so we only put 3 miles on the bike. But, all in all, it was a good time. Lotsa laughs, that’s for sure.
I remember camp. UGH. The laundrymat always made me homesick. Otherwise, it was fun…I guess. It was moons ago.
I got run over by a truck. My weekend sucked.
whaaa?
You know…you can’t just make a statement like that and walk away. This is the internets, dammit, and information is key.
Details, please!
Was it preceded by a “hey, watch this!”? People always seem to be slim on details if they had a hand in their own injuries. =-)
Sometimes, such incidents are preceded by “Here, hold my beer…”
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You guys are funny…..
Friday morning I was out running – I was on the sidewalk and listening to Adam Carolla on my iPhone. I truck came up behind me and jumped the curb, slamming into me. I don’t remember any of it, or anything prior to it either. I spend the day in the hospital but survived….
Holy crap. Glad you are okay.
Shit!!! WTF was that driver doing to jump the curb?? That was always one of my biggest fears when I use to run with my Walkman…I know…hahaha…it was a long time a go…but couldn’t hear shit because I had the music so loud. Jammin’ while runnin’
Glad you’re OK!!
It’s deja vu all over again. I wroye here once about the same thing. When I was 19, a truck jumped a curb and hit me, but also hit a fence that was rolled onto posts along the same highway. The force of the truck hitting the fence caused it to come off the posts and roll back up in the same way it was rolled out when it was installed on said posts. But here’s the best part..
The fence whipped around me and continued to spin me around until its own weight caused it to fall over into the middle of the highway, with cars screeching to avoid it at 50 mph. I had to crawl out of the center of the fence, into the road and dive back to the curb. Meanwhile, guy just drove off.
After asking around, a couple of people knew the guy and he paid my hospital bill and gave me hush money not to press charges. Being 19 at the time, hush money suited me fine.
Glad you’re OK though, Zach.
See? That’s what you get for running. Much safer on the couch with a sweet roll and coffee. Who do you think you are? Bruce Jenner? 😉
Daaaaamn. Glad you’re okay, Zach.
I took the family to the Aquarium in Chattanooga, TN. We saw all the fishes and whatnot, then ate at a TGI Friday. Everyone ordered light, except for me. What I ordered came in 4 courses. But I didn’t feel bad. What am I Karen Carpenter or something? Fuck it.
Then we walked across the river and had ice cream at a place I’ve never been to before. You get a little cup and shoot soft serve into it. They had lots of flavors (I got some root beer float and it was fantastic) then you put whatever weird toppings you might want on it. Then they WEIGH it and charge you accordingly. It was $27 for four ice creams. Absurd. I was tempted to go back and buy a cup full of whipped cream, because I’m sure that would weigh almost nothing – but I didn’t.
All in all it was a good time. I didn’t even get drunk on Saturday, so that was weird.
We were at the Aquarium last month. Loved it! My toddler was, of course, obsessed with seeing Nemo, Dory, Bruce, and every other character from Finding Nemo. I loved the butterflies and the otters. It’s a pretty good set up. I did get caught in a cloud o’ funk in one crowded spot. Some woman in that area desperately needed a dose or two of Flagyl. Oh, the woes of being an obstetrical nurse, one whiff can diagnose an STD at ten paces.
That’s a great diagnostic nose you’ve got. Which STD do you reckon she had & what did it smell like? Plus, you were at the aquarium. Weren’t you afraid that the surroundings might’ve given you a false positive? 😉
Trich, and it smells like tuna left on a counter for several days, and this was the freshwater portion of the aquarium. The only area of the whole complex that smelled like fish.
my nostrils just flared reading this.
I must have been a vagina full of bad decisions
Yea, you must have been. Great typo.
m, D, madz, Unc, hardoxdan: Thanks for the morning laugh! TOOO FUNNY!!
I spent a good portion of 4 years in those tiny dorms at Penn State. State College is a great town and the school was pretty kick-ass, too. Downtown bar (Rathskellar?) sold Rolling Rock pony bottles by the case. They’d rent you an opener for 50 cents. Everyone used the openers to carve their initials into the wooden seats and tables. Good times.
My weekend was kid-free….oldest 2 working at summer camp on Lake Erie, youngest attending said camp.
Your boy will be fine at his sports camp. I say that as a veteran of sending 3 kids to camp for the last 10 years. The less you know the better. lol
Daughter who just graduated high school got into Penn State, tho she opted to go elsewhere.
You’d better start putting $ aside for your kids college. Penn State(main) runs $21+K a year THIS year if you live on campus and goes up approx. 8.5% a year. Very rarely do they give incoming freshman scholarships(merit or sports outside of football).
They have to up the tuition each year because Joe Pa is shitting and pissing his pants so much, they are having to buy warehouses full of Depends and new beige slacks.
I’d rather change Joe Pa’s diaper than go through all the crap we have here at Ohio State University Tattoos!
Anybody need a slightly used sweater vest?
Chad?
This weekend consisted of tennis and a birthday party on Saturday for a friend that turned 55. We took him to Denny’s for the senior discount meal. Sunday was Golf and working on a gift for Jeff.
Isn’t Penn State the top party school in the country? If it were me going at that age there would be large gaps of time that the parents would not be hearing about.
My weekend consisted of tennis on Saturday as well, but instead of a party afterward, it was mowing grass. That was loads of fun.
I used the 8 year old daughter as an excuse to go see “Cars 2” at the drive-in, in the convertible.
Good God, I need a life. I spent Sunday steam cleaning the kitchen tile floor and using a soapy bucket of Murphy’s Oil on the cabinets. I can hear the collective intake of breath from all you jealous Surf Reporters. Oh yeah, baby, Life in the fast lane. Next week (get ready!) is screen and window cleaning. To qoute a famous woman in literature “Somebody please take my blood pressure!”
Saturday I went to Trader Joe’s and loaded up on fruit. I may need rehab for this rockin’ lifestyle.
Wow! Your life is more exciting than mine. That should tell you something. Getting older sucks. There was a time when a weekend would involve a SWAT team, CPR and female midget wrestlers. What a life.
(and for us lasses) 72 changes of clothing and enough lip gloss to grease a fleet of hearses.
madz: Sounds like my camping trip this weekend with Miss “What Not To Wear”..
I went to a surprise birthday party on Saturday. I have never been to one and expected it to be a lot like you would see in a movie or on TV. It was for a mother and daughter. The mother was turning 70 and the daughter 50. The 50 year old showed up first. She just laughed and called us assholes! Sort of anticlimactic. The mother showed up about 20 minutes later and just stood there with a blank look for over a minute. It was pretty funny but started to get me a little nervous. I wondered if she’d had a stroke. In the end a good time was had by all.
I cleaned my bathroom and reorganized all of my vanity drawers. I also shelled a large amount of peas and put them in the freezer. Very exciting times.
m, we should write a book about our escapades! Your weekend was more fabulous than mine! I would have added a new element – getting my stomach pumped from ingesting about 18 gallons of peas!
We have eaten a ton of peas. No one in our family has had a garden in a while, and you can’t find purple hull peas in the grocery store, so we have been eating them every night. Even the two year old likes them. He had a plate of peas, tomatoes, and okra last night, and was screaming “MORE OKRA!” most of the meal. And cornbread, I can’t forget the cornbread.
Okra? Should be outlawed as a vegetable. Bleh!
OMG, fried okra is heavenly. I wouldn’t eat it boiled or steamed, but I love, love, love it fried, and it’s pretty good in vegetable soup.
Okree is the bomb!
Wife took off for the weekend to one of those mostly-square, mostly Mormon states to stand outside a temple and not see her cousin get married.
I baby sat. Alcohol was involved.
Why was she outside? Readers want to know (well…me anyway)?
Non-mormons are not allowed inside mormon temples.
So then…how do you become a Mormon if you can’t go in unless you are a Mormon? Seems like a Catch-22.
There are mormon churches and there are mormon temples. The churches are open to everyone, the temples not so much.
http://mormon.org/faq/church-and-temple/
Shows what I know, huh?
Lemme guess……Connecticut?
Connecticut? That’s funny.
You have to be a mormon in good standing with a temple recommend. Sort of like having an AMEX Centurion card. Just a gold card won’t do. Yeah, they really do check your card at the door.
Temples are only used for certain secret… uhhh.. sacred rituals, like weddings. The chapels are used for the everyday stuff.
Think of it like chapels are like christian churches, the temples are like Studio 54 [back in the day, ya know]
So no one blinks an eye at babysitting and alcohol…….
I love it here!
Shit dude, that’s the only way I could get through babysitting. Drink up Johnny !!
my outpatient surgery turned into an overnight stay. still recovering but doing pretty good. My husband was a nervous wreck but I was oddly without any butterflies at all.
The last time I was in recovery, my dreams were like a Peter Max animation. This time, nothing. wotta rippoff.
Oh get better soon, Alice! Wishing you a speedy recovery. My knee is still messed up and that surgery was in March.
Peter Max kinda freaks me out. Glad you came through with flying colors….well, figuratively if not literally. 🙂
Happy Recovery, Alice!
I’m about to pee on myself.
I have to defend my thesis in 20 minutes. CRIPES!
Shit! Good luck!!
You’ll ace it!
I passed.
The academic world now thinks I am a master at something…HA…tricked ‘em good.
Congratulations!
Sweet!!! Have to start calling you Doctor. 🙂
Just tell them “Fuck Y’all! I’m from Texas”…. altho I think you’re in AZ
I went to the drag races at Norwalk Ohio for the weekend. I loves me some nitro.Came home and met up with the woman I’ve been secretly in love with for 8 years. Went well I think (fingers crossed)
I love drag racing! Isn’t that when men dress as women and try to out-sprint each other?
8 years?? Wow. That’s a long time to hold a candle! I hope true luv finds you, Sam!!
thanks chick. looking good so far (fingers still crossed)
Jeff, I’m about to implode with impatience. We were promised an Eninen update via email, and it has not been forthcoming! I realize you have a wife, kids, job, blah blah, but come on, dude!
This weekend I went on a Costco run, fixed the kitchen radio and mowed the lawn. Giant fun.
Like Jeff, I did *NOT* write anything about Eninen; see m’s remark above.
.
It’s an N&N update, not a history paper that’s due on Monday and you put it off till Sunday night. It’ll be ready when it’s ready. And it’ll be funny. Carry on…suck up out.
Major road trip. My last stop to sleep a bit before the up coming day that I knew was going to be hot and there’d be no afternoon nap to rest my eyes (whew…) was the Flying J truck stop in Okie Homa City on I-40. I was getting my truck arranged for my night nap and a very attractive girl came by and said “Hi!”. I said, “Hi…how are you?”.
She smiled and said, “It’ll cosy you twenty five buck to find out.”
I said…” Make it forty and I’ll give you a second opinion.”
Crap..”cost you twenty five bucks…….”
Wow, the legendary “lot lizard”. So the legends were true – madre de Dios!
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dto: did you get a wif of tuna left out on the counter?
or 2 week old shrimp? (which helps if the gal in question is under 5 feet).
Imagine the odor of the inside of a fisherman’s boot.
Drove 4 hours (with my dog) to see a friend from SF who had driven 4 hours from Austria (we met in the middle). Had lunch, then drove 4 hours back. My dog was NOT happy with me.
Happy Tuesday, Surfers!
Took a three day weekend. Commuted to Tampa or St. Pete all three days.
Saturday- Had not been to Busch Gardens in a while. They now have a new coaster, Kangaroos and Cheetahs. Also have an all you can eat pizza and pasta restaurant. Tore that shit up. Lost all the weight I gained in the tropical heat.
Sunday, drove AwesomeWhiteSon to airport in Tampa and saw him off on a month long trip to Indiana.
Monday, watched the Reds hand the Rays their asses for the seventh straight time in thier existence (the Rays, that is).
All in all, three days without working = great weekend.
Come to think of it, I took Friday afternoon off with every intention of getting down to some much negelected paperwork. The weather was shitty, so I flipped through the TV, found a Golden Girls marathon and made myself a rum and coke. The paperwork never got done.
FWIW, I’m a State College native, Penn State employee and part time student. For Penn Staters it’s some kind of religious thing that you have to consider The Creamery ice cream to be touched by the hand of god. Like you, I agree it’s good but not anything amazing.
Friday, worked until 11 then had a few at the Fry.
Saturday worked a few then drank myself sleepy and slept from 8 PM till 7 AM.
Sunday hung around the house argued with the girl, had a couple at the Fry, went for mexican then watched adult swim until 230.
Monday – Walked to where the car was (The Fry) hung out at the Fry and the Hi-Lo and then went home and got into an argument with the girl. She made noodles and veggies and I dared to add more soy sauce to mine. Apparentlly that is calling her a bad cook. Geez.
Oh and yesterday, dealt with Verizon. Grrrrrr.