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Our Most Memorable Christmas Presents, and Some Other Things

December 23, 2010 By Jeff 124 Comments

I didn’t mention it here, for fear of a panic, but the Nancy Christmas Special was almost canceled.  The oldest translucent (“Mr. Tophat!!”) had a 102-degree temperature, and it appeared they might not travel.  Under normal circumstances I would’ve been muttering, “Come oooon 103…”  But this time I want the visit to happen, because it’s been so long.  We need fresh stories.

Sunshine and Mumbles are supposed to arrive Thursday evening, and the rest of the gang is scheduled to be here around noon on Christmas Eve.  The see-thru apparently tapped into some inner soy reserve, and bounced-back from his typhoid.  They’re driving from Atlanta, straight-through, after picking up Toney’s (and Nancy’s) brother at the airport Thursday evening.  Crazy, man.

I’m off from work, believe it or not, until Sunday at 3:00 pm.  That’s three and a half days in a row, which is unheard of anymore.  It’s gonna be great: a chair, a beer permanently attached to my right hand, and a notebook on my knee.  I’m looking forward to the downtime, I really am.

I had a job interview at work on Tuesday, and was told within the first two minutes it ain’t gonna happen.  I’m not really surprised that I was denied the promotion, but didn’t think I’d find out before my ass cheeks had a chance to settle.  I mean, they were still in a semi-rounded state, when the news was delivered.  Oh well.  I’ve reached a point where nothing can bother me anymore.  I’m completely dead inside:  coal black.

While I was working last night, I started thinking about the Christmas presents I received as a kid – the ones which REALLY stick out in my mind.  We always had great Christmases – all of them were good – but I remember a mailman arriving at our house the afternoon of Christmas day one year, and delivering a complete set of 1971 Topps baseball cards.  This was at the height of my baseball card mania, and it blew my mind that they were delivered on the afternoon of Christmas.  I mean, how cool is that?

And the set was in absolute mint condition, which is rare.  The 1971 Topps cards have a black border, and show flaws easily.  It’s very difficult to get your crack-scratchers on a mint set of those babies.

I remember putting them in plastic sheets (nerd condoms), for protection, really dragging it out and enjoying every minute of it.  My parents almost always came through with excellent gifts, but that one sticks out in my mind for some reason.  It probably had something to do with the fact that my mom and dad weren’t real big supporters of my baseball card fanaticism, and the fact that they made the effort to track down something like that was a big deal.

Also, a few years ago my mother gave me a replica of the original Mattel electronic football game from the ’70s.  That was pretty cool, too.  I wasn’t a kid when she gave it to me, but it has a kidly connection.  It’s in the drawer of my nightstand, and I still break it out every few weeks and play a game or two.  It’s an inexplicable blast, moving that flashing dash up and down the field.

What about you?  What Christmas gifts stick out in your mind from your childhood, and why?  Tell us about it in the comments, won’t you?

And I’ll see you guys on the other side.  I hope all of you have a great holiday, and I’ll be back as soon as possible.

Wish me luck!

Now playing in the bunker

Treat yourself today at Amazon!

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. dto says

    December 24, 2010 at 8:49 pm

    This just in…North Korea has issued a statement to it’s citizens stating that Fa Ling Dung will soon be arriving and will apparently, “Change the way we conduct our daily life.” The North Koreans welcome the news and look forward to living their lives under Dung.

    Reply
    • Chuck in Belpre says

      December 24, 2010 at 9:14 pm

      You know we could bomb them back to the Stone Age but that would only set them back about a month and a half.

      Reply
      • chill says

        December 24, 2010 at 9:42 pm

        North Korea always seemed to me like a petulant five-year-old: I am *too* important! Pay attention to me! Except now the five-year-old has an ArmaLite rifle: fits in a baby carriage, so light a child can carry it.
        .

        Reply
  2. Gretchen says

    December 25, 2010 at 12:24 am

    My post disappeared, so let’s try this again.

    MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

    Reply
  3. johnthebasket says

    December 25, 2010 at 1:15 am

    MERRY CHRISTMAS

    to all….

    jtb

    Reply
  4. dto says

    December 25, 2010 at 3:04 am

    Stanley and I would like to pass along our best wishes to everyone.

    Say hi Stanley…

    Reply
    • dto says

      December 25, 2010 at 3:05 am

      HI! 🙂

      Reply
  5. Brittney says

    December 25, 2010 at 11:16 am

    Merry Christmas Surfers!!! 😀

    Reply
  6. jim britton says

    December 25, 2010 at 8:08 pm

    Anyone heard from Jeff?
    Should we call the police to check on him?

    Reply
    • Good2go says

      December 26, 2010 at 7:22 pm

      He had been tweeting, but nothing in the past 24 hours.

      http://twitter.com/jeffkay

      Reply
  7. eeyoresmama says

    December 25, 2010 at 8:36 pm

    I wish he would just check in, we could do with a line or two, no need for a complete report, just a highlight or two.

    Merry Christmas everyone!

    Reply
    • WB in OH says

      December 25, 2010 at 9:00 pm

      Patience grasshopper!

      Reply
      • WB in OH says

        December 27, 2010 at 8:39 am

        Sorry eeyoresmama, this was absolutley terrible advice, patience is for the birds!

        Reply
  8. Gretchen says

    December 25, 2010 at 10:43 pm

    I dunno what Scranton’s gonna get, but down here in Philly we’re expecting a foot or so of snow all blizzard-style from this nasty Nor’easter that’s blowing in tomorrow. So just imagine folks, Jeff could be literally trapped in his house with all those lunatics for up to 48 hours! Two words: comedy gold. Just as long as no one takes it upon themselves to reenact certain scenes from The Shining, that is. ;o)

    Reply
    • dto says

      December 25, 2010 at 11:30 pm

      I’ve been checking on the weather in that area and thought the same thing Gretchen. Yikes! No planes, trains or automobiles can help him now it seems. I’d put in a call to Norf to see if he’s got an auxillary back up team but he was pretty shitfaced when I did my interview so not much hope there.

      Reply
      • Gretchen says

        December 26, 2010 at 11:07 am

        Just like a reindeer wrangling, ball jingling, cranky elf post-Christmas! All up in Santa’s special hooch already. Geeez.

        Reply
    • Son of Sam says

      December 26, 2010 at 8:21 am

      becareful out ther Gretchen and all reporters traveling today.

      Reply
      • Gretchen says

        December 26, 2010 at 11:05 am

        Thanks Son of Sam. I canceled all my plans and am staying holed up indoors with my folks….which can also be comedy gold, but nowhere near Jeff’s family levels.

        Take care everybody!

        Reply
        • Limey says

          December 26, 2010 at 2:01 pm

          I’m about ~60 miles south of Camp Kay and it’s starting to snow pretty hard here, and the storm’s heading north. I hope they’ve got plenty of alcohol in 🙂

          Reply
          • chill says

            December 26, 2010 at 2:16 pm

            Down here in Dixieland, I’m maybe 250 miles south of the Kay Family Compound. We are getting jack for snow, just cold and blustery weather plus a few tiny flurries. I was kinda hoping to be “snowed in” for Monday and not have to make the abysmal drive to a client’s site.
            .

            Reply
  9. Ed says

    December 26, 2010 at 11:05 am

    The Bunker cam pic (with the squash and the cat) has a Napoleon Dynamitish quality.

    I hope everyone had a great Christmas!

    Reply
    • Good2go says

      December 26, 2010 at 7:19 pm

      They really need to make a Napolean Dynamite Christmas movie.

      Reply
  10. johnthebasket says

    December 26, 2010 at 4:21 pm

    What are you gonna do when the snow is piling up outside and the relatives are piling up inside? Well, if you haven’t listened to Mary Lou Lord in 15 years, that’s tooooooo fucking long. And what the hell? There’s something in a song about Kurt Cobain that brightens up Boxing Day. Crank up the audio….

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jIQgdGxPexI

    Reply
  11. johnthebasket says

    December 26, 2010 at 5:11 pm

    Flash from CNN: Today’s “Quick Vote” question of the day…”Are you surprised by Hugh Hefner’s latest engagement announcement?”

    I’m moderately surprised that CNN still claims to be in business.

    Hope everybody in the snow zone is keeping warm. Remember: flashlights, batteries, beer and, I suppose, some kind of food.

    Stay safe…

    jtb

    Reply
  12. BoMama says

    December 26, 2010 at 6:40 pm

    What is going on in that house? I’m dying here……..

    Reply
    • Short-n-Sweet says

      December 26, 2010 at 7:12 pm

      My day has gone lilke this….

      1. Click on bookmark for WVSR.
      2. Say under my breath “please, please, PLEASE!!!
      3. Groan loudly and roll my eyes as soon as I see Hank Aaron looking back at me.

      I’ve lost count how many times that’s happened. Ok, maybe I haven’t, but I ain’t admitting nothin’.

      Reply
  13. dto says

    December 27, 2010 at 8:55 am

    Day three…or is it four?

    Jeff is recanting his glee for his three days off and has hefted himself onto the dormancy and into the feacal position and quite possibly sucking his thumb.

    Toney’s brother has talked Sunshine into sharing her “antibotics”.

    The non-stop cross dressing version of Harry Poofter has the Secrets playing non-stop ‘kill anything that moves’ video games.

    Toney has issued a warning that anyone who goes near the beer or bourbon…”GETS IT!!”

    N&N have begun setting traps for neighborhood cats having exhausted their tofu supply

    Mumbles has begun reciting every line word for word from the movie “The Birdcage” and sings three extra chourses of “We are Family”, at the end of the movie.

    Reply
  14. dto says

    December 27, 2010 at 10:52 am

    My new hat…(click on the blue dto and that should get you there…maybe…I hope.)

    Reply
    • Gretchen says

      December 27, 2010 at 11:31 am

      You’re trying to provoke another spontaneous limerick from me, aren’tcha?

      Reply
      • dto says

        December 27, 2010 at 11:41 am

        🙂

        Reply
  15. BillyBigs says

    December 27, 2010 at 11:31 am

    When I was 12 and my brother was 8 I got him a couple of comic books and crayons, but had the devious plan to package it in ‘the mother of all packages’. I put them in a wooden box I made from scraps of lumber my dad had saved, nailed it together with lots of nails and glue too, used about a roll of duct tape around it and then put it in several larger boxes, each sealed with duct tape to create a huge ‘present’ that I wrapped carefully and put in our room a week before Christmas. He marveled with excitement and wonder at this huge gift his big brother had got him for days before Christmas morning finally came. I wish we had videocameras then, as it took almost a half-hour of cutting, pulling and prying(with a little help from my dad) before he finally pried open the heavily nailed box to reveal the ‘prize’: several coloring books and a box of crayons……..I didn’t mean to make him cry on Christmas, but that’s what ended up happening and I still feel guilty to this day but man, it was funny while it was happening!!!

    I think this sadistic streak has carried over to my adulthood as 3 years ago my wife and I played a similiar prank on our daughter where we bought her about 20 presents from the Dollar Store, and carefully wrapped each one with bows and ribbons and put them all under the tree. We did videotape the morning where she opened each one, and tried to look happy at each cheap plastic toy and crappy decoration. After she was done we asked her how she liked her Christmas presents and she said they were “Ok”……..then after a few minutes, we gave her all the real ones, but it made for 15 minutes of footage she will laugh at when she is older I’m sure……or just hate us……..

    Reply
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