I was talking with someone who attended the Bloomsburg Fair this past weekend, and she claimed to have spent more than $100 on “fair food,” just for herself. There was no sharing, she assured me, it was all for her. Then, an amazing list was rattled off, and I just stood there blinking real fast, wondering if it would ever end.
I can’t remember everything, but the menu included two pork barbecue sandwiches, two gyros, a funnel cake, cheesecake dipped in chocolate, deep-fried Oreos, a “blooming onion,” cheese fries, cotton candy, perogies, and many other things. She also ingested “about $30 worth of drinks,” including root beer, iced tea, and several slushies.
She told me this is an annual event for her. She goes wild for fair food, and sets money aside for her yearly festival of fairway gluttony. And she’s skinny too, which makes me somewhat angry.
Anyway, I was running her big honkin’ list through my head, analyzing it and wondering if I could put away that much food in a five hour period (the final estimation: yes), and I blurted, “Hey wait a minute! No corndogs?”
And her mind-blowing response? Are you ready for this? She said, “I’ve never had a corndog in my life.”
“Let me get this straight,” I shouted. “You LOVE fair food, but you’ve never had a corndog? That’s like saying you’re an expert on the state of Arizona, but haven’t made it to the Grand Canyon yet.”
“But it’s a deep-fried wiener in breading,” she answered, her face all distorted in mock-disgust.
“Oh, so now you’re taking the high road? After you just told us you ate a full blooming onion by yourself? And weren’t hot dogs on your list? That’s just a wiener in a bread cozy!”
It was a ridiculous conversation. But it leads me to today’s Question, or actually Questions.
In the comments section please tell us something you’ve never eaten, which might surprise people. I’ve mentioned this before, but I’ve never tasted Lucky Charms. Not once. I’m just not a fan of pencil erasers floating around in my cereal bowl, and have felt this way all my life. As far as I’m aware, I’ve never partaken of any of the marshmallow cereals.
And I know a guy who’s never had an omelet, because he doesn’t like the way the word sounds. You know, omelet. He holds the same opinion about yogurt. If it doesn’t feel right coming out of his mouth, it ain’t going in.
Do you have something that might fall into this category? If so, please tell us all about it in the comments. What food have you never tasted, that might shock people?
Also, what’s your favorite so-called fair food? I like cheese fries, and chili dogs. Mmmm… I wish I had some right now. What about you? It’s very important that we know your favorites.
Extra credit Question: Inspired by my omelet friend, mentioned above, tell us about the pickiest eaters you’ve ever known. I come from a family of picky eaters, but it never really took hold with me. I mean, seriously. I think I must’ve rebelled, or something. Do you know any especially picky eaters? Tell us about ’em.
And that’ll do it for today, boys and girls.
I’ll see you again tomorrow.
hot fuzz says
JTB – kind thoughts as always – thank you….as always.
I do hope that pain in the ass that is the pain in your back is improving. I couldn’t imagine having the ever present condition that would be enough to cause most insurance appraisers to look at newish car and say “hmmm, frame’s buggered, write it off”.
…funny, he doesn’t look newish
Thanks back at you. Actually, after four years of 7 prednisone injections, two tries at back therapy, two surgeries, a relentless Staph infection, and several smaller procedures, I’m on my way with what might be my final six- to nine-month run at physical therapy.
I’ve used all the PT my insurance allows, and was lucky enough to get enrolled in a therapy program at the University of Puget Sound, fairly close to my house, featuring a nationally recognized physical therapy program. I drew a great therapist, a young lady who is working on her Clinical Doctorate. I will be seeing her twice a week until the end of the year. She’s capable, sweet, and drop-dead gorgeous. I’m not a letch, but it can’t hurt my spirit to be guided by a very nice, beautiful woman.
The last time I had PT was at a hospital. Cost: $300 per hour. This therapy, which I really think will be just as thorough… $40 for the whole semester.
So things are looking up. I might yet return to drive senior VPs crazy again by running another kickass IT team. I’ve survived four years of this crap without losing my laugh. I’m finally thinking that it might be imprudent to bet against me.
As always, thanks for your concern. I’ve never noted all the above stuff on this site, and won’t again, but there it is.
Give your Mom a kiss and tell her the world awaits her return home.
best as always…
Actually, with all the new parts in my back, I am semi-newish. But Reformed. Which means I can eat funnel cakes on Fridays and corn dogs on Saturdays.
Rat Bastard says
Last, as usual.
I’ve never eaten rattlesnake, but it has been on my list for a while.
Fair food is one of my favorite indulgences. One of the umteen fairs we have around Pittsburgh’s surrounding areas is the Butler County Fair. One of my favorites is the fried Strombolli…OMG. I also love the fried pickles and the gigantic beer batter fried onion rings with tons of salt and ketchup.
We went to the Butler fair last month for bike night. After we over-stuffed ourselves with stromboli and gyro’s we ordered an apple dumpling a la mode. (absolutely sinful!) The lady at the stand told my boyfriend “that will be $7”. He said “7 dollars!?!?…Jesus..how ’bout if I give you 3 and you just let me lick it”. I was mortified.
Son of Sam says
Butler Fair =my back yard. bickerchick
GTFO! So close yet so far away!
A couple more based on comments above:
I drink 4 litres of white milk around every 3 days. I love it, it’s pretty much the only non-alcoholic based beverage I consume regularly other than water.
I avoid (non-magic) mushrooms and olives but I can handle small quantities on pizza (i.e. when I’m starved and/or drinking and I don’t care enough to pick every little bit off)
I’ve never had a peanut butter sandwich or a PB & J. Not because of any allergies either, I just hate peanut butter.
I’ve never had brussels sprouts, rhubarb or asparagus.
I hate this new trend where all the restaurants are using spring mix (aka: mixed greens, mesclun) instead of lettuce in their salads. I don’t want to eat fucking dandelion or endive or radicchio in a salad…it tastes bitter and takes away from the good stuff (cucumbers, tomatoes, peppers, cheese) Give me a romaine, leaf and/or iceburg lettuce base, not some yuppie-fied pile of lawn waste!
This topic is just in time. Art in the Park, a hippie trade fair, is going on this weekend.
I get to filter through the comments to prioritize my face stuffing schedule.
hot fuzz says
Did anyone notice that Randall said he ate a bat? Hello? is this thing on? I imagine deep fried bat wings would be nice and crispy.
JTB – the healing power of a gorgeous smile cannot be over estimated.
I have no problem telling all – sure I make stuff up like sleeping upside down, naked in a pair of gravity boots like a bat… and I think I say I’m naked at least ever other week but generally, I just tell all. It’s anonymous, probably amusing to a least one other person who can draw a connection or thank their deity they aren’t as bad off… but generally it’s cathartic. So do tell away… if anyone doesn’t want to read it they’ll just change the channel until next time.
Thanks for the good thoughts aboot ma’. Sadly right now she’d probably appreciate a kiss on the cheek from a strange young man she doesn’t have a clue about. A few more days and she should be back with us. Patients need patience.
I hated Mexican food my whole life, but there is a little Mexican place in town that we started eating at about a year ago and it changed my whole view on Mexican food and now I love it. They have the tastiest breakfest chimichanga I’ve ever had the pleasure of putting in my mouth. The thought of eggs and hot sauce always made me feel all barfy inside, but after tasting the food here, it has changed me. Thank you Pueblo Viejo.
hot fuzz says
I just looked at the product guide for my new mouse. This thing is a Rosetta stone… It’s translated in to 8 languages (including Canadian)… I should bury this, wrapped in papyrus, coated in wax, sealed in an earthenware jar, stopped up with tar and some clay.
This little booklet may be the key to understanding our past in the year 2351 when the aliens repopulate Earth after the next Zombie Apocalypse.
looked at – didn’t read – looked at… didn’t want to lose my man-card.
hot fuzz says
I gave up caffeine as much as I could and then milk in order to ease things down there… I still have cheese as it doesn’t seem to have the same effect as a glass of milk. I miss milk.
How the hell did I miss this update!?
I won’t eat organ meats. (ie: liver). Or most things made up of them, such as haggis. But I will eat head cheese if it contains no recognizable bits (well blended vs the chunky version).
I usually eat all of one item before heading to the next, but I am not adverse to things that are all mixed up. (ie: stews, lasagna, pizza, etc).
I detest fat on meat. I will surgically trim it from my steaks. I hate biting into a nice juicy steak and having this rubbery bit of fat/sineu disturbing my chewing pleasure.
Mushrooms can rot in hell.
I guess, I’m more quirks, rather than picky, I’ll eat just about any north american food item.
I have never had a blooming onion. Onion rings galore, I love them, I suspect I’d love a blooming onion as well, but I don’t go anywhere that has them on the menu.
Now, about your omlet hating friend, so he hates “omelet”, but has he eaten scrambled eggs? Same shit essentially. Can’t see him never having eaten scrambled eggs.
Isn’t an omelette the two dots over a U?
hot fuzz says
t-storm – make me snicker
tracy in ohio says
I must have hit a time warp. I missed the last two updates.
Anyways. There isn’t a food I won’t try. If someone eats it then it might be good.
My favorite fair food is fries with vinegar and ketchup. I don’t leave a fair without getting some. Somehow they just don’t taste the same when I eat it at home. Also funnel cakes are pretty good.
I couldn’t imagine eating $100 worth of food on my own at the fair but by the time we feed all the kids at the fair it can run close to that.